My Boyfriend Doesn't Share His Problems With Me (Exact Reasons)Your boyfriend is an introvert and takes time to open up to people. Moreover, he feels that he must fix the problems by himself rather than making them burdensome for him. Not all people are into sharing intimacy in happiness and pain alike, and some people like to keep the entitlement of melancholia to themselves.
Relationships are about sharing the good and bad, happiness and sadness. No one gets a free-cut pass for one and is out of tickets for another. However, if your boyfriend doesn’t share his problems with you, he reads good books.
In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out why your boyfriend doesn’t share his problems with you and what you can do about it. Happy reading.
Reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t share his problems with you
Guys are shy when it comes to sharing problems or showing that they can have trouble in their life too. They feel it will make them less of a man, stealing away their masculinity if they pose as someone who gets unnerved or fails to be the best version every day.
Please continue reading below why guys think this way and what are the other possible causes for your boyfriend not to share his problems with you.
#1 He is too masculine
If you are dating a guy whose male egoism is too inflated, he will do everything he can to shadow his feminine or emotional attributes. It isn't easy to understand such people. You will always feel distant from them because they will hesitate to expose their vulnerabilities before you.
You cannot be too direct in demanding them to open up with you. Instead, you will have to be concise and more aware of the moves, utterances, and surroundings. When you don't haste or get restless, you will do it right.
#2 He is too practical
Your boyfriend is so practical that he champions the cause of individualism. As a result, he works on solving the problems at hand. Rather than pondering, scheming, overanalyzing, or discussing issues, he works on the strategies.
Such people take everything to be puzzling. It kicks them. They are good in numbers. Even if it is something emotional, they will use reason to explain it. The right way to deal with the likes of them is to be like them.
When they don't acknowledge emotions and like to keep a straight face at every alert, when they don't lose their calm over red flags, they would find it condescending if you do it otherwise. Such people are fighters and take any other quality to be the attributes of losers.
#3 He is an introvert
Sharing and not sharing problems, feelings, emotions, desires, or the like have a lot to do with one's personality. If your boyfriend is an introvert, he is used to repressing his beliefs and emotions.
An introvert is mostly pessimistic. They find the world shallow and hopeless. They might not admit it, but they might be skeptical about every relationship.
If your boyfriend is a stoic, he will accept every problem as part of a bigger problem. In this way, he meditates on the puzzle. At the end of every struggle, he joins the dots back.
You might ask for his opinion on certain situations. The way he responds to it, his show of enthusiasm or lack of it, will highlight his beliefs.
#4 He may feel embarrassed by being vulnerable
Vulnerability might not be your boyfriend's cup of tea. He dislikes being uncomfortable. He does not acknowledge his vulnerabilities because he has never shown them before anyone.
How your boyfriend was raised becomes vital for estimating his character here. If he were metal hearted, he would not show himself anything other than invincible.
He hides his emotions because he thinks of himself as a brave man. It would help if you showed him true bravery lies in accepting one's shortcomings rather than running away from them. Help him accept his ugly side. It will make both of you stronger.
#4 He thinks it's too early on in the relationship
If your boyfriend believes that you are too young in the relationship to share each other's troubles, he will keep quiet. People fear being judged at the beginning of the relationship.
Your boyfriend wants to come with his best foot forward. He wants to make you confident that he will never let you down. He wants you to feel that you are always safe and secure with him. Hence, he does not pose as anything else.
Humans tend to fill the void in their life by proving to be larger than life in the lives of others. This is what your boyfriend might be after. He is so self-conceited that he does not want to believe otherwise.
#4 He loves you
If your boyfriend loves you so much that he doesn’t want to bother you with disturbing notions or the maze his mind has kept him in, he will keep his troubles from you.
During any day, you might have considered it lucky, and there can be a fear within you that this is too much to ask from or of someone. You might feel like the love is not proportional here.
You will have to set before your boyfriend your portion of love and convince him that you can't be selfish in it. If he doesn't share his problems with you, tell him you will keep him away from your troubles too.
#5 You don’t share your problems
If you don’t share your problems with your boyfriend, it will be unfair to expect him to share his. Even he might feel that you are keeping him at bay. Usually, such lack of communication is seen in no strings attached kinds of relationships. However, in those cases, the clauses are formerly mentioned. Hence, neither party minds much.
If you are in a long-distance relationship and your boyfriend isn’t sharing his problems with you, it might be owing to the fewer hours of communication that you get in hand. He wants to use those hours for distraction. As he knows you cannot help him owing to the distance, he won’t care too much to share the problems.
A long-distance relationship operates differently. It would be best if you talked to your boyfriend to clarify the terms. Tell him that you can say from his voice that something is bothering him. Assure him that even if you cannot do much to mend his situation, you would love to hear him and help him figure it out together.
