My Girlfriend Keeps Hurting Me Emotionally [Here's How to Deal With]Your girlfriend keeps hurting you emotionally, maybe because she has a traumatic past and she's still not done dealing with that. People with traumatic pasts tend to act awkward in their present life and hurt their close ones. Or maybe you're too sensitive that all her actions keep hurting you.
Constant ups and downs are a very common nature of relationships. But sometimes, our girlfriends hurt us emotionally so often that many guys tend to give up on the beautiful bond. This phenomenon doesn't only hurt men emotionally, but it also gives birth to toxicity in relationships.
Don't get surprised, but here I must tell you that I have heard of the same problem from many committed men. So, you're not alone who's getting hurt emotionally by his girlfriend.
Now, ask yourself. What are you here for? Do you wanna know the reasons why on earth your dear girlfriend tends to keep hurting you? Or do you wanna jump straight to the solution to this issue?
I'm gonna cover both of these as one depends on the other. If you're here just looking for some simple solutions, scroll down to this blog, read, evaluate and apply them in your life. But I always recommend you must know the root of the problem first. Then the solution will just be a simple question of logic.
Why does your girlfriend keep hurting you emotionally?
In this very beginning, I wanna tell you the truth. If your 'girlfriend' keeps hurting you emotionally, be sure that there's something seriously wrong with her.
Look, women are pretty much more emotionally vulnerable than men. So nobody, almost none of them, loves hurting their partners unless she is a s#dist. Having a s#dist girlfriend is a totally different issue that we'll later discuss.
Apart from that, if your girlfriend does so constantly, there's surely some deep-rooted reason behind this phenomenon. To get over this troubling situation, first, you must put effort into understanding her reason.
Below, I'm going to talk about those potential reasons and help you identify your specific one.
#1 She feels insecure
Women tend to hurt their loved ones in some way if they feel highly insecure about their partners. No doubt, they don't do this deliberately.
But when relationship insecurity touches girls, they become so possessive and protective about their boyfriends that it eventually results in an aggressive attitude. This aggressive attitude seems to keep hurting us.
If your girlfriend always keeps mocking you about other girls, tries to keep her eyes on you, insults you, especially in front of other women, keeps checking your personal spaces, and doubts about you at the same time, maybe she's doing all these out of her relationship insecurity.
In this situation, our girlfriend actually loves us. But out of some kind of insecurity, their attitude keeps hurting us.
#2 She acts out of past trauma
You may not be the first person in your girlfriend's life. Maybe she had a traumatic experience in the past, and that trauma has now transformed the outer core of her attitude.
Maybe she has become rude or has learned to be rude for her sake. That very rudeness of her attitude keeps hurting you.
Let me tell you here; trauma can totally transform people. However, reverse changing is always possible, but it's quite a difficult task that you'll learn afterward.
Now think, Has your girlfriend ever told you something like this? Is she keep being depressed most of the time? Has she become desperate or maybe anxious while talking about her past?
If so, your girlfriend is maybe acting out of her past trauma that you must go ahead to heal.
#3 She is driven by revenge mentality
When people get driven by revenging mentality, they develop the habit of hurting. If you have once done something that really hurt your girlfriend, and she didn't forget it, the chances are she's hurting you to take revenge for that particular incident.
You may ask now why she's doing so if she truly loves you. Here, she's basically doing so to make you feel the emotional pain too that she once felt from you. You may identify this as a 'relationship immaturity,' but that's how things happen.
Suppose you think that you may have done something in the near past that might have hurt your girlfriend, and now she always hurt you deliberately but never apologize. In that case, perhaps she is doing so because she wants revenge on you because of that past incident.
#4 She has started moving on
When does a partner's emotional pain become nothing to a girl anymore? The answer is pretty obvious, I guess. When women start moving on from relationships, they focus the most on themselves.
At this point, they don't even care about how their boyfriends are feeling. This carelessness brings a desperate attitude in them. Out of this attitude, they behave rudely, speak harsh words, don't give a fu*k about loyalty, and refuse to express love to their partner.
