My Girlfriend Keeps Talking About Her Ex (21 Things You Can Do)

No matter how we wish that we were the first love of our beloved, this is not the case. We wish to be there for the one we love through thick and thin. It pains us to hear about their past experiences and wonder deep inside that why we met so late. 

This might be your case when your girlfriend keeps referring to her ex. You might get a pukish feeling and no matter how much you love her, you might want her to stop lest your ears might bleed. 

In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out why your girlfriend might keep referring to her ex and what can you do about it. Keep reading to know more. 

Reasons why your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex 

She might have been obsessed with her ex`. This happens when you weave dreams with someone for a long time and it all shatters in one go. 

While you might find it difficult to cope with her, this is the moment when she needs you the most. Continue reading below to understand what other possible reasons that can cause her to keep referring to her ex. 

#1 She misses him 

One of the prominent reasons why your girlfriend keeps alluding to her ex is that she misses him. There might be certain words, actions, gestures, and places that take her back to the memories. People might leave but their certain expression stays. 

If you planned a date for your girlfriend at a rooftop lounge and her ex had done the same, she might blurt it out. However, a sensible person would be mature enough to understand that she is hurting your feelings in the process. 

A sensibly mature person would go quiet on such occasions. This either suggests that your girlfriend is absent-minded, or the chords of her heart aren’t tied up as strongly with you as is needed to prevent such damage. 

The umbrella as to why she misses him could be wide. To pinpoint exactly what she misses about him, you will have to narrow down the lenses to the exact precise moment when she alludes to him. 

As such, focus on your words and actions as well as on your surroundings. Is there a change that takes place at the moment she blurts her past reminiscence? If yes, that is what prompts her to do it. It will be your clue about what is going wrong or right and why. 

To give you an example, just in case you are not a very fit, muscular guy while her ex was one. She would have been able to experiment with different poses during intimation. With you, however, your sessions might be restricted to the basic missionary which bores her to no end. 

On the other hand, if her ex had a belly pot whereas you are the muscular guy, she is delighted that she is finally able to get more in bed. To understand this better, you can ask her at the change of every position, “Are you comfortable, my love?” “Would you like to try it this way?”

There are guys out there who can’t take it when the girl takes control over them. They like to reduce their girls into submission by never asking or caring for her opinion. If her ex was one such, and you are the thoughtful one, she might allude to her ex but she is grateful to have you. The allusion is an expression of shock upon the horror that she has undergone by not voicing up as and when it was needed. Remember, as a true gentleman, you must always help your woman towards upliftment and betterment. 

#2 She is in shock 

If her breakup was recent or if the wounds still sting on her skin, your girlfriend might have come on the dating scene merely to escape the post-breakup trauma. She didn’t grieve for the loss of time, energy, and affection that she had put up for her ex. 

While she thinks that she has easily skipped the period and moved on in her life, the shock and trauma keep coming back at her in an act of emotional violence. While she smiles before you, her pillow is wet with her tears. or, if she can fight back the tears, she is black-eyed owing to sleepless nights.

These are dire situations where your girlfriend might have nightmares that keep getting back the shock to her. Imagine coming a long way with a person and then out of nowhere, they turn their backs on you. How miserable will that make you feel?

You can help your girlfriend here. For all you know, she might be still stalking her ex on social media, always starving to be served with one clue about his whereabouts. You need to convince your girlfriend to block her ex on social media. If she has his belongings or photographs, make her burn them and discard those from her closet.

Explain to her the importance of not storing the past in a treasure box. Unless she gets rid of all the memories, the past will keep on succumbing to her. To move forward, she needs to use her past as a clutch, press it beneath her feet hard, put on the gear, and drive her way forward. 

However, to do this, your voice and tone must not be rooted in jealousy, pity, or annoyance. It should either be neutral or empathetic. Tell her about a similar experience that you had undergone and how grateful you are for being able to move on in your life. She should see that where her words and actions are coming from is deeply rooted in humanity and kindness. It should be selfless.

#3 You are different from her ex 

If you are radically different from your girlfriend’s ex, she might find the contradiction too striking. When we live for a long time with someone, we get so used to their routines, dialects, way of expressing themselves, way of holding back things, manners, and behavior that anything out of that box seems different or unique.

Your girlfriend’s thoughts, actions, and words regarding the person she sees had become so unilateral in the process that she is having a difficult time processing things that are not the same. Monotony, as such, can be toxic. It narrows your thoughts to such an extent that anything otherwise seems foreign. 

