Married Man Has Gone Cold On Me [Why & What to DO?]

An affair with a married man is like a forbidden fruit. You know it's bad to indulge in it, yet you see yourself succumbing to your primal desires.

In most cases, the beginning of such a relationship is full of heated passion. The very forbidden nature of it brings in the extra urge to be with him longer than usual.

But such relationships generally have an expiry date, which arrives sooner than you think. After a while, when the heat wears off, there is not much left in it to explore. That's when they tend to go cold on you.

Trying to latch on to a relationship based entirely on physicality (which was bound to end at some point) would be foolish. It is better to move on. But the heart wants what it wants. Well, you can do a few things to keep him in your life and hope it works.

Why has he gone cold on you?

He is a married man, and that means you are definitely not the only person in his life. His spouse is still there, and he can have multiple extra-marital partners like you.

There can be a lot of reasons behind the fact that he has gone cold on you. Almost all of them point towards the end of your relationship.

The fire between you is burning out. But why? If this question has been bugging you for a while now, you have come to the right place for answers. I will take you on a walk into his mind, and that will hopefully attempt to bring you suitable answers to your questions. Read on.

#1 He has rediscovered his love for his spouse

He is a married man. Years ago, he got married for a reason called "love." Somehow it faded over time, and that's when you entered his life.

You were like a breath of fresh air for him. You made him feel young, but something was missing. He never felt at home with you. After spending some time with you, he realized that his spouse is the love of his life. He can never stay away from them.

He has gone cold on you probably because he is about to break up with you to return to his spouse. He will let you know about his true feelings within a few days. You should buckle up for that.

#2 His spouse found out about you

No rediscovery of love here ─ he has gone cold because his spouse has found out about his extra-marital affair with you. They suspected his behavior, and they were right about it.

This disclosure of his secret affair has spurred fights in his home. He wants to avoid these fights at any cost (clearly, you are the "cost" here). For him, you are the easiest person to dispose of. He can't leave his family for obvious reasons. That's why he has gone cold on you.

You have never been a priority for him. He wants to get rid of you now. Avoiding you most of the time is the easiest way for him to deal with this situation.

#3 He feels guilty about cheating on his spouse

He loved his spouse when they got married, but something changed along the way, and here he is now, with you, in a hotel room, hiding from the world. You are his well-kept secret.

But for a few days now, he has been feeling guilty about cheating on his spouse. He knows he is jeopardizing his married life for an affair. This guilt is making him act cold.

He is probably about to call it quits. He wants to go back. But he also loves your company. It is a confusing situation for him, and that affects his performance.

#4 He suffers from insecurity

It's not about you. It's not about his spouse. It's not about his guilt either. He has gone cold on you because he suffers from insecurity.

This insecurity can stem from a number of things. He might feel insecure about the fact that you are way too younger than him and might leave him for a better life with a more deserving partner.

He can even have body-image issues. If you have the body of a Roman sculpture, he can feel a bit intimidated around you as society often teaches us to praise a certain type of body. He may also feel insecure about the future of this relationship (only, there isn't much of a future to begin with, and he knows that deep inside).

#5 He finds you unattractive now

He no longer finds you attractive. He started this hush-hush affair with you when he got attracted to you for some reason. Whatever that reason was, he is bored of it now and needs a new person in his life.

His sheer disinterest in you is making him behave cold whenever he is with you. He is definitely a horrible person who has no regard for people's feelings. He is messing with both your and his spouse's life at the same time.

His fickle-mindedness about how a person looks seems too shallow to be true. He will probably not break up with you normally. He will keep behaving coldly while looking for his next "attractive" prey. When he finds one, he will dump you. So, beware!

#6 You were getting too serious

He never took this relationship seriously. It was just another fleeting affair for him to quench his s#xual thirst. For him, you were just a pretty prop. It doesn't sound very pleasant, right. But that is the harsh truth.

I am saying this because the moment you started getting a bit serious with him, he turned as cold as an iceberg. Why? He freaked out big time. However, he tends to wear the garb of a gentleman, and that's why he can't show you that he is freaking out with his behavior.

