My Girlfriend Doesn't Text Me Like She Used To (Problem Solutions)Are you not getting your daily dose of texts from the special girl of your life? Maybe she is just consumed with other chores and not ditching you, as you may feel! Or there might be some deep-seated relationship issues that you need to address.
Long distance or not, texting is a major assurance that our relationship is going well. So when your partner is not texting you properly, countless doubts are bound to crowd your head. But don't worry; we are finally here to assist you in figuring out why your girlfriend is not texting you like she used to.
Assessing the issues: Why did your girlfriend stop texting you?
Not texting does not automatically mean she doesn't love you anymore or finds you boring; there can be several other valid and harmless reasons behind her dry texting or distracted texting.
#1 She’s taken up with other things
Being taken up with other things is a primary reason for distancing oneself from social, familial, and romantic relationships. While the intentions are harmless, this can be drastic for the peace of your relationship if it is left unchecked.
That being said, if your girlfriend is busy taking classes and has the exam season coming up or is working super hard on any professional assignment, she will expect you to understand and not pressure her to give you enough time. Even then, if it is bothering you, make sure to talk to her and ask her if it is possible to set aside a small time every day to talk to each other.
Growing apart from your friend and family circles when you enter a relationship is a real thing. At some point in time, we all want to reconnect with these important people in our life and reorganize our routines in such a way that we can give time to everyone. This is a completely healthy thing to do after your relationship has crossed its honeymoon period. Set a proper time and tell her that her being busy is affecting the well-being of your relationship.
#2 She might want some space
With time, circumstances change massively. As our lives continue, several new thoughts, beliefs, and desires start affecting us and determine our actions. Her wanting some space might have nothing to do with you.
It might simply be a point in her life where she is assessing all aspects of human relationships and coming to an important conclusion about how she wants to live life. Even when this is scary for you, remember that you, as her boyfriend, must give her the space and encouragement to choose the life of her dreams. She might also need space after a fallout with a family member or a close friend.
Alternatively, in the worst-case scenario, you might be responsible for the way she is feeling right now. Usually, we all are blind to our faults - and you might have treated her unfairly in the recent past. Or you might have been dismissive or careless towards the relationship - albeit unconsciously - which has been bothering her.
If you think this might be the case, use this opportunity to make her feel special and show her how much she means to you.
#3 Possibly taking an interest in someone else
Taking an interest in someone does not always mean cheating or wanting to exit the relationship. However, there is always a possibility that such interest will grow into something more.
We hate to break it to you, but unfortunately, when somebody is interested in another person's personality, there is very little that you or I can do to convince them that this relationship is indeed for their best. Do you often leave her to do things on her own? Are you adequately interested in her hobbies and passions and taking the time to learn those topics? When she is bubbly and cheerful around you, do you encourage that? Do you put enough thought and value in the gifts that you give her, and do you give her things often?
Most importantly, does she ever feel like she has to compete with your girl best friend since entering the relationship? Perhaps she wants to feel like a lady in the relationship, and that is not happening because of which she feels interested in someone else who also holds the same views.
On the other hand, if you feel like you have done everything for the relationship and still your girlfriend is showing excessive interest in another guy, it is time to rethink the way you think about your girlfriend in your mind and ask yourself the question - is she worth the time? Are you receiving as much as you give out in the relationship?
#4 Is she testing you?
Women often test their boyfriends and husbands because, to them, actions mean a lot more than words. If you have often told your girlfriend that you will try your best to understand her in complex situations, she might simply test you by not texting properly to see if you would take the necessary steps to ask her what went wrong and stay with her as you both figure out a solution.
There are men out there who channel their worries towards a constructive path and take time to fix the relationship by showing extra care and attention to their girl when she seems down and distracted. Other men are more interested in playing the blame game.
And then you’ve some men who would much rather spend time with their girl best friends or other close female friends rather than searching for the root of the problem. Maybe, she wants to know which category you fall in.
Another way to test you is to see if you get jealous! A lot of women like it when their men get jealous, while others think jealousy is a sign of true love. If you have already told her in the past that feeling jealous does not make you comfortable, and she is still doing this, it is safe to say that you need to be firmer when you set boundaries this time.
#5 You are texting her too often
Are you texting her too often? Are you going through a boring patch in your life and stimulating yourself by constantly exchanging emotional, funny, or sexual texts with your girlfriend? Are you overlooking the fact that her life is not as leisurely as yours at present, and texting you might interfere with her other important tasks?
