Girlfriend Always Complaining [Everything You Need to Know]Your girlfriend may always keep complaining because you're being unable to meet all her expectations. Maybe you're not giving her enough attention and validation, and through her complaints, she's exactly seeking that love and compassion from you. Or some people also keep complaining just due to their behavioral nature.
Everyone dreams of being in a relationship that is healthy and full of positivity. We hope our partner will be loving, caring, understanding, and supportive. We hope the relationship will make our lives more pleasant and joyful. But sometimes, things don't happen as we would like them to happen.
It is not rare to find troubled people because of certain aspects of their partner's behavior. Some find their partner's spending habits too much, some may be annoyed with their partner's laziness, and some others are frustrated with their lack of cleanliness.
One of the more common issues that trouble people in relationships is that their partners just won't stop complaining and whining, no matter what they do.
Be it about their work, their bosses, their colleagues, their friends, the breakfast they had that day, or the trash that needs to be taken out - some people just won't stop complaining.
And since you have landed on this post, I think it is safe to assume that your girlfriend is one of them as well. Dealing with people who are always focused on the negatives may leave one feeling tired and drained. So, "what can be done about it?" you may ask.
Well, the first thing you need to do is to figure out why your girlfriend is always complaining. Is it just habitual behavior? Is she under a lot of stress or frustrated? Is there something you have been ignoring? Let's try to understand why she may be behaving in such a way.
Possible reasons why your girlfriend is always complaining
You have been together with your girlfriend for quite some time. Things were going pretty well in the beginning. But after a while, you started to notice that she was always dissatisfied and discontent, and she started to complain. You love her a lot and want to be happy with her, but her behavior is taking a toll on you. You want to understand why she keeps complaining.
Here, we have listed down possible reasons why she may be behaving in such a way:
#1 It may be a habitual behavior
Some habits are hard to break. Suppose a person has been raised in a household where the family members always kept pointing out negatives in every situation and complaining about everything.
In that case, there is a high chance that the person will behave similarly and become a chronic complainer. Such behavior may also develop when people suffer continuous failures and disappointments in life.
Maybe your girlfriend's parents always complained, fought, and blamed others. Maybe she never had the chance to learn how to see the positive side of things. Maybe she is unaware of this as an issue negatively affecting her and your relationship. Or maybe she wants to be happy but cannot change her behavior and attitude no matter how hard she tries.
#2 She may be frustrated with her own issues
Maybe your girlfriend is not a chronic complainer. Maybe she is just under a lot of stress and is now frustrated. Maybe she has been having a hard time at work, maybe her new boss is very strict, and she has been continuously working overtime to meet the deadlines. Maybe one of her best friends or a close family member is very sick, which has taken a toll on her.
Often, when we are under stress, we lose our cool, and everything begins to annoy us. We may get angry at our loved ones even when they are trying to help. We may even get annoyed if the weather outside is too sunny or too cloudy and is not to our liking. If your girlfriend has been dealing with stress or workload, then this may be the reason why she is always complaining.
#3 She may be resentful towards you
It may be possible that you have hurt her in some way, leaving her resentful. Maybe she had some expectations from you and this relationship that were not fulfilled.
Maybe she expected you to understand her emotions and desires and act accordingly, but you couldn't get the hint. Or maybe you were too busy with work or other commitments and didn't give her enough attention.
Relationships take a lot of care and effort to maintain. It is quite easy to lose the spark as the relationship gets older and things get mundane. Maybe she expects you to do something to put in more effort and is disappointed with you.
If she has expressed her concerns on this topic earlier, this may be why she is constantly pissed and always complaining. Complaining may be her way of getting her frustration out.
#4 She may be seeking attention and validation
A lot of people need attention and validation from others to feel good about themselves. Growing up, most of us are not taught how to love ourselves or live for ourselves.
We often see our parents and loved ones sacrificing themselves to meet other people's expectations, which is considered a "good" trait. We learn to do the same, and as adults, it leaves us feeling drained.
We crave happiness but don't know how to provide it for ourselves. We set heavy expectations on our loved ones and want them to give us all their attention so that we can feel happy.
