My Girlfriend Doesn't Share Her Problems [Reasons With Solution]Your girlfriend doesn't share her problems, maybe because she isn't yet comfortable with you in this regard. Perhaps she thinks that your relationship has yet to reach that phase to share her problems. Or she can simply be an introvert, and that's why she keeps all issues with herself.
Being in a relationship essentially means sharing our joy, sorrow, misery, as well as problems with each other. Sharing our problems plays a crucial role in helping the relationships sustain.
Besides, relationships are not only about romantic dates, having sex, and spending happy moments.
A relationship is about living our lives in partnership with another person. As problems are one of the most inseparable parts of our lives, they deserve to be shared with our partners.
This sharing eventually benefits the relationship itself. Because most of the time, when we share problems with our partners, two people come together to find a viable solution for that problem. This initiative of working together helps to strengthen the bonding.
But some people, irrespective of men and women, have issues sharing their problems with their partners. This phenomenon doesn't only bother their partners but also severely affects their relationships.
Due to this tendency, several evil factors like doubts, feeling of worthlessness, anxiety, etc., arise and eventually pull the relationship deep down into toxicity.
If you have found your way to this page, you're most likely in a similar kind of situation. Maybe your girlfriend's not sharing her problems are bothering you so much that you wanna know the reason behind it and find some solution.
In this blog, I'm gonna help you spot the specific reason that is responsible for your situation and suggest a few viable ways to resolve it.
Why your girlfriend doesn't share her problems?
Man, I understand how much the situation is bothering you. Your desperation for jumping directly into the solution section is very much normal.
But, unless you know the specific reason why your girlfriend doesn't share her problems with you, it will be too difficult to decide how you can actually get over this situation. So, I would request you to have patience. I can feel what you have already gone through, but please hold on a little more.
Look, there can be several reasons why your girlfriend may not be sharing her problems. One needs to deal with different reasons in different ways. Below, I'm going to talk about such a few potential reasons and help you identify the specific one for you.
#1 She doesn't wanna drag you into her issues
Women often avoid discussing their problems with their partners as they do not really want to drag them into unnecessary trouble.
Women are more affectionate to their partners than men. That's why most of them think that dragging the partners into their personal problems will bother them and eventually affect the relationship. That's why they avoid talking about their problems.
Does your girlfriend always talk about solving all her issues alone? Does she tend to keep you separate from her professional affairs?
If yes, then this can be very much why your girlfriend doesn't share her problems. Perhaps she thinks that you wouldn't like to be bothered with her personal issues.
#2 She thinks that your relationship hasn't reached that phase yet
Relationships have many phases. Each phase brings different levels of comfort. Your relationship with your girlfriend must reach a certain level of the comfort zone to get her problems shared with you.
But this concept of comfort zone develops differently for different individuals.
Maybe you think that you have reached the emotional comfort zone to share all of your problems with your girlfriend. But for your girlfriend, she is yet to reach that phase.
Perhaps she isn't yet comfortable enough to share her issues with you. Maybe it's some sort of trust issue. Maybe she is yet to be sure about you. That's the reason why she's not sharing her problems.
If your girlfriend doesn't share any of her personal affairs with you, hardly talks about her family or friends, and still tries to be typically 'nice' and 'perfect' with you, this must be your reason.
#3 Your girlfriend thinks that you aren't enough mature worth sharing her problems
Women do not share their problems randomly with someone. You may say that you're her boyfriend and you deserve to know about her issues.
But I'm afraid that just being a boyfriend isn't enough to get your girlfriend's problems shared. To know about all her problems, you must possess the capability to understand them, and most essentially, your girlfriend must have an idea of that capability of yours.
Only when your girlfriend is sure that you're mature enough to understand her issues she'll come and share them with you.
Does your girlfriend always keep saying that you won't understand her issues? Does she often question the ability of your understanding?
If yes, then it might be your reason. Look, you're her boyfriend. It would be best if you were her first choice to share all her problems. But if she has any doubt about maturity, she won't be sharing her problems with you.
#4 It's all about her EGO
The ego plays a very crucial role in deciding many relationship affairs. Sharing problems is one such related affair.
But male and female egos work pretty differently than each other. Most of the women act out of self-pride. This ego can be a reason why your girlfriend may not be sharing her problems with you.
Confused? Let me make it simpler for you.
If you haven't treated your girl as special as she wants (no matter what she deserves), took her for sometimes granted in the past, don't share your problems with her; she may not be interested in sharing her problems with you too.
In this situation, a relative ego works inside women, pushing them to provoke you to know their problems. But eventually, they won't share.