If you are in a prolonged conflict with your girlfriend and it seems that she doesn't feel for you anymore in the same way, and all those things mentioned above are happening with you constantly, most probably she has not yet broken up but already started moving on.
#5 She is a s#dist
Your girlfriend may be a s#dist person, and that's why she keeps hurting you.
At the beginning of this part, I told you that being with a s#dist partner is totally a different case and should be handled in unconventional ways.
Unlike normal people, s#distic girlfriends love to hurt their partners and see them in pain. Out of this evil phenomenon, they keep hurting their boyfriends and get s#distic pleasure out of this.
In a survey, it has been seen that s#dist people, irrespective of their gender, are pretty good in bed, and most surprisingly, men get attracted the most towards these s#dist women.
So, being with a s#dist partner may be an adventure for you, but at the same time, you also must be ready to face other consequences that are not really as sweet as they seem in the beginning.
#6 She is in constant trouble
There are a lot of complications in women's lives that men can't even think about. When women get into such constant troubles in their lives, they tend to stay disturbed most of the time.
During this time, they always stay confused and irritated about the steps that should be taken to get over their troubling situation. In such scenarios, they might keep hurting their boyfriends.
If your girl was not always like this but has recently started hurting you emotionally, maybe she's really disturbed by something serious.
Perhaps, she's facing some physical or emotional issues, maybe some issues are going on with her professional life, and she's struggling too desperately to get over this situation.
During such a situation, your girlfriend may not be able to keep calm on her attitude and ends up hurting you emotionally.
#7 You are too sensitive
Our life doesn't always go so smoothly. We get so much emotionally vulnerable that small conflicts with our loved ones hurt us like hell at some point in our lives. But relationships are meant to go through such hurdles. So, it's neither our fault nor our partners.
Maybe you feel that your girlfriend always hurts you emotionally because you are going through a sensitive phase emotionally. Many guys don't wanna even acknowledge that they are going through some emotional turmoil.
It's nothing but one kinda male ego. Don't be like that. Acknowledge your emotional sensitivity. Otherwise, you will keep blaming your girlfriend for no reason.
#8 You are unable to meet her expectations
What brings joy into relationships? The answer could be numerous, but it would be 'the mutual fulfillment of expectations' in one single phrase.
Women expect pretty much differently than men. I know that it can be difficult for men to understand them all. Without proper fulfillment of each others' expectations, both physically or emotionally, heavy turmoil hits all relationships.
This constant feeling of incompleteness eventually creates a huge gap between the two partners. It can be the reason why you are constantly getting hurt emotionally by your girlfriend's attitude. Maybe you're being unable to fulfill all her expectations.
#9 Your girlfriend has serious mental issues
People with certain serious mental situations tend to hurt their close people emotionally. Sometimes they go through emotional turmoil absolutely for no reason and tend to drag other people into their problems.
And sometimes, emotionally hurting the partners becomes one of their habits. Both of these situations are symptoms of mental illness.
Maybe your girlfriend is also doing so and at the same time blaming you for the situation. She doesn't even bother to apologize for her behavior with you.
In this case, perhaps she has serious mental issues and needs immediate consultation.
Steps You Can Take
Now comes probably the most awaited part of this entire blog that is how you may try putting an end to this irritating situation. Below, I will talk about such a few tested ways recommended by various relationship counselors that might help you out.
But I often say that there are always scopes for improvisations when the question comes to dealing with relationships. Every human mind is unique, and so are their relationships and situations.
So, you can always derive good ideas from places, but you need to improvise them according to your situation while implementing.
#1 Spend quality time with her
Quality time is one of the most important things that modern relationships lack. Nowadays, people are so busy with so many engagements that they can't dedicate adequate time to their partners.
According to most relationship experts, due to this lack of quality time, many couples start taking each other just for granted. This is where most of the relationship issues start.
So, start spending quality time with your girlfriend. Go to concerts, watch her favorite TV shows together, call her and talk for hours, go to a Knicks game together if she likes.
Always remember, constant hurting often comes from disrespect. And lack of quality time does nothing but make ground for such situations.
