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We're on a Break Should I Text Her/him? [ANSWERED]

No. If you decide to take a break with your partner, you must stick to the terms of the break you agreed upon—whether that means not seeing or contacting each other for a certain period or checking in with one another every so often. "I think we need to take a break" is an all-too-familiar phrase […]A couple sitting on a sofa and seems upset with each other

No. If you decide to take a break with your partner, you must stick to the terms of the break you agreed upon—whether that means not seeing or contacting each other for a certain period or checking in with one another every so often.

"I think we need to take a break" is an all-too-familiar phrase couple utter when they're feeling dissatisfied with their relationship but don't know what else to do.

Do you think it's a good idea to take a break from your relationship?

Some people think that taking a break from a relationship can benefit the relationship in the long run. Others think it's just an excuse for one (or both) partners to break up without consequence.

So which is it? And what does it really mean when someone says they want to "take a break?"

What does taking a break mean in a relationship?

Taking a break is kind of like pressing pause on your relationship. It's not quite over, but you're not quite together either. It sounds scary, but it doesn't have to be.

The benefit of taking a break is that it gives you two time apart to reflect on your relationship and decide whether or not you want to end things or if there are some difficulties that can be worked through. 

While being apart might make the heart grow fonder, it can also give you a chance to take a step back and see things clearly in the absence of all the drama, conflict, and emotion that comes with being in a relationship.

Taking a break gives you both time and space to work through issues without ending things completely—and I think we can all agree that jumping right into another relationship isn't always the best way to solve problems!

The risk is that taking a break might just lead to a breakup. When people take breaks in relationships, they often start seeing other people, cheating on their partners, and eventually ending things.

And while taking a break might seem like the perfect way to figure out what direction you want to take your relationship in—or whether you even want to continue being in a relationship at all—it's important that both parties in the relationship agree on how to define "taking a break."

You're on a break from your girlfriend/boyfriend, and you don't know what to do!

It's not your fault—this is one of the most difficult situations in the world. How do you reach out to her/him? Should you text her/him?

5 times you can send her/him the text if you were on a break

Regardless of how you're feeling, there's one thing that's certain: you miss them. And now that you have some space and some time to think about it all, you've realized exactly what it is about them that makes you miss them so much—and maybe even why they're worth fighting for.

If that's where your head is at, then here are three times when sending them a text will be totally appropriate:

#1 The text is after the decided time frame

You should send a text once the specified time frame is up. Maybe. If you and your partner have agreed on a break, the best thing you can do is wait until the time frame has passed to text them, just so that you don't freak them out or hurt them if they are trying to get some space. 

I think that if you all decided on a time frame for the break and that time frame has ended; there's no harm in reaching out to your partner and seeing if they'd be open to getting back together again.

If some time has passed since then and they haven't already reached out, I would say that it's possible they've moved on and started dating someone else. In that case, it's good to keep your distance unless they reach out first!

#2 If s/he is in trouble

If you're wondering whether or not you should text your partner even though you're on a break, then the answer is yes. If you know that your partner is going through a rough time, it's okay to reach out. It's okay to put your ego aside and do something nice for someone else.

You are both adults, and if the relationship isn't working out, then at least you can be friends. A text message may seem like a small gesture, but it could mean the world to someone struggling with something in their personal life.

Ask yourself: If the person I'm texting is in emotional pain, you may want to consider texting them. Life can be hard, and sometimes all we need is someone who cares to listen.

If you've been with your partner for a long time and are still invested in their well-being, it might be nice to be there. You might also feel better knowing they have someone they can rely on if they need to talk or vent.

#3 If you want to continue in the relationship

When you and your partner decided to take a break, you were not sure what would happen. You were unsure if this was the end or just a new beginning. But now you realize what a fool you have been to think that the break would only bring pain and suffering.  

You realize your partner is important to you, and staying away from each other cannot solve any problem. The break has made you realize that every relationship goes through rough patches, but it can be sorted out with proper communication. 

You realize now that it's not about the break at all. It's about what the break represents: a new start, a new chapter in your relationship, one that will be better than ever before.

So why wait? Send that text!

Stop hurting each other and make the first move towards starting a new chapter of your love life. Let your partner know how much they mean to you, and make this new chapter in your relationship one that both of you will love!

#4 They texted you

It depends.

If they texted you first, it's up to you whether or not to respond. It depends on the text they sent and what it was about.

If they texted you first and their message was something like, "Hi! I got a raise at work!" or "Happy Birthday!" then you might want to respond just to be polite—even if you're still in the middle of your break. We have written an article on what to do when you ex message you happy birthday; feel free to check that as well.

But if their message is more personal, like "I miss you" or "I love you," then maybe it's best not to respond for now. After all, that's why you went on a break in the first place… right?

