My Girlfriend Likes to Be Controlled: Reasons and Next Steps

Some people are so dead inside that they will do anything and go to any level to kill boredom. They lose their enthusiasm over things. You will never find such people to be leaders. They better make puppets because of their laid-back personality. 

If your girlfriend is one such person, perhaps think once again why are you dating her? If it is merely for the way she looks, your choice has been awful. However, if she has suddenly become a shallow person or changed into someone who doesn’t fight for power but gives in easily, doesn’t realize or cares for the thrill of the tug of war, she might as well be having a mental breakdown. 

In this blog post, I will be your guide to help you figure out the reasons why your girlfriend likes to be controlled and how you can handle it tactfully. 

Reasons why your girlfriend likes to be controlled 

If your girlfriend is a leader, in the sense that she is in the leadership post and is looking after important business, keeping things under control and all charged up, she might look for a break in bed. When she is with you, she wants you to control her rather than the other way around. 

This is a natural impulse of a woman, however, this is not all. To know more, continue reading below.

#1 She is a submissive 

An introvert, someone who likes to follow rather than guide would fall under the category of someone who likes being controlled. Such a someone is submissive. You would see it in their eyes. They would blush with their eyes and avoid making direct eye contact easily. 

If your girlfriend is submissive, she likes obeying you. She is disciplined by nature and pleasing you brings her a thrill that is class apart. It is not easy to find such women so if you have found one, keep her. It also shows that she is not stereotypical but intimate. 

You will see that she doesn’t take the initiative. She might prefer less foreplay and more action. She might not be into sexting or not an eager enthusiast about getting intimate. 

She might also prefer to make out with lights off or under the sheet and might not be playful. She will hate public displays of affection and won't frequently excite you much. 

While you will be able to get your way with her, the exciting element will be at a loss. However, don't lose hope. Such roles are dynamic. Once she finds herself comfortable with you and is satisfied with the way you have explored her body, she will get excited to do her bit and take you in control and please you limitlessly. 

#2 She is wild 

If your girlfriend is wild, she will challenge your authority and want you to do crazy things to her to tame her. A wild girl in bed would like a man who knows how to use his male powers to put her in control. 

For some women, a dominant male power is empowering. They feel stronger among the crowd because they know that their partner is the epitome of masculinity. There is more than the intimate reason over here. 

A pro-masculine partner would be an amazing physique. He would easily dwarf others. No one will ever try to cross their limits with such a man’s woman. Your girlfriend will get popularity because she is dating you. 

Girls love to secure attention. They like the attention of not only their partners but also of the society at large. With the growing trends on social media, you will hardly find people who like to keep themselves low-key. 

If you don’t enjoy this phase with her, you should be more expressive about your emotions. If you don’t mind, just be sure that she is not doing it out of passive aggression. The importance of enjoying a phase with someone cannot be underestimated. The whole point of a relationship is to feel that satiation that keeps you going even when you feel low. 

#3 She is amateur 

If your girlfriend is an amateur and you are her first romantic partner, she will take her time to understand the fundamentals of romance. Romantic behavior and understanding don’t come naturally to everyone. Most people try to replicate what they watch and hear from others. 

Your girl must have listened to stories from her female friends telling them how their boyfriends flirt with them and do naughty things with them or the way they are touched, appreciated, and adored. Such a girl will be an adolescent. 

If your girlfriend is way younger than you, she will most obediently like to submit herself to you. The very thought that you decided to date her and not one of your colleagues or classmates will excite her. For you, it will also be enjoyable because women your age or older than you won’t let the power equation disrupt that easily. 

Hence, someone who is younger than you will invest a sense of trust in you. Besides, she might get very horny and slippery with you. If her hormones are taking a surge on her, she will be in dire need to be controlled. 

However, if you are of the same age and she wants you to control her, it is because she has always fascinated you that way. Think of the day and moment when you proposed to her and ask yourself if she eagerly accepted the proposal. The chances might be that it is she who manifested the situation in such a way that you take notice of her and go down on your knees to ask her to be your girlfriend.

#4 She has a knack for passive aggression 

Your girlfriend might be playing with your mind and giving you the thrill that she is allowing you to control her, but the reality might be the other way around. She is making you do things that she likes by sublimely handing down the power key in your hand. 

You will have little to no options here but prove your masculinity and take her in your control. If you are not so good at it, you can try buying toys to serve the purpose. Your girl will think that you are playful and caring, and it will keep your task easy. 

