When Your Ex Shows Up Unannounced (In-Depth Guide)Don't go on in your life distributing free passes or second chances to people who don't deserve them. Your ex may top the list. When they show up at your gateway, don’t let them in at once. The phrase “for old times' sake” should be interpreted as invalid here.
Don't go on in your life distributing free passes or second chances to people who don't deserve them. Your ex may top the list. When they show up at your gateway, don’t let them in at once. The phrase “for old times' sake” should be interpreted as invalid here.
While nobody likes to get out of their comfort zones, some people derive enormous pleasure in putting others in discomfort. Most people do it because it brings them an eerie sense of self-satisfaction. When you look at their face or look them in the eye, you will be able to tell that something devious is going on in their mind, such can be the case of your ex.
In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out what could it mean when your ex shows up unannounced and how can you deal with the situation. Keep reading below to find out more.
Reasons why your ex shows up unannounced
Your ex is certainly not over you yet. They keep finding ways to return to you. You have shared many cozy moments. You might have touched such a chord in them that they have never felt so elated before.
However, there can be more to it than meets the eye. Keep reading below to discover more.
#1 They seek closure
If your breakup was sudden or if either of you had ghosted the other without any warnings or explanations, it would explain the sudden appearance of your ex in your life. If you ghosted them, they are still trying to find out the reason. They know that no one else can resolve this matter but you.
If they had ghosted you and you underwent emotional turmoil, they are here to seek forgiveness. Perhaps they had a similar experience which made them realize how very wrong they were to have broken your heart in that manner.
If it’s the latter, be the greater human and forgive them. It will help you to cleanse yourself of all the haunting memories and you will be able to rest properly at night. If it is the former, give them the closure they deserve. They will stop haunting you and it will put them out of their delusion that you were someone special and not just a normal human being like all of us. To know more, click on the link - Ex Came Back After Months Of No Contact
#2 They expect a favor
Don’t be too surprised to discover that your ex is back in your life not because they missed you or they want you back but because they are in a fix that only you can resolve. Your ex expects you to do a favor to them.
This favor could be multifaceted or interconnected. If you had broken up with them on good terms and after that things eventually went downhill since both of you got involved in your individual life and started working on individual goals.
You might have as well got a more permanent partner and have felt that everything happened for the better. However, there might have been some threads that kept you attached to your ex. It could be some posts or dedications that you had made public and you did not matter before because you meant it all. But now that the time has changed and the world has picked up speed, you are aware that when anyone google search you, they find photos of you and your ex together and immediately start associating you together.
The person who can benefit from such an association might not want to take down the posts if their ex is doing great in life. They would want to show the world that they had dated that person in the past. It is just one of the probable instances that is possible and likely to happen which can pull your ex back into your life.
#3 They miss you
One of the strongest reasons for your ex to show up unannounced is that if they had called you up and asked you to come over for coffee and catch up with each other on the delights of life, which they might have done in the past, you would have come up with an excuse and turned down the proposal.
It implies that you are scared of confronting your past. It has taken you a ton of courage to move on in life and you don’t want to risk all the efforts over a cup of coffee. Hence, you like to take one step at a time, and nowhere on that list do you give space to your ex.
Let’s just hope that your ex didn’t turn up before you with a bouquet or at the moment you were with your current partner. If it’s the former, it might have been unplanned. They just know about the places you haunt and they thought of giving it a try. If it's the latter, it was planned from their end. They were stalking you and they knew where to find you with your partner. The motive could be a ton of things. They might want to embarrass you before your partner who might be a well-to-dodo person by showing them the kind of person you were dating before.
However, this could be a good way to find out how strong your current relationship is. If your partner is not easily moved and gives the right of doubt to you, they trust you. When your current partner waits till the right moment arrives and doesn't let your ex humiliate you, the difference between the choice and the decision will be evident.
However, if your current partner is moved by your ex's words and is such a terrible empath that they feel the pain and suffering of your ex but fails to take into account the amount of strength that he has taken you to pull yourself up and away from a toxic relationship, your current partner is the same like your ex.
A pro tip here would be to not pick up the partner for yourself because while you might think of them as your world, they might not be on the same page with you. What you get attracted to is a set of habits or manners that you find irresistible.
