Boyfriend Makes No Effort on My Birthday (Why & What to Do)Your boyfriend isn’t serious about you. He is either using you as a sidekick or because he is out of options. Had he looked at you as the girl of his dreams, he wouldn’t have hesitated to put in the effort. You should clarify things and split them if you feel he is not worthy of you.
Birthdays are special occasions when our loved ones are more excited for us. They want to throw a party and celebrate it to make us feel special. Naturally, it is an accepted code of conduct that our special someone will do something out of the box for us. However, when your boyfriend doesn’t put effort into your birthday, you wonder if he loves you enough.
In this blog post, I will help you to figure out why your boyfriend is not putting effort into your birthday and what you should do to express your disapproval of the off-handed treatment.
Keep reading below to find more.
Reasons why your boyfriend makes no effort on your birthday
Your boyfriend might find birthdays a sad affair because it means that we are turning old and will live one year less. If he loves you insanely, and he is a gloomy person, he would find it illogical to celebrate the birthday.
While this excuse might be acceptable, there are many other possibilities why your boyfriend would refrain from putting in an effort. Read below to find out more.
#1 He doesn’t love you
Your boyfriend won’t put effort into your birthday when he doesn’t love you enough. He might not call you at midnight to wish you. He might not even care to meet you to make you feel special.
There are many ways to know if your boyfriend loves you or is faking it. You would understand from the way he looks at you, does he motivate you towards achieving newer milestones or stays aloof and keep complaining about how you behave.
The most important thing is to see how you feel when you spend time with them. If they don’t make you feel good about life, and they make you depressed, ask yourself the reason to be with them. Keep the people who cherish you.
#2 He doesn’t believe in birthdays
Your boyfriend might not be celebrating your birthday because he doesn’t get much excited about it. Birthdays are not a celebratory occasion for all. It varies from culture and one's personal experiences.
It would help if you saw whether he doesn’t celebrate your birthday alone or any person’s birthday. When they don’t get excited about their birthday or anyone else’s, they might have some reasons for it. Try to understand this. You need not shy away from asking them this.
When they tell you the reasons, give them ample reasons why they should celebrate it and let go of previous incidents. Even if something disturbing had happened in their past, they must move on from that incident, not just for their sake but yours too.
#3 He is too introverted to celebrate
When your boyfriend is so introverted that he runs away from celebrations, he might not have put in the effort because you were having a grand celebration. If you throw a grand party and are an outgoing, extroverted person with strong networking, your boyfriend might feel left out and avoid going to the party altogether.
Moreover, if your relationship is young, there might be a chance that he is not fond of people in your group. He might gift you something customized and personal later. If you hold your boyfriend dear, celebrate your day with him rather than with your friends. You can give them a treat or party later. Sort your priorities so that your boyfriend does the same.
#4 He lost someone special on his birthday
Your boyfriend would be against birthdays if he had a tragedy on someone’s birthday. Any person’s birthday might bring him back the shocks and trauma of the loss that had occurred. You can work on gathering information bout your boyfriend’s past.
When you date someone, make it a point to know about their past experiences. There is no need to discuss the particulars or want to know whom they shared; you want to know what you want to know is a general hold of what they have been through.
You should know what triggers your boyfriend. An idea of what are the moments and the people he cheers and the ones who make him uncomfortable will give you an understanding of how to behave with him and around him.
#5 He is over-exhausted
If your boyfriend has an over-exhaustive schedule, it may happen at the end of the financial year, or he plans to expand his business. Try to be his companion in the true sense of the term. If he wishes you well and he is hustling with you in his mind, that is, he aims to be a provider and have a luxurious life with you in the future, bears that in mind.
If a person is working on themselves, motivate and inspire them. There is no reason to be disheartened here. Be logical. Understand his truer and larger motives. Don’t judge a person by singular actions. Judge them overall. How they have treated you the entire year, how far you have come with him, calculate that. When you see that you have been happy and enjoyed, that is your ultimate aim.
#6 He is out of money
There is a possibility that your boyfriend ran out of money and, out of embarrassment, didn’t show up on your birthday. Procuring knowledge of your boyfriend’s finances and helping him figure out the problems by working on them with ideas can strengthen your relationship.
You must encourage your boyfriend to share his problems if he isn’t doing it with you. Give him confidence that you won’t judge him. He should feel comfortable with you. However, your boyfriend shouldn’t use the index of his finances as a tool to manipulate or misguide you. Hence, try to read signs and understand patterns without believing a person blindly. See if they are making eye contact when they narrate the story. To know more about this, click on the link: My Boyfriend Doesn't Share His Problems.
#7 He forgot about your birthday
There is a possibility that your boyfriend might have forgotten about your birthday. To err is human. It would be best not to get too mad at him or treat him harshly. Try to think about the situation from a different perspective. What could be the possible reason that might have led your boyfriend to such a lapse of memory?
Try to find out if he is stressed. If he is in stress, then even if you remind him about your birthday, he won’t be able to act much. Whereas, if he is not stressed but has a lapse of memory, you can tell it through his actions after you drop him the reminder.
The important part here is not to find it too difficult to remind him about what is embarrassing. The people who advise you against it have been in a shallow relationship. You should be open and friendly with your boyfriend. It is not easy to make a relationship work.
#8 You didn’t give him special treatment on his birthday
Your boyfriend might be trying to make things even with you. If you didn’t do anything out of the box for him on his birthday, he might be repeating it with you. It might have been that you had started seeing him not long ago, before his birthday, and hence you didn’t put effort into making its grandeur.
