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Ex Has Moved on but Still Contacts Me (SOLVED)

When an ex who has moved on still contacts you, you need to tell them how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable whenever they text or call you, sternly ask them not to do that anymore. However, if you enjoy their presence in your life, have a conversation about reconciliation.Featured Image of Ex Has Moved on but Still Contacts Me

We never forget old relationships. I bet you still remember your middle school relationship. But there is a lot of difference between remembering someone and contacting them.

If your ex has been contacting you even after they said they moved on months ago, you need to be a little concerned. Are they doing this just because they want to tease you? Or is there any other intention behind all these texts and calls for the last few days?

You broke up with them for a reason, and when you did so, you probably decided never to talk to them again in your life. Speaking to an ex frequently can bring back the old memories you so badly wanted to let go of.

But why are they doing this to you? I have enlisted some reasons and ways to deal with the situation. Read on.

Why are they still contacting you?

When your ex contacts you even after they have allegedly moved on following the breakup, it means you are still in their thoughts. They are not being able to forget you, and that means they actually have not moved on.

They want to be in your life for a little longer. There can be many reasons for such behavior. Some of them are listed below. Keep scrolling.

#1 They have not truly moved on

They say they have moved on after the breakup. It’s a lie to keep their mind at ease. They have not truly moved on. That’s they keep on trying to come back to your life. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they still love you. It is more like a habit.

They still contact you because you are still important to them. Forgetting you is not an easy task for them. It is not that they have not tried. They just have not succeeded in forgetting you.

They could even be in other relationships when they contact you. Being in a different relationship doesn’t ensure your clean exit from their mind.

#2 They still love you

They keep trying to re-enter your life by contacting you because they are still in love with you. You guys broke up due to disagreements, but the feelings were still there (at least for them). Deep inside, they want you back as their lover but would not admit it easily.

They will contact you for the silliest matters just to talk to you for a few moments. It is a way to attract your attention. All they need is a little bit of your time. They want to make you realize that they still love you without saying the words explicitly.

They might start conversations in the following ways:

  • “Hey. Nice DP. How’re you doing?” (when they have no good reason to talk to you)
  • “Did you watch the new Marvel movie? Wanna watch it together?” (when they want to spend more time with you)
  • “Have you seen xxx lately? Heard he got a nose-job. (when they desperately use gossip to make you talk)
  • “I just recovered from a bad fever. I’m fine now, though.” (when they try to make you sympathize with them)

#3 They want to stay friends

There is no love left here between you two. They just want to stay friends. Remember the time before you guys started dating? You were great friends. But the friendship got jeopardized by all this complex relationship stuff.

They want to regain that precious friendship with you. That’s why they keep contacting you after regular intervals. They just want their friend back.

You guys were better as friends than you were as a couple. Getting into a relationship was a mistake. They are ready to rectify that. This is petty, much like the Rachel-Joey scenario from the last two seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They were the worst as a couple, but as friends and roommates, their chemistry was unparalleled.

#4 They want to make you feel guilty for initiating the breakup

You initiated the breakup. Whatever the reason was, it was not good enough for them. Therefore, they have decided to make you feel guilty. They find pleasure in your pain.

Breakups inherently make you feel bad (in most cases). They are not supposed to be pleasant things. You have already experienced sadness once, but now that they are trying to contact you even after you guys have moved on, you are probably going to feel it again.

Breakups leave a mark on us. They leave us scarred. Your ex is trying to spur that scar to hurt you.

#5 They want to torment you

Do you really ever forget your ex? In most cases, an honest answer is “No.” Your ex knows that too. They know that you have not forgotten them. They still have a little place in your thoughts. They are using it against you to torment you.

This might happen if you guys were in a serious relationship. Breaking up with them must have been tough, and you even gave them a second opportunity to come back and make things right. Clearly, that did not work out well.

Therefore, here you are, looking for reasons why they are trying to contact you. Well, their sole intention is to torment you for breaking up with them.

#6 They want to show off their new relationship

After you guys broke up, your ex got into a new relationship. They are contacting you now to show off their new partner. This is a petty move, and it requires a fit answer from you that would put them in their place once and for all.

A person is not something that you can show off to look cool. They are basically objectifying their new partner in their attempt to “demean” you somehow.

They have no intention to make you feel guilty, they don’t want to come back to you, and they definitely don’t love you. They are just being immature, and clearly, they need to grow up.

#7 They want to reconcile

They still love you, and they would also love to reconcile if possible. That is the only reason behind the calls and texts you have been receiving from them for the last few days.

They think the breakup was abrupt. They think they deserve a second chance to prove their love for you. That’s why they are trying to ignite the old sparks by contacting you even after they seem to have moved on.

For a while after the breakup, they seemed like they were doing fine without this relationship. But that’s not the truth. They are miserable without you, and that shows in their constant urge to keep in touch with you.

#8 They want to show off their success

They have gained immense success after they broke up with you. They are contacting you to show off their newfound success. They don’t love you. They feel nothing for you. They just want to rub their success on your face to make you feel bad.

Their wish to make you feel bad will only be fulfilled when you get annoyed and yell at them for being mean. They probably fantasize about you crawling back to them so that they can reject your advances. They get a kick out of thoughts like this. This isn’t healthy, and encouraging such toxic behavior can have adverse effects on society.

#9 They want closure

Your breakup was abrupt. You guys left things at a cliffhanger and never went back there to resolve things. They want closure to move on with their life. That’s why they have been calling you for a few days now.

They may or may not have feelings left for you. The truth is that they no longer want to be a part of your life. The need for closure points toward their wish to move on and do better things in life other than moping over you all day long.

