RelationshipExplained Logo

My Boyfriend Thinks I Don’t Care About Him [SOLVED]

Your boyfriend thinks you don’t care about him, maybe because you don’t show him enough affection. Some people require a physical showcasing of affection as an assurance of love. He can also think like this when you are too detached from your relationship. Try to spend more time with him.A couple sitting on a bed discussing something

Romantic relationships are a complicated part of human existence. Some relationships are easy to be in; they feel natural, while some are demanding. 

It often happens that two people, who are polar opposites, get attracted to each other and fall in love. While you are the breezy one in the relationship, your boyfriend is a little bit complicated.

Your boyfriend thinks you don’t care about him, probably because you don’t show your affections often. He needs your undivided attention. 

Your breeziness makes him question this relationship, and that in turn angers you. Your anger on this issue has brought you here, where I am there to help. Let’s find a solution together.

Possible reasons why my boyfriend thinks I don’t care about him

There can be a number of reasons for his behavior. Some reasons are directly linked to his issues, and some are related to you and your behavior. 

Your boyfriend believes you don’t care about him. Before thinking that he is being too clingy or he is trying to choke you, think about what you have done so far. Did you do something that spurred this behavior? Did you say something hurtful to him? Are you two spending enough time with each other? Do you listen to his problems?

Asking yourself these questions will help you find the reason for his behavior faster. Meanwhile, I will be listing down some possible reasons for his behavior. Read on.

#1 He is an attention seeker

He is an attention seeker, and he is not aware of it. He has been like this since childhood. Back then, he used to seek attention from his parents and teachers; now, you have replaced them. 

Your boyfriend thinks you don’t care about him because you don’t give him that extra attention he craves for. Instead, you behave normally with him, like any sane person in a relationship would do.

He can go to any extent to make you feel bad for not being attentive to him. Your boyfriend is basically a man-child.

#2 He doesn’t have many friends

Your friends are an important part of your life. You spend a certain time of your week with them. You have them to share your thoughts.

Your boyfriend doesn’t have many friends. He is an introvert and, therefore, can’t make a new friend as easily as you can do. He doesn’t even talk to his existing friends.

He is lonely, and all he knows is you. You are the only person in his life with whom he can share his thoughts. That’s why he needs constant attention from you, and whenever you are busy with your life outside this relationship, it enrages him into thinking that you don’t care about him. He is a needy and clingy person.

#3 He is not close to his parents

A person needs someone with whom they can share their thoughts.

For some, friends play that role, and for some, parents are always there to listen.

Your boyfriend has no one to speak to. He has dealt with his problems on his own so far. He is not even close to his parents. Parents can give effective solutions to one’s problems with their experience and wisdom; in your boyfriend’s case, that doesn’t happen.

You are the only person he is close to; therefore, he expects maximum attention from you. He expects you to be around him all the time. Your boyfriend fails to recognize the fact that you have a life outside this relationship.

#4 He is the survivor of a childhood trauma

Childhood trauma can often induce such behavior. He needs constant assurance that someone is there for him when he needs help. 

He probably had a difficult childhood. His school life must have been miserable. If you get him to talk, you may even find out the dark truths. He could have been a survivor of bullying in school. You know how bad it can get (most of us have watched 13 Reasons Why on Netflix). 

He never had his friends beside him when he had a hard time. His parents had no time for him.

Now, when he is finally with someone he can trust, he has latched himself on to the person that is you. 

He wants all the attention from you, and when you are not around for a while or just busy with your life, it makes his vulnerable mind think that you don’t care enough, just like the people from his childhood years.

#5 You don’t spend enough time with him

Spending time together is an essential part of a relationship. There is a reason you two came together. Now that you are not spending enough time, your boyfriend rightfully thinks you don’t care about this relationship. A relationship cannot continue with efforts from only one person.

Your boyfriend is probably the one holding this relationship together while you stay busy with your life. You don’t need him to be happy, but for him, you are the only source of happiness.

You bring peace to his mind. It is not your responsibility to be his therapist, but once in a while, you can invest the time you should invest in this relationship. Otherwise, you may lose him forever.

#6 You have said something hurtful

You guys had an ugly fight over a relatively silly issue, and you said hurtful things to him. It was a personal attack from your side, and now he is devastated. 

Your boyfriend is a sensitive person who attributes a lot of meaning to words. Maybe, you didn’t mean all of that. Saying mean things, about each other, during a fight is a common human behavior.

But he has taken all of it very seriously, and now he feels broken. He thinks you don’t care about him anymore as you have hurt him with words that were too harsh.

#7 You have been acting distant for a while now

You and your boyfriend are supposed to be close to each other; you are supposed to care for each other. He thinks you don’t care about him because you have been acting distant for a while. You stay in your own world and don’t talk much with him or anyone.

You have drowned yourself in work and apparently have no time to spare. You must have your reasons for such behavior. You need to communicate with your boyfriend on this issue.

Tell him why you are not at the right spot now and that you wish to be left alone for a while. I am sure he will understand.

#8 You always spend time with your friends

You have a pretty big group of friends. You guys come together once or twice a week and have fun. This is an undeniable part of your life, but your boyfriend isn’t a part of that life. He doesn’t like to mingle with people; he is not good at making friends.

You, on the other hand, spend too much time with your friends, and that is why your boyfriend thinks you don’t care about him. He needs you to spend more time with him. He wants to be as important in your life as your friends are.

#9 You don’t listen to his problems

You are not a good listener. In order to help someone in solving their problems, you need to listen first. Your larger-than-life personality makes you ignore his problems and focus on your awesome life more.

He seeks your attention for a reason. He wants someone to lend an ear and just listen to whatever he has to say for a while. You have failed to do that multiple times. 

