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He Treats Me Like a Girlfriend but Says We're Just Friends [ANSWERED]

He treats you as a girlfriend but calls you a friend because he is not sure if he is infatuated by you or he wants you to be his partner for life. Give him some time if you like him to make up his mind.A young woman sitting on a sofa looking at a window and thinking

You have a friend. Who is a guy. You like this guy. He feels the same way about you. You're both young, attractive, and can get any person you want elsewhere.

Although you're giving everything and don't want to settle for anything less than a ring (or at the very least, a genuine relationship status), he sees it differently. 

Well, why isn't he committing?

Why does he always make your relationship ambiguous?

Is it possible that he's dating in secret sometimes and doesn't want to break up with you because things are going great?

Let's start this out with a disclaimer. I think you deserve to be treated by your significant other better than this guy is. However, it is what it is, and let's figure out if there is a remote chance of getting more from him.

Here are some reasons why he treats you like his girlfriend but says that you are just friends

Have you ever heard the phrase, "He treats me like a girlfriend but says we're just friends?". Most of you probably have, and it can be confusing for a woman who goes through this with a man who says he's not ready for a relationship.

Let's Dive Deep!!! 

#1 Enjoying the single life

It is hard to hear that a guy who is treating you like a girlfriend, but he's unwilling to make it official. This is the epitome of getting your hopes up and then having them dashed.

It hurts, so I am sorry you are dealing with something like this. It would be great if he would commit, but that might never happen because his priority is enjoying the single life without having the full title of "boyfriend" attached to it.

When someone negotiates something and never commits, it means they'll always keep you dangling on their string of commitment until something better comes along.

Yeah, the guy is dating around while still treating you like a girlfriend but not committing (for example, letting his friends know that he is seeing someone).

#2 Getting all the benefits minus stress of a relationship 

So many women I know have been in your shoes before. I'm not here to tell you that you might be wrong for wanting something more from him. You are 100% correct and sane for feeling hurt because of how he treats you.

But here's the truth:  If a man is only interested in being in a relationship with you as a friend, it may not have anything to do with you at all. 

It's because he doesn't want something serious with anyone right now, and he's probably getting what he wants by pretending to treat you like a girlfriend but saying that "you know it can't go anywhere."

He is getting all the relationship benefits of having a significant other minus any stress from having a steady girlfriend. 

This big commitment-free picture is often a motivating factor in why men enter this kind of arrangement. 

It's less work and less pressure than being serious in a relationship.

#3 He is fooling you around for benefits

You see, there's a thing called intermittent reinforcement where if you do something and it works, and no consequences happen, you'll do it again and again. 

The person you think is your friend is trying to set up a system to get you to do whatever he wants.

Like the title of this post says, he "treats me like a girlfriend but says we're just friends." To treat you as a girlfriend, he must be disingenuous in his faux kindness and good treatment so that you are thoroughly milked of all your resources. That way, he can have an easy ride without actually being an honest, kind, and good person.

If he's treating you like the most important person in the world but not committed, you're only doing yourself a disservice by staying. 

He needs you to stay, hence why he does nice things for you and tells you how much he cares about you. He needs your money or some way to benefit from your value. If he didn't need you, he wouldn't be so nice to you. 

#4 He may be confused between friendship and romance

You have been dating this guy for a few months, and things are rocky at best. He treats you like a girlfriend but still calls you "just friends." 

In my opinion, guys who feel you are a friend but are doing the girlfriend thing usually mean:

They are either unsure about themselves and the relationship, or they are way too scared to break the buddy zone. That's the mindset that's most common in these situations.

All too often, it seems that people end up as "friends" in an open-ended relationship when one person is more interested in a romantic relationship than the other. 

The second ones want more time to get more invested in you. They feel they have time on their side because they don't feel like you're going anywhere. So why not string along some good times with an amazing girl, right?

From your perspective, everything seems perfect; from his perspective, it isn't.

#5 You are stuck in that relationship

Do you know how frustrating it is to be "just friends" with a guy who makes you feel like his girlfriend except without all the perks? Yeah, that.

You want to be more than just friends with him, and while you want him to make that change to "put a label on the relationship," he has not done it. 

From your perspective, he treats you how a boyfriend would treat his girlfriend. 

Even though it doesn't make much sense, you hold onto hope that because he treats you like a girlfriend, he's going to commit.

You're holding onto hope that things are going to change so that you can believe there is something real here. Maybe it's time you start focusing on yourself and realize that you deserve better than this.

A lot of us get caught up in that cycle. You see, there's a thing called intermittent reinforcement where if you do something and it works, and no consequences happen, you'll do it again and again.

The person you think is your friend is trying to set up a system to get you to do whatever he wants.

What's next?

He treats me like his girlfriend but doesn't want a relationship? I see this happen all the time. Someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone but is in no way ready to commit. NONE of this is easy, people. It takes a certain level of maturity and emotional resiliency. 

If he treats you like his girlfriend but doesn't want a relationship, or you think he does and he does it intentionally.

There are several things you can do about it.

This article is dedicated to those of us looking for something more just to be put on a shelf and appreciated from time to time. 

 I will get things off my chest, and hopefully, help you find your way to love again.

#1 Accept the reality

When your partner treats you like a girlfriend but says we're just friends, this can be confusing, hurtful, and make you feel abandoned.

You may not be sure what steps to take or how he feels about you, but it is best to sit with what you are feeling for a little bit before reaching out to him. 

Taking time to process your thoughts will help you have a more calm and focused discussion with him when the time comes.

It is really important to love yourself put your own needs into consideration.

#2 Get clarity about what you want

It can be frustrating if you're dating a guy who is not giving you any solid commitment. 

At the beginning of a relationship, it's normal for people to test each other out and make sure their feelings are real. 

Yet if you've passed the four-month mark (or whenever you believe it is appropriate, based on your timeline), and he has not made any solid commitment towards being in a committed relationship with you, then at that point, I would advise you to ask yourself: Is this something that I desire?

#3 Ask what you need

He treats me like his girlfriend but doesn't want a relationship? In other words, you have a man who is treating you as his girlfriend, yet he has no interest in commitment, marriage, or even a long-term relationship. 

You are an exceptional woman who wants a loving, supportive, and committed relationship based on truth and honesty with openness. 

You must be willing to articulate your needs and wants with your partner.

#4 Take the step

If you want more from your relationship, you need to change your mindset. Stop hanging out with him when he has no intention of committing. 

One mistake many people make is hoping the other person will change for them. Unfortunately, this doesn't work. It only leads to more pain and suffering. 

Hold off on seeing him until you get to the point where you don't even think twice about it or miss him. 

If you want a committed relationship, find one on the same page

If you want a relationship:

  1. Make sure you find someone looking for one.
  2. Don't find yourself ending up in a situation that you don't want to be in.
  3. Don't be pressured into anything but, instead, find someone who will respect your opinion and has the same intentions as you.

Otherwise, you'll end up feeling frustrated despite trying to chase what you feel is love.

To have a healthy relationship, each partner needs to be ready for the same thing. Ready means they both have mutual feelings of love, trust, and affection for one another; they're both on the same page in terms of being in a relationship and being ready for a commitment.

If you've been the recipient of some well-meaning but unextraordinary treatment at the hands of a guy you like, then you're probably familiar with the scenario I have described. But you have the ninja techniques now to get the ball in your court.

Megha Chanda

Weekend Writer

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