We want them to validate all our feelings, and if they don't, we feel disappointed, annoyed, and abandoned. At times, people may also start doing things that are negative or triggering just to get the attention of people around them.
Maybe your girlfriend is in a similar state of mind. Maybe she needs attention and validation, and since she is not satisfied with what she is getting, her frustration is finding its way out as complaints.
#5 She may have personality disorders
Many people have personality disorders of various kinds. Most of the time, they are not even aware of that. Some disorders make people very suspicious and distrustful of others.
They may become paranoid, making them complain about many big and small things. Some disorders make people impulsive, dramatic, and even provocative. They may do things just to trigger other people and get their attention.
There are also a lot of people who have a narcissistic personality disorder. Such people often make everything about themselves. They have an intense need for attention and administration. If you think your girlfriend may have a similar condition, you should talk to her and help her get guidance from a licensed professional.
#6 Her complaints may actually be legit!
There is also a possibility that her complaints are actually legit. Maybe things that don't matter to you or that you choose to ignore are things that do bother her.
Suppose she has been asking you to help her with the household chores, not leave dirty dishes in the sink or take the trash out timely, and you have been ignoring her requests; maybe she has a right to complain!
What can you do about it?
By now, you have probably figured out why your girlfriend keeps complaining and being negative about everything. So, let's take a look at things you can do to handle the situation and/or help her:
#1 Talk to her
Communication is very essential if two people want to maintain a healthy relationship. Talk to your girlfriend about your concerns. If her behavior has been taking a toll on you, let her know.
Maybe she hasn't realized that she is being very negative. Maybe it is something she grew up watching others do, so it is completely normal for her. Be gentle and compassionate and explain it to her.
Let her know what you feel, how things affect you, the relationship, and even other people around her. Make sure to avoid getting angry or frustrated while talking to her. Be loving. Let her know she can discuss her issues with you without fearing being judged.
#2 Try to understand her situation
Get her to talk. Listen to what she has to say. Maybe things are pretty tough for her, and she needs a way to vent her emotions. Maybe she is unable to handle all the stress. Maybe things have happened, and she is feeling low and a bit emotionally unstable these days. There may be many reasons why she may be behaving the way she has been.
It may also be that she is annoyed with you. She may have been hurt because of your actions, or there may be some misunderstandings between the two of you. Try to understand her side of the story and see if there is anything you can fix on your part.
#3 It may not be about you at all!
You may feel that all her complaining and whining are directed at you. But this may not be the case at all. She may just be frustrated with her work, friends, and life. Maybe she has been feeling disappointed with everything and is just projecting her emotions outwards as complaints.
If you feel that you have not done anything that would annoy her or that she has already told you that it is not about you, then maybe it isn't about you.
In that case, you may relax and stop taking all her complaints personally. Just hear her out and see if there's anything you can do. Or maybe just allow her some time, and she will cool down on her own as her frustration dies down.
#4 Ask her if there is a way you can help
Sometimes, a kind and compassionate word can leave a deep impact and change a person. If your girlfriend has had a childhood where she never got to experience the joy of looking at the positive side of things, if she has been suffering from continuous failures and disappointments in life, an affectionate word from you may mean a lot to her.
When she is complaining about things, instead of getting pissed and annoyed with her, ask her lovingly if there is anything you can do to help her. Maybe you can share her workload and provide her with some relief. Maybe you can lend an ear and listen to whatever is bothering her.
If she has complaints like you not taking the trash out or not helping her with chores, she is in the right. You may need to review your own habits and understand if you are causing her to be frustrated.
#5 Try to make your relationship fun and exciting
When we enter a relationship, everything feels happy and exciting. But as things settle down and the relationship gets older, things become dull, and the spark is lost. This may leave many people feeling like their partner has stopped caring for them or loving them. This can often make them feel discontent and frustrated.
If you feel your relationship is dull and your girlfriend keeps complaining about it, it may be a good idea to plan new things and try to make things fun. You may take her out on a surprise date, bring her flowers, go out for a movie or plan your weekends together. She may feel happier and stop complaining when she sees you putting in an effort.
#6 Replace negatives with positives
If your girlfriend is a chronic complainer, it is possible that she grew up watching people around her do the same. It may be hard for her to see the positives in a situation, and even a little issue may make her complain. Something that you can do to help change her mindset is to show her the positive side of things.