If your girlfriend’s words run along these lines, “I never thought of doing it this way, you know. With my ex, we would always go/do …” it suggests that she never thought of the possibility of a parallel approach in a given circumstance. As the phrase goes, “you accept the love that you think you deserve.” It is now in your presence that she can switch or shift her perspective to another dimension.

You must remember two things here. One, while your girlfriend might give you the entire credit for being able to make her view things more clearly, you should be humble in your approach. Think of it like this, had it even been any other random guy, even he would have been able to bring this difference in her life because we all have our own sets of unique qualities. 

Second, your girlfriend was fixated on her ex. She thought of him as her world. Hence, she never cared about the macroscopic vision of things. She liked to stay limited because that kept her along with him. The chances here are that it is going to take a long time for her to truly move on in life and that she might get as finely obsessed with you as she did with her ex if you can cling on to her for that long. 

If you decide to stay with her, that is, if you love her and have been chasing her for a long, help her in retaining her qualities. Tell her that you admire her for what she is. She must not lose on to her uniqueness to spring her relationship with you. Show her how her blooming self means so much to you. 

#4 You don't make her feel special 

If you aren’t a romantic partner who likes to walk the extra mile for his girlfriend to spend more time with her and please her, she might not be able to take it. Women, as it is, are very romantic in temperament. If your practical scheme of things is killing the romance in your relationship, she might allude to her ex to show you what are her expectations from a relationship.

While there are many ways in which you can make your girl feel special, the most common and heart-touching ones are by picking her up from her home just to spend some more hours with her during the drive, opening the door for her to make her feel like a queen, knowing her preferences beforehand, talking to her by making eye contact when with a group of people, holding her by the waist, reminding her how much she means to you every day. 

These are the little things that build a permanent home in her heart for you. You must not hold yourself from indulging in these gestures on account of masculinity. As a true lover, you shouldn’t hesitate to bend before your girlfriend or to get down on your knees to lift her. She will do a lot more to return the favors. 

#5 You talk about your ex 

If you talk about your ex, why won’t your girlfriend do the same? Preach by actions and not words. You cannot expect your girlfriend to keep her lips pursed when you are the one to make the recurring reference to the exes you have had. 

Moreover, if you mention them in the context that narrates the multiple things you had done for your ex and how it all led to disappointment, your girlfriend might think of you as shallow and might fear that if things go downhill with you in the future, you might btch about her too.

A reason why she would bring up her ex while she finds it distasteful when you talk about yours is to make the subject relatable. She wants to align the wavelength, and try to put herself in the same boat as you. You are truly a lucky guy if she is putting up with your conduct in this manner. You can try to stop talking about your ex to see if she does the same and your point will stand verified. 

#6 She is insensitive  

Perhaps you have a mean girlfriend. She is so insensitive that she doesn't care for your emotions. Or perhaps, she likes to be ruthless. There is also a possibility that it didn't occur to her that she might be hurting your feelings. 

Sometimes we get so drenched and carried away with our train of thoughts that we aren't mindful of our reception. At the moment, you might be as good as a wall to her. She is not having a dialogue here, it is more of talking to oneself.

Well, how can you make this information useful? You know that your girlfriend is in a trance. You need to shake her to wake her up from it.  Perhaps kiss her hard while she is lamenting to bring her back to life. Do not kiss her if you feel she might get offended. 

Embracing her, gently caressing her, ad and kissing her forehead are various means of displaying affection. These gestures could mean more than you can imagine. She might as well break down in your arms, and you might get so moved by the sight that you might cry along with her. 

#7 You disappoint her 

If you are a liar, a cheater, or a person who keeps things from his girlfriend, your girl might regret dumping her ex for you. When a breakup precedes adulteration, that is, your girlfriend cheated on her ex by sleeping with you, she would have high-ended expectations from you. 

The top of it, she would never want you to cheat or dump her the way she did her ex. Plus, she would want you to be an ideal of chivalry. She expects you to make her proud before people. Her friends should applaud her for making the right choice rather than condemning her for dumping her ex. 

A friend's opinion is highly regarded by a girl. It is important for her that you are in the good books of her female circle, no matter how harshly they criticize you. Remember, girls always have an ongoing competition between them regarding who landed the best guy. When you start seeing things from this perspective, a lot of her words, behavior, and actions will begin to make sense.

