My Boyfriend Chooses His Sister Over Me (Reasons & What to Do)
Your boyfriend understands his responsibilities well. He knows that his relationship with you is an ongoing development. His responsibilities towards his sister have been gifted to him. If he won't fulfill the relationships that he is already entitled to, he knows he won't be trusted with newer relationships.
Domestic conflicts in relationships are very common. You will come across people who feel less loved because their partner loves their family more. You feel vulnerable because you think that you will never be able to become responsible for your partner if they always prioritize their blood relationship more.
However, in moments like this, what you need to understand is the inherent responsibilities and lessons of life. Ask yourself this, will you like to date a person who couldn't prove to be faithful to their family? Will they be able to take responsibility when there is nothing that ties them up to you except the feeling of love which itself is elusive?
I'm not trying to scare you off. On the contrary, I'm here to help you figure out why your boyfriend might choose his sister over you and what you should do in a situation like that.
Keep reading to know more.
Reasons why your boyfriend chooses his sister over you
Your boyfriend has certain promises to keep. These promises he might have made to himself or his mother. Hence, every time he raises a voice against his sister, he thinks of all the complications and sacrifices that his mother went through to bring her into their lives and to keep her. He is not being reasonable here because he can’t afford to use reason. Sometimes the emotional quotient, sensitivity, and attachment to a person are so much stronger than it dismisses everything else.
If you find yourself caught between the conflicting interests of your boyfriend and his sister, scroll down below to understand the root cause of such an equation. Fear not, we are here to help you.
#1 He is responsible for them
When someone feels that they are responsible for someone or something, it becomes very difficult to come between the two. While your boyfriend might love you with his all, he likes to keep you separated from his sister. While he attempts to settle in a no-conflict area, both you and his sister might be engaged in a tug-of-war to prove the other wrong.
What either of you fails to realize is that your behavior might be causing extreme distress to your boyfriend. If anything, he is trying to be honest and stay committed here. He might get tired and frustrated with this. Hence, in situations such as this, it is wise to either make quick amends or avoid the area of conflict. It will not bring any of the three participants any piece.
The control for power or a comparison between two kinds of love which are very different is unnecessary. It shows how immature you are and how shallow are the equations that you are trying to nurture. The next time you have such a doubt, ask yourself who would you choose or prioritize when given the option to choose between your boyfriend and your siblings. Maintaining control of error charts, and a journal of faults committed for yourself will illuminate you stronger.
#2 He expects you to be more accommodating
Your boyfriend started dating you because he felt a long likelihood towards you. This kind of likelihood emerges when your wavelength matches with one another. Your understanding of things and choices are similar.
You might have felt the same way. You realized that right from your playlist to your books to list, your bucket list to your favorite celebrities are the same. It made you feel exhilarated.
Something that you never thought could happen, or always had difficulty seeing happen took place. As a result, you rushed into the relationship yourself. However, now, you find yourself located in a conflict of interest with your boyfriend.
You have come to realize that when things become overly personal, your boyfriend changes his color. When he started dating you, he promised himself to you. In the period of courting you, he did not say "terms and conditions applied."
When you discover that your boyfriend's honesty and faith lie somewhere else and not in you, don't be disheartened. Think this, will it bring him any pleasure to put you in discomfort? If not, is there something where you are lacking behind and not him?
Your boyfriend expects you to be accommodating while he buys the confidence of his family to accept you. He might be taking his sister's side because he doesn't want her to feel that you are spreading poison in the mind of her brother and turning him against her.
It is high time that you realize the power of politics. It is omnipresent in every domain of life. Your boyfriend is trying to show you the flipside of living with him. Take it as the unexpressed terms and conditions that come along with him without uttering a word voluntarily.
#3 He has to keep his promises
If your boyfriend is bound by promises, he would not express it before you but always give the upper weightage to his sister till the time he feels it is tolerably justifiable. The day he realizes that the situation is not turning out to be the way we had imagined, or his sister is only getting worse with every passing day, he will stop.
Not all promises are meant to be broken. The day he discloses it before you, remind him of the promise he had made to you. Tell him about the promises that you had made before you met him and how you modified those so that he doesn't feel unloved.
Expressing what you are enduring for someone's sake and to what extent you are ready to go for them is important. They should know that you are compromising for them. It will encourage them in being kind to you and in making the right call.
#4 He is striving to keep a balance
Perhaps your boyfriend is having a tough time keeping a balance between his romantic and immediate domestic life. It might be that his people are putting up with objections against dating you.
It might be that he is so occupied at the professional level that he is easily swayed in either direction at a personal level. Remember, guys, don't think the way girls do.
While we might take everything by heart and try to reason stuff, guys are so practical in their approach that they think they will please you later when you begin to boil in anger.