However, he is being as practical in treating you here as you were treating him then. Hence, try to shift perspective and think from his point of view. While you may argue that you have come a long way since then, did you ever take any moment to make him feel special without an occasion?
Remember, pampering is an important part of a relationship. It would help if you did not wait for special occasions to express what you mean to each other. When you begin it on normal days, you will go above the range on special days.
#9 He is not romantic
You cannot let go of the possibility that your boyfriend isn't romantic. I would not claim that he is a nerd because nerds have an insight into human character and an adorable way of going about things.
However, this guy might either be too heartbroken that he couldn't care less for sparkles and glimpses, or he wants a no strings attached relationship. In the former, he hasn't reached that stage yet where he would have a romantic relationship, perhaps all he is looking for is companionship, and all he fears is loneliness.
In the latter, all he cares for right now is to make out and stay engaged lest his thoughts wander here and there. You can ask him directly if either is the case here. Coyness will not water your expectations. To learn more about the latter category, click on the link: 13 Signs He Wants No Strings Attached (With Possible Reasons).
#10 He wants to call it off
Your boyfriend might be hinting at breaking up. If he hasn't been himself lately, he wants to call it off. If this isn't his natural self and he usually would look for opportunities to make a grand celebration of your birthday, you might ask him directly.
You can look for changes in his life. If he is undergoing a stage, giving him space to pull himself together isn't a bad choice either.
What to do when your boyfriend makes no effort on your birthday?
The best way is to express how hurt you are. Observing his reaction to see what feelings are stirred up by when you express your pain is the best way to go about it. It will fetch you clarity regarding your relationship status and shed light on his true feelings for you.
However, there are other alternatives if you feel uncomfortable expressing yourself succinctly before them. Read below to find out more.
#1 Express your sentiments
Don't hesitate to express how you feel before your boyfriend. Your relationship will have hurdles, and your statements or achievements will undergo hiccups, but that doesn't mean you give up on either.
It only indicates that you must try harder and come out stronger. When you tell your boyfriend how his lack of effort or excitement made you feel, he will give you his reasons for the same.
Try to figure out the solutions together. Help each other understand the solutions that shall ace for both of you and help in further cooperation.
#2 Get aloof to see his reaction
If you have tried discussing your sentiments and found no reaction from your boyfriend, try to get aloof and play the indifferent card. If he is not into you. Breaking up at the earliest would be the best resort here.
If he is hurt by your apathy and expresses it before you, remind him how weak he made you feel by keeping his distance from you. Tell him how you long for him and how the longing has set up certain expectations.
You can make suggestions to overcome the barriers and get stronger than before. If he is earnest in keeping you, he will gladly walk that extra mile for you.
#3 Observe his actions
Don't judge him single-handedly by merely one action. Even if he couldn't take out time to make you feel special on your birthday, see all his actions and efforts towards you before concluding.
Some people like to put in more effort when the situation demands it. Does he abandon you in your times of need? Is he not available for you round the clock when you need him? Do you feel lonely in his presence? These should be the couple's goals. Don't get deluded by fancy things.
#4 Notice his exchanges with other people
When you notice your boyfriend's reaction to o other people, it will tell you how he treats you. If he treats you like he treats others, you don't hold that special spot in his life.
If he gives you priority every time and doesn't hesitate to let down others for your sake, he is your man to keep. Note you must keep him the same way he does. When you top his list, make him top yours.
#5 Ask him about his finances
You have the right to ask him directly about his finances when you suspect he might be undergoing some problem that he isn't sharing with you. There is no harm in helping out your guy in his time of need.
When you date someone, don't merely expect them to share your happy moments, be with them during highs and lows. Only then will you be able to make it long-lasting and permanent.
#6 Ask him to share his thoughts on your birthday
It may sound like a writing assignment, but it will clarify many things. When you ask your boyfriend to tell some lines about his thoughts on your birthday, the easiness or difficulty with which he carries the task will surface his true feelings here.
There might be things that struck him hard while courting you on your birthday. It could be your dress up, way of conduct, your friends, or something that someone said. Any of these might have caused the withdrawal. It isn't necessary that he hadn't come prepared but that he chose not to participate later.
#7 Tell him to make the relationship official
When you choose to ask your boyfriend to make it official, it gives a clear gesture on your part that you are serious about him. At the same time, you know how seriously he regards the relationship.
If he agrees to make it official, all you need to work on is explaining your expectations as a girlfriend and asking him the same about his. However, if he hesitates or bluntly denies it, asks him how he views his future with you. If it doesn't align with yours, take action accordingly.
#8 Send him the image of the gift you would like (does he get excited about it or calls you greedy)
If you have been dating for a long, you can take the liberty of sharing the image or link of the gifts you would like from him. Even if he doesn't place an order for you instantly, see if he exhibits excitement for it.
Don't choose something too extravagant lest you might come across as a greedy girlfriend. Choose something cute and meaningful that will look good when gifted by your boyfriend. It could be a book. They are not pricey and make up a nice gift.
If he doesn't engage or show interest, he is not interested in you at large and perhaps just using you to fulfill his needs. Don't be a tissue paper to his needs. You know you're worth better.
When your boyfriend doesn't put effort into your birthday, play reverse psychology. Pamper him all the more to make him feel guilty. Once he realizes what he is doing, he will make it up to you if he truly loves you.