While getting rough in bed is not an easy task, from time to time you can get relentless in bed. Make her feel hot, keep your flow gushing and it will all be fine. You can take the help of a psychoanalyst to understand more about such behavior. It could be influenced by some other external or internal factor that is layered.

#5 She was brought up without a daddy figure 

If the girl lost her father figure early in life or has serious daddy issues, you might see a reflection of her family problems in your romantic relationship. She will tease you, channel her fits of anger in strong foreplay, and do things in such a way that you have no option but to rip her clothes off and sp*nk her hard. 

While this might sound so wrong on paper, it works as a great turn-on for most people. Your girl wants you to superimpose yourself over her. Feeling her weight over you might make her feel elevated. However, be careful not to hurt her. Physical play and everything is fine till the point that neither of you falls into the case of a medical emergency. 

#6 She has always been obedient 

It might be your girl’s fantasy to date a professor. She wants to be controlled by you because she gets a glimpse of her college professor in you or because you are a professor. Such authority roles are always exciting for either of the partners. 

You can try role play with your girlfriend, she will enjoy it excessively. Moreover, it will create a vacuum for you to exert control and simultaneously give her control too. You can interchange roles or bring her costumes of rolls that excite you. 

This would mean that you are too frankly candid with each other. You fear nothing and have no pretensions. You are fine by making each other feel that you are more interested in play rather than the equation or the ends. It would also mean that you believe in seizing the day and living most by the moment.

#7 She seeks sensation 

If your equation is one of no strings attached and only about getting satisfied in bed, your girlfriend will seek every way possible to satisfy herself. As such, she will want to be with you for as long as possible. 

It is her therapy. She will be very lustful and horny. You will find her drenching and parched for you at the same time. She will insist on seeing you every day and might even want to catch over on phone calls and messages. 

She might send you nudes without hesitation or deliberation. She might be confident in her skin and want you to feel the same as her. A woman with confidence in her body tends to bring more delight than a woman without it. 

If you find the situation challenging and face difficulty in understanding how to control your girlfriend’s extremities, you can read the article on the link for more helpful suggestions - My Girlfriend Wants to See Me Every Day (Here's Why).

#8 She is emotional 

If you are dating an emotional girl who gets sentimental and starts weeping at every turn of the conversation, she will be out of control and hence will be in desperate need of being looked after even by the means of domination. It is similar to taming a petulant child. She will cry and go wayward in his ways until you show him your power. She will be in awe and will submit herself to you without hesitation or disregard.

In this context, controlling her won't only mean in bed but also otherwise. You will have to find ways to be with her, make her strong emotionally, and be with her in her highs and lows. 

More than anything, she might hate being vulnerable and would require reassurance from you that you will never abandon her or leave her side. The stranded self of the past might haunt her and urge her to do better this time. You are her hope and she, therefore, shows herself desperate before you.

#9 She is lazy 

If you have a laid-back girlfriend to such an extent that she wants all the action but doesn't want to actively participate in them, she will need and want to be controlled. A lazy woman won’t sway her hips to delight you. She will go light and easy on you. 

She will love getting massages and might even have a toe fetish. You can use her laziness to depict how to please her and how to get favors in return. She is to enjoy missionary more than other poses. 

If she is healthy, you can encourage her to work on her diet and make it more protein rick to get rid of her laid-back personality. Hitting the gym, doing zumba, swimming, dancing, and enrolling in any of the sports activities will help her perform and function better. 

Express your requirements in a way that either doesn’t show you to be desperate or even if you come across as a desperate man, you must make it quite clear that your desperation is for her and not for anyone else.

#10 You are too dominant

If it is you who is more dominant, your girlfriend will not have many options but to be submissive. You have not been allowing her to exchange roles. There might also be a chance that you both haven’t discussed this candidly with each other due to which there is proper classification about who wants what. 

Don’t be hesitant to express your desire in a relationship. You should be able to put in words what is it that you desire. It is not harmful. Instead, it will benefit you as gradually she will also learn to be more open with you. 

The best sort of relationships are ones where there is no fear in communication. You are not skeptical about each other and you honestly want to be with one another. You have a bond of friendship that is beautiful and allows you to be open to each other in ways that stand unparalleled. 

#11 It kills boredom 

Controlling your girlfriend would mean chasing her. You are, in the process, making her feel wanted. At that moment, you want nothing more than her. It will thrill your girlfriend. To feel that she is the center of your universe and the center of all that you can desire and that it is in her to satisfy your need will be empowering. 