It is more so this way when this becomes a pattern. If the guy knows how to please you, he will not hesitate in upsetting you. Hence, never approve of unacceptable behavior more than twice.
#5 He has always had his sister's back
If your boyfriend's sister never let go of his back and stood with him through thick and thin, it would be ruthless on your boyfriend's part to abandon her at the earliest chance that he gets.
You need to understand that you are a new member here. The promises that he is making to you should not outdo the promises that he has made to people before you. Keeping the faith is a serious business and one must maintain it consistently throughout their life.
#6 He is not serious about you
If your boyfriend isn't serious about you, he will never prioritize you over his sister. These are natural understandings of relationships.
If you are just a fling to him, he might choose not to support you against someone who is going to be with him in the long run. However, if he has humiliated you to favor his sister, he is the wrong kind of person.
Perhaps he had a motto to come into your life in the first place. There might be some kind of perverted revenge motive that inspired him to hurt you. It could be owing to your status quo.
Some people are so lame on purpose that their reasons are groundless. Hence, when you see such people, it becomes important to draw a boundary in between to make sure that some lines are never crossed again.
Some early signs to understand that your boyfriend treats you as a plaything and was never serious about you in the first place are his lack of sensitivity, initiative, and effort, a forgetful mind when it comes to pleasing you, and more. To know more, click on the link - My Boyfriend Doesn't Know How to Comfort Me.
#7 He is testing you
You can't let go of the possibility that it is all pretensions or some kind of mocking game that your boyfriend and his sister are playing on you. They might think of it as a harmless prank for they don't know the toll it is taking on your mind.
Perhaps it is time to confront the duo and reveal to them that it is beyond your human capacity to endure so much. If it has been a mindless play, they might realize the damage that they were on the verge of doing and apologize to you for the same. If not, neither his sister deserves your friendship nor he deserves your love.
#8 He is intimidated by his sister
If your boyfriend has been raised by his sister, and she is the core member of the family who looks after the finances and takes care of the household simultaneously while maintaining a strong hold on all the people in her life and looks so attractive that guys find her swoon-worthy, your boyfriend might be intimidated by her to an extent where your magic fails to function.
He might look for his sister’s character reflection in you. He is attracted to you because certain things that you say or do are similar to that of his sister. This can be a typical case of the Oedipus complex where your boyfriend thinks of his sister to be the matrilineal figure but is mature enough to not commit adultery with her but sleep with someone similar to her to satiate his hunger. You will see that your boyfriend goes mum in front of his sister. He is not himself and behaves like a scared child if he is inflicted with the Oedipus complex.
#9 Your boyfriend’s sister doesn’t like you
There can be many possible reasons for this. Your boyfriend’s sister might not like your personality or the way you have a hold on her brother. She might not like that her brother spends so much money on you every time you go out with him. She might know and have dated or is good friends with your ex-boyfriends. Hence, she fears that you will abandon her brother the same way you did all others.
It is also possible that you used to be a good friend of your boyfriend’s sister and that is how you met your boyfriend in the first place. She feels betrayed because she used to relish the bond she had shared with you but now her brother has blocked the way and she feels that you have seduced him into it. She might feel that you have the small-town girl mentality who seeks constant validation from guys around her and cannot keep calm when she is not securing all the attention.
Don’t worry, all of this only shows how faulty a person she originally is. When you remain true to yourself and you are convinced that you have neither meant harm nor committed any wrongs, the right ones will understand and find every reason to stay with you while the rest can go and please themselves the way they like.
#10 You have anxiety issues
If you have an anxiety disorder, it might be that you are overthinking scenarios and your mind is playing a make-believe game with you. Sometimes, it is advisable to take deep breaths and allow the situation to run its course.
Why is hustle unnecessary when the situation doesn't deserve it? You might not even know what the true situation is. In such cases, stop chasing people. If they feel that they need you in their life, they are the ones who will come after you. You don't have to worry about it.
If you are an always stressed-out girlfriend, click on the link below to understand how your boyfriend might feel.
What to do when your boyfriend chooses his sister over you?
To be honest, do nothing. No matter what you do, you cannot convince a man to abandon his family. It's wrong even in all the right ways possible.
Pick up any writer and they will preach to you the importance of sticking to your family. Hence, if you are looking forward to becoming a part of this family, you need to be humble and accepting.
How to do it? Read below to find out.
#1 Avoid conflicts
When you are aware that it puts your boyfriend in a very uncomfortable spot to be placed before his girlfriend and his sister and asked to choose any one of them, you should do all that lies in your capacity to avoid conflicts with him. It shouldn’t take you a great deal of time to understand the vibe and nature of a person.