#8 She is not serious about you 

If your girlfriend's tone is condescending and you feel that she is trying to humiliate you, you are with the wrong person. Alluding to one's ex is one thing, bringing them repeatedly into conversations to make you uncomfortable is another. 

The former can be done to provide information, the latter is done to hurt. A person who loves and cares for you will always be extra cautious with their words. Even if they utter something mindlessly, they will apologize without wasting a moment. 

However, even if your girlfriend apologizes but does not change her behavior towards you, she is unworthy of your love. Don't create an unnecessary love triangle here. This is your life, not a television melodrama.

Sometimes you don't need to care about providing a reason to break apart from a connection. You can ghost her for she is guilty of harassing you. 

Such people are so toxic that if you think of talking it out to them, the chances are high that they sell and manipulate you. Whereas, if you plan to teach them a lesson, you will only be wasting your time and energy. 

#9 She wants you to raise the bar 

Your girlfriend has spent her youth reading wayward romances which sets up high expectations in the minds of the readers towards courtship. In the process, they forget the necessity of such a beautiful process at play. 

These people are shallow and hypocritical. They are narrated by the market. They will date people who can offer better. They are so fickle-minded that they won't think twice before breaking your heart. 

Such can with the case with your girlfriend. She wants you to raise the bar and shower her with gifts and luxuries, to prove that you are better than her ex. She thinks of herself as a trophy, a prized possession. 

If you value your mental peace, keep your distance from her. She should not even have a place in your friend list. She might be so hollow inside that she won't understand the lesson of being independent. This will be the case if she is a brat who was dating another brat until recently. 

Even if she is dating you with the motive to change herself or mend her character or because she has been challenged by someone that she cannot put up with the humble way of living, she is not your person, at least not yet.

#10 She is preparing you for the worst 

Perhaps, your girlfriend was never yours. Her constant allusion is her way of telling you that she will return to her ex at the earliest chance she bags. She is merely waiting for her ex to undergo a change of heart or to make him realize the mistake he has made by breaking up with her.

Perhaps she doesn't want to hurt you. Hence, she has started dropping hints which are synonymous with "I told you so," you should pull back your horses and give this a deep thought. 

You might think that you are being skeptic if you are a highly optimistic person. Or, you might think that you can wait for the worst to happen. But sometimes, we don't realize the damage we are bringing upon ourselves and it is only after years of effort and determination that we can lift ourselves back. Try to avoid the sorry spot. 

#11 She wants to be friends with benefits with you 

Perhaps your girlfriend is dropping hints that she isn't ready for a serious equation yet. She wants a friend with benefits situationship with you where she would meet you, perhaps go on date with you, perhaps talk to you, and you would make out but there is no promise made and no strings left attached. 

If you see the statistics, situationship has become the conventional convenient mode of dating. Your girl isn't opening up about it because you are too possessive about her. Try allowing her some space to breathe. Perhaps encourage her to talk her heart out with you. 

You can bring random fictional examples of people up, explain your situation and see her reaction to it. If the idea is welcoming and comfortable to her, that is what has been going on in her mind for so long. If you feel it is not your cup of tea, it is never too late to start afresh. 

#12 She is depressed (needs counseling) 

If she starts sobbing or her eyes well up when she talks about her ex, your girlfriend is depressed. However, tears are a healthy sign. It means that she is neither using drugs to curb her emotions nor is afraid of them. The question that might irk you here is how to date someone who is still sad and depressed due to their previous relationship.

You are to understand that your girlfriend comes with the baggage of her past. But then again, we all have our limitations, right? There might be things that you are not very flamboyant at but your girlfriend adjusts without complaining. What you require here is a strong partnership. 

Be the pillar of strength in your girlfriend’s life. Help her in overcoming the past. Take her to counsel. A few rounds of sessions will put her to ease by allowing her to talk out loud. Moreover, the counselor will help you to seek out ways in which you can play a significant role in her life.

What to do when your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex?

Give her time to overcome her past. Remember before being her boyfriend or displacing the significant someone in her life, you will have to be her friend. How to do it? Read below to find out.

#1 Show her true love 

The best way to help your girlfriend in overcoming her past is by loving her dearly. Show her the love that she deserves. Whatever trauma she has undergone in the past, help her get over it. Make her feel protected. 

Your girlfriend should feel so safe with you that she doesn’t mind exposing her vulnerabilities before you. Tell her that you love her despite all her shortcomings. Assure her that she is the perfect one for you and you are made for each other. Once she is convinced with the notion and begins to imagine her future with you, she will automatically be over with the past. 

