Why Does She Feel Like She's Not Good Enough for You? (& Ways to Make Things Better)Your girlfriend feels she is not good enough for you, probably because she suffers from insecurities over how successful you are. She suffers from an inferiority complex, and you can only attempt to help her by pointing out that she is as important as you are in the relationship.
Every relationship goes through a phase full of insecurities and emotional hardships. Your girlfriend feels she is not good enough for you. She suffers from insecurities. She believes that you deserve better.
Maybe she is not a great achiever like you. But that doesn’t make her any less of a human being. But now that she feels this way, it is your responsibility to make her feel better.
You will have to convince her that you both are equal in this relationship. Never make her feel that you are better than her in any way (that makes you an extremely toxic boyfriend). Instead, listen to what she has to say and tell her how important she is to you.
But for doing all these, you will need to know the reasons for such behavior on her part. Only then can you act accordingly.
10 Reasons why she feels she is not good enough
Your girlfriend suffers from an acute inferiority complex, and that’s eating her up from inside. Her degrading state of mind shows in the fact that she doesn’t feel she is good enough for you.
If this is allowed to grow within her mind, it will lead her to depression, and that will be followed by more ailments. This is high time. You need to act on this issue, and for that, you need the reasons for this behavior. I have enlisted some possible reasons for you. See if any of that matches her situation. Read on.
#1 She feels you are too good for her
This can happen when you are more successful than her. It may also happen if you are an exceptionally good person (which is rather scarce in this world right now).
When it comes to success, she feels you are too good for her. You bagged this great job in your early twenties, and money is not an issue for you. You are happy with your life.
On the other side, she is still struggling with her career. The job she has is something she doesn’t want to do.
She knows her passion lies somewhere else, and every passing day in this dead-end job is costing her a step away from her dream life. She somewhat envies your life. She wants what you have.
You love your work, and she hates hers. This is a typical Ross-Rachel scenario. Confused right?
Well, Ross and Rachel, in season two of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, were at opposite poles, job-wise. Ross worked at the museum, where he could exercise his knowledge as much as he wanted.
Rachel was a waitress at Central Perk downstairs. She hated her job, she had no money, and all she wanted was to get into the fashion industry (which kept on rejecting her).
Your relationship has gained a similar dynamic. She feels like you should be with someone else, someone who is as successful as you are.
#2 She earns less than you
This issue has its roots in the problem we have discussed above. She earns less than you, and that makes her feel she is not good enough for you.
Remember Penny and Leonard in the early seasons of The Big Bang Theory? She constantly suffered from this inferiority complex that originated in Leonard’s job as an experimental physicist. She constantly felt she isn’t suitable for him with her dead-end job as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
This is a very common problem, and most relationships go through this phase. You earn a lot more than her. Compared to you, she earns peanuts in the name of a salary. But that doesn’t make her inferior to you.
She is working hard. That’s what you need to point out to her whenever she breaks down.
#3 You have got more friends than her
You have a life outside this relationship. You have many friends, while she has no one other than you.
She is an introvert. She is not good at making new friends. All she wants is your company, and when that doesn’t happen, she feels she is not good enough for you.
The amount of time you spend with your friends has made her believe that they deserve you more than her. She feels your friends are more important to you.
Whenever you hang out with them, she sits back at home, dejected and sad, thinking about her lonely life and slowly slipping into the dark world of depression.
#4 You have achieved a lot more than her
The list of your achievements doesn’t end. You are an all-rounder. There is nothing you can do. You are everything she wants to be.
She feels you are too good to be with someone like her because you have achieved a lot in your life within a short span of time.
Both of you were born around the same time, but you have climbed the ladder of success way quicker than her. She is still struggling with her job while you are venturing into new things every day.
This makes her sad and angry at the same time. She is disappointed with her life. These thoughts are aggravated whenever you are around.
#5 You adhere to the conventional notions of beauty
You are conventionally beautiful. You have the perfect body and the face of a Roman sculpture. You are basically Ken.
She feels she is not good enough for you. Her insecurities are spurred whenever you are around conventionally beautiful women. She feels invisible in situations like this.
You are somewhat at fault here. You know that you are good-looking, and your smugness about this has overlapped your love for your girlfriend. You never told her how beautiful she is.
Some people need constant validation from outside to feel better about themselves. She is one of these people. There is not much you can do to change this quickly. She will take time to shed her insecurities, and you will have to help her with that.
#6 She already suffers from depression
Chances are there that she already suffers from depression, and you don’t know squat about it. You are too preoccupied with your life and your friends. Therefore, she totally slips out of your mind.
If you look into her life, you will find her lonely. Even when she is surrounded by people, she feels dejected due to the ever-growing darkness in her mind.