Suppose she is complaining about it being too sunny outside. You may tell her that it is a good day then to put the laundry out to dry and that you will help her with it. If she is complaining about her coworkers always burdening her with too much work, you may tell her that you understand her situation and advise her to talk to her coworkers about it.
If she says she is tired of just sitting at home, you may lovingly ask her what she wants to do! Doing this may help her see the positive side of situations and may stop her from complaining incessantly.
#7 Find reasons to be grateful
Practicing gratitude is always a good thing. We should be grateful for waking up every morning, having food to eat, clothes to wear, and family and friends. Practicing gratitude makes us see the good in our lives, and we stop focusing as much on what we don't have.
If your girlfriend is always negative and feels like nothing is going well in her life, practicing gratitude may make her realize that many good things are still happening in her life. You may choose to practice gratitude yourself, and watching you be grateful and happy may make her want to do the same!
#8 If nothing works, talk to her again
Maybe you have tried everything, and nothing seems to be working. You have tried to make her happy, share her burdens, and help her with her work and chores. You have tried to talk to her and listen to her. You have tried to use positive words and practice gratitude. But nothing you did had any impact on her behavior.
You are tired, and her constant complaining is taking a toll on your mental health. If that is the case, you must sit her down and calmly explain everything. Tell her how it is affecting you and destroying your relationship.
Tell her that you understand she is not doing it on purpose, but she needs to take note of it. You may suggest getting professional help if she says she cannot change her old habits. Be direct with her and let her know that the relationship may go downhill if things continue the way they are.
#9 If you are unable to take it anymore…
You have explained everything to her a million times. You have told her that you could not continue if she doesn't try to change her negative attitude. But she just doesn't seem to care. It is starting to affect you really badly. You cannot find peace whenever you both are together. If things have come to a point where you are not able to take it anymore, and she is not ready to change, the best thing you can do is break up and let her go.
It may hurt you, and she may try to blame you for it, but staying in a toxic relationship does no one any good.
Ways in which you can help her
You know that your girlfriend is an amazing person, and she just needs a bit of help to let go of her negative mindset. You truly want to help her but don't know what to do.
Here, we have listed down some ways in which you may help her out:
#1 Being gentle with her
If a person is already frustrated and you talk to them angrily or say things to provoke them, it will not do any good. If your girlfriend is stressed or frustrated, treating her gently and with care is most important. Your gentleness may help her calm down and pay attention to your words.
#2 Listening to her
Hold space for her and allow her to share what she is going through. Don't judge her or mock her. Don't shrug her off. Let her rant if she wants to. Maybe talking it out will help her calm down and feel better. It will also help you understand what you can do to help her out.
#3 Sharing her burdens
If she is overworked and is under a lot of pressure, helping her out with her work may make her happy. If she wants you to do some chores for her so she can take a moment off, kindly do so. Sharing her burdens may help her relax and calm down, which may stop her from complaining all the time.
#4 Making her happy
We all want to be happy in our lives. When we feel happy and joyful, even if we are faced with a troublesome situation, we handle it with a lot of positivity and grace.
You may choose to do little things for her to make her happy. Making her breakfast, buying her roses, offering to drop her to work, or picking her up after work. These things may make her feel special and happy. If she feels joyful, she would naturally complain a lot less.
#5 Helping her get professional help
If nothing is working and you feel that she may have issues requiring professional help, talk to her about it. Help her understand how her behavior is affecting not just you but her own life as well.
Help her find a trusted, licensed professional and be with her if she wants you to accompany her to visit them. There is nothing to feel awkward or ashamed about if she needs help. Be her strength.
To sum up
I hope this blog provided you with the answers you were looking for. Talk to her if your girlfriend is always complaining about everything and you are worried that her behavior is negatively impacting your relationship.
Clear communication can help resolve even the biggest of problems in relationships. There may be a variety of reasons why she is always complaining. It may be a habitual behavior, or she may be just frustrated about something.
Talking to her may help you understand the root of the problem and, thus, help resolve it. Whatever the case, make sure to take care of yourself and handle the situation with care!