#2 Be her friend 

What your girlfriend needs here more than a boyfriend is a true friend. She perhaps wants to vent out, grieve, or sob. How you can propose to do it is by being on her side, and lending her your shoulders. 

Sometimes we don’t know that we are hurt nor are we conscious of hurting others. In these cases, we often tend to use people as a means to help us surface and confront our emotions. This will explain why your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex, it is because she gets carried away in emotions. 

Your empath game must be strong here. If you don’t know how to console your girlfriend, at least be kind enough to hold her hands. Remember, there are always moments when your patience is tested but you must approach things patiently.

#3 Tell her she is beautiful 

Remind her of everything that makes her worthy as a person. Your girlfriend might give you the impression that she is self-conceited but the truth is that she is scared. 

The origin of fear could be many things. We like to look at ourselves as someone who we would want others to look at. To come across as high and mighty to others might be out of insecurity.

There is a possibility that your girlfriend is lying about her ex. She might never have had such a guy who treated her the way she is narrating the story. 

She might either be doing it because she wants to be worshiped or because she is scared of being abused. 

The former is narcissism and the latter is fear. However, the origin of both is the same, it's patriarchy. Women either seek validation or want to escape the male gaze. How you can treat her and make her feel will help in deciding how much comfort she might share with you.

#4 Tell her you are different 

What your woman might be seeking is reassurance that, unlike her ex, you will never abandon her. Show her that you are a one-woman man. Make her see that you like sustainability. 

When you expose your habits before a person, you help them see your core characteristics. When you make your girlfriend see that you go that extra mile to ensure sustainability in every domain, she will understand that you are not a fickle-minded person who might humor messing things up in life. 

This will act as a bonus because she will immediately imply it in getting a grasp of your romantic life. If she is to discover that you have been in long relationships and you don't easily give up on people, she will understand that you are her man.

#5 Offer to take her on a short vacation

 Perhaps a change in the air might help your girlfriend recover from the past. If she suddenly started talking about her ex then either she had a bad dream or she ran into her ex in a shopping mall. 

You can suggest taking her on a long drive in the countryside or asking her if she has any friends or family outside. She can visit them to get a break from her schedule. Even the doctor suggests that a change in air can help in modifying one’s behavior and putting one’s anxiety at rest. 

#6 Tell her why you love her

If your girlfriend has become anxious, you might need to remind her of all the reasons why you love her. Sometimes, some words of appreciation can work wonders. When she hears from you what she means to you in your life, it will restore her confidence in the relationship. Sometimes we get so stigmatized by certain incidents that we even question our ability to love or get loved.

#7 Share your experience 

You can calm down your girlfriend when she has an anxiety attack or is close to a nervous breakdown by sharing your past experiences with her. This will show her that you have been on the same boat all along and how you regret not having met her sooner. 

When you help to push each other forward and encourage each other to do better, you thrive. If your relationship is rooted in positivity, you are bound to flourish.

#8 Ask her if she misses him 

Hold her hands, look into her eyes, and tell her to spill the beans. You might wonder why it is romantic when you want your girlfriend to tell you if she still misses her ex. It is because missing your ex doesn’t mean forgiving him or returning to him. 

Missing someone merely implies that you either miss those moments or yourself whom you had done an injustice by loving someone as your ex. Before forgiving others, it is important to forgive ourselves. We need to overcome the hindrance and negativity that might picture our progress.

#9 Ask her what she likes about you 

Tell your girlfriend to give you the reasons why she is with you. This is something that usually a girl does when she feels insecure. It gives her confidence. However, there's nothing to feel bad about or embarrassed about here. 

Tell her you are not her plaything and you feel insecure. Guys are often considered as libidinous creatures solely, they can be emotional too. Refocus her attention from her ex to you so that she spends more time thinking about you and all the delight that you bring into her life rather than all the pain and agony in which her ex had left her.

#11 Take her to counsel 

Mental illness is serious and must not be taken lightly. If your girlfriend is showing early symptoms of mental deprivation, offer to take her for counseling. If she is not comfortable going along with you, encourage her to go alone.

You can help her by finding out a counselor who can help her and by fixing an appointment. There is nothing to feel scared or embarrassed about here. You merely need to help her get out from the stagnant past and embrace the beauty of life in its magnifying offerings.

