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My Boyfriend Told His Friends My Secrets: Here's what to do!

Have an open, honest conversation about it. Tell him why it hurt you for him to tell his friends what you told him in confidence. Talking to him will help you both understand each other better and gives you an opportunity to apologize and move forward together as a couple.A woman inside a canteen standing in front of a glass wall thinking something

So, your boyfriend told his friends your secret.

What a guy! Men are notoriously tight-lipped, but sometimes they can't help themselves.

Doesn't that feel like a betrayal? Sometimes this can feel like the worst thing in the world.

And I understand why you'd be upset—it doesn't matter what the secret was - something small and silly, or something more serious. What matters is that he felt comfortable sharing something that was between the two of you—and that he didn't let you know when he decided to share it, either.

We've all been there, hun. You mind your own business, feeling super confident about your relationship, and then you find out that your boyfriend spilled the beans to his friends about something you told him in confidence.

So what do you do now?

Things to do when your boyfriend has spilled a secret about you

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can't imagine how betrayed and hurt you must feel. I see that you're currently asking for advice on how to move forward, so I'll share my thoughts and hope it helps.

#1 Don't feel ashamed

Remember that everyone has secrets, and the best thing you can do is try not to take things so personally. 

You're not wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed, but you should also be careful not to lash out at your boyfriend without giving him a chance to explain himself first.

Please take a second to see it from his perspective. Maybe he thought he was helping by telling his friends about his problems, or maybe he felt like his friends would be able to help. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk it out before jumping to conclusions.

#2 Be calm

I know that you probably feel pretty hurt and angry right now, but don't act right away. Give yourself some space and time to sort through your feelings before saying anything. 

Take a day or two to calm down and sort through your feelings. Do something you love, even if it's just taking a walk, reading a book, or watching your favorite movie. When you feel ready, talk to your boyfriend about what's bothering you.

Even if you don't feel like it, try to maintain your composure when you talk to your boyfriend about his sharing your secrets. This will make it easier for him to hear you out because he won't feel like he has to defend himself from a hostile attack.

#3 Don't involve his friends

You're not wrong to be upset. Your boyfriend has broken your trust, and that's a big deal.

But if you want to fix this problem, don't involve his friends. You might think that if his friends knew what he'd done, they'd be on your side and give him a hard time for gossiping about you.

But that's not what's going to happen. Don't involve them in this drama—they probably aren't interested in intervening on your behalf anyway, and involving them will worsen the situation.

Pro Tip: Before you go off on your guy and tell everyone about everything he did, remember: it's usually best to let it go. Find a friend who knows how to listen and get some of it off your chest—but never retaliate against him by telling his friends the same stuff he told them about you.

#4 Ask yourself if it's something you can get over

 It sucks that your boyfriend told his friends one of your secrets—but is it something you can get over? It may be that your boyfriend broke a promise he made to you, but what he said wasn't that big of a deal, and you can move on from it fairly easily. If you feel comfortable with the situation, you can chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

But! If this is something that's going to keep bothering you—something that goes against your core values or makes it harder for you to trust your boyfriend forever—then the next thing to do is talk to your boyfriend. You have every right to feel hurt in these circumstances and have a right to have your feelings acknowledged.

#5 Talk to him about it

You're right that this is a breach of trust, but ask him why he did instead of getting mad at it. You deserve to know why he told his friends your secrets, which is a violation of the trust between you two. It's probably not enough for him to say "I'm sorry" or "I didn't mean to." 

You two need to have a serious conversation about trust, privacy, relationships, and what's appropriate in each of those areas. 

Suppose he refuses to talk about it with you. In that case, that makes things even worse—because if he doesn't address the issue with you directly, you should ask yourself whether there's any point in continuing a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and feelings enough to have an honest discussion about them.

If he agrees to discuss this with you, set some ground rules before starting the conversation—that way, both of you understand what's expected of each other right off the bat. 

Pro Tip: Take some time beforehand to think about what you're going to say; write out your feelings and questions

#6 Tell him how his decision made you feel

Let him know this isn't okay with you and ask him how he'd feel if the situation were reversed. This will help him understand the impact of his actions and why they weren't acceptable. 

Don't hold anything back. Don't hold back when telling your boyfriend how this made you feel! Let him know if you want to tell him how much pain this has caused! If you want to tell him that this makes you wonder if he respects your privacy, tell him that! He needs to hear everything!

It'll also help him appreciate how much trust matters in your relationship, making a big difference.