Instead, he has chosen to go cold on you and act distant so that you finally give up on him. He is waiting for you to grow weary of this relationship and breakup. Not just going cold (this is only the beginning), he will probably do everything that you wouldn't like to get rid of you.

#7 He has other extra-marital affairs

You are not the only one. He has more affairs and is successful at hiding them from you and his family. So many relationships are obviously tiring. That's why he seems cold nowadays.

He did not realize that maintaining so many relationships (also so many secrets) would be this difficult. He started all these affairs impulsively, like acquiring trophies.

Now he has too much on his plate and doesn't know how to deal with it. His anxiety over so many simultaneous affairs is making him panic.

#8 His children found out about you

This is the worst possible thing. His children somehow found out about you. Such a situation often signifies the impending end of your relationship, especially if he loves his family.

For his children, you are like this quintessential Disney villain who is trying to break apart their parents. They see you as a threat to their family. That's why they will try hard to convince (or force) their father to break up with you (and might even succeed at that).

His cold behavior is a reflection of the problems he is facing at home. He is in a dilemma now. He is divided between the thought of leaving you for good and the fact that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. But he probably has to let you go because he loves his family too much to let them go.

#9 You didn't agree to his weird s#xual experiments

Being in a relationship with him doesn't mean you will have to agree to whatever he says. You are always free to refuse any act that you feel might attempt to dehumanize you.

He has gone cold on you probably because you refused to agree to his weird s#xual fantasies. You are a strong-willed person who said "no" to a degrading s#xual act, and you stuck to your opinion.

If he can't do "whatever the hell he likes" with you, you are, apparently, of no use to him. His cold and distant behavior tells what kind of person he is and warns you to stay away from such a toxic man at the same time.

#10 He was using you for s#x; now he is done

He saw you, wooed you, and got you into his bed. Now, he is done with you and wants to get rid of you as soon as possible. You are not the only victim of his distorted mind. He probably is looking for a new person whom he can trick into sleeping with him.

He has gone cold with you because, like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, he has already "conquered" you. He is a horrible human being who dupes women into sleeping with him and briefly uses them for his pleasure before dumping them. He dumps women by getting all distant and cold with them, so they don't accuse him of the sorry excuse of a human he is.

What can you do about the situation?

He is an adult person. If he seems cold or distant, he probably is trying to make an exit from your life. That is his conscious decision, and you cannot do much about it.

He was never serious about you. It is hard to fathom this, but you were just an experiment for him. You made him feel young for a while before he found someone who could make him feel younger.

If you start to get serious about this guy, you are in for heartbreak. He is not going to stay forever, and you should have known that when you got into this hot mess.

You can try to make the last attempt to keep him in your life. You can try to reignite the passion. There are several ways for it. However, you can also flush him out of your life before he does the same.

How? For that, you will have to keep scrolling down.

#1 Plan a romantic movie night at your place

When you feel him going cold on you, a movie night at your place can be a great way to unwind the mind and reignite the lost passion. Plan a date for just the two of you. Cook or order the food he likes and choose a romantic movie to watch.

Numerous romantic films are there to help you in this situation. You can go for good old Romantic comedies like Pretty Woman, Leap Year, Notting Hill, or Enchanted. If you are not in the mood for comedy, go for movies like Titanic or even something like Fifty Shades of Grey.

Get into a blanket with him and get a bottle of wine on your bedside table. His mood is bound to turn. However, if it doesn't, you will know for sure that this relationship is a lost cause.

#2 Try out experiments that you are comfortable with

You can try out new s#xual experiments that you are comfortable with. Both your and your partner's comfort is the priority in this case. Have a conversation before you start anything.

Ask him if he has gone cold because of the monotonous nature of your relationship. Add some spice to it (but that spice should be tolerable for both of you).

#3 Try to find out if he is seeing someone else

If you suspect he is seeing someone else behind your back, he most definitely is. Your suspicion is almost correct. You just need to find the proof.