#12 Help her pursue a hobby to deviate her mind 

Your girlfriend has gone astray. You need to help her to bring her back to a healthy path. She needs to think and do things that keep her happy, her past is not among them.

Sit and have a conversation with her. Talk about general stuff. Don't make her feel that you are sitting with an objective in your mind. Share about your hobbies. Push her into thinking for herself about what she is doing for recreation. 

You can share videos and short clips on various activities that can be pursued as hobbies. This will help in building her interest. You can also come up with creative suggestions that can be enjoyed as a couple or with her group of friends.

If you are into painting or any sports, take her with you to the beach or in the field. Let her speculate or participate the way she likes. Gymming, swimming, dancing, painting, cooking, yoga, meditation, etc are some of the popular sports that can be pursued as hobbies.

#13 Talk to her friends 

Don't hesitate in talking to your girlfriend's friends or her best friend to help her understand better. There might be things that she is keeping from you or not telling you due to certain reasons. 

Her friends can help you by shedding light on things kept covered by her. You will be able to understand your girlfriend's thought process better. This will help you to make the right decisions. 

#14 Tell her to stop testing water

Perhaps your girlfriend is trying to see how cool you are if she sleeps with her ex again. She is trying to test the water with you. It will show her if you are serious enough with her.

Tell her that you find the prospect of sleeping with an ex not only desperate but also ridiculous. It means that the person is weak and not a person of their word. It also shows that they can be easily manipulated. 

#15 Tell her to give you a break 

If you feel that enough is enough because your girlfriend keeps on consistently chasing her ex as if in conversations and that she doesn't have any other topic to talk about, you should insist that she might as well skip the conversation part.

This could mean many things. You guys might go on a short conversation break from each other. You might either talk less or talk more to get clarity. It could also mean that you become friends with benefits with them to keep the equation lukewarm till the point the time is right.

#16 Ask her opinion on friends with benefits 

It is better to clear things out if your mind gets shadowed in doubts. One way of doing it is by asking about it directly. Hence, if you feel that your girlfriend wants to have a friends-with-benefits equation with you, ask her straight about it.

If you are not sure what she wants from you, ask her about it. Think of it like this, will you be offended if your girlfriend asked you to describe her role in your life? The best part here is that you are not thinking out loud. 

You are keeping the options open for your girlfriend to emerge the way she likes. It also means that you are not assuming things or even if you have assumed things, you want to allow your girlfriend to put things together the way she likes it. 

#17 Notice if she takes your name when you get intimate 

Do you know how it is said that small things matter? How often is your name on your girlfriend's lips? It shows her fondness for you. Besides, it shows if you are on her mind while she is with you. 

If there's someone else, that is, if physically your girlfriend shares her space and gets intimate with you but mentally she is with someone else, she might struggle to recall your name, bite her lips if she fails to remember it, and call you with some generic names used in exchanges of courtship. 

Would it signal a red flag and mean that you must leave her be? No. It means that you haven't been on her mind lately and you should try harder to be there. 

#18 Suggest she make the relationship official 

If your girlfriend is not serious about you, the cat will be out of the bag when you suggest making the relationship official. This should not be put forward as a random request. 

It would make sense only when you have come that long together. Her reaction will give you clues about her thoughts and that is when you can tell her about your insecurities. 

#19 Start ignoring her calls 

While this should be among the last of the options, you can start ignoring her phone calls to make her feel that she has hurt you. If she honestly cares, she will try to make amends. If she had been waiting for this and wanting it for so long, she will start ignoring you and your calls too. 

#20 Don't get manipulated 

Just to please your girlfriend, don't do things that your pocket can't afford. If she wants you to overindulge her, detach yourself. She is not a kid. You are not to spoil her. 

What she seems to be is a brat who likes to get her things done by hook or by crook. Tell her that you went to the army school and find both throwing tantrums and being stubborn off-putting. 

#21 Work on self-improvement 

When you take small steps toward yourself each day, the world will automatically become a happier place. Working on self-improvement even by centimeters will bring about a huge difference by the end of the year. Think of it as a performance review where you shall be judging yourself very harshly.

Summing up 

Learn to take things easy in life. There is no need to get hyper by situations and circumstances in your life. It should be you who decides what you want in life and how you want it, not the other way around. When you find out that your girlfriend is obsessed with her ex, let her be. With time, the thrill and excitement of remaining consistently excited regarding one person will fade and she will get fixated on you so much that she will sing songs for you. Such is the beauty of such a character.