RelationshipExplained Logo

Why Do I Like Attention From Guys When I Have a Boyfriend? [Answered]

You are a person who wants to be loved and appreciated. It is human nature to feel wanted, valued, and affirmed in our choices. You feel like your boyfriend is not giving you the attention and love you want. As a result, you find it from random guys.Man and women are discussing something in front of the laptop

Have you ever wondered why you like attention from guys even though you have a boyfriend?

It's not uncommon for women to experience this type of curiosity. It's quite common. It's easy to fall for the attention of other guys when you're in a committed relationship.

You might wonder why it happened, and you're feeling bad about it. Maybe nobody found out, but you still feel guilty. You wish there were a way to keep it from happening again—or maybe you want to figure out how to tell your partner.

So here's everything you need to know.

Here are nine surefire reasons why you like attention from guys when you have a boyfriend

Disclaimer: Take a deep breath, clear your mind of all distractions, identify your problem and read the text carefully from start to finish to arrive at the solution.

#1 You are an attention seeker

Oh, sweetie. You feel the need to be the center of attraction.

It's okay to need attention sometimes. We all do. 

And the fact that you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to give and receive some from other guys.

You're not hurting anyone (as long as you don't go beyond flirting).

But what if you are crossing boundaries???

I understand how it feels to want to be liked, and I understand why you do it. But I don't think you should be doing it in a relationship.

I'm not trying to be harsh here.

If you're going to keep looking for attention from other guys, you shouldn't be in a relationship with the guy you have right now. It's not fair to him. You should end it and find someone who doesn't make you feel like you need to get attention from other guys.

#2 You need validation, ALWAYS

I hear you. I understand how it can feel good to talk to guys when you have a boyfriend. It confirms that you're still attractive, right? That you're still desirable and attractive. And that makes you feel good about yourself.

I get it. It's not about being a bad girlfriend or someone who doesn't value relationships. I've been there—I think many of us have been there.

When you're feeling insecure, you need to be reassured that the world still likes you. Your partner telling you they like you makes you feel good, but sometimes that's not enough. You need other people to see you and tell you that they like you too—that they think you're pretty, fun, intelligent, or just nice to be around.

And when no one else is giving you that validation, it can be easy to look for it wherever you can find it—even if that means chatting up a stranger on the subway or flirting with your barista.

I think it's important to remember that this probably isn't something that will last forever. And when more of your life is figured out and you feel more secure in yourself and your relationship, I'm sure the need for external validation will disappear entirely. 

Until then, maybe try talking about this stuff with your boyfriend? 

If he really cares about you, he'll understand and be happy to help.

Remember the joy and happiness and satisfaction of feeling in love, walking hand-in-hand with your boyfriend, seeing him smile at something stupid that he thinks is funny but isn't—these are the things that should matter most to you because they make you happy.

Relationships are hard work! They take time and effort. But if you're willing to put in the time and effort necessary to make yours better, I know you'll get there.

#3 Your boyfriend ignores you 

I feel like having a boyfriend who ignores you can be pretty tough. I think that, sometimes, there's this pressure to "just ignore it." But it's not fair to you to just deal with a boyfriend who doesn't pay enough attention to you.

I'm not sure what your situation is, but I know how it feels when someone doesn't pay me the attention I want. It makes me feel like I'm less important than everything else. Like he's so busy thinking about other stuff that he doesn't have time for me, which hurts.

It seems like you two are having some issues, and I think it would be very helpful for both of you to sit down and try to talk them out.

If he's not paying attention to you, he may not even realize that he's hurting your feelings. If this has been going on for a while, then maybe it is time to bring it up with him so that hopefully, you can work things out and improve your relationship.

But remember: You are worthy of love and respect, and if your boyfriend isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then it's best to move on.

#4 You want to make your boyfriend jealous

It's a bit of a cliché, but you're not alone in feeling like you need to make your boyfriend jealous because attention from other men is a form of affection that can strengthen the bond with your boyfriend.

Many people do this because they don't feel like getting enough attention from their partners. So they go looking for it somewhere else—not necessarily because they want to cheat or end things with their boyfriend, but because they're feeling insecure about the relationship and want some reassurance.

Your way of getting back to your man is flirting with other men and making him jealous. It's not ideal, but it's something that happens often.

The best thing you can do is talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Let him know that while you love him very much, you feel like you might be drifting apart a little and making you nervous. 

Tell him that he's usually so great at communicating his feelings with you, but lately, he hasn't been doing as much of that as usual.