She is being controlled so she has the upper hand when you think of it and not you. It is delighting her by providing the power to you. You are working hard in figuring out how you can delight her in a way in that she was never loved before. You take this as a call on your masculinity and you harbor soft feelings such as were not known to her before. 

#12 She is nervous 

Your girlfriend comes across as someone in needs to be controlled perhaps because she has anxiety issues. She might be nervous about failing to satisfy your needs and hence wants to be the means via which you can bad pleasure. 

This nervousness might occur from a lack of self-esteem. She is so humble and grounded that she doesn’t think of herself to be capable enough to dominate over you. Instead, she prefers to have it the other way. 

You will decode more about this behavior eventually when she might decide to have a hearty conversation with you. Until then, you have little option but to wait for something of the sort to happen. 

She might also have had a comparatively bad experience in the past which fears her to no limit. You should be soft with her. Soft masculinity might make her realize that guys are not all about controlling and exerting their power on women. They can be a softer companion who is eager to learn about them and love them.

#13 She never dated a bad boy 

Perhaps your girlfriend has always dated guys who like to safeguard her from the world and any kind of roughness. This usually happens when you are dating a friend or someone with whom you have been long familiar. 

If you come across as someone who is adventurous and wild and loves to go on hikes, your physique is very well maintained, you hit the gym and girls drool over your sight, all these might make your girlfriend so hot for you that she wants to get intimate rigorously with you.

Your girlfriend might have a fantasy to date someone who can be called a bad boy. She might not mind even if you are a casanova or a playboy, the idea of dating one will come as a thrilling prospect to her because she hasn’t thought of something along these lines before. 

In this case, you can be her bad boy and she will be your bad girl. Be playful with one another and your bedroom will be the world to you. Remember, such someone would enjoy being flirted with and teased even in the presence of friends. So don’t miss any opportunity to claim what belongs to you.

#14 She is not looking for romance 

Your girlfriend might want to keep things between you and her short-term, a no-string-attached bond where you f*ck and get nasty and it helps you to survive the shock and terror of surviving reality. It acts as an escapade that is rooted in the harshness of monotonous life. She uses courtship as a life hack to deal with things that are not so pleasant. 

It doesn’t mean that you cannot have her for the long term. If you play it right, you can buy her confidence into thinking that you are that person with whom she would want to go to bed every night. It depends on the kind of intimacy you share at the end of the day, the things you give priority to, and the way you use words to fold and unfold your emotions. 

By allowing you to control her, she is letting you have your way with her. It will delight her how nicely you put her to use. Remember, women cherish their bodies. They love and worship it. So they like to be treated well. If you don’t do it the right way, she might even get disappointed and mad at you.

#15 She might have low self-esteem 

Your girlfriend might have suffered from low self-esteem all her life and might have been treated unfairly so much so that now she has become used to it. It may sound strange but some people find it okay to be treated s a means and tool by others. 

As a result, she is letting the guy treat her like garbage because she thinks she deserves it or because she can’t believe that she can be loved. It might also be because not many people have called her or taken her to be beautiful. 

She likes to be loved. People who crave love would not care about limits. You will see that she gives your choice the preference in all areas of life. You should try and talk her out of this lest one day she might feel that she has given too much in the relationship. If she doesn’t listen to you, make her your priority in life. She should not feel that you are selfish and greedy. Make her feel like a queen. 

#16 It is an act to keep you hooked 

Your girlfriend might think that you are dating her because she allows you to control her. She is scared of losing you to other women and hence gives you the impression that she likes to be controlled. 

You can check whether she is genuinely enjoying the makeout and getting pleasure by noting the way she sounds. If she is trying too hard, she might be faking it. If she sounds natural, you are good to go.

It might also be that she is obsessed with being pinned down and treated roughly. She likes to have multiple partners. You can seriously consider using toys to have your way with her. Sext more often to keep her horny and excited. Her body reaction and the fluid that flows will help you understand how serious she is about you and how much you stay on her mind.

#17 She might have a medical condition 

A medical condition such as ADHD might make your girlfriend prone to seeking attention. You cannot control your girlfriend without burying yourself in her. It would mean that in a crowd full of girls, your eyes, ears, and all your senses will easily make out who is your girl. 

It will make her feel proud that you know her so well. In the process, you will find that being with her has been effortless. The experience for both of you will be rewarding. Once you become co-dependent on each other, you will find a way to wrap yourself around each other in any given situation. It will prevent you from breaking out in panic. 

Eventually, her need to seek approval and validation will decrease. She will keep things slow and be more aware of what is happening around her. The registration of every moment spent together will be wholesome for both of you.