#6 You never help him out with the solution
If you are either a bad listener or indifferent to your boyfriend’s problem to such an extent that you don’t even feel sorry for his plight, he would rather let the grief succumb to him emotionally than put effort into describing it before you.
Moreover, if you have never undergone such troubles in life, the like of crisis that your boyfriend might be facing, he won’t resort to emotional disclosure with you. He would rather prefer to discuss it with someone who has been through that stage and would be able to bring him some insights into the situation.
To have better control of such situations, you may choose to make display emotions to your boyfriend by checking on him regularly. This will show him that you care for his emotional and mental wellness and help buy his confidence to confide in you. These are the traits of healthy and longer relationships.
#7 The problem is you
If your boyfriend is troubled because of you, he will discuss it with anyone, but you or such will be his first impulse. You need to talk him out of it by explaining that you are ready to fix yourself if you have characteristics that irk him. Tell him to become a better person. Ask him to lead you by example.
Among the possible range of problems that your boyfriend might face with you are trust issues, dishonesty, excess of possessiveness or insecurity, jealousy, fear of losing you, et cetera. However, all the problems could be resolved by merely talking about them patiently. When you discuss it with your partner, things become easy. You r thought don’t trouble you, and you sail the boat together.
Don’t think your boyfriend is a freak or too fixated on you. If you find it out of balance, help him make things optimum. Don’t overdo things, and never show lethargy in relationships. When you see red flags, start working to eradicate them.
Remember, getting rid of an infection with the help of antibiotics doesn’t make you less susceptible to it from happening again. But when you spot its roots and demolish it out of the system completely, that is when you mark yourself safe from disaster.
#8 He doesn’t trust you
There is a possibility that your boyfriend doesn’t tell you about his problems because he doesn’t trust you enough for them. If you have a big mouth and if you and your boyfriend have mutual friends, he might refrain from sharing his troubles with you.
It is primarily because he doesn’t want his problems to become public news. He likes to stay low-key. To become a better girlfriend, you must start keeping things private. Your friends don’t need to know everything about your life and not at all about your boyfriend.
The fear is that people judge or show false sympathy in your crisis. Your boyfriend doesn’t need others to feel sorry for him. He doesn’t even need you to fix his problems. Sometimes all that matters is to be with the person.
When you don’t abandon your boyfriend or leave him stranded in a crisis, you are acting in the relationship. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t explicitly mention his troubles to you, merely knowing that he is not in the best of circumstances and saying him some kind words can help in emotion, mutual, and relationship sustenance.
#10 The problem is temporary
Suppose your boyfriend knows the trouble is temporary and nothing to fus. Heout might like to avoid it by keeping it off the radar and not overthinking the subject. He is not sharing it with you because he doesn’t want to overanalyze the situation. Some people like to live by the second and take things one at a time. They can’t function with many tabs open in their mind.
What you might enable your boyfriend to understand is that sometimes temporary problems require permanent solutions. Suppose you leave loose ends, then it can take a bigger form next time. While an overreaction is not expected, no reaction is not appreciated. Help him maintain a balance.
#11 He is guilty
There is a possibility that your boyfriend is not sharing his problems with you because he knows he is on the wrong side. He is guilty and does not want you to think ill of him. Moreover, there is a possibility that you had warned him against it, yet he committed the error, and now he is ashamed of his deed.
Confronting one's vices is an audacious task. However, such confrontations are essential lest you live a life of fear. Help your boyfriend understand that it is human to make errors. However, with humility, patience, and fortitude, the errors can be undone or corrected too. Behavioral change is not a myth, and many are achieving new milestones every day with its help of it.
#12 You judge harshly
If you are too judgemental, you love to criticize, you are a misogynist, and you neither forgive nor forget easily, your boyfriend will do everything to keep his problems from you. He knows that you will freak out and might even freak him out in the process.
He seeks stability and calmness. While you won’t have any ill intentions in your mind, your boyfriend will not be able to read the situation properly. You might act as a catalyst to his anxiety and unconsciously become the reason causing his doom.
If you are a very virtuous person and your interest in duty confines with your boyfriend’s troubles, he will prefer to keep the two things parallel. Such things usually happen when you share a professional space or work on projects that share a conflicting interest. In such cases, it is better to keep the private and professional separate rather than allow one to overwhelm and jeopardize the other.
#13 You think differently
If your approaches to problems are different, that is, you think differently or have different personalities, your boyfriend might not share his troubles with you because he knows he would not be able to do justice to your feedback. Your boyfriend knows that he won’t be able to work on the suggestions recommended by you and hence might altogether let the situation forego at will without bothering you with it.