I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear this—or at least receptive to what you have to say—and hopefully, once you get things out in the open, everything will get back on track!

Good luck, and let me know how things go!

#5 You are never satisfied with what you have

You want your boyfriend to pay more attention to you and give more compliments.

I know it's frustrating when you're dating someone and they can't seem to give you the attention you want. It can feel like they're taking you for granted, like they don't want to be with you anymore. It can make you feel lonely, even when spending time together. 

And I know it's natural to think about other options—maybe there's someone new who will make you feel more special, more important.

But here's the thing: each person has a lot of different things going on in their lives. Having a boyfriend is not about having all the attention in the world. You should be happy with your boyfriend's effort to make you happy. 

Just because some random guy is looking at you and complimenting you, it does not mean you should be all over it. 

There are times when your boyfriend might not be able to give you all his attention. You need to understand that he has other commitments as well. He has friends, family, and work that also requires his time. 

The truth is, no one person should be the sole source of your happiness and attention. 

You need to have friends, family, work—things outside your relationship that make you feel good. It's okay if your boyfriend isn't always paying attention to you 24/7 because he has other things going on that are important to him too

#6 You are bored in your relationship

It's okay to feel like your relationship isn't exciting anymore, and it's okay to want attention from other guys. That doesn't mean you're a bad person or a terrible girlfriend.

We all get bored sometimes, and we all have a little wanderlust. It's perfectly human, and there's nothing wrong with it.

But I think it's important that you look at what is going on here and decide what you want to do. 

The first step is, to be honest with yourself about why you're bored in your relationship. Figure out what you need from a relationship now, and see if it's different from what you wanted from a relationship before. 

If it is, then maybe it's time to talk to your partner about what you want from them now or what you'd like from them in the future. They might feel the same way you do—or they might have their ideas about how the relationship can be better for both of you!

Maybe your relationship has run its course, and it would be better if you and your boyfriend broke up and started new relationships with different people. 

This is something that can't be solved by seeking attention elsewhere; that will only make everything worse. You owe it to both yourself and your partner.

#7 You have trust issues with your boyfriend

You're seeking attention from other guys when you have a boyfriend because of your trust issues. Trust issues are often rooted in past experiences that are outside of your control. 

If you can't trust your boyfriend, it's hard to believe that he will be loyal to you. 

This can often lead to insecurities and paranoia, especially if your partner hasn't given you any reason not to trust him.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to recognize what kind of person your boyfriend is and decide whether or not he's right for you. 

Talk to your boyfriend about it. If he's the one who makes you feel insecure, then maybe it's time to move on—but if it's just an insecurity of yours, then he probably has the power to help reassure you. The best thing for both of you is, to be honest about what's going on and see what happens!

#8 You're not confident about your current relationship

Seeking attention from other guys is a sign that you've got some stuff to work through in your current relationship.

Sometimes this kind of situation happens because you're not as confident as you could be in your relationship.

It's not that there's something wrong with you—it's just that sometimes when we're not feeling totally satisfied with our partner, we'll look elsewhere for validation or emotional connection. 

After all, romance isn't just about being with one person—it's about feeling seen and supported by someone who loves you.  

It can be hard to confront the reality of how we feel about our relationships, but being honest with yourself is a great way to figure out where you stand and what kind of action you want to take next.

Sometimes a healthy dose of self-reflection can help us see what we need from a relationship, and if we aren't getting it from our boyfriends, sometimes we'll look to others for support.

#9 You enjoy playing games with men

It's complicated.

It sounds like you are someone who enjoys playing games with men. I'd imagine you like the thrill of getting attention from multiple guys at once and knowing that you have that power over them. 

You should ask yourself some questions: Why do you do it? Is it just to get attention from men, or is there more to it? Have you ever thought about how your boyfriend feels when he sees you playing with other guys? 

You might not think that these things affect your boyfriend, but they will eventually if you don't stop.

You need to sit down and think about what you're doing here. You're hurting someone who loves and cares deeply for you, and you don't even realize it! 

If there is more to this than just wanting attention from men, then maybe you should talk to a professional about why you feel the need to hurt people who love you so much.


The saying "nothing worth having is ever easy" perfectly applies.

So, take it from me – you can make your relationship better if you just stick with it. Just take a step back and focus on the positive things in your relationship and the areas you can improve on.

Talk to each other and work through problems together. And know that relationships will have good and bad times like everything else in life.

Relationships will sometimes feel like the worst thing in the world, but if you love the person you're with enough, you'll fight through that and make things work out.

Megha Chanda

Weekend Writer

Coming Up Next