What to do when your girlfriend likes to be controlled?

When you have a girlfriend who is granting you the license to be controlled, you use the moment to its greatest advantage by being assertive and taking over the control. There are no flickering or second thoughts over here. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Take one step at a time 

You don’t have to rush anything. Even when your girlfriend likes to be controlled, you can take your time to understand the situation rather than being impulsive to haste into making great use of the permissions granted to you so freely. 

It all depends upon your intent. If you want to use your girlfriend as a playdate, you can afford to run on your impulse. If you want to play long-term, it is better not to get fidgety or unsettled about matters. I am telling you this because most of the things in life when is out at a sky-rocketed speed have proven to come down to earth with a bang or perhaps with a whimper. 

You also need to preplan about how you are going to spend time or what you are going to do after you have exhausted yourself completely. You must not find yourself with anything to do after that. You shouldn’t be blank. 

There must be things to talk about and keep everything light and playful. It could be a meaningful conversation or playing games, toys, and many such things. You could even plan a late-night date, keep champagne handy and think of other creative ways to make the most of your time with your girlfriend.

#2 Keep it exciting 

Whatever you do and however you make out, don’t let the session get boring. It is important to understand that the session should bring both of you a thrill and make you want to do more of it. When you keep things exciting and burning between you and your partner, they are going to try it more often and do it better with each round. 

When you get exhausted from giving and providing, you will see get her all wild and coming for you like a predator. You both will be able to enjoy it and it will help you to create a saga together. There are many ways to make it exciting, beginning from the place you choose to make out to the light and music. Play on the variety and make it different each time.

#3 Clear your thoughts

If your girlfriend or you might be confused as to how to go about things, you can talk to her about it. Approach her in a friendly gesture. It will help her to open up to you when she sees that for a change you are not being assertive. 

It will also help you to see the difference between her natural self and her affected self. If her tone, behavior, and conduct change with the change in the course of action, you will be able to predict the underlying reasons for it. 

#4 Get rough in bed 

You can satiate your girl by giving her what she wants. If she wants you to get rough and dominative, be it. You should be on the providing end first and then you can demand things your way. Make it your thumb rule. When you please selflessly, you will not only get positive feedback but would also get favors returned to you with love and eagerness. 

#5 Tell her your preference 

If you don’t enjoy controlling as much as you like to submit to her, say her so. The primary objective of keeping a girlfriend or a boyfriend is to satiate your primary needs. If that stands unfulfilled then you will always look for ways to ditch your girlfriend or might be in bad temper. 

It won’t be long before you find ways to cheat on her. Hence, rather than keeping things bottled up within, learn to communicate. You should take turns doing things that please both of you. Neither of your needs should stand compromised. 

#6 Try role play 

When one of you is getting more assertive and bold in the session, you can give it a new form by trying to engage in a role-play session. It will bring a new dynamic to your relationship and you will be able to better engage each other in speaking words that you might hesitate to do when together.

You can switch the level of authority and modulate it the way you want. To make it quirky, humorous, and interesting, you can take out time and sit for a tete-a-tete over coffee to design a script. When you pen the dialogues, go to the mall, and pick up the right costumes, you will be more than delighted to have come together to do this. It will give you reasons to celebrate and also open up a platform where you can openly engage with one another about the past experiences you have had. That, in turn, will show you how your girlfriend’s present needs and requests are dictated and molded by past experiences. 

#7 Get to know about her dating history 

If you have doubts about the intentions of your girlfriend or if you are skeptical about her wants and needs from you, familiarize yourself with her past dating experiences. Getting to know why her previous relationships did not work out will give you a brief idea about the challenges that you might face with her in the future. 

It will keep you alert and prudent. You will be able to predict the outcomes and change in her behavior. While not noble, you can meet with her ex-boyfriends. You don’t need to introduce yourself to them. You can just catch up with them in a bar and get to know their opinions about this girl. 

You can scroll through the photos randomly as if connected on a social media platform and ask them about them. When they see her picture, there will be a change of expression. Either it will be very pleasing or very upsetting. 

Some of them might even laugh at her behavior. The only problem is that if you desire to take it long term and in the future, if she gets to know about this, she might call it a deal breaker because, at the end of the day, it depends on how you trust the person and invest yourself with them.

#8 Ask her to tell you about the meaningful moments from her childhood 

When you are talking about childhood memories naturally, your relationship begins to have a natural element in it. You are not making things up but taking the other person in the truest confidence about what went into your making. 

Nobody's childhood is perfect. We have had our ups and downs, highs and lows. We feel determined and glad to be able to share those memories with something other than us. This someone becomes an extension of our existent self. 

