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My Girlfriend Always Makes Me Feel Insecure or Jealous (SOLVED)

Your girlfriend always makes you feel insecure or jealous, maybe because she wants more of your attention, and she likes when you become a little possessive about her. Maybe she wants to check your dedication to this relationship. You can heal this situation through fruitful conversations, surprises, and patience, most importantly. A couple sitting on a bed looks frustrated and his partner hold a help written cardboard

Jealousy and insecurity are the two sides of the same coin. When an individual in a relationship is insecure, they will automatically be or make their partner jealous. It is also one amongst the plethora of bitter-sweet emotions that love and romance bring into your life.

If your girlfriend always tries to make you feel insecure or jealous, it could easily provoke the feeling of betrayal, frustration, and anger in you, all at once. 

However, men need to understand that women are born with a superpower to ace this front. Of course, she makes you jealous on purpose and enjoys your possessive side. Let me assure you here that you may not have made any grave mistake that turned on her sweet revenge mindset.

You may be feeling that your girlfriend doesn't love you anymore, or maybe running low on her scale of romance, or does not find you attractive anymore, or maybe she is done with you and looking for someone better! 

Well, pause for a minute and breathe!

Stop running on the hamster wheel of your thoughts. If you want to end this roller coaster ride of insecurity and jealousy, you need to sit and understand the situation from a higher perspective. 

Why does she want to make you feel insecure or jealous?

I understand that insecurity and jealousy are very heart-clenching feelings, especially when it is because of someone you love so dearly. However, this tonic for love can have adverse effects when overdone. 

But why is she doing it? The answer to this simple question lies somewhat in women's psychology! Also, these answers can help you unlock the secrets to a very beautiful and healthy relationship again. Let me help you get this "WHY" and bring more clarity right where you need it.

#1 She wants to test your loyalty

No matter how old your relationship with your girlfriend is. She will keep testing your loyalty and dedication towards her whenever she feels like it. 

Men need to understand that no amount of chocolate, flowers, or gifts can impress them. She will be impressed only when she tests the waters of this relationship on her own. 

She may walk up to other men and act friendly, dance with the male friends in your close group, or compliment her male besties at a party. No matter what she does, the purpose is solely to make you feel possessive and claim her feminine urges to feel loved, celebrated, and respected. 

#2 She likes it when you are possessive

Your possessiveness shows her that you are serious about her presence in your life. That jealous and highly insecure look on your face, the way you claim her in front of all other men, your protection, your masculine boundary where it is safe for her to be herself, that is exactly what she loves and how she tests your presence in this relationship. 

Your girlfriend loves making you feel insecure because she enjoys her power over you. I understand the frustration that may come with the jealous, heart-clenching feeling, but the same in the right amount makes your relationship a bit more spicy and strong at all levels.

#3 She has her insecurities

Every one of us, no matter how strong, beautiful, perfect we look like, has our insecurities hidden inside. If your girlfriend has any kind of emotional, physical, or mental insecurity, it can sometimes reflect through her actions. She is trying to make you feel insecure, maybe because she's trying to cover her setbacks and make you claim her.

You being jealous, insecure, or frustrated comforts her insecurity and reassures her about the power that she holds over you. 

A boyfriend needs to keep calm and act maturely and be more loving in such situations, rather than projecting anger and frustration.

#4 The spark is missing in your relationship

If she is making you feel insecure, the chances are that your relationship has lost the much-needed spark.

You both are physically there in a so-called relationship, but is there any genuine love, romance, respect, friendship, or understanding left at the very basic level? 

The lack of emotional intimacy in a relationship will make her step out and look for better opportunities in love.

Maybe it is time for some relationship revaluation from your end. Learn to reconnect with your girlfriend again and communicate at a deeper emotional level to ignite the missing spark and watch her get back better.

#4 This is her counter-response

Maybe you are the one who started with this jealousy game in the first place. It could be any instance where you made her feel insecure. Or maybe you failed to give her the much-needed attention. Of course, she is not going to forget that instance this early.

She got her heels on and ready to live her sweet revenge, which may taste not so sweet at all! It is time for all my readers to sit and reevaluate their actions as a boyfriend in the first place. Your girlfriend is making you feel jealous simply because you deserve it!