These are the cases where you must seek relationship counseling. You need to find a balance between your personality and balance your ego. Using assistance might do you well here. Talk about it to your boyfriend understandably and patiently. Once you begin the sessions, you will be able to see improvement.
What to do when your boyfriend doesn’t share his problems with you?
Encouraging your boyfriend to share his problems the same way as you share your bed or moments of happiness would be the right thing to do. Tell him that you are not merely together to make love. You want to play a special role in his life by being his partner.
Please continue reading below to figure out what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t share his problems with you.
#1 Encourage him with your words
Did anyone tell you how powerful and magical words are? All you need to do is use them right. Heard the saying pen is mightier than swords?
You can do and undo worlds with your words. Perhaps it is time to try it effectively on your boyfriend. The language of love is never defeated.
It is not only what you speak but how you say it. Your boyfriend must hear your emotion in your syllables. He must know how deeply it troubles you to see him in pain.
What you speak might not matter, and what he shares might not, but that you understand each other and are willing to improve it is what matters.
#2 Win his heart
If your boyfriend doesn't share his problems with you because he doesn't trust you enough, you must pave the way to his heart by making him trust you. Be a good friend and work on your listening skills. Preach by action.
Whatever you feel might act as a solution to your boyfriend, demonstrate it before him. Don't panic or get freaked out in the face of a problem. Show yourself to be a strong woman. It will work as an encouraging factor.
#3 Help him in figuring out the solution
Insist him on sharing the problem by promising to help him secure a solution. When you take it up as a challenge, you can fix it. Moreover, two minds are better at finding a solution than one.
Demonstrate the quality of perseverance. Use storytelling techniques to convince him to have faith. Wrap his mind with healing thoughts. He will be more than grateful, and your relationship will be beautiful.
#4 Give examples of power couples from your friend circle
The true meaning of leading by example comes up when you use immediate social references to establish your point. In that way, it won't be easy for your boyfriend to counterattack you.
Guys feel that women are too erratic to regard reason. Show him that you can exercise with shrewdness. Prove to him that women make great orators and sound politicians.
#5 Don’t offer him intimacy
If you feel your boyfriend is treating you like a plaything, devoid him of your intimacy until he doesn’t share the complete picture with you.
Make it a point to get involved with him at all levels. If you are not looking for a no-strings-attached relationship, say so. Break his notions or lack of them. Speak to him in the language which he understands the best. Don't let him control you, and don't expose your vulnerabilities and weakness unless he does it too.
#6 Tell him you seek emotional attachment
When you explain to your boyfriend why you insist on him sharing his problems with you, he might appreciate it more. Your boyfriend might not regard the relationship seriously because neither of you cared to sit and talk about it seriously.
When your boyfriend sees that his problems have cast a shadow on your face or that his indifference to you has let you down, he will begin to get emotionally attached to you. This, in turn, will help motivate him to open up to you.
#7 Share your problems with him
I was hoping you could sit down and tell me about some life-changing events that might have occurred in your life. We all have many stories to share. We don't have to be the person we were a decade ago.
When you narrate your journey to someone, you take them into confidence and begin an intimate relationship with them. In the process, you create a stage for them to share their experiences unhesitatingly.
By sharing the ancient tales, he will eventually come to the most immediate and material ones. That's where you take the lead. You hold his hands to show him he doesn't need to deal with it alone. You support him and become a reason for his strength.
#8 Be patient
Bear patience with your boyfriend when he rants. Even if he doesn’t share his problems, you stay with him to give him company. It will be soothing.
Relationship equation can be maintained not by providing but by being. When your boyfriend knows that you have his back, that even if the world goes against him and doesn't trust him, you will love and have faith in him unquestionably, it is a strong enough reason for him to keep trying.
#9 Ask him the reason
When your mind is muddled up because your boyfriend might end you with mixed signals, confront him. Ask him what he wants.
Tell him to deal with it with maturity rather than beating about the bush. When you come across as a headstrong person, your boyfriend will be left with no option but to surrender unto uttering the truth.
#10 Take a break
If you feel that the guy doesn’t trust you or treats you merely as per his convenience, that is, if he doesn't regard you seriously, take a break from him.
Don't inhabit a space where the waters are shallow. You will either sink or have a helpless feeling of being stranded midway with no place to go. If your relationship might be moving in that direction, take your step backward. It is okay to put something on hold because it is playing with your mental peace. You don't owe your boyfriend any justification if he never cared to provide you with one.
A problem isn't a problem till the point it is acknowledged. Henceforth, if you find a habit of your boyfriend problematic, even if it is about his personal life, and you think you might be at peace without knowing it, convey your feelings to him. There is nothing more damaging and fearful than pent-up emotions. If you keep feelings from your boyfriend for fear of hurting him, you will do injustice to your relationship. Be as honest and transparent in relationships as possible to keep things simple.