He Sleeps With Me but Doesn't Want a Relationship [ANSWERED]He sleeps with you but doesn't want a relationship, maybe because he has other emotional engagements. In this situation, he's just sexually attracted to you and not looking for anything else. If you've agreed to sleep with him, although he didn't make any emotional commitments, now it's all your responsibility.
Having sex is quite a private affair in human life. But sometimes, this private affair gets connected with our emotions in such a way that eventually pulls us into a great emotional dilemma.
It happens when someone sleeps with you but isn't interested in a relationship. We often fail to decide, get confused, and eventually get emotionally broken at this point in life.
Initially, it may seem that there's no real connection between sex and emotions. It can be true for some people, but overall, this logic hardly has any essentiality. Look, no doubt, having sex is an act of having mutual pleasure, and some people may have sex without any kinda real emotional attachment.
But that's not the case for everybody. Many people, especially women, feel sexual attraction provided only if they have an emotional attachment or at least mental attraction to that man. Sometimes a woman may start feeling for a man someday after sleeping. You may come under any of these categories, and it's none of your fault.
But here, I've to mention that for most men, sexual urge primarily comes from earthly physical needs, and emotions come after that. Though it doesn't mean that men are emotionless, emotional attachment is pretty much a complicated issue for men.
So, if some guy has slept with you or sleeps with you, but doesn't want a relationship, not necessarily it has to be 'THE END' of everything.
Why he doesn't want a relationship though sleep with you?
There can be multiple reasons why a man doesn't want a relationship despite sleeping with you. This of his phenomenon is maybe driving you crazy, and you desperately want to get out of this situation, but unless you know the specific reason behind it, you wouldn't be able to find a solution for this.
Below, I will talk about a few potential reasons that could be responsible for him not wanting a relationship with you. In these situations, women tend to judge those men as jerks or perverts, which isn't always the case. One should thoroughly analyze and understand the man's reason behind doing this.
#1 He has other emotional engagements
The man whom you sleep with may have some other emotional engagements. Perhaps due to that, he's unable to come into a relationship with you. Here you may ask, why on earth does he sleep with you if he has other emotional engagements?
Look, I'm not telling you that he hasn't had anything emotional for you anyway. What I'm saying is maybe he has some kind of compulsion. Our life is quite a complicated element. Here, we can't always pursue all the things we actually desire. Perhaps he really wants a relationship with you inside, but he can't express his feelings out of some real-time compulsion.
You will understand this phenomenon through many of his gestures. He may try his best to hide his feelings, but his actions will speak. You'll learn more about those gestures and actions later in this blog.
#2 He's high on libido
Men who're high on libido often fail to control and resist their sexual urges. Such a man may not want a relationship because he doesn't want to pretend that he has emotional attachments just to have sex.
Maybe he hasn't a girlfriend, and he finds you appropriate for sexual intimacy, and that's why he sleeps with you. But he doesn't yet emotionally feel for you.
Such men are mostly honest and stay clear with their intentions. That's why they shouldn't be considered jerks.
#3 He's confused and not ready yet
I have already mentioned in the introduction that physical attraction comes first for most men, and emotional attachment comes after that.
Maybe you started sleeping with him without any kinda emotional attachment, but now something for him is getting developed within you.
But he still doesn't want a relationship because he has not yet reached your phase. That's why when you approach him for a relationship, he seems to be confused. In this scenario, you've to understand that he's still not ready to come into a relationship with you.
Perhaps, something within him is being developed for you as well, but that is not yet too strong to come into some relationship.
#4 He's just sexually attracted
Sometimes, people find emotional compatibility with their partners but don't find sexual satisfaction with the same person. In this situation, they look for sexual satisfaction outside the current relationship without messing with their current emotional attachment.
Or some people are polygamous in nature. They also tend to look for multiple sexual attachments but stay settled with one emotional relationship.