Some people are there who love to fight, debate, and argue. It's their forte. However, that doesn’t mean we should indulge in the same, right? When you have come to understand your boyfriend’s sister's behavior, why not be alert all the time rather than bumping into her at every opportunity Netflix
Start avoiding her company. Just because you are dating her brother doesn’t mean you need to have an equally good understanding or relationship with her too. Domestic conflicts and sibling rivalry are among the core human issues.
Perhaps your boyfriend is so blinded by the notion of playing the protective card against his sister that he cannot see right from wrong. However, sooner or later, he will come around and apologize for his errors. You will have to be patient till then.
#2 Befriend his sister
The problem will be resolved for good if you befriend your boyfriend’s sister. Even if you know well that to befriend a woman, all you need to do is acknowledge her presence and appreciate her at every turn you get. Perhaps pamper her with some presents, and share your beauty regime or the secret ingredients that keep you fit.
Enroll with her in some creative sessions which channel your energy beautifully. It will create a developing bond of friendship that will not be easily stolen. Invite her out on dinners with you, offer her to become a member of your book reading club, share your Netflix password, help her in securing the attention of a guy, and the next thing you know, your boyfriend will be jealous of the bond and time you get to share with his sister.
#3 Express your sentiments
Trust me when I say this, guys are dumb. It shouldn’t be very surprising for you to discover that your boyfriend had no clue he hurt your sentiments when he took his sister’s side over you. For all you know, he might not even be aware that a tug-of-war was taking place between his sister and you.
He might have thought that he has been invited to share his opinions regarding a subject. He just said what he felt was more appropriate and might have teased you a bit for thinking the other way. That, however, doesn’t mean your boyfriend opposes you have a difference of opinion.
That, after all, is what makes you human. It means that you are overthinking and you are in the garb of a misunderstanding due to which you perceive things in such a dim light. It also shows that you are deeply insecure about not being accepted by your boyfriend’s family or being able to keep your boyfriend on your side, against them.
What you need to learn is that there is no boundary dividing both of you here. You are all on one side and it is embarrassing that you don’t feel the same way. Perhaps there is a flaw in your attitude that needs reshaping altogether to fix all the problems.
#4 Be kind
Kindness is contagious. Hence, when you doubt a person’s intention towards you, rather than seeking the purpose of strengthening your defiance, show them kindness. When you increase the level of love and mercy you hold for such people, they will mend their ways. Such are a lot of people who have gone astray or have never been given the amount of love that they feel they deserve.
There is nothing more heart-winning than being soft and good to people who have been the opposite of it. When they understand that your sword is kind, they will surrender to you. Remember, people have won nations with their sweet words and promises, here, you merely need to win a human’s heart.
#5 Meditate
Maintain a journal to see where you stand faulty. For every error committed, design a control of the error chart where you can use diagrammatic representations to deal with the situation. It will avail you to see life conflicts in the light of a mathematical problem and objectify yourself from the situation so that you can be just in your seeking of the answer to all the participants involved.
Most people don’t realize the energy that meditation brings within them. When your vibe is so powerful and positive, it will dispel all the negativity that might be breeding within. The harmonizing of the human mind, body, and soul is synonymous with the harmony of intentions intended and actions committed against them. It will be a merciful bliss. You won’t have to fight the capacity any longer.
#6 Ask the right set of questions
Perhaps you are not asking the right set of questions here. Practice switching sides, sights, locus of questions, and perspectives. It will help you to widen your worldview. In the process, you will learn to assimilate other’s perspectives and things will become less hurtful.
Things lose their sting when you start viewing them with ambiguity. If you give them a unilateral purpose in life, you are underestimating its power among other dynamics. Hence, asking questions is good and can be a powerful tool, but you must not narrow down yourself to a certain limit of questions. It only reflects that you are not thinking big. Instead, take your time, breathe, and probe your curiosity with all the whys, hows, wheres, whens, what, who, and to whom.
#7 Dumb and move on
If the prospect of dating your boyfriend is taking a heavy toll on your mental health, it is not worth it. If after doing everything, the equation remains unchanged and you don’t find either of them meeting you halfway, you are putting your efforts in the wrong place.
Henceforth, the solitary way to control the situation is to ditch the guy and find someone who is the real deal and will be extra cautious about you, patient with you, and shall never put you in such a juxtaposition that may jeopardize your mental health or breed poison in your relationship. In simple words, find someone who is not toxic.
Summing up
You are dating the wrong guy if he is keeping you all worked up not from below but above. You need someone whose thought is always welcoming and puts a smile on your face, someone who is hard not to love, who protects and shields you from every nook and corner. It is not wrong to expect a guy to choose you before he chooses his family if you feel that you would have done the same for him. However, it is wrong to put a person in such a place that he needs to choose between two things that he hurts the most.