From there, ask yourself how much more of this behavior you're willing to tolerate before deciding whether or not staying with someone who has broken your trust so deeply is worth risking a future betrayal.

#7 Listen to his response 

Trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any relationship. If your boyfriend told his friends your secrets, it could feel like he's violated that trust. 

I know it's hard when your boyfriend tells his friends your secrets. It makes you feel vulnerable like you can't trust him. 

But here's the thing: People make mistakes. And this one sounds pretty bad, but it doesn't mean he's a bad person. But the first thing to do is to listen to his reasoning.

Maybe he didn't know you considered those things private. Maybe he genuinely thought you'd be okay with what he did. It might have been an honest mistake.

If this situation is salvageable (and only you can decide that), then it's best to explain why those secrets were private in the first place. You should be willing to compromise on some things, but make sure he understands how important trust is in a relationship by asking him how he would feel if you had done something similar.

#8 Set healthy boundaries

Hey, girl! I heard you're having some problems with your boyfriend telling his friends secrets that you told him—and we don't blame you for being upset. That's a major violation of trust.

You deserve to have a partner who respects your privacy and keeps your secrets safe—and if you don't feel like he's doing that, it's time to set some boundaries

Boundaries are important in relationships because they mean that you and your boyfriend understand what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. They'll also make it easier to resolve potential conflicts in the future because you'll know when someone has crossed a line, and you can speak up about it before things get out of hand.

#9 Forgive him and move on (Your choice, though)

If your boyfriend told his friends your secrets, it is important to take a step back and decide whether or not you are willing to forgive him for this.

If you have decided that you want to remain in a relationship with him, it is important to move forward healthily.

The answers to these questions can help you decide whether or not it's worth staying in the relationship.

Do you think it was a mistake? Did he intend to hurt you? Or do you believe that he didn't know what he was doing was wrong?

Pro Tip: If you decide that you are not ready to forgive him just yet, you will want to take some time away from the relationship until you feel ready to do so. The best thing to do in this situation is to talk it out with your boyfriend and see if he is willing to work toward earning back your trust.

# 10 Don't lose faith in him (If you want to continue in that relationship)

I'm so sorry to hear what happened; that's just a part of life. I know your boyfriend is in the doghouse right now for telling his friends about something you told him in confidence, but I can tell that he feels terrible about it and is probably doing everything he can to make it up to you. (And if he isn't, well, then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship.)

Your boyfriend has done something wrong, but this does not mean you have to lose faith in him or that the relationship is doomed. 

Pro Tip: It is important to make sure that you can trust your boyfriend enough to tell him your secrets in the future. It may take some time before you feel ready to share anything personal with him again—which can make dating difficult in the short term—but if you truly love each other, then it is likely that your relationship will be stronger than ever once you work through this issue together. And if you decide to try making things work between you two, I hope everything works out!

#11 Think about whether this is a pattern

A situation like this can be dangerous if it becomes a habit. 

This sounds awful, and I know you feel like crap about it. But before you write him off completely, try to think about whether it's part of a pattern.

Did he say something similar to his friends about someone else in the past? Did he do anything that made you uncomfortable in the past? If so, it might be worth thinking about whether this is a pattern of behavior that you want to accept in a partner.

But if he's usually a sweetheart and this is just out of character for him, then it might be worth having a conversation with him to let him know how hurtful his actions were.

If he apologizes and seems genuinely angry at himself for what he did, that's also worth considering when moving forward.

If you decide to make things work, I hope it goes well for you.

#12 Part your ways

Hi, sweetheart. I know you're hurting right now. I can only imagine how betrayed you feel, what with your boyfriend telling his friends all of those things you told him in confidence.

This isn't the first time this has happened. He's done it before and sworn he'd never do it again. He doesn't value you or care about your feelings. You deserve someone who cares about your image and respects your wishes. You don't need to stay in a relationship where you feel disrespected and hurt.

You're a star, hun! Without any further damage, come out from this hurtful relationship and find someone who respects you for the amazing person that you are.


This step-by-step guide clearly suggests the right way to deal with this kind of awful situation. I hope it clears all your doubts and helps you find an admirable solution to this problem.

Don't be afraid to take the initiative to mend a relationship. Show up to try and fix problems you've caused.

And most importantly, communicate with your partner to work through situations and truly move past them. Don't be afraid to rely on others for advice or help if it will help you figure out what you want or how you want to proceed. The bottom line is, don't act rashly—be patient, be kind, and know when it's time just to walk away.

Megha Chanda

Weekend Writer

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