Maybe the guy you're talking about is just sexually interested in you. These guys mostly have stable relationships and are emotionally happy with their partners in such cases. He's just sexually attracted and hence sleeps with you. But in these cases, the guy supposes to make his point clear from the very initial stage.
#5 He doesn't find you emotionally attractive
For men, sexual and emotional attraction works pretty differently. They may feel emotional and sexual attraction separately to two different persons. And we do not choose someone for a relationship if we don't feel emotional attachments to them.
Maybe the guy you're being worried about doesn't find you emotionally attractive. For him, perhaps everything was about physical intimacy. It may be his case if the guy hardly shows you any of his emotional sides.
Here you must understand that physical attraction is pretty simple, but emotional attachment is quite a complicated phenomenon. You don't need to and shouldn't feel bad if the guy finds you emotionally compatible with him. You don't need to change your nature just to get into a relationship with some man.
#6 He's a commitment freak
Do you remember Chandler from the famous T.V. show F.R.I.E.N.D.'s? You remember why he always got afraid of commitments! Your guy could be like him, a commitment freak. He sleeps with you and maybe has feelings for you too. But still, He never wants a relationship with you.
These guys often find many lame excuses to satisfy their phobia. They have no real logic behind this fear, but that's exactly how commitment phobia works.
#7 He doesn't want emotional engagements
Why do we go into relationships? Because we find our emotional counterpart within someone, right? But at this point, you must understand that people can be emotionally self-sufficient. But sexual self-sufficiency is never possible.
Your man could be such a person who is emotionally self-sufficient and doesn't feel the need for a romantic relationship in his life.
Maybe he's so busy with his professional affairs that he doesn't want any kind of attachment to bother him anyway. But as people have sexual needs, and he finds you attractive, he sleeps with you.
#8 He's traumatized
Trauma from past experiences can very badly affect a person's life. Suppose your man has some bad experiences with relationships in his past and developed some kind of emotional trauma. In that case, he may try to make himself distant from going into further relationships.
Maybe he really feels for you, so he sleeps with you. But out of that trauma, he never wants a relationship to be developed.
How can you understand if this is his reason? These guys keep saying negative things about relationships. They may say that no relationship eventually works, or relationships eventually ruin people's life, or this is the best you people should stay with. Your man may even share his past experiences if you're very close to his heart.
#9 He's your close friend
If you sleep with one of your very close friends and you've created this connection as an FWB bonding, in that case, he may not want a relationship with you.
In such situations, many guys think that a romantic relationship can destroy the beautiful bonding you currently have together.
Mostly from the fear of losing you, he doesn't want any relationship to build up. Because relationships bring commitments, expectations, and the chance of breakups, but he wants this connection to last long. That's why he feels safe to be with it as it is.
#10 He's emotionally immature
Emotionally immature guys tend to think sleeping without a relationship is fun. They do not commit, no strings attached; what they have is just raw sex.
So, if your man often says that "what's is in a relationship, this is fun," there is a high chance of him being emotionally immature.
#11 He thinks he can't meet your expectations
Men generally don't choose their partners after deep thinking. They like someone, ask her out, and thus they come into relationships initially.
But if your man starts thinking deeply and always thinks that he could never meet your expectations (emotionally, financially, if not sexually), he would hardly consider coming into a relationship with you.
You will understand if he's thinking something like this through his word. In such cases, your man will often feel unworthy of you, insecure about you, etc.
#12 He thinks it won't have a future
Suppose you assume that you won't have a future with your boyfriend due to some reason. Would you stay anymore in a relationship with him? No right. The same is applied to men too.
Maybe he sleeps with you, and you two are great in bed together. But still, for some reason, he thinks that you people are not gonna make it long. That is why he chose not to come into a relationship with such a person whom he hasn't any future with.
#13 He judges you
If you have decided to sleep with the guy without any kinda commitment, he may start judging you. Perhaps he thinks you may switch your partner quite swiftly, even without emotional attachments. That's why he doesn't respect you and doesn't want to come into any relationship.