Does your girl keep saying that she's in some kinda trouble, and she'll only share that with someone else but not you?
Most of the girls who act out of female ego tend to do the same. If your girlfriend does it too, maybe this is your reason. You'll get the tips to handle this situation pretty effectively later in this blog.
#5 She had some bitter experience
Irrespective of men and women, we all take lessons from our past. Especially when it comes to relationships, we always keep a note of the mistakes that we made in our previous relationships. That's why if your girlfriend has some kinda bitter experience in her previous relationship with sharing her problems, she may hesitate to share her problems again with you.
Your girlfriend is perhaps not sure how you will react after she shares her problems in this situation.
Basically, she is afraid of that bitterness she once experienced in her past. In the current scenario, her past experience is haunting her like a trauma that eventually affects the bonding between you two.
You must help her to get over this if you want this relationship to sustain.
#6 Her problems are too personal to be shared
Women love to maintain personal space in their romantic relationships, no matter how close they're to their partners. They don't like their partners to interfere anyway in that personal territory.
Does your girlfriend always keep reminding you of your boundaries? Does she ask you not to mess with her personal affairs voluntarily? If yes, then she may consider her problems too personal to share with you.
Maybe, the issues she is currently dealing with are very personal. Perhaps, you interfering in this regard won't really help her.
#7 She thinks you're too occupied to listen to her problems
Women always want proper attention from their partners. Unless they get that attention, they won't like to open up about their feelings. That's why if a girl thinks that you're too occupied to listen to her problems, she will never share that with you.
Maybe you're trying to give her enough time, but still, she thinks that she's not getting what she actually deserves. But don't think of her as an immature person.
In this scenario, your girlfriend won't be blaming you. She totally understands that you're busy with your profession, or maybe study or family. But as she thinks you're too occupied and isn't getting proper attention from you, she will keep her problems suppressed.
Does your girl always try to support you and listen to you but never open up about her problems? Does she always try to avoid or postpone the discussion regarding her issues?
If your answer is 'YES,' then this is most likely your situation.
#8 You have overreacted to her problems sometimes
If you have overreacted or treated your girlfriend badly regarding her problems sometimes in the past, she may not consider sharing her issues again with you.
As I've already mentioned earlier, we learn a lot from our past experiences in relationships. That's why a girl hardly considers opening up about her problems in front of someone from whom she once felt embarrassed.
I understand, maybe at that time, you were also going through some serious difficulties. But believe, man, no matter what your reason was, your girlfriend has taken note of your reaction, not your reason.
#9 Your girlfriend has an introverted personality
Some people are too introverted to share their problems with somebody else. These people hesitate or get shy a lot when it comes to sharing their problems.
Your girlfriend can be such a person. Due to this nature, introverts are often diagnosed with acute syndromes like depression and chronic anxiety.
If your girlfriend shares her problems with nobody, not even with her parents or friends, maybe this is her issue.
I would suggest, if you anyway suspect that your girlfriend is suffering from depression or anxiety, it's time to deal with the situation most delicately that you will later learn in detail.
#10 You have not become her closest friend
What makes a great bonding in relationships?
In relationships, the most important part is being the closest friend of your partner.
Unless you become a close friend, there will always be a gap in your bonding. With such a bonding that has some gap between, a girl would never share their problems.
Dealing with problems is quite a personal affair. So, if you have not been able to befriend your girlfriend, it's gonna difficult for her to share problems with you.
What can you do about it?
After going through all the potential reasons, hopefully, now you've identified the specific one that applies to your situation.
So, I think now you're ready to understand the potential solution issue.
But in this very beginning, I wanna make one thing clear.
That is, I can help you with hundreds of strategies, but it must be you who have followed them with necessary modifications if needed according to your situation to make your girlfriend share her problems.
#1 Make her a part of your life
If you really want to know about your girlfriend's problems, you must work on making her a part of your life. Just spending time, going to romantic dinners, and having sex isn't enough at all.
Talk to her about all your feelings, your problems, ask for a solution, let her make some decisions for you. Overall, make her feel that she is also a significant part of your daily life.
If you're serious about this woman and really in love with her, it won't be that difficult for you.
#2 Try being a part of her life
Just making her a part of your life isn't sufficient to make your girlfriend comfortable enough to share all her problems with you.
In fact, after a certain point in time, she would start feeling isolated and taken for granted if you don't be a part of her life yourself.
I would suggest, don't wait for her to make you a part of her life. Rather start putting in some effort from today. Ask her about her family, friends, profession, and problems.