#10 They want back something you owe them

Breakups are often sudden. It annoys and upsets you to an extent where you want to stomp out of the door and slam in behind you. People often do this in the heat of the moment to get away from the face that annoys them into terminating a relationship.

They are calling you now to settle a few scores. They want their things back. They want the things that you owe them. Here is a list of things that you might owe them:

  • clothes and other personal stuff lying around your apartment
  • precious books (if they are a bookworm)money (if you guys had a shared financial situation)
  • things that you have borrowed from them (and never returned, even after the breakup)

What to do about the situation?

Your response to their texts and calls should strictly be according to the intention with which they have contacted you. After talking to them for a while, you will know why they are texting or calling you now (days or months after the breakup).

Your reaction should be totally autonomous. You can’t let them dictate you into making decisions that you will most definitely regret later.

Keep scrolling down to go through the list of possible ways to deal with the situation.

#1 Ask them not to bother you if you feel uncomfortable

Sometimes, when you have successfully moved on from a relationship, the ex trying to contact you can turn uncomfortable quickly. It might not be uncomfortable for them, though. They have a clear intention behind contacting you many days after the breakup.

You need to talk to them about your discomfort. Tell them that their texts and calls are disturbing your peace. You have put a lot of effort into moving on. You can’t let all that work go to waste just because they suddenly feel like talking to you. Tell them you should not be on talking terms.

#2 Tell them that you have moved on

They are unaware of what is going on in your life. You need to tell them you have moved on. They should know there is no chance of reconciliation between you two. Whatever you guys had, is lost forever now.

Tell them that they need to move on too. They should accept your absence in their life. You can call them up one last time to have this conversation. If they were mature enough to understand the gravity of the situation, they would definitely back off.

#3 Start ghosting them

If they bother you too much, start ghosting them. They have been making you feel uncomfortable with their texts and calls for a while now. You don’t have to tolerate that. At first, ask them not to bother you. If they don’t listen, ignore them.

That doesn’t mean the texts and calls would stop at once. It will take time to stop. Ghosting them would only assure that it stops fast. If ghosting is not your thing, you can dry-text. That might make them lose interest in you after a while.

#4 Tell them that you are in a new relationship

Moving on after a breakup is a difficult task to accomplish. When you have made an effort to do that, you shouldn’t have to look back. You are in a new relationship now. That relationship is your present. The one who is contacting you is your past, and that person should stay in the past for good reasons.

Remember why you broke up with them. Whenever they try to bother you, tell them that you are in a new relationship now and that you are pretty serious about it. They should know that you have no intention to reconcile.

#5 Stay reluctant when they try to show off their post-breakup life

They are extremely petty. Be reluctant whenever they try to brag about their life. They would say that after the breakup, they have met the perfect person or have bagged the perfect job. Ask them: “What do I do with this unnecessary information?”

They will try to demean you in every way possible. You can hold your head up high simply by staying reluctant. Don’t show your emotions even if their words bother you. Keep a straight face as they rant about their cool new life.

They are doing this because they know you have a better life than theirs. They are immensely jealous of you and are trying to bring you down (emotionally) by playing mind games. Don’t let them do that to you.

#6 Ask them what they want from you

Be straightforward and ask them what they want from you. They must be texting you now, months after the breakup, for a specific reason. Try to know what that is to act accordingly.

If their reason for reconnecting seems uncomfortable, ask them to stop talking to you right at that moment. If they truly deserve anything (material or emotional) from you, give it back and ask them to leave you alone.

#7 Block them

If their texts and calls are becoming increasingly irritating, block them now. Before doing that, you can try to reason with them, but I don’t think that will work if they are hell-bent on disturbing your peace.

Your ex-partner doesn’t have a sense of boundary. They don’t know where to stop. Try saying this before you block them:

“I have too much on my plate right now. I don’t have time to listen to your incessant rants about what went wrong between us. I am over this relationship. You have been disturbing me for a while now. That is why I have decided to block you.”

#8 Consider reconciliation

If you are comfortable with the fact that they are trying to contact you after the breakup, you can think about reconciliation. However, before that, you should be sure about what they think of this idea.

If they are genuinely sorry for the reason that caused the breakup, you can give this relationship a second chance. You guys strictly need to be on the same page (relationship-wise) for that.

Thinking about reconciliation doesn’t mean you have to talk to them about that. You can wait for a while to observe their behavior. You need to check if they are worth a second chance.

#9 Give them the closure they want

Closures are difficult to comprehend. What you thought was an apt closure to your relationship was not enough for your partner. They think they deserve a better closure and hence are contacting you now to get it.

Talk to them, ask them what they want and act accordingly. Don’t forget to set boundaries, though. You should not do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because it might make them happy.

#10 Consider being friends

Clearly, you guys were never meant to be in a romantic relationship. But you were inseparable as friends. Why lose that over a breakup? Try to stay friends if you can.

Try to remember the time when you were just friends. Nothing was complicated, and no one had to get hurt. You guys were happy. You can get that friendship back.

You don’t have to forget the time you spent as a couple. Just keep that as part of an unpleasant past you guys shared. You tried something, and it did not work. Much like Joey and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, you, too, can move on and continue being friends.

To sum up

They have contacted you for a reason you may or may not like. They might want to restart this relationship, or they might want to be friends. That’s what they want. You must do what you want.

Always remember, there is no pressure on you. You may or may not stay friends with them. You can ask them to stay out of your life if you feel uncomfortable. No one should control your decisions in this matter.

You can decide not to be with this person even after you have chosen to be friends with them earlier. If it is clear that you have zero compatibility, the relationship is meaningless. You should step out of it guilt-free for the sake of your mental health.

Nirajana Mukherjee

Senior Writer

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