#14 He's emotionally unavailable
Maybe your man has recently broken up his past relationship and currently trying to move on. Perhaps he sleeps with you not only for his sexual needs but also to move on from his past.
In this situation, if you ask him for a relationship, inevitably, he would refuse. Irrespective of men and women, emotionally moving on from a relationship isn't easy. Rather it takes a lot of time to go into another relationship after a breakup.
#15 He's a jerk
Here comes the most judgemental thing about a guy. Your man could indeed be a jerk if sleeping with different people is a part of his character. You can also consider him a jerk if he initially promised you something or at least hinted at some commitment before getting you in the bed.
If he did so and now is refusing to come into a relationship or denying his commitment, be sure that the guy is a complete jerk, and you need to start distancing yourself immediately from him.
Signs that show his attachments
After going through the potential reasons, if you've identified the specific one but yet are confused about whether your guy has any hidden emotional attachment to you or not, this part of the blog is exclusively for you.
- He's possessive. Attachment makes people possessive. So, if you've recently noticed him being possessive about you, most possibly he's developed emotional feelings for you.
- He gets you small gifts. Small gifts are a clear sign of having an emotional soft corner. So, if your man often gets you small gifts like flowers, small soft toys, origami handicrafts, and even a packet of half-eaten cookies, it shows that he really feels something special for you.
- He often plans for you. Men may sleep with some random women, but they never plan for them often. Maximum they go to some random coffee dates, dinner, or brunch, but men hardly take the initiative to plan something special for those random women or even close friends. So, if the guy you sleep with often makes special plans for you, there's a high chance of him having strong feelings for you.
- He's not interested in any other women. If the guy feels for you romantically, he would hardly find other women interesting. So, if you notice your guy ignoring other women and giving you complete attention, especially during normal times, it shows his emotional attachment to you.
- He cuddles with you. Whether it's a man or woman, we may have sex with anyone, but cuddling is something completely different. We feel cuddling only with people with whom we're emotionally attached. For men, this cuddling indicates some stronger emotional feelings even than women. So, if it happens to you often during your intimate moments with the guy, it's maybe a sign of his attachment.
- He's being protective of you. The guy doesn't tolerate anyone else hurting you emotionally. He stands up for you, tries to protect you during any kinda conflict, and cares for you when you're sick. These all merely mean that he has a real soft corner for you, subconsciously, if not consciously.
- He kisses your forehead. This ultimate gesture tells about his direct and conscious attachment to you. Men only kiss women on the forehead with whom they are in love. So, if your man does this, be sure that he is emotionally attached to you. Eventually, you two are gonna be together, no matter what he currently says.
What can YOU do?
If your sex mate's disinterest in a relationship is bothering you, frankly, there's very little you can do about it. To be honest, you've closed the door for yourself exactly when you agreed to sleep with him knowing that he's romantically interested in you.
But still, if you're desperate to make something out of this situation, think that both of you have started feeling for each other, or simply want to get out of this situation, there are indeed a few things you may try.
#1 Make yourself prepare for everything
The first thing I want to suggest to you in this context is to make yourself prepare for all kinds of situations, both negative and positive.
Undoubtedly, you're in a pretty complicated situation, and you may have to deal with more complicated things in due course.
The guy may disrespect you, hurt your dignity, blackmail you, judge you, and even try to hurt your reputation if the situation turns into a negative one for you.
But in a positive situation, you won't have to face any such things. Rather everything will fall in line with time. What you have to keep with you always is patience.
As you don't know how the situation will go, I asked you to prepare for everything.
#2 Observe his behavior
Proper observation of his behavior for a certain period is very much necessary to make sure how he actually feels about you.
You've already learned how you can read his gestures and decode their meanings. Apply that of your knowledge now.
During that time, be normal and nice to him. Whether the situation develops positively or negatively, keep provoking the guy. Your provocation will let his actual feelings come out of him more smoothly.