#5 She needs more time or attention

One potential reason for making you feel insecure is that you, as her beloved boyfriend, are not giving her the time and attention she needs. 

The importance of spending ample quality time with each other is that it helps keep the love, romance, emotions, intimacy, friendship, respect, and all the love stay at a stable place.

Unfortunately, many men forget the basics right after getting into a relationship. When women feel like their men have stopped putting in any effort, the spark automatically starts fading away. 

Girlfriends start acting the way they need to and end up hurting their partners by making them jealous and triggering their insecurity. 

#6 She needs more effort from your end

Men always need to remember one fact, that your actions speak volumes about how you feel about your girlfriend.

Doing the basics right, treating her with respect, listening to her, validating her feelings, making an effort to understand her intentions, learning her trigger points, and making her comfortable and respected does much more than what materialistic gifts can ever do.

#7 You're in a situation of genuine concern

If your girlfriend is constantly making you feel insecure, and your insecurity is often crossing the line of tolerance, and nothing worked for you even after being vocal about the situation, maybe this is not anymore a silly situation for you. 

Perhaps, your girlfriend is not trying to make you feel insecure; rather, she's doing something that concerns natural insecurity.

At this point, maybe your bonding with your girl has become so weak that she is now genuinely considering other options. And most importantly, this detachment with this relationship is prominently visible to you, and that's triggering your feeling of insecurity.

In this situation, you have to deal with the situation very carefully, which you are gonna learn afterward in this blog. 

Possible ways she tries to make you feel insecure and jealous

Your girlfriend may try to make you feel insecure or jealous in many ways. Each way conveys different kinds of messages about the situation and demands to be taken care of differently.

Below, I'm going to talk about such a few situations that you may find common. Read about them, know their significance and deal with them effectively. 

#1 She talks about her Ex frequently

She is possibly trying to make you feel jealous by bringing her ex up in every other conversation. Your girlfriend keeps highlighting her good memories and shares her intimate stories with you. 

This is a very common trait that most women project to make their current partners feel jealous. Maybe she is trying to show you an example of how she wants certain things to be like, or she is testing your patience and dedication towards herself. 

#2 She keeps flirting with other men

A strong woman will always call for her man's time, effort, and attention. That is all about the feminine being. Her womanhood is right enough to attract all the attention she needs even without her trying. 

Her friendly and extroverted character, elegance, and grace she carries in her being will automatically attract more male attention. Her response though basic, can make you feel that she is out flirting and jealousy or eventual insecurity is the byproduct! 

#3 She is too close with her male bestie

I have heard countless men being jealous of their girlfriend's male bestie. It is easy, comfortable, and safe for most women to make their boyfriends jealous of their male besties. 

However, no matter how close they are or how beautiful and healthy their friendship is, it is important not to neglect the red flags ever.

#4 Makes plan without you

She often keeps planning for a girl's night out, going out partying and enjoying all without you. Yes, she needs her space to be and enjoy with her friends, and it is important as well. It is natural for men to get jealous in such scenarios. 

However, not including you in her regular plans and ignoring you often shows a red flag. Sit and communicate with her in such cases to solve any underlying problems in your relationship.

#5 Hides her phone and pretend to have secrets

Another trick that could be used to make you feel jealous is by keeping secrets. She will make your ride through the shallow waves and not let you into the depths of what's going on in her life. 

Always being on her phone, pretending to have secret chats with other online friends, hiding her phone around you, not letting you touch her devices, creating an air of secrecy are some of the most common yet subtle ways she may be trying out to make you jealous.

#6 Spending late hours at work and making excuses

She could be spending late hours at her workplace with an excuse for her new project. She doesn't have to spend it with other men; maybe she simply needs some space and enjoys working on some passion projects.

It is not always her fault! Many boyfriends are often clingy and do not leave their girls with the bare minimum space to be themselves. She will try not to hurt you back with her honest words but create her much-needed space where it is safe for her. 

#7 She keeps complimenting other men

It could be in her innate nature to compliment everyone around her, or she is purposely doing it to make you feel jealous or may be insecure. 