It could be the helplessness of a person or the extent to which a person would go to keep you afloat. What you forget to consist that point is that the person is already broke. They are trying to give you the love that they have never received. Such is the lot of weaklings. You need someone who wants to love you for who you are and not for any other dumb reason.
#4 They are dating your friend
Your ex might have shown up at your door because they have just discovered that the person they are dating or have been wanting to date is a fast friend of yours. For a moment, they might have been that yes, it all makes sense for likes attracts likes. There must be some common elements between you and your friend that has attracted your ex in the first place. It is the human tendency to find lost love in another.
We convince ourselves that some things are meant to happen either way. Hence, if they are dating your friend, they don’t want to jeopardize their relationship due to the past they share with you. They have come before you to make sure that you are in good books of one another and you will be comfortable hanging around with them when your friend invites you to. They might also feel that there is no dire reason to play hide and seek over this with their current partner, hence they are seeking a green signal here.
If its the latter and they are there in your life because they want you to set them up with your friend, it would either mean that they don’t want to miss any opportunity to court your friend, or that you share a friendly bond with your ex to the extent that they are okay of asking such favors from you.
The third reason and possibility over here are that they want to stay close to you. They want to show you the things that you are missing. They want your heart and muscle to sting with regret. Eventually, they want you to come back into their life and re-claim that which they feel rightfully belongs to you. As such, all the efforts put into court your friend would be a facade.
#5 They are in town
If you and your ex had split apart because your ex had to migrate someplace else, they might have thought of surprising you by showing up unannounced. Most people are so blinded by their vanity that they fail to see the toil that they might have put up with to move on in life.
You closed the previous chapter because you wanted them to chase their dream. You pretended that you will be fine and that you were not heartbroken so that they don’t feel guilty.
However, coming back into your life might not be as moving as your ex had thought. You might have gone astray from your goals after the break-up or it had taken a mental toll on you which your ex is unaware of. They thought that everything was happiness and light between you.
It depends on the juxtaposition at which you meet your ex back. Listen to your heart here. Don’t be too dismissive about your feelings. If you feel that you want to fire at your ex and reveal to them all the pain that you went through in solitary, vent out. They might understand, appreciate, and even embrace you. It will make you feel better.
#6 They want to see if they stand a chance
Perhaps your ex has realized that breaking up with you was not a wise decision after all. They came unannounced in your life because they want to see your reaction. They are trying to figure out if they stand a chance.
While they might regret breaking up with you, they don’t want to apologize for their mistake or beg you to give them another chance to prove themselves. They know you better than that and they understand the things that won’t be approved by you at all.
They are not posing as piteous characters in your life. They don’t want you to feel that they are thrown into misery without you in their life. The unsaid expressions and gestures are surfacing before them and they have finally learned to acknowledge them.
Perhaps this is where you express your feelings and tell them about the reasons for which you had kept quiet for so long. You can extend a hand of friendship towards them if you feel like it but you should think a million times over before permitting them into your life in a romantic capacity again.
The statistics will show you that such people are a nuisance. They like to make blunders. They will not be able to handle your heart carefully even if they wished to. Hence, keep them two circles away from you.
#7 They never went out of your life
It is possible that your ex was always stalking you to see how much time will you take to move forward in life. Such are a lot of sadists and psychopaths. They relish in your misery and they like to edge you to the point of vulnerability.
The moment you discover from their words or gestures that they already know all that has been happening in your life, estrange them again. While they might have this fantasy to pose as messiah, ask them to choose another wretched soul to save.
Never let them make you feel helpless no matter what the situation might be. Remember, when you pose as a weak person and expose your vulnerabilities before anyone, it will become difficult for you to overcome your faults and reverse your flaws.
These people will keep reminding you of your shortcomings. And perhaps your ex is the sum of all your shortcomings, the cruelest of sentences that you had subjected yourself to, in the past. You don’t want to prolong it in your present.
#8 They are trying to blackmail you
If your ex is synonymous with venom, they might be back in your life to poison your happiness by taking advantage and telling you that they will expose your past and your relationship to your current partner if you had kept it a secret.