After such a thorough observation of his behavior, you'll understand what steps you should or could take the next.
#3 Have an open conversation
Now, as you have prepared yourself and decoded his gestures through observation, you should have an open conversation with him. There is no issue in the world that quality conversations can't solve.
During the conversation, tell him everything. Don't hide any truth; tell him all about your feelings, what you want, and even how you want this connection to pursue. Just never show your vulnerable side while having such an intense conversation.
And one more thing. If the guy wants to get intimate during the conversation, never allow him to do so. Unwanted intimacy during such a quality conversation won't only cover the topic but also raise questions about your self-dignity. That's why I always recommend doing such meetings in some coffee shops or restaurants, if possible.
#4 Make him jealous
Making him jealous is another process through which you can make him understand how he actually feels about you.
Sometimes, feelings come from the subconscious state of mind, and men can't understand that itself. That's why they continue denying it.
If you assume something like this, you may try tricks to make him jealous. During this phase, you may hang out with other guys, tell your man how those guys treat you, how good you felt with those guys, and even happy stories from your past relationships.
Then keep an eye on his responses. If he continues indifferent behavior, maybe you were wrong. He hasn't anything emotional for you. If otherwise, after a certain point of time, he will turn crazy and may even start fighting with you over some silly issue.
But here the caution is, never go extreme just in order to make him jealous.
#5 Let him suffer
If the guy sleeping with you isn't interested in a relationship, you may also be a sadist with him. If he wants sex, don't let him have it that easily.
Easy accessibility of anything eventually loosens the value of that. So, let him suffer for it. Make him beg you to be with him. You may go for dinner, but don't let him have you on the bed. Start treating yourself as a trophy he has to win.
If your guy lacks putting effort for you, try finding your alternative after a certain period, be sure that he hasn't anything emotional for you ever. In such a situation, it's better to let him go.
#6 Move on from your emotions
Suppose, now you've realized that nothing serious is gonna happen between you and him and finally you decided to let him go.
At this point, you have to start working on your emotions. No matter if you felt something for him or not, if a person with whom you were sexually involved gets detached, an emotional breakdown is supposed to come.
So, start loving yourself. Make yourself understand that nothing was supposed to happen between you and him.
What happens, happens for something better. Besides, spend more time with you. Get yourself new gifts. Talk to new people, hang out with them. Try to keep yourself happy and move on from your emotions.
Don't do these…
Here I'm mentioning a few things that you should avoid throughout the entire time.
- Don't overreact. Throughout the whole time, please keep control of your temper. Sometimes, you may lose your calm but always remember keeping a hold on your attitude brings more respect to your personality.
- Don't annoy him. If he's no longer interested in you or doesn't want to maintain the connection, you should let him go with your straight words. It would be best if you don't nag him with your emotions no matter what you feel inside.
- Never let him have something very personal of you. Letting your sex mate have something very personal of you is too dangerous for your future. It may be photos, videos, or even some record of your conversations. As this type of connection has no assurance of being permanent, you should make sure that he hasn't had any such thing that could be used to blackmail you.
- Never compromise your dignity. If the guy hurts your dignity throughout the whole time, you should consider stepping out immediately from the existing connection.
- Never claim something from him as your right. You can not and should not claim any of his feelings or anything as your right if you agreed to sleep with him without any commitment. As everything was mutual, you can't blame the guy for chatting for betraying you. But if he promised or pretended something, that's totally a different issue.
To sum it up…
So, that was a pretty detailed blog I have written about the complicated issue many women face nowadays. Hopefully, now you have a holistic concept of dealing with such situations.
In the end, I want to mention that if you ever think that the situation is going or may go out of your control, you must not hesitate to seek some professional help. Be it a cop, a lawyer, or some psychotherapist; you should always seek help according to your need.
Stay safe, stay blessed. Happy loving.