Let her speak, and you just listen. Try giving little opinions on her issues and notice whether she welcomes it or not. But always go slow and don't be desperate. You keep playing your card, and now it's up to her whether she wanna make you a part of her life or not.
#3 Put more effort into the relationship
Some kinda misunderstanding may create an implied gap between you and your girlfriend's bonding.
So, if you suspect something like this may happen, it's good to put more effort into your relationship.
Putting effort doesn't necessarily mean you have to take her to luxury dates or weekend trips. Rather you can simply start by trying to understand your girlfriend's emotional state of mind. You can surprise her with small gifts, maybe flowers, cook her dish.
These efforts help a lot to make a bonding strong.
#4 Give your relationship enough time to grow
Relationships have many phases, and those phases come with time. If you think your girlfriend doesn't share her problems with you because you haven't reached that phase, give your relationship some more time to grow.
This 'time' is different for different couples. For some, it takes a month, and for some people, it may take as long as a year. You keep putting your effort into the relationship during this period and follow my other tips.
#5 Prove yourself worthy
I've already mentioned earlier that if a girl doesn't consider you worthy, she'll never share her problems with you. If you think that it is the situation between you and your girlfriend, you must prove yourself worthy to her.
You can start with gaining her trust and putting effort into finding solutions to her problems. You may not be able to solve her issues, but if your effort becomes visible, your girlfriend will start respecting you.
#6 Make her have faith in you
Maybe your girlfriend has some kinda bitter experience of her past, and that's why she hesitates to open up about her problems to you.
In this situation, only proving your worth won't be enough. Rather it would be best to put effort into making her have faith in you.
Talk to her calmly; treat your girl with gentleness and care when you think she's in some kinda distress. Don't force her to do anything. Make an effort to understand her situation enough.
Through these approaches, you will be proving that you aren't like the person with whom she once had a bitter experience. Believe me, bro, it's gonna work like magic.
#7 Spend quality time together
A pretty strong bonding is essential to get your girlfriend's problems shared with you.
In this regard, spending quality time together can help a lot. You don't need to compromise on your jobs or study to spend this quality time.
Your quality time with your partner can simply be even half an hour. During these 30 minutes, you must totally concentrate on your girlfriend.
Don't only speak about yourself, but also ask her about what's going on in her life. Be empathetic to the hurdles she's trying to overcome. Suggest some ways and offer your help. Pull your girlfriend closer and help her heal.
There you have a proper quality time.
#8 Be her best friend
Being your partner's best friend is another essential aspect to know everything about her.
To become her best friend, first, you have to break the stereotype of being a boyfriend. You will definitely be carrying on some basic characteristics like spending romantic moments, cuddling together, surprising her, etc.
But boyfriend stereotypes like being possessive, attempting to control, forcing your decisions on her, etc., must be given up.
Start to befriending her friends, even let them make fun of you sometimes, let your girlfriend raise her voice for you, and wallah. You're gonna get your situation solved.
#9 Consult a professional
Suppose you have tried all methods to make your girlfriend comfortable enough to share her problems with you, but nothing eventually worked. And god forbid you're now doubting that she may have mental issues like acute depression or anxiety.
In this situation, you must take her to a professional counselor who can diagnose her symptoms and treat her accordingly. During this phase, you have to calm down your mind, keep patience and stand beside her.
Things you must avoid doing
- Never make fun of your girlfriend's problems, no matter how silly they are. Making fun of her problems means that you're insulting her emotional capability. If you do this by any chance, apologize immediately. Otherwise, she won't ever be sharing her issues.
- Don't ever overreact, no matter how much her problems have started bothering you. Your overreaction may create uncomfortable weather between you too. And due to this, she will hesitate a lot before sharing her problems again.
- Don't interfere in her personal affairs if she doesn't like it. If she doesn't wanna share something and tags this problem as a personal one, don't further insist on her telling you about that matter.
- Don't try to control your girlfriend. You can listen to her problems, put your gentle opinion and make viable suggestions. But never try to enforce your decision on her. Never dictate her to this, or do that. Rather let her make the decisions. It's gonna help to increase her respect towards you.
- Never make yourself always available for your girlfriend. Because this way, you will lose your present value, and your girlfriend may start taking you for granted.
So, after going through this blog, hopefully, you have understood how you can actually find out the reasons behind your girlfriend's not sharing her problems.
According to your situation, I hope you will be successfully implementing the way-outs I mentioned.
Finally, I would suggest never losing the grip on your personality, no matter how desperate you become from the inside. And if the situation goes totally out of your hand, and starts affecting your life, be ready to even leave her alone and get over this relationship. Learn to love yourself first. Happy dating.