Some people are disgusting and they would do anything to bring your fall. They are also shameless. They won’t hide it from you that they have been the agent of your catastrophe.
Hence, in such cases, it is better not to play hide and seek. Instead, don’t allow them to blackmail you. If there is anything that you are not comfortable with or you are guilty of, tell about it your current partner, your best friend, or your family.
They will be there to support you. Nobody is perfect in this world. We all have jeopardized ur ethics in exchange for some worldly pleasure. There is nothing to hide about the fact that you are less human than the most ideal human being. People would be happy to discover that you are not the god that they thought you to be.
#9 It was unplanned
It is very much possible that breaking into your ex was a mere coincidence. They might or might not be happy about it either. You can try to see who they are with or focus on the point of coincidence and their facial expression, of what they were doing at that moment and it will help you in reading the situation better.
An unplanned coincidence can be forgiven. However, anything momentary can have stronger impacts than you can imagine. A glimpse of someone who used to mean everything to you some years ago will make you curious to know more.
Had the moment been long and you would have been to catch up formally and ask about their whereabouts, you wouldn’t have been locating their social profiles and browsing through them to know what they are doing in life currently.
This can also be a planned strategy. If they have kept their accounts open, and if all that you see on their feed is a boast of their achievements and stories about their travels, they might have curated it for you. They want you to look them up on the browser.
They are paving their path back into your life. Wait to see the recurring nature of such coincidence and you would be able to tell that it is all their doing. The next thing you know, they are your new coworker at your office.
#10 They are trying to make you jealous
There is a possibility that perhaps your ex found someone hotter or financially sounder or more reliable than you. If your breakup with them was not on good terms and it had become a matter of status and finances due to which you or your family members had tried to kick them out of your life, they might have returned after earning a fortune to show you that you couldn’t have been more wrong.
They want you to feel what you are missing. They might or might not be a sadist. They just want you to see the difference staying with them could have made in your life. It certainly shows that they are deeply hurt. They don’t only want you to feel jealous but also want you to the pain that they went through.
The best bet that you in such cases is to acknowledge that the lesson is learned. You don’t want to hurt the emotions of sensitive people again because they feel it intensely. While indirectly it was you who had motivated them to become an overachiever in life, they will miss the point and might keep on blaming you for the fall that never physically or financially took place. Hence, maintain a safe distance from such people and show them that you are happy with their achievements. A simple line that “you had always believed in them,” would suffice here.
#11 They want their belongings
If by any chance, you happen to have the ex's belongings that they could never take back from you because of some unseen situations, they might have come back to pick it up. While you should either charge them to pay for their belongings safely with you or throw them off altogether, if you return them gracefully to them, it will show that you had without complaint or regret been holding on to these products for a long time now.
It would either mean that you are relentless, your love is unconditional, or you are kind. But if you are neither, either get rid of their belongings right away when they had left or courier them to them with the bill. Why take the unnecessary load that gives you no reward in return?
#12 They came to know about your recent breakup
If you made your relationship status single, and public, your ex might have come to know about it. They might have shown up unannounced because they came to know about your recent split. They might be there as a friend to lend you their shoulders or they are there to rebuke you and break you apart. It shall bring them a certain kind of pleasure to do so.
It is also possible that they want to take advantage of the situation for their benefit and want to know if they stand a chance. Exes are generally desperate to make a return in your life when you were the one to ditch them. Their ego gets super satisfied when they do it. However, be careful if you allow them to incant be too careful in handling your heart. They won’t mind breaking it either.
#13 They realized they were at fault
The spark in your eyes when your ex finally realizes the mistake they have made and the loss that they are suffering at the cost of you is indescribable. When your ex shows up unannounced at your door, it is because they owe you an apology.
It might have taken them some time to come around and accept that they were at fault. But when it does, it makes them restless and gives them sleepless nights. Such moments would generally occur when you are successful in life and doing way better than they could have ever imagined.
In such a case, if they show up at your place, don’t let the opportunity go amiss. Instead, invite them in and allow them to narrate their tales of toils and turmoils, while you sit on your couch like a smug in your comfort zone. To know more about this, click on the link - When Do Dumpers Realize They Made A Mistake?
How do you deal with seeing your ex unexpectedly?
