Why Do Guys Stay in Touch With Ex-girlfriends?Every guy has a different reason to stay in touch with their ex-girlfriends. Some just want to stay friends, while some are friends with benefits. For some, the bond created over so many years matters too much to let go, while some get a kick out of tormenting an ex-partner.
Nobody truly forgets their past relationships. The ex makes a permanent home in most people’s minds. Some people don’t like to admit that they still think about their ex. They try to show they are strong.
This behavior mostly comes from the age-old societal pressure of detaching oneself from an ex. But some people don’t care about what others think. They never shy away from admitting they still think about their ex. They even stay in touch with them.
Think about what Ross did after his new bride Emily asked him to stay away from Rachel in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. He clearly stated that her demand was absurd, which ended their marriage. Rachel and Ross had a history of being in love. But more than that, they were friends. They have shared memories and secrets. No one should have to throw away such a beautiful friendship just because society demands it.
I will walk you through the reasons why guys do this and how to deal with the situation when your guy does the same. Read on.
12 reasons why guys stay in touch with ex-girlfriends…
Even after breaking up with their girlfriends, guys think about them. They keep in touch with their exes because forgetting them is impossible. It’s not that they haven’t tried. Failing at it repeatedly makes them accept that they will never forget the ex.
Some take a step ahead and keep in touch, while others keep a distance. The ones who keep in touch can have myriad intentions, which we will try to explore together. Keep scrolling.
#1 He still has feelings for her
He stays in touch because he still has feelings for her. They broke up for a concrete reason, but that was not successful in keeping them off each other’s minds.
He thinks the breakup was a wrong decision. It was done in haste, and in the process, it destroyed a perfectly good relationship.
He wishes to get her back. However, that doesn’t mean she will feel the same. It will probably fade away with time.
#2 He never wanted to break up
Breaking up was never an option for him. He wanted to stay in the relationship. But his ex was hell-bent on ending it. He stays in touch with her in the hope that she will rethink her decision and resume the relationship.
However, if he entered a new relationship while pining for his ex-girlfriend, it would be unfair to everyone involved in this fiasco. In a way, he is cheating on his present partner while having false hopes about something that has the least chance of giving out fruitful results.
#3 He unhappy in the present relationship
The current relationship makes him unhappy. Therefore, he tries to find happiness in the old love. He likes to stay in touch with his ex-girlfriend because she feels familiar.
He is too tired to put effort into the new relationship. That’s unfortunate for the person he is dating now. They shouldn’t have to tolerate such negligence.
His unhappiness in the present relationship can stem from two things:
- Incompatibility – That’s a real problem. No one should stay in an unhappy relationship because they are too scared to admit the truth.
- Still being in love with the ex – One should admit the true feelings. Being in a relationship with someone and loving someone else can’t go on for long.
#4 They are friends
They are friends. The breakup was too weak to destroy their friendship. That’s why he is still in touch with the ex. However, a chance of reconciliation lingers. Two friends fell in love. They can fall in love again.
However, if they had a bitter experience while in the relationship, they will never make that mistake again, getting back together is out of the question.
Their bond as friends is stronger than their bond as lovers. They can’t throw away a decade-old friendship just because a two-month-old relationship failed.
#5 He misses her
He keeps in touch because he misses her terribly. He thinks about the bond they shared while dating. The breakup was inevitable, but the fact didn’t comfort him. He likes to indulge in fantasies about his ex and misses her in the process.
That’s why he chooses to stay in touch with her. He will do that even if she has moved on. However, these actions can turn extremely toxic when he pursues her against her wish.
#6 They are friends with benefits
It’s a no-strings-attached situation. They were in a relationship. They broke up due to compatibility issues. But they never forgot the intimacy they shared. So, they are friends with benefits now.
Even if they are in different relationships, they return to each other after every few days, in secret, to do it like in the old times. This makes them happy. But it is extremely unfair to the people they are dating now.
#7 They are colleagues
They share a workplace. They meet each other every day and collaborate on various projects. They can’t avoid each other even if they want to. They stay in touch purely because of professional obligation.
The type of their breakup doesn’t matter here. Even if they had broken up after a huge fight, they would still have to smile at each other and work together under the same roof.
Detesting each other wouldn’t work here. They have no solution to offer even if their present partner isn’t okay with their daily meetings. However, they can part ways once they leave the office.