#2 Ask and learn listening
Asking and listening is one of the most important habits that all boyfriends should develop as a personal quality, whether their girlfriends are hurting them emotionally or not. Women love and admire those boyfriends who listen to them attentively.
And if your girlfriend is hurting you, you must ask her about the issues she's currently dealing with. Put genuine effort into helping her solve this.
But if she doesn't want you in this problem, respect her decision and back off. She may even again hurt you while asking, but still have patience if you truly love her, and listen to her words carefully.
#3 Talk openly
Another important thing in relationships is talking openly. When two people commit to staying with each other, they must try to be best friends who can talk openly about everything in the first place.
Many men tend to suppress their emotional pain and hide it from getting revealed to their girlfriends. I must say, this is one of the most toxic habits.
Your girlfriend is also a part of your life. If the pain you feel today is because of some of her activities, she deserves to know. So, talk to her calmly and openly. Speak up about how much you love her, how you actually feel when she hurts you, etc.
#4 Make her a part of your life
As I told you, your girlfriend is also a part of your life. Many men tend to keep their girlfriends secluded from their personal affairs, giving birth to many issues.
So, today is high time to make her truly a part of your life. No, I'm obviously not asking you to marry her. But just spending some romantic moments, having dinner, and having s#x isn't at all enough to keep a relationship intact.
So, try including her in your daily life affairs where you can. Ask for her opinion before doing something, even if you know that she hasn't any.
These activities will make her feel that you respect her presence in your life and do not take her for granted. Believe me, after this, she will think twice before emotionally hurting you again.
#5 Help to calm herself down
If your girlfriend is constantly hurting you and you suspect that she is in some kinda trouble, you may proceed to help her calm herself down. Make your sweet partner realize that keeping calm in these moments of trouble is the most important thing.
Sit with her and ask about the problems she is dealing with. If she wants to speak about it, then listen attentively. But if she doesn't wanna disclose, don't force her.
She may react in this situation; maybe she will do something that will again hurt you emotionally. But you keep calm and be patient. Come up with your opinion about her situation, but always wrap it in a packet of 'my suggestion.'
#6 Work on yourself
Along with putting effort into your girlfriend, it's equally important to work on yourself. First of all, if you are constantly getting hurt emotionally by your loved ones, it leaves a severe long-term on your mind.
Apart from that, it may be because of your emotional sensitivity; you are constantly getting hurt by little things.
So, it's very much important to work on yourself in both of these situations. Learn to detox your mind. Play your favorite games, watch movies, pursue your hobbies, listen to music, have aromatherapy, and most importantly, love yourself.
#7 Consult a professional
If you think that the situation is seriously going out of control either for one of you or both, I would recommend consulting a professional counselor.
Look, sometimes we have such deep emotional involvement in our relationships that we become unable to judge the situation naturally and effectively. That's why we need the help of some third person who is an expert in this context. That person may help you out.
#8 Break it up
If nothing has worked for you even after all putting in those genuine efforts, I'm afraid it's maybe the time to step aside from this relationship and move on.
I know it's easy to say than done, but there are supposedly no alternatives to this solution.
No matter how much we love our girlfriends, we all should love and prioritize ourselves the most.
That's why when everything goes out of control, and even professional help doesn't work, it's the wisest decision to break the relationship up no matter how much it hurts.
Things you should avoid
You should always avoid doing certain things throughout the entire process. Below I'm summarizing such a few.
- Don't ever lose your temper while dealing with your girlfriend.
- Never let her hurt your self-esteem unless you want her to take you for granted.
- Don't force her into anything.
- Don't bother your girlfriend by constantly inquiring about her past.
- Never do the same thing that she's doing to you. (Unless she is a s#dist)
- Never ever try to deal with this situation by making her feel jealous.
- Don't keep holding on to the relationship unnecessarily if you've realized that nothing has worked and already decided to break up.
Self-emotion is a pretty important thing to be taken care of. I always request my readers not to compromise their self-esteem by letting someone hurt their emotions. But always keep calm and learn to control your temper and react according to the situation. Hopefully, this blog has helped you effectively in this regard.