The first thing is to not scream. I mean it. Don’t behave as if you have just encountered a ghost. The situation gets worse to handle if you had been thinking or talking about them a few minutes ago, and there they appear before you promptly out of the blue.
While it might be a terrifying experience, we have got your back. Read below to find out some of how you can deal with the situation better without allowing it to get the better of you.
#1 Stay calm and polite
Don’t break out or blurt or speak gibberish at the out-of-the-blue sight of your ex even if they are looking hotter and fitter so much that it makes your jaw drop and your mouth drool. Stay mindful of reality. You aren’t dating anymore.
As you don’t quite know if their sudden appearance before you is pre-planned or not, any extreme reaction you give might not be appropriate. Hence, take deep breaths and stay calm and polite while going on and about your work.
#2 Ask for the reason
Even if you just bumped into your ex at a mall, and they don’t ignore you but check you out, use the opportunity to understand their location. You can ask them, “Hey! I can’t believe I am seeing you. What brings you here?”
While you might feel that it is too much, to begin with, it is a good start. Your tone is even and neutral. You are not showing much curiosity either. How they answer will help you understand if they have any motives or if they made a deliberate appearance before you.
In the same breath, if you are not interested in them because you are happy in your life and perhaps you are seeing someone already, drop the bomb too. They should not feel that because you talked to them, it is going to be a regular thing.
#3 Stick to small talk
When you bump into your ex, don’t begin asking all the questions under the sun in a breath. Take some time to settle. Give them a good look. Sit comfortably and smile at each other. You will be surprised to see how all the memories will come back flooding at you.
Small talk would be things about here and there. These things are mostly superficial. They don’t hold any significance and therefore even if you choose to not talk about them in the first place, it would be okay.
Common topics are gossip about celebrities, politics, weather changes, financial year, education, and health-related issues among others. The idea is to not make the participants talk about their personal life. The intent is to allow them the time to make themselves comfortable.
#4 Make a quick exit if you don’t like them at all
Don’t drag the moment unnecessarily. If you are not pleased by the sudden encounter, make a quick exit. You can sneak out using various excuses, the chief among them is you need to use the restroom, you have a sudden task to attend to, and your stomach seems upset, among others.
Think of something that can work to pull you out of the situation and save the day. It is alright even if they understand what you are doing here. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. They brought it in upon themselves.
#5 If you like them open up when you’re ready
You don’t have to express your feelings for them all at once, even if it is favorable. Take your time to understand what it is that they are trying to do. If they are only using you as a medium to serve their purpose, it is futile to get attached again. Sometimes all you need is to make yourself understand that some people are just not meant to be.
#6 Avoid triggering old conversations or memories
It will not bring either of you any happiness to talk about the past. Let bygones be bygones. Avoid triggering old conversations or memories. You are not here to recreate special or harsh moments that you might have spent with them.
This moment will pass too, but it will leave a permanent scar on you, your mind, and your heart. Even if you feel that the conversation is streamlining in that direction, avoid it. If avoiding it means breaking from the conversation with an abrupt departure, don’t mind doing it.
#7 Allow yourself some time afterward
Don't put too much pressure on yourself after encountering your ex unexpectedly. If needed, take some time afterward to reflect upon how you feel and practice self-care. It should be a daily practice that does not need a reminder from the past.
Practicing yoga, working out at the gym, being conscious about your food and water intake, controlling your breath, exposing yourself to good music, meditating with a candle, taking deep breaths, going on walks, and socializing with your friends are some of how you can do it.
#8 Reach out to a friend or family member for support
If seeing your ex unexpectedly is too much for you to handle alone, don’t hesitate in asking for help. This helping agent could be a true friend, a family member, or a counselor. Sometimes, you don’t need people to understand your situation or find you an answer, all you want from them is to hear you out and have your back.
The mere presence of someone is good enough to keep us afloat. In your moments of extreme despair and skepticism, think about all the people who love you and how they love you. It will bring you solace to know that there are people who love you with their all.
When your ex shows up unannounced, don’t humor them. They can’t come in and go out of your life as and when they feel like it. While there might not be any reason to run away at first sight, you don’t need to encourage them to put up pretensions as if you were never so involved with each other that the break of the heart was soundless.