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Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me? - Check these reasons

If you have hurt her or she feels left out of your life, she will start behaving meanly to you to get your attention. Also, when there are trust issues between you two or your girlfriend feels insecure about the relationship's future, she can act mean. Featured Image of Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me

Relationships require equal effort from both partners. But things start to get a bit complicated when the onus of taking the relationship forward falls only on one shoulder. Although there will always be both bitter and sweet moments in the relationship, things get a bit out of hand when the bitterness starts to come from one end. 

When two individuals embark on a beautiful relationship called "love," they are expected to love the person as they are. But we should never forget that two individuals are involved in a relationship, and each of them will have different traits and natures. We love to have those moments in our relationships where the girlfriend gets a little jealous, or her irritation with trivial things seems only sweet and cute. 

But when the behavior is different from usual, the relationship starts to go downhill. Behavior such as meanness, bad temperament, and anger issues can sometimes be really hard to deal with, and it can even make the relationship borderline toxic. 

However, behind every effect, there is a cause. So, if you have seen a huge change in your girlfriend and feel that her behavior is bothering you, it's time to get a reality check on the actual reasons behind it. Is she only being mean because you have been upset about something, or is she by nature a rude and mean person? It's time to assess the partners' behavior and actions that led to a painful situation like this. 

Reasons your girlfriend is mean to you

Your girlfriend will not become mean to you out of the blue. She might be going through some serious issues, and her behavior reflects her inner conflicts. Let's dive in and discover why your girlfriend is mean to you. 

#1 She feels taken for granted

Couples who have been together for a long time have often gone through this issue. If your girlfriend feels that you are not giving her enough importance and she is just a part of your life, she will start to feel left out. She feels that you have stopped putting in any effort, and there is a lack of attention from your end. 

She is being mean to you to get your attention. Since she feels that you have started taking the relationship for granted and it does not matter to you whether the relationship works out, she is trying her way to make it work. She is deliberately behaving rudely with you so that you notice the changes in her attitude. She wants to take this change seriously and talk about it to let you know her feelings. 

#2 She does not feel loved anymore

If you love someone, actions are always louder than words. So, if you think that you are telling your girlfriend "I love you" every day and yet she is being mean to you, there is another issue. She starts to feel unloved when you don't spend enough time with her, when you don't share your life with her when you hardly talk to her. Somewhere the warmth of the relationship starts to lack. 

But why would she behave meanly with you when she can address the issue? Well, the answer is she can see how you have time for everyone, and she is always left out when it comes to her. So, she starts behaving rudely toward you to show you that she does not like this behavior of yours. 

#3 She feels you are closer to your girl best friend

No matter how cool your girlfriend is about your girl best friend, she would never tolerate it when you cross the limit. Your girlfriend is fine as long as you two only have friendly conversations, meet each other occasionally and always update your girlfriend about your friend. But things can go out of hand when your girlfriend notices that your girl best friend is coming in between your space.

For her, you and the relationship matter the most. So, when she can see a third person entering that circle, she will not like this. She knows about your friendship with her, and she doesn't want to hurt you by breaking that friendship. However, she is not okay with you being so close to her. Hence, she is saying meanly to you that she would like you to understand the limit. 

#4 She is going through a rough patch

Apart from being in a relationship with you, she certainly has a life of her own. She might be caught up with her work and studies or family issues. She might be frustrated about many things in her life, and you are the person she is venting it to. She is not doing it intentionally. Her objective is not to hurt you or make you feel bad. 

But she knows you're the only person who will understand her mental exhaustion, so she is letting her heart out to you. She will be mean to you for some time, and then she will realize her behavior and quickly say "sorry" to you. She does not end up fighting with you, too, as you are the only safe space for her right now. 

#5 She wants to teach you a lesson

Love and caring are not always enough for a relationship to strive for. Respect is another important aspect of any relationship. So, if you have ever behaved badly with your girlfriend and you never realize that you hurt her, it is likely that you will get back the same treatment from hers. 

She has endured all your rudeness and meanness because she loves you. However, everyone has a threshold, and once the respect part of a relationship starts to dilute, it shakes the base of the relationship. She feels disrespected and neglected and the least important in her life. But she has gone through that poor treatment and now wants you to have the same piece of cake. She will be mean to you only to make you understand your mistake and what it feels like to be disrespected. 

#6 She knows about your affair

If you are cheating on your girlfriend, she will find it out one day. Cheating is not acceptable in a relationship. However, if your girlfriend has found out about it and is not letting you know that she is aware of it, then she is waiting for you to tell her the truth. Perhaps, your actions or your certain changes in your recent behavior have made her suspicion true.

But she does not want to confront you directly. She is behaving rudely with you to give you a hint that there is something wrong. She wants you to accept your fault and have open communication with you. She will not tell you about her discovery until you confess it to her. 

#7 She is unable to maintain LDR

If a normal relationship requires 100% effort, then an LDR requires 200% from both sides. However, with distance, different lifestyles, worlds, and time zones, many couples find it hard to keep up the spark in the relationship. And eventually, it falls apart. However, it becomes quite selfish when one partner cannot keep up with the LDR, but the other partner puts all effort and love. 