If they haven't texted yet, then don't text them first! Just wait it out until they do.

#5 If it is a special day 

So you’re on a break with your partner. You want to text them, but you’re confused about whether it is the right thing to do or not.

Many couples take a break when they are having issues with their relationship.

If you have taken a short break to re-evaluate things in your relationship, then maybe texting them on their special days is a good idea as it will remind them of all the good times you have spent together. 

Special days are an important part of a relationship. It does not matter if there is an argument or if you are on break, these days are still important to your partner, and it is the right thing to do to make sure they know that you know this day is important to them.

If it is their birthday, anniversary of your relationship, or any other special day, be sure to let them know they are on your mind and wish them well.

4 times you cannot send her/him the text if you were on a break

If you and her/him were on a break, there are some situations where you cannot send the text. Here are five times you should never send the text:

#1 Not before the time frame

You're going through a rough time right now, but that doesn't mean you should lose your dignity. Your partner agreed to a break, which means that they need some time on their own. They don't need a barrage of texts from you checking in on them every minute of the day.

Whatever happens, remember that being alone is good for you. You can learn about yourself and what you want in life without someone else defining that for you. You may not have thought about it yet, but this break is an opportunity for both of you to take some time for yourselves and do some soul-searching.

That being said, if your partner texted first, then it's totally fine for you to respond. Just don't initiate anything until the break is over.

#2 If you are only missing their company

Are you missing his/her company or the moments you shared with them? This question is very important. 

It's easy to get caught up in the moments we shared with a former partner. I know you honestly say you miss HIM/HER? If not, then don't send that text. We sometimes don't miss the person; we miss our moments with them. 

When you are on a break, remember that it is a chance to take time apart from your partner and reflect on your relationship. It is important to take this time wisely and not jump straight back into the relationship.

#3 No, if you are only bored

It sounds like you and your partner have a bit of a rocky patch. I'm sorry to hear that, but it happens to all of us!

If you're on a break, it's probably because you need some time to recalibrate your relationship. If you have already agreed to take time away from each other, then sending yet another text is only going to put off the inevitable. You both need to take some time to think about how you want things to be.

You may find that everything is amazing when you do actually get back together. But if it isn't, then you'll know right away and can avoid wasting more of your precious time in an unhealthy relationship.

#4 No, just because you don't want to be single

Hey there! You, my friend. And that means you're old enough to know what you want from a relationship. 

You want love, respect, and someone who makes your life a little easier, not harder. If those things are missing in your relationship and you're only texting your partner because you're bored and want to get back together with them, then please don't send that text! 

So try to set your phone down for a bit and take some time for yourself. Do something nice for yourself: go out with friends, watch a movie, or treat yourself to some ice cream (or all three!).

You can do it!

You can make the most of your time apart from your significant other by concentrating on self-improvement and getting back in touch with your wants and needs.

6 tips to utilize the break meaningfully

Here are six ideas for how to make the most of a breakup, so when the time comes to get back together (if you want), you'll be ready for anything thrown at you!

#1 Analyze your relationship with your partner

Maybe you initiated the break, or maybe your partner did. Either way, you should use this time to reflect on the relationship as a whole.

  • What worked?
  • What didn't work?
  • Have you both changed since the beginning of your relationship?
  • What were things like when they were going well, and how did they change over time?

#2 Deep dive into yourself to gain clarity about what you want from the relationship

Some people are better at knowing themselves than others, but we all struggle with this sometimes.

Use this time to think about what sort of relationship would make you happy and whether or not the person you're taking a break from is capable of being that person for you.

#3 Respect the boundaries you both decided upon during the break

There will likely be some ground rules involved when taking a break from a long-term commitment.

Make sure that both of you respect these rules as it will help ensure that neither person is taken advantage of and gives them the space they desire during this period of separation.

#4 Learn something new to keep yourself engaged

It's easy to sink into depression if you feel like your break is pulling you away from your other life goals, but you don't have to let it!

Take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, or just find a new podcast that interests you—do whatever it takes to stay productive and engaged with life around you.

#5 Take care of yourself

Be present. Be here now. Take time for meditation, breathing exercises, or even just turning off your phone and taking a walk outside.

Being present means being mindful of your surroundings and inner self—something we often forget to do during busy times!

#6 Get help if you need it

If there's something you're struggling with emotionally or physically and nothing seems to be working out in terms of getting better/making progress, don't wait until the break is over before taking action.

Reach out to family members or friends who can advise on resources that may help solve whatever challenge(s) are being faced right now


Taking a break from a relationship is hard. After all, why would you want to be apart from the person you love? But every couple needs a breather from time to time - it's how you recharge and catch up with yourself when you've been together for too long. Think of it as an investment in your relationship and not something that will break it apart.

Megha Chanda

Weekend Writer

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