He is right when he thinks you don’t care about him. You can prove him wrong by actually listening to him and by not making everything about yourself.

#10 You don’t show your affection

Some people need to be reassured constantly about the fact that they are in love. They want their partners to show how much they love them. Your boyfriend is that person, while you don’t need that constant assurance.

Remember the last time he brought you flowers. Why wouldn’t you? It was just a couple of days ago. Now try to remember the last time you did something special for him. It’s difficult, isn’t it?

That’s because you are a totally different person. You are the exact opposite of what your boyfriend is. You don’t know how to show affection, and that makes him believe that you don’t care about him.

So now what you can do?

He thinks you don’t care about him anymore. These thoughts are detrimental to a relationship. 

If you really love the person, try to understand the circumstances that made him like this. Don’t label him as toxic the moment he does something that you don’t like. Sit down with him and listen to his problems. Try to empathize. I am sure he will understand your point of view.

There are certain things that you can do to make him stop thinking this way. Keep scrolling down.

#1 Talk to him about his problems

Acknowledge that your boyfriend has a problem and talk to him about it in detail. 

Encourage him to open up to you. He thinks you don’t care about him because you don’t have those long conversations you used to have anymore.

Bring that back. You can even help him out to solve his problems. All he needs is a bit of attention from you. Try to bring a certain balance in your life where you spend equal time with him and your peers.

#2 Spend more time with him

If you really care about him, prove him wrong. He thinks you don’t care for him because you don’t get to spend much time together.

It is quite understandable that you have a very busy work schedule. But if you need him to stop nagging, you need to prove that you love him by spending more time. 

You can watch a movie together or visit the nearby café for a cup of coffee. If your budget permits, you can even plan an elaborate dinner date. That might make him stop saying that you don’t care.

#3 Include him when you hang out with your friends

He has no friends, and he can’t make new friends. He acts weird when you go out to spend time with your friends, who are an intricate part of your life. 

Next time you hang out with them, take him along with you. He will oppose it at first, but you need to convince him to get out of the apartment. 

Meeting your friends might bore him at first, but eventually, he will end up enjoying their company and, therefore, will find his own close friends among the group. He envies your life; make him a part of it.

#4 Be a good listener

There is a sheer dearth of good listeners in this world. If you want to help someone in solving their problem, you need to listen first and then act accordingly.

Your boyfriend thinks you don’t care about him because you don’t listen to what he has to say, let alone solve his problems. 

You have this habit of making everything about yourself. That is the last thing a person wants to experience when he is trying to say something to you. Listen to what he has got to say.

Don’t say a word until he has finished speaking. That way, he will be assured about the fact that someone is there to lend an ear.

#5 Show your affection once in a while

I know you think PDA is overrated. Showing your affection and showing off, in general, is the same thing to you.

But your boyfriend thinks in the exact opposite way. He thinks you don’t care about him because you don’t show that you do. 

To prove him wrong, all you have to do is show some affection once in a while, even if you hate it. 

You love this guy; this is the least you can do for him. Showing your affection to someone won’t harm you fatally.

#6 Apologize if you have been rude

Being rude unnecessarily is not acceptable at all. He thinks you don’t care, probably because you have been unreasonably rude to him.

Apologize for your behavior and try to cheer him up by doing something he loves. 

You can take him to his favorite restaurant, or you can dress up as his favorite movie character to spice things up (just like that time when Rachel dressed up as Princess Leia from Star Wars for Ross, in F.R.I.E.N.D.S).

#7 He is a sensitive person; avoid saying hurtful things

If he is a sensitive person, avoid saying mean, hurtful things to him, as that can have an adverse effect on his mind. 

Not all human beings are similar. He gets hurt easily. Remember the last time you had a fight, and you hurled expletives at him?

He stayed awfully quiet for a few days. That’s how he deals with heartbreak. He loves you, but he can digest your harsh words. Your boyfriend is a soft-hearted person. He is a good man, the kind that they don’t make anymore. Be nice to him.

#8 Stop being distant

The newly grown distance between you two is the reason why he thinks you don’t care about him anymore.

 Both of you are responsible for the distance, but he has, somehow, successfully blamed you for that. This is bound to make you mad, and therefore, you need to do something about it.

You need to prove him wrong. Try to reduce the distance between the two of you. Be more present than he is in the relationship and keep track of it. The next time he accuses you of something like this, politely make him face the facts.

#9 Try to make him understand your limitations

You are a different person with different ideologies. You look at the world differently. You and your boyfriend cannot be one identical blob.

That will take away your individuality, the one aspect that makes you who you are. If you are not into PDA, and he is totally into it, have a conversation about this with him.

If you are an extrovert and he is the opposite, try to make him understand that both of you have different lives. 

Through your words, he should realize that your worlds are different, and there is a life beyond this relationship. Nobody should mess with that for the sake of their own mental well-being.

#10 Plan a holiday

He needs to feel good about himself. He is a relatively sad and lonely person with nearly no friends. You are the only dependable figure in this life. 

But whenever you are living your life; without him, he thinks that you don’t care. Basically, his life is a miserable one. Distract him from this miserable life by planning a holiday. 

Take leave from work and visit the nearest beach resort. If you have the budget, you can even visit a foreign country. Spending a few days alone, with you, in an unfamiliar place will take the negative thoughts off his mind.

Summing up

A relationship is not a bed of roses. It’s not all about candlelight dinners and pretty little coffee shops like they show in a rom-com. 

A relationship needs a lot of effort to survive. The effort should be equal. He should not feel that he is the only person holding this relationship together. 

That’s where all his negative thoughts come from. Your distant behavior makes him think you don’t care about him anymore. If you really love him, you will have to prove him wrong. Otherwise, this might be the beginning of the end of your relationship.

Nirajana Mukherjee

Senior Writer

Coming Up Next