Though there is a difference between both cases, it is important for you, as her boyfriend, to understand and trust her nature and not get jealous as often. 

If she is doing it on purpose, get to work, find that purpose and claim her with love. It is that simple sometimes!

#8 Inconsistent in showing how she feels

It is not always men who need to show how they feel about their women. Women need to do the same thing and bring enough love, care, respect, trust, loyalty, and understanding to the table. Relationships are a two-way thing. Equal efforts are what is needed to keep the ship of your romance floating.

Her inconsistent behavior, love, and understanding can easily make men feel insecure about her actions and create a sense of mistrust. 

What do you need to do to stop your girlfriend? 

Now, as we are done discussing the basics of this sweet and sour jealousy ride that your girlfriend keeps bringing up, it is now time to fix this situation. Here are some tried and tested ways to heal this situation, reconnect with your woman, and build a healthy relationship again.

#1 Communicate

Communication is the very first step towards building a healthy and conscious relationship. No matter what the problem is, what insecurities, trigger points, lack of spark, or problems do you have with your girlfriend. Communicate! 

Speak clearly and respectfully about anything and everything that concerns you. Here, as she is making you jealous, show her your possessiveness while communicating about the way you feel. 

Always approach gently with calmness and take your stand. If your girlfriend genuinely loves you, she will understand your situation. 

#2 Be patient

It is easy to lose your patience when your girlfriend doesn't leave any stone unturned to make you feel jealous and insecure. She will create all possible scenarios to show her power over you. 

All you can do is be patient, and she rides her wave of mood swings. Allow her the space to be herself, yet open enough to speak what hurts you. And most importantly, learn to give your relationship enough time. Because time and constant effort work as the ultimate healer in all relationships. 

#3 Do not counter her by making her jealous

Countering her action by making her jealous again is the last thing you should do. She needs your love, reassurance, and respect. Your girlfriend is not looking for any further insecurity.

Instead of calming her down and passing all her tests, create a space to vent out. Reassure her with your love, respect, and open communication. Understanding your girlfriend's love language and trying to speak the same can help you re-establish a solid foundation for your relationship again.

#4 Reconnect and heal

Reconnecting with your partner is not a tough job. Rather it is the easiest thing you can do. Plan dates, dinner nights, movie evenings, or start connecting on things that you both enjoyed on mutual grounds. 

The idea is to heal the setbacks of your relationships that made her create scenarios to make you jealous and insecure. Reconnect and heal and see your relationship bloom.

#5 Surprise her

Surprising your girlfriend is one of the most beautiful gestures that can help relationships to bloom with new essence. Maybe you have just fought with your girlfriend due to some of your insecure feelings. But don't let that ruin your relationship. Go and buy some small gifts for her.

Even a small flower will work. Besides, you can write a letter to her, cook some of her favorite dishes, or maybe post a picture with her on your social media timeline.

After a fight or toxic encounter over some silly, insecure feelings, your girlfriend won't be expecting such surprises. At this point, these gestures will surprise her and bring her closer to you. 

#6 Express how jealousy affects You 

Show your possessiveness towards her. Confirm her about your emotions and the power she holds over you, and be respectful yet gentle enough to make her respect the power she owns. 

She loves you and will be more than happy to understand and accept your point of view. Speak your truth with love and affection.

#7 Don't Settle

You have done your part and tried every possible way to continue a healthy and conscious relationship. However, it is also important for men to see the truth as it is. 

If she is creating scenarios and making an effort to connect with other men, it is time to stand your ground and let go of such connections.

We all should develop the quality to see the truth as it is. Sometimes our intense emotions and love make us blind to see all the red flags in a relationship. Have the courage to see what your girlfriend is trying to do and act accordingly. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve!

In conclusion

Jealousy or insecurity is not a good feeling to experience, especially if your girlfriend is overdoing it. However, as you have all the answers to "WHY" and "What you need to do," it is time for some actual action. 

It is not time to give up, get angry, mad, or act frustrated. If she is overdoing her ways to make you feel jealous, stand up with faith and make an effort to turn the table in your favor again.

Adhideb Ghosh

Senior Writer

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