Talk to people you both know to gather clues or just ask him trick questions to bring out the truth. Stalking someone is wrong, but if you feel he is cheating on you and acting cold because of that, you can attempt to follow him around for a while to uncover the truth. But you will have to be as stealthy as a ninja about it. Nobody likes a stalker.

#4 Don't blame yourself for his actions

If he is behaving coldly, that's entirely his problem. You are not responsible for that in any way. There is this common tendency to feel something is wrong with you. Believe me. There isn't.

Please don't blame yourself for his actions. He probably has gone cold on you because of his selfish reasons. He wants to break up with you because he apparently doesn't find you pretty anymore, or he is just bored with you.

Always be clear about one thing ─ he used you. And, after that, now he shows the audacity to take you on a guilt trip to get rid of you. Do not change yourself. Do not beg him to stay. Stop blaming yourself for this blithering idiot and walk out of the abusive relationship with dignity.

#5 Give out the same behavior

He has gone cold on you. Right? You go cold on him as well. Give him a taste of his medicine, and he will know what to do next.

Whatever the reason is, he needs to have a conversation about it with you if he truly cared about you at any point in this relationship. If that conversation doesn't occur, know that you are not a priority for him.

Next time whenever he tries to get all clingy and handsy with you, roll over to the other side and pretend to sleep. Don't indulge in his advances for a while; he will know what he has done.

#6 Stop keeping him on a pedestal

He is just a married man. He is no Superman that you will put him on a pedestal. Stop elevating him to a position of worship and see him as the average human that he really is.

He has gone cold on you for a reason. If that reason is associated with how you look or perform in bed, you need to detach yourself from this man immediately. This is not a healthy relationship.

If he behaves like this because of the pressure from his family, you need to be the bigger person and step out of the relationship that was never meant to mature. After all, you don't want to be a part of this familial fiasco.

#7 Ask if he wants to go back to his spouse

Have a clear conversation with him about the place of his spouse in his life. Their place decides where you stand and, along with that, the future of this relationship. Ask him if he wants to go back to his spouse.

Place his cold and distant behavior as a reason for your question. Ask him to be honest with his answer and assure him about your unconditional acceptance of his decision. If he wants to give his marriage another try, don't stop him from doing that.

#8 Be the bigger person and leave him with his family

Like I said in the previous point. Be the bigger person. If you get to know about the distressing mental state of his family, step out of this relationship.

If they have a 1% chance of getting together, allow them that opportunity. Don't be the one to break a family apart.

Learn from Chandler here. In season three of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, when he was dating a married Janice and got to know about her reconciliation with her estranged husband, he left the couple alone to be together and give their marriage a second chance.

#9 Ask him about the future of this relationship

Ask him about the future of your relationship. Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him whether he is serious about you or not. You need to do this because major life decisions depend on this conversation. Tell him, "You can't just keep acting cold around me whenever you are stressed about your failing marriage."

You can also give him a deadline to think about his situation and make a final decision. Say, "Choose them or me. I can't keep on hanging like this as your forbidden love."

#10 Do a roleplay

If you are sure that reigniting the passion can change his cold attitude, you can go for roleplaying. Dress up like his favorite character and encourage him to dress up as a character you find hot.

Remember the time in F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Ross dressed up in a US Navy uniform because Rachel asked him to do so, while Rachel returned the favor by dressing up as Princess Leia in the gold bikini? You can do something like that to spice things up.

To sum up

A relationship with a married man is often meant to have no future. You guys are together just because of the physical passion. He is with you probably because he wants to feel younger by being with a young person. None of that means he is in love with you.

When he acts distant, it points towards the end of this hush-hush relationship. He has got what he wanted from you and now is looking for someone else to have an affair with.

It can also be the case that his guilty conscience is making him go back to his family. Whatever the reason is, it is bad news for you if you have become too serious about him.

I am being judgemental when I advise you to return to your senses and leave this married man for the better relationships you deserve. However, if married men are your only type, find another one. They are in plenty.