Why is My Girlfriend So Emotional? (ANSWERED)Being emotional is a part of your girlfriend's personality. Being emotional is not a bad thing unless it disturbs your peace. She expresses herself better with myriad emotions in a world where most people hide their feelings under a mask of stoicism. Her emotions are unlikely to affect your relationship.
Emotions are present in everybody. They accompany us right from birth and shape us throughout our lives. They create our personality. The Pixar movie Inside Out brilliantly showed this phenomenon. They showed how our mind works through the five protagonists, who were beautiful personifications of each emotion.
The film taught us that every mind works differently. The same idea applies to you and your girlfriend. She expresses her emotions with a different intensity than you do. That creates a difference between you two, and probably that's why you are here looking for answers.
There is nothing to worry about. Her overtly emotional nature will never come in the way of your relationship. Her ability to express herself better will be of help during fights. Nevertheless, you think that the most unlikely thing will happen (that is, her emotions will turn into the source of your mental agony). Well, don't worry. I am here to help. Read on.
10 reasons why…
First of all, you need to understand one thing. Her emotions form her personality (the same applies to you too). You can change nothing about that. She is what she is.
Emotions are dynamic, and so is a person's personality. They change with changing times. Memories influence them, and experiences give them new shapes and forms. All the while, the person remains the same on the outside.
Your problems with her overtly emotional self possibly come from the fact that she often gets mood swings. One moment she seems happy, only to cry the next moment. She cries a lot.
You probably feel confused about the situation. You feel clueless about how to react. All this is because you don't know the reasons for her changing self yet. Let's make an attempt to find out what goes on in her mind. Keep scrolling.
#1 She is anxious
She suffers from anxiety. Her emotional excess comes from the constant overthinking she does. This is not something she does intentionally. She seems emotionally vulnerable because she trusts you and believes that you will understand her situation.
If you have known her for a while, you will also know how she gets upset about the smallest, most negligible things in life. She got upset and cried when the oven broke down. She did the same when her pet fish died. Clearly, these two incidents are not the same, yet she reacted to both in the same way. This tells a lot about what kind of person she is.
She overthinks eons into the future. She thinks about all the worst outcomes. You, on the other hand, are more of an easy-going person. You don't care about things as deeply as she does. Therefore, you don't understand her situation. It's okay, as long as you don't hurt her with your words.
#2 She is sad
Her overpouring emotions are dominated by sadness. Think of the movie Inside Out here. There, Happiness was in charge of Riley's (the protagonist) mind. In the case of your girlfriend, the emotion in charge is Sadness.
Where does it come from? Well, that answer will need a whole new article. But over the top of one's mind, it can be assumed that she is sad because of some trauma. Here are a few things she can be sad about:
- She lost someone she loved.
- She is not happy with her profession.
- She has no friends to share her life with.
- She is severely misunderstood.
- She is not happy with what her life turned out to be.
#3 She feels scared
You feel she is "so emotional" because she acts out in weird ways. Her reactions to the simplest things are most dramatic, and it has been increasing ever since. She does this because she is scared. What she is scared of can have multiple answers.
Have you ever seen her when the lights go out all of a sudden? She panics, making things even scarier. Not just darkness, she is scared of most things. She could be scared of things like:
- Crossing the road
- Closed rooms
- Too many people
- Losing close ones
The list goes on. Each of her fear has a traumatizing back story to start with. Try to get to that root if you want to help her.
#4 It's just a personality trait
It is just another personality trait. You don't need to worry about that. She is emotional, but she knows how to deal with her emotions. She will never come in the way of your peace and happiness. She has problems in her life but is perfectly capable of fighting them on her own.
If you find her crying for the silliest reasons, know that it is her way of dealing with what life throws at her. She needs no help from you. All she wants from you is your company when she feels lonely.
Her sadness, her anger, and her laughter are her line of defense against the emotional turmoil. She likes to be left alone with her emotions. She handles them better alone.
#5 She wants attention
The emotions you are so worried about come from her constant need for attention. She probably has been an attention seeker all her life. She wanted it from her parents when she was a child. She did the same with the teachers and classmates in her school. Now that she is in a relationship, she demands attention from you.
She needs your undivided attention. She wants you to be at her beck and call at all times. If you fail to do so, you will be at the receiving end of her wrath, which consists of tears, yelling, and more tears.
Try to observe her behavior. See what she does when you don't pay her the amount of attention she demands. She will probably throw tantrums and create a scene. This is a tough situation to deal with. However, therapy can help.