#8 They have a common group of friends
They are part of a common group of friends. Like Ross and Rachel, they had to learn to behave around each other after the breakup to stop the group from breaking apart.
They never wanted to stay in touch right after the breakup. But friendship was more important than their discomfort of being near each other. So, they learned to tolerate.
Now, after moving on, they are back to being friends. They enjoy each other’s company and are in different relationships as well.
#9 He constantly needs to know what she is up to
He has that constant urge to know what she is up to. They were extremely competitive as a couple. It was a toxic and unhealthy relationship that had to end in a breakup. However, he still likes to keep tabs on his ex. The unhealthy competition is not over yet.
He competes with her over jobs, salary, hot partners, and property. He wants to stay a step ahead of her at all times. Sometimes he succeeds; sometimes, she does. But the contest goes on. In the process, they stay in touch with each other.
#10 He thinks he owns her
Back then, he was a toxic boyfriend. He is a toxic ex-boyfriend now. He still thinks he owns her, so he stays in touch. She probably has tried to get rid of his toxicity by blocking him from several social media platforms, but he somehow finds a way to get back to her.
She hates being in touch with him while he claims control over her. He tries to dictate her moves and messes with her life. He tries to make important life decisions for her, and when she protests, he threatens her in several nasty ways.
#11 The bond was great, and he doesn’t want to lose it
The bond they shared as a couple was beyond physicality and mushiness. They bonded at an intellectual level. He believes he will not be able to find someone like her again. But this relationship had to end for unavoidable reasons. In a situation like this, they have chosen to stay in touch until they find a way to deal with reality.
Don’t confuse this with the friends-with-benefits situation. That was purely physical. They keep in touch to discuss favorite books, great movies, world politics, and history. They share fandoms and visit comic cons together. They watch plays together and enjoy each other’s company in a platonic way.
They will continue to do so until they find a worthy replacement. Even if they find one, they will probably stay in touch and meet up occasionally as like-minded friends. It is a mature relationship. There is nothing to worry about.
#12 He wants to torment her
He is a mean person who gets a kick out of his ex-girlfriend’s misery. He moved on long ago (at least he says so) but still contacts his ex to unnecessarily nudge her.
He loves tormenting her. This can happen in two scenarios:
- He knows she still has feelings for him. He loves to give her false hopes. He builds up this conversation full of romantic hints and has fun taking it all away from her after a few hours. The girl gives into his diabolical schemes every time as she is still in love with this toxic guy.
- She doesn’t want to talk to him. She has nothing to do with this expired relationship. But he still finds ways to irritate her in unique ways after regular intervals.
What to do when your guy stays in touch with ex-girlfriends?
These are sensitive issues, and they need to be dealt with carefully. Your guy can stay in touch with his girlfriend for many reasons that you may or may not find in the aforementioned list. Whatever the reason may be, it irritates you. You can’t stand the idea of your guy talking to someone he once dated. That’s what brought you here.
I am here to offer a few ways to deal with your problem. The key is to be calm and graceful. For more, keep reading.
#1 Talk to him about your problems
When your boyfriend stays in touch with his ex, it is bound to make you worry about his integrity. Talk to him about your problems and mention that his behavior makes you suspicious of his true intent.
Ask what he thinks of his ex now that he is in a new relationship. There is much history between them. Ask him:
- “Do you miss her?”
- “Do you still have feelings for her?”
Or, you can try saying:
- “I feel uncomfortable about you still being in touch with your ex.”
- “I think you are hiding something from me.”
#2 Ask to meet her
If you can’t find ways to get answers from him, ask him to introduce you to her. Meeting his ex will open many doors for you. You will have answers to many of your questions. However, you will have to be extra careful when you ask for this.
He will see right through your plans. Make sure he doesn’t. Ask to meet her in a way that seems innocent. You need to look like you are interested in striking up a friendship with this person.
His reaction to your demand will be an eye-opener. If he decides to introduce you to her, there is not much to worry about. However, when he refuses to do so, you need to get suspicious about his intent.
#3 Try to be a part of his group of friends
Try getting into the group. Being a part of his group of friends will bring you answers as to why he is still in touch with his ex-girlfriend. It will be even better if she is also a part of that group.