A lot of the time, women are not able to set boundaries when it comes to separating their professional and personal life - this is because women have been told from a very young age that being career-oriented can ruin their relationships.
Even if she is not engaged in a very stressful period of her life, texting too often can become annoying after a certain point in time. Maybe for you, spending time with your girlfriend for long hours is a lot more important than your ‘me time’; but that might not be the case with her, and there is nothing wrong in wanting certain intervals of time all to ourselves.
#6 She is not interested anymore
Unfortunately, there is a chance that your worst fears are about to come true. Does she seem uninterested in everything you say? Do you feel like she is actively avoiding you even when she has a lot of free time? Have her behavioral patterns changed?
For example, when she earlier used to be unable to fall asleep without talking to you, does she now go several days without calling you up or texting you and just letting you know that she has been busy or has been sleeping? Moreover, does she frequently make up excuses for not talking to you or texting you on time but has been doing the same for her other friends without a complaint?
While all of these signify that she might not be interested in you anymore, it might also mean that she is dealing with some grievous physical or mental illness that she does not want you to know much about. The best thing you can do is to ask her gently but firmly what the matter is and if there is anything you can do to fix things back to how they used to be.
While you might feel that you are not good enough for her, losing interest in you does not necessarily mean that she is automatically interested in someone else now. Even so, you have to respect her choices and let her live life as an independent individual.
#7 Relationship issues
As we said before, there may be many unresolved relationship issues that might have been bothering her. Maybe you have had ugly fights with each other on certain issues, and she no longer wants to bring them up, but they still bother her. Or maybe, these are situations that simply cannot be dealt with so easily.
Is your family not nice to her? Are you actively seeking out friendships with people that she does not like? If you are living together, do you contribute as much as she does in the everyday chores as well as the living expenses? Does she have any reason to feel that you have taken her for granted or are simply taking advantage of her?
How is your sex life? Is she invested in some idea that you cannot encourage? Do you have different opinions regarding important future decisions like marriage and children? Does she feel you do not appreciate her love language as much as she does yours? If she feels you are not open about your problems, that might create problems too.
Being in a relationship is not always easy, and there are several new things that you have to accept and understand for the relationship to work.
#8 Is she angry?
Of course, the most common reason behind dry texting or distracted texting is anger. She is angry at you but wants you to understand it yourself without her having to bring it up! If you both have a history of fighting and being dismissive towards her anger, this might be the last chance she is giving you to show that you care for her feelings and are willing to apologize and make up for what you have done.
If you both have done something wrong and you're not ready to take the first step, this can be the end of the relationship. When people are angry, they tend to join the dots and see many other discrepancies in a relationship that were previously hidden. Therefore, it is time to turn this situation into an opportunity and strengthen your relationship rather than let it crumble.
Possible solutions: What to do when your girlfriend no longer texts you often
As we always say, communication is the key to any successful relationship, especially the one that you hold with your life partner. But communication comes in many forms - sometimes you need to communicate with your girlfriend verbally, but at other times you need to make sweet gestures. You also need to communicate with yourself to become aware of what you require.
#1 Ask yourself the tough questions
Asking yourself questions means bracing yourself for the worst. How will you react if she brings up something that you both simply cannot compromise on? What will you do if she sets an ultimatum? How will you deal with it if she has found somebody else and lost interest in you?
If you truly trust your girlfriend, you don't have to be strong and impassive in front of her. It is okay to be vulnerable and let her know how you feel. If she is the woman of your dreams, she will not take advantage of your vulnerability but rather try to accommodate it. If you both cannot accommodate each other, it will be a mutual, understandable breakup.
#2 Time to have an open and honest discussion
Of course, you cannot assume situations in your head and move forward with them. Even if you are 99% sure that your girlfriend has found somebody else, you still need to have that proper discussion with her about what is going on in her mind. What if she refuses to have a conversation with you? Be assertive and let her know this is important to you and that she needs to respect it.
While having the conversation, try not to accuse her in return for the accusations she throws at you. If she is truly hurt, you need to take this moment seriously and make her feel better by being accountable for your actions. Playing the blame game rarely works, and she will see right through you.