#6 She is insecure
She feels insecure about things she can't control. She feels insecure about her job, her friends, and her family. She feels insecure about you too.
She stays in the constant fear of losing you to someone else. She cannot function without the support of people close to her. For now, you are the closest to her, and she feels it is your responsibility to keep her happy all the time.
In situations like this, she might forget about boundaries. You will find her clingy. If you think she is worth the fight, you can give some effort to helping her to snap out from such a state of mind.
#7 She is hiding something
Hiding things can clutter one's mind, and that's when one gets an overwhelming influx of emotion. Your girlfriend is probably hiding something from you. There is a huge range of things to hide:
- She cheated on you and feels guilty about that. Feeling guilty creates immense mental pressure on her, and that's when you find her emotional.
- She has eating disorders. Eating disorders can be immensely stressful. They break a person's confidence. They start gaining or losing weight. They start lying to people about their condition.
- She has got secrets. Secrets can be difficult to carry around, especially when one is talkative. She seems emotional, probably because she can no longer carry around the stress of being a secret keeper.
- She did something that can hurt you later. She knows what she has done is wrong. You will get to know about it soon; when you do, it will hurt you. She hates to be the person who does that to you, yet she can't help it. This happens when someone is cheating on their partner or has done something that will emotionally or physically hurt their partner.
- She has childhood trauma. She won't speak to you about it. She thinks about it, though, all the time. The trauma has now made a permanent place in the fabric of her personality. She keeps it to herself, which increases her stress levels tenfold.
- She is on drugs. Of course, she will not talk about it. If you are not into drugs, she will never share that part of her life with you because any sane person would try to take her off drugs. She lives a double life ─ one with you and one with drugs. It is a big source of stress for her. That's why she seems emotional most time.
#8 She has been fighting depression
Her overflow of emotions comes from the depression she has been fighting for years. Depression can have adverse effects on the human mind. It is so detrimental that J.K. Rowling personified it as the infamous dementors in the Harry Potter series.
Your girlfriend thinks she can trust you; therefore, she doesn't shy away from sharing her feelings with you. You are like a ray of hope to her drowning self. She likes you and wants you to understand her.
Sharing her vulnerable, emotional self with you doesn't mean she is no longer suffering from depression. It takes time to recover. She only wants you to be by her side as she recovers.
#9 She is a bit childish
She is immature and a bit childish. She does things no adult will do. She cries at the most insignificant inconveniences. She laughs out loud in inappropriate situations. In a few words, she doesn't have a filter.
While growing up, most of us change ourselves to deal with adulting. We learn what to say and what not to. We learn how much we should smile or laugh in particular situations, and the most unfortunate thing is that we forget to cry and turn into unyielding stoics with severe mental health issues for the rest of our lives.
She is the opposite. She is childlike. Her emotional excess (which is sometimes difficult to handle) comes from her childlike innocence. She doesn't think twice before she says or does something. She never regrets her actions. Maybe, everyone should be a bit like her. Then the world would be a much simpler place.
#10 She is angry
She seems emotional because she is angry about something you don't know. Each person shows their anger in different ways. The way for your girlfriend is emotional. She probably cries her eyes out when she is angry.
This mostly happens when people can't collect their thoughts when they are angry. Haphazard thoughts translate into words that do not affect the person she is arguing with. She wants to say something meaningful, but the words that come out of her mouth sounds like gibberish.
Mostly she loses the fight due to her lack of good arguments. It makes her angrier, and she cries. That's when you say she is "so emotional."
What to do when you have an emotional girlfriend?
There is not much to do when you have an emotional girlfriend. You should have known better when you started dating this girl. Personality traits like these are hard to miss. If you like her and wish to stay with her, accept her the way she is.
However, if her emotions become a source of your mental agony, you can talk to her about that but while doing so, try not to be too explicit. Your honest words can hurt her. You don't want to do that. Right?
Let's see what else you can do. Keep reading.
#1 Ask if she wants help or not
Don't try to help her if she doesn't need it. Instead, you can ask her if she wants help from you or any other source. Helping a person who doesn't need help looks like unnecessary patronizing. Nobody likes it.
Remember, you are not her savior. You are her companion. She needs you by her side as she deals with her demons. She will definitely ask for help when she needs it. Till then, be a good partner and support.