After you have established yourself as a member of that group, approach her and talk about her relationship with your boyfriend. Ask them how they broke up and what their relationship was like. Clearly, they are still friends, so there is no need to ask questions in that area.
#4 If you find him cheating, confront him
Confront him if you find him cheating on you. However, instead of the cliched fight, have a conversation about the situation with stoic calmness and an expressionless face. That will freak him out.
He cheated on you. There is no way you will stay in a relationship with him. So, there is no harm in messing with him a little. You can even have your sweet revenge by giving him hopes and taking them back at the last moment.
He should realize the damage he has caused and the mental agony he has inflicted on you. Tell him that he will never hear from you again.
#5 Start talking to your ex if you want
He has chosen to stay in touch with his ex. He never took your opinion into account. You can do the same if you want. Try to reconnect with one of your exes. It is a great way to get back to him. This will give him a taste of his medicine.
However, don’t reconnect with a toxic ex in the process. That can have disastrous effects on your mental health. Choose a fairly harmless ex who is more like a friend. Talk to them when your boyfriend is around. If he asks questions, tell him the truth and say, “Well, we are just friends.” That’s bound to flip him out.
#6 Invite her over to see if she is harmless
Invite her over to your apartment for lunch or dinner to see if she is harmless or not. Inviting her to your place will help you spend considerable time with her. You will be able to get a hint of her intentions.
If she wants to meddle in your relationship, her words will reveal the truth. However, if she is a clever person, you will have to put much effort into outwitting her.
#7 Accompany him when he meets her
Don’t let them meet alone. Accompany him when he goes to meet her. Do this as frequently as you can. It might help you in the following ways:
- You will learn more about their weird relationship.
- You will learn how they broke up.
- You will learn if they are attracted to each other.
- You will learn whether they are platonic or not.
If he tries to stop you from accompanying him, there is much to worry about.
#8 Ask his friends about the situation
His friends have been around a long time before you came into his life; they have known all his ex-girlfriends and are aware of the type of relationship he had with each of them. They also know that he stays in touch with one of his exes.
Go to them for more information. This will be easier if you are on good terms with them. If not, then the process will be a long one. Strike up a friendship with them and gain their trust. Once you have accomplished that, extracting information from them will be a cakewalk.
However, don’t give away hints about your true intention. If they see through your plan, the information will stay with them, and you will return to square one.
#9 Talk to her
Talk to her directly. Do it when your boyfriend is not around. He will eventually learn about your little conversation with her, but you can deal with it later.
You can say the following when you meet her:
- “Why are you guys still in touch?”
- “Should I worry about the fact that my boyfriend talks to his ex-girlfriend?”
- “Do you have feelings for him?”
- “Are you physically attracted to him?”
- “I am not okay with your weird relationship with my boyfriend.”
- “Do you think he stays in touch because he has feelings for you?”
- “How often do you talk to each other?”
#10 Try to be a better friend than her
He is still in touch with her because she was and is a great friend. You can drive her away from your relationship by being a better friend than her.
Observe what she does as a friend and do it better. For example, see what she does if you see her comforting him when he is upset. Next time he gets upset, don’t let him make the call that brings her to your apartment.
Try to be there whenever he needs a friend. Make him forget about her. It will not be east, but it’s doable. However, it will take some to get his mind off the ex.
#11 Spend more time with him
Spend more time with him. Try to reduce the time he gets to spend with his ex. Do it slowly, and in a way, none of them realizes.
Plan day trips and weekend getaways. Ask for his opinion on places to visit. Weekends are the time when he gets to meet his ex, who is supposed to be his friend. Take away his weekends. If you are not outdoorsy, you can always Netflix and chill.
#12 Break up with him
There is no other way to deal with this. If his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is too explicit, you need to break up with him. A relationship requires mutual respect. His decision to ignore you and stay in touch with the ex shouts “disrespect” all over.
Breaking up will be difficult, but it’s way better than being stuck in a thankless relationship that only hits a dead end after all the effort. You deserve better.
To sum up
Staying in touch with an ex can have many faces. For some, it is like just another meaningful friendship, while for others, it is a way to torment an ex. In some cases, it makes no impact on people’s lives, but it ruins lives in some.
If you find your boyfriend still keeping in touch with an ex, you will have to find out the real reason to deal with the situation effectively.