#3 Reach Out: Don’t wait too long to talk to her
Even if you feel like you should give her her space, waiting for her to bring up the topic is probably not the best idea. Since this has been bothering you, you need to reach out as soon as possible.
The more you let this situation unattended, the more it will encompass your daily life and fill it with doubts and misconceptions. If you decide for yourself that something terrible is about to happen, your insecurities will never go away, even if she tells you that she was simply busy with her classes or work. Don't let such insecurities become the foundation of your bond with her.
#4 Calmly ask her why she stopped texting
Be calm when you are talking to her. Being calm does not mean being emotionless; it simply means making sure that your girlfriend does not feel intimidated when you are asking her about what happened. Make sure she understands you clearly by referring to the gravity of the situation and telling her how it is making you feel.
Also, let her know when you're asking this question that you were here not to accuse anybody of anything but to look for solutions that can make things go back to how they used to be. Let her know that you both are on the same side and that she does not need to apologize for what she has done but rather just to make sure it doesn't happen again.
#5 Respect her space and time
If she feels like she cannot give you an answer yet, respect that. If she gives you half an answer and tells you there is nothing to worry about and that she will tell you everything else later on, you have to respect that as well.
It might be unfathomable to us that our partners might have something they cannot share with us, but such a thing is a lot more common than we think. Especially if your girlfriend is engaged in the medical or forensic industry. Trust her words and keep yourself busy at work or play till she is back and herself again.
#6 Find an alternative form of communication
Let’s face it- not everybody likes texting. While it is a great form of communication to engage in when you are just getting to know somebody, predominantly communicating via texting might feel like you both are not that close with each other yet.
Find an alternative mode of communication, like an audio call or the video call. If your girlfriend is too busy for all of these things right now, ask her to send you pictures on Snapchat as a mode of communication instead. Help her set aside some time for you and her other friends during the day.
If she is struggling with something that you can help her with, tell her you will be taking some of her workload and letting her rest for the time being.
#7 Show your appreciation for your partner
Many of the problems leading to her distracted texting can be solved if you take appropriate measures to show your partner that you care for her. If you are in a long-distance relationship, make sure to send your partner an important package. Care packages and handmade gifts are appreciated by girls.
If you are both a college student and money is a concern, make them digital gifts like playlists and albums that will fill them with joy. If you live close to your girlfriend's house, go over to her place with food, chocolates, and flowers. Help her relax with some refreshing beverage, a luxury bath, or an excellent session of body massage.
#8 Respect their boundaries
If you both have reached a stalemate from where your relationship cannot recover, or if she has moved on and found somebody new, it is now your job to move on from the feelings that you have attached to this person and live life as a happy, independent individual.
Before you try to do this, make sure you have communicated properly with your girlfriend and made sure she understands the next steps that you both have to take. Make it a point never to disrespect her in public or private. Do not spill her secrets in front of your friends or family. Do not be dismissive of what she has done for you to this date.
How you behave when you are hurt is a reflection of who you truly are, and it sets a precedent for your next relationship, too.
Brace yourself for rejection: Learning to grasp at it and move on
It is not good nor advisable to bottle up your emotions or deny them. There are many external mechanisms that you can set up to deal with the periods of grief and turmoil that will enter your life in case your partner breaks up with you.
These mechanisms include a proper support group of friends, a new professional project, artistic expression, reconnecting with a past self, etc. Learn about the various stages of grief post-breakup and how to deal with your mind and body at each stage. Similarly, be optimistic about the future and rest assured that if you aim to spend your life with a partner and start a family with them, you will surely find someone like that soon.
Try not to generalize, and know that not all women will not find someone else while in a relationship with you.
Often we are so set on our understanding that we no longer want to listen to what the other person has to say. In case she brings up how she does not feel loved by you, which is the reason she is finding herself getting attracted to somebody else, make sure you acknowledge both aspects of the story. Even if you break up with her, this understanding will help you become a better boyfriend for your next girl.
Relationships are never what they seem to be from the outside. We need to get into a relationship with an individual to understand what kind of a person they are and judge them by their past relationships.
Just because your girlfriend has been a certain kind of person in the past, you might be subconsciously holding her to the same standards and not letting her grow. Ask yourself, do you know who she is? Or do you know who she is supposed to be?
Once you are clear from your side, you will be able to bear whatever consequences this conversation brings. Texting or not, an open conversation can always do wonders!