Therefore, encouraging your girlfriend to talk about her childhood by referring to her childhood reminiscence will help you to make your relationship sweet. You will know that each drop that you have added into the bottle to make her feel glad, every contribution and bit of it counts a great deal. 

#9 Keep a check on her behavior 

You can keep a check on your girlfriend's behavior to see if she persistently wants to be controlled. This could be an underlying physical or psychological concern. 

Is she having good flow in her periods, how is her metabolism, what is her sugar intake, all these will go into explaining such needs. If you love her, you must be concerned about all this. 

When she sees that you are concerned for her health, she will naturally feel obliged to you. She will also start looking after herself better. When people have never experienced love before, they cherish every moment spent with their loved ones.

#10 Talk to her 

You can address your girlfriend directly and talk your heart out to her rather than playing mind games around it. Talking to her directly will prevent any confusion and misconception. 

Moreover, you might not know but you too might be behaving strangely which is only making your girlfriend think that she isn't doing something correctly. This will in turn lead her to let you control more. 

Some truths are bitter but it is always better than lies and resentment. Hence, when you are planning to take it ahead for good, don't hesitate to overcome these hurdles. Before the long journey that you are planning to undertake, such hurdles will be petty and useless. Your confidence and power within the commitment will increase by this. 

#11 Observe her with other people 

Ask yourself if your girlfriend has a life outside of you or not. If she is obsessed with you, she might like to get controlled due to her fixation. 

When you see her with others, you will be able to tell if she enjoys the company of others or not. If she keeps on looking at you, texts you even when she is out with her friends try to involve and engage you with everything that happens in her life, she has made a world out of you. 

Such cases are extreme and in the future, if you realize that there isn't much worth deciding to go separate ways, you will face difficulty. She might even be prone to depression and that will worsen the case altogether.  

There is also the possibility that you might be dating a nymph. You will get to understand this better when you observe her behavior. If she is always referring to intimacy and sending you signals, she might be a woman who is obsessed with having s*x. To know more about this in great detail, you can read the article by clicking on the link - How to Tell If the Woman is a Nymph? (Signs & Cope up Tips).

#12 She needs help 

Your girlfriend might have dangerous and unrealistic desires that can risk your testicles. Hygiene is a serious factor. Many questions might come flooding your mind in terms of her past affairs and the equation. 

There is no harm in getting yourselves checked for any possible infections. Prevention is better than cure. You will even gain confidence when the results come clean. Besides, follow every method of oral hygiene. Don't forget to urinate after s*x. Do the basics and keep educating on these lines. 

If the report turns out to be unfavorable, protect yourself and help her in finding help. Don't be inhuman and abandon her in such a situation but take it one step at a time. You don’t know what a person might be going through in their life, so go easy.

#13 She is down 

Women might act like this when on periods, so if your girlfriend’s period is due that week, there is no need to worry. Just give her the desired intimacy and she might behave in a much more settled manner.

 There are many ways in which you can help your girlfriend during her periods. Buying her chocolates, watching her favorite movie with her, talking to her about poetries, and narrating to her some of the most calming paragraphs in literature are a few ways in which you can make her feel good about herself.

Caressing her stomach, giving her a foot massage, making eye contact, kissing her forehead, feeding her food, and reminding her about how much you love her will also do the magic. The idea is to not let her feel lonely and avoid doing things that she doesn’t like.

#14 She gets turned on when you are in command 

Your girlfriend might get turned on when she sees you working and finds your commanding voice seductive. You should be glad about it. It might give a kick to all her hormones and she might start fantasizing about you that instant. 

You should be able to put all these to the right use and feel better about it. If your girlfriend is giving you the power to dominate her, there is something particularly unique about you. Take pride in it. 

#15 She is making you feel wanted

If you have inhibitions about your performance, your girlfriend is trying to help you get over it. She is a sweetheart, not many girls will do this. She is allowing you to take over control to help you get over your inhibitions. Perhaps make the best of the moment and give rest to all the skepticism.

It is a big favor from her end because this shows unconditional love and honesty. It doesn’t mean that she is keeping her expectations low, it means that she is not hurrying the phase because it means everything to her.

Summing up 

If your girlfriend likes to get controlled, it means she trusts you and has given you the boyfriend’s license. It is a lovely gesture and you should do your best here to make the most of the moments possible. Don’t get nervous or scared, don’t question things if they seem right, and make yourself feel good and empowered. Enjoy the phase. Que cera cera!