Your girlfriend knows that your love for her is genuine. However, she is not prepared to carry on with an LDR and its many problems. She feels bad about ending the relationship all of a sudden. Hence she has opted for a different route. She is behaving in a mean with you. She is not picking up your call and not giving you updates about her day. If you call her, she tells you your call disturbs her. Slowly, she is trying to create a wall between you two so that both of you understand the relationship is hanging on the edge. 

#8 She thinks you're not giving her enough time

Spending quality time is necessary for every relationship to maintain a stronger bond. However, with so many happening in our lives, getting that special time for your partner gets difficult. But, no matter how busy you are, your partner will always expect you to make time for her.

She will understand your crazy schedules. But at the same time, she will crave some special time from you, even if it is for an hour once a week, she will be super glad. But she can see that you are too caught up with your work and other stuff. Whenever you get some free time, you like to spend alone or with friends. And that's when she starts to feel less prioritized. She behaves mean to you because she is upset with you. She wants the relationship to work, but you and your time to make it work. 

#9 She is not attracted to you anymore

It happens mostly with people who start dating casually. Probably, your girlfriend wanted a casual relationship with you for a short while. Now that the exciting and happening phase is over for her, she has stopped being sweet with you. You would see a huge difference in her attitude towards you and the relationship. You might want to see her for a longer time; for you, it's not a fling. 

But she has made up her mind. She does not care about you anymore; hence she is not bothered by her mean behavior. She will not reply to you; she will always say "no" if you wish to meet her. And eventually, she will ghost you one day. 

How to deal with when my girlfriend is mean to me?

First, you must find the right reason for your girlfriend to be mean to you. When you repeatedly see this behavior from her end and feel mentally exhausted, you must address the issue openly. Initially, you can give her some time and observe her behavior. But if it goes on for a long time, you will not be mentally happy, and that will have a negative impact on the relationship. 

Also, your girlfriend needs to understand it is not okay to behave with you rudely without letting you know the reason. When she is mean to you all the time, bitterness will come into the relationship, which will affect the nature of the relationship.

So, ask your girlfriend and tell her that her behavior upsets you. Give her a week or two, but not more than that. It is best to have a face-to-face conversation to solve such intricate issues. 

Do's and Don'ts when your girlfriend is being mean to you


  • Observe her properly. It is easy to conclude without knowing the real fact. Perhaps, she was upset for a specific reason, and she ended up showing her frustration to you. But the next day, she is totally fine. So, observe for a few days before you judge her. 
  • Be patient. She is your girlfriend, and you can tolerate some of her tantrums. So, be a bit patient and, with a calm mind, try to find out the reason. 
  • Communicate with her. Communication can make even the hardest things alright. So, ask her directly. 
  • Tell her that you feel upset with her behavior. If she is being mean to you intentionally, she needs to understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Being mean to a partner can never solve any issue. 
  • Work on your mistakes. After you two had a real chat with each other and discussed the problem, it's time to work on the problems. If you were the one who had made a mistake, start rectifying that. 


  • Do not indulge in the same behavior. If you think that you will also be mean to her and that will solve the issue, then you're mistaken. It will only worsen the situation. So, keep your calm. 
  • Do not invite more fights. Fighting with her will never help you to resolve. You need to have real conversations to discover why things are like this. 
  • Do not lie to her about your mistakes. If your actions have hurt her and that's why she is being mean to you, hiding your mistakes can never bring a positive outcome. It is best to admit what you have done and then find a way to work things out. 
  • Do not neglect the entire issue. You might think that this is a temporary spell and she will again be the sweet person she is. But you never know what's going on in her mind. Tolerating mean behavior from your girlfriend for a long can take a toll on your mental health as well as the health of the relationship. So, speak up and address the issue. 

Should I break up with my girlfriend if she is mean to you?

How much meanness is too much meanness- that's the question. If you are sure that she is behaving to catch your attention or over a small issue, you can let her vent herself out like that for a while.

But if she is always mean to you, even when you plan a surprise for her or do something special for her, you should probably rethink her. Fights, arguments, and some rough patches are common in a relationship. But if being mean remains the only option left to let each other know things are not working, then the comfort between you two is lost. 

No matter the problem, a strong couple will address issues with courage. Since they want to resolve things, they will not hesitate to talk about real stuff. But if your girlfriend has decided that she is not into this relationship anymore and she is choosing this means to let you know her feelings, it's best to go separate ways. 

Your relationship is supposed to be a safe and calming space for you. You will not like it in the future when your partner keeps bickering even at the smallest thing. So, talk to your partner and give her some time. Yet, if you find that you can't deal with this anymore, it is never a sin to walk out of a relationship for your happiness. 

Final words

A happy couple is always a strong couple. So, if you have issues, be brave enough to talk about them and work things out. When you let bitterness enter a relationship, it worsens things. 

So, be kind to each other and let love be the only weapon in a relationship. 

Ahiri Chakraborty

Senior Writer

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