#2 Spend more time with her
Spend more time with her to get to the source of her problems or simply just to be with her. If you feel she is sad all the time for a reason unknown to you, be with her when she needs you the most. You can also take her out to dinners, parties, and movies. She needs to meet people to distract herself from the hardship she is facing.
You guys can also take a vacation. Visit the nearest hiking trail. If you stay near a beach, leave your apartment for a couple of days, book a beach house on Airbnb and relax. If she is into Disney stuff, visit Disneyland with her. Ask for her opinion when you plan the vacation.
#3 Get into deep, meaningful conversations
There is no particular date, time, or place to do this. But this is one of the most important things if you want to be a good companion. Talk to her. Try to understand what bothers her without asking her directly.
Listen whenever she says something. This is your cue to strike up the conversation. Don't just wait for her to talk about her problems. Talk about yourself too. However, don't make it all about yourself.
Talk to her about what she likes. Learn more about her favorite movies, hobbies, and songs. Watch her favorite shows together and introduce her to the ones that fascinate you. The goal is to know her better.
#4 DO NOT call her names
The expression of her emotions is explicit. She laughs too hard and cries too much. But that doesn't give you the right to make fun of her and call her names. Doing something like that will make you hostile in her eyes. She might even think about ending the relationship.
You knew her personality. You knew what you were getting into. Don't be immature like Chandler in the first few seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. He behaved horribly with Janice consistently for years, even after dating her repeatedly. He was perfectly aware of her braying laughter and whiny nature. Don't be like him.
#5 Don't assume things
Try not to guess her problems. You are a different individual who doesn't know what it is like to be her. Guessing about the reason for her behavior might end up in a fight.
She is sensitive about her problems and doesn't like to share much. She doesn't want you to be too curious about it. Also, you have a high chance of getting it wrong while guessing. That's the last thing she wants. It will create an unnecessary misunderstanding between you two.
#6 Don't shy away from expressing your feelings
Share your feelings with her. Show that you, too, are emotional. Don't shy away from showing your vulnerable side. Sharing will make you more trustworthy. This way, she might share her problems with you.
Talk to her about the times you cried and the times you were misunderstood by your folks. Talk to her about things that she will find relatable. Open up to her about your fears and pet peeves.
However, don't lie to her blatantly to get words out of her. Sooner or later, she will catch your lies. Once that happens, she will never be able to trust you again and might even break up with you.
#7 Don't generalize her feelings
Don't compare her feelings to anyone else's. If you have a habit of generalizing things, quit it now. She is a different individual whose problems are unique. They require a unique approach to deal with. The solutions need to be unique too.
Generalizing her feelings will hurt her even more. She is emotional for a reason. If you compare that with any other person, it will trivialize the problems. Try not to say things like:
- "One of my friends went through the same thing."
- "She overcame her grief, and now she is happy."
- "If she can do it, so can you."
- "You need to watch the motivational YouTube video I sent you two weeks ago."
- "This is just a phase."
- "Get over your problems and focus on real issues."
- "Snap out of it. No one cares about your problems."
#8 Think if you are comfortable in this relationship
This one is a bit tricky. Think if you are comfortable in this relationship. You can always call it quits if you think this is not your cup of tea. People might call you selfish, but you will have a solid argument to shut their mouths.
A relationship with an emotional girl like her needs a certain level of maturity. If you don't have that, you need to step down. However, if you think you are ready to handle the emotional turmoils, you are welcome to be with her.
#9 Ask her what bothers her
Ask what bothers her. She is overtly emotional for a reason. If you cannot figure it out on your own, ask her the source of her problems. If she is comfortable enough, she will have an answer for you.
However, don't pester her if she refuses to talk about it. For some people, talking about problems can be a bit traumatizing. She doesn't want to deal with the memories that inadvertently hurt her all the time. It will be like spurring a wound.
#10 Be careful about what you say
Be extra careful about what you say. You don't want to offend her unintentionally. She can be extremely sensitive about her problems. Talking about such issues needs courage. If she opens up to you, be a good listener.
Don't come up with opinions about her life. It's her life; she should deal with it on her own. However, you can advise her if she particularly asks for it. Don't say anything that will hurt her. Making fun of her is also a big "NO."
To sum up
Your girlfriend communicates through her emotions. Consider this to be a gift. Not everyone (including you) can do that. It is a good thing that she opens her heart out when she is with you. That is how you know she prioritizes you.
Her emotional self is probably exclusive to you. She is at her most vulnerable state when she is with you. You need to respect her feelings. Be compassionate and treat her with empathy.