Your girlfriend feels she is not good enough for you because she cannot get out of her depressing state of mind. She sees all our other friends who are just like you. You all know how to have fun with your life. She wants that too, but something pulls her back.
She has locked herself up in her mind and needs immediate help. The best help can come from you, the person she wants to be with her the most.
#7 You have made her feel this way
She feels she is not good enough for you because you have made her feel this way. You have flexed your success stories in front of her in the wrong way.
You are successful, and that’s great. But that doesn’t mean you are entitled to treat someone like scum. Your girlfriend might not be as successful as you are career-wise, but as a human being, she is much more successful than you.
She feels like this about herself probably because you have made it clear to her (with your words and your actions) that you are doing a favor by being her boyfriend.
Let me be very clear with this. You aren’t. You are a sorry excuse for a human who needs to apologize to her for the mental torment you have given her.
#8 You don’t spend enough time with her
She feels she is not good enough for you because you don’t have enough time for her. You are always busy with your work and life beyond the one you share with your girlfriend.
It is understandable that your work keeps you busy, but that doesn’t mean you will ignore her. This called taking someone for granted.
She, too, remains busy with her work, but she still takes out time for you. Remember the last time you went on a date. Long time, isn’t it? By the way, do you remember who organized it? She was the one to book the tables. She called the cab.
Now that you have realized your fault (I am assuming that, as you are here to find answers), you need to make amends. You will have to step up and take charge. Change the dynamics of your relationship and step in your girlfriend’s shoes this one time.
#9 She has unaddressed childhood trauma
Her mind is an ocean of secrets. She has deep-rooted childhood trauma that spurs her insecurities. It is the reason for this inferiority complex. It makes her feel she is not good enough for you.
Her childhood trauma could range from mean parents to bullying at school. Throughout her growing-up years, she has been made to feel that she is an underachiever, an average person destined to be satisfied with an average life.
That is not what she wants. Nobody wants that. But the way her mind has been conditioned for so long, she can’t help her thoughts. Her trauma still remains unaddressed.
Your larger-than-life stature skyrockets her insecurities. She is awestruck by you. She cannot believe that you are her boyfriend. She feels you deserve better.
#10 She never had a healthy romantic relationship
She never had a healthy romantic relationship. Her heart has been broken so many times that now she holds herself responsible for that. She is nothing but innocent when it comes to love. She has been duped by her ex-partners in a number of ways.
She feels she is not good enough for you because she apparently was not for all the guys she has loved before. Also, you have not shown her that you are not like the others in a believable way.
She needs confirmation from you. She needs to know that you will be there for her through thick and thin. You need to assure her that you will never break her heart. Only you can convince her. Maybe then she will change the way she thinks.
10 Ways to make things better
Now that you know some possible reasons, it will be easier for you to address the problem. Help her to get out of this darkness if you really care for her. There is a lot you can do to make her feel better.
She needs to feel important around you. She needs to feel accepted around your friends. Changing how she feels is a difficult task. But with your patience and persistent effort, you can accomplish this apparently impossible task. Here is a list of things you can do.
#1 Tell her no one can be “too good” for someone
You need to sit with her and explain to her the fact that no one can be “too good” for someone. She needs to know how important she is in your life.
Compliment her by telling her what a beautiful person she is. Use words like “beautiful soul” and “unique personality” when you do that. Occasionally, you can also call her “Pretty woman.”
She feels you are too good to be with her. Talk to her about the crests of your life, the low phases of your career. Explain that your success was not an overnight one.
Encourage her to work harder and make her feel special whenever you can. Not even for once can you let her feel that she is alone in this world.
This assurance of staying together (no matter what happens) from you can change her state of mind. Point out all her positive sides and the special skills she has.
#2 Tell her that money is not an issue in your relationship
This will be a difficult conversation because, you see, money always becomes an issue whether you like it or not. In almost every relationship, there are two kinds of people: the one who earns more and the one with fewer earnings.
Ideally, how much you earn shouldn’t be an issue when you are in love. But it matters. It matters when you go out on a date and pay her part of the bill because the money left in her account will barely cover her rent.
You need to sit down and talk to her about this. Let her speak her heart out. She should be able to talk about her problems freely. That’s how you will be able to plan your next move accordingly.
Tell her, “Money won’t come between us,” and mean it.
To stop money from being an issue that breaks you apart, visit places that you both can afford. Search for the cheap restaurants in your neighborhood with great food and the highest ratings.
You can even order food and stay back at home with her. Ask her to be in her comfiest clothes and tell her, “Your presence is more important to me than an evening at a fancy restaurant.”
#3 Encourage her to make more friends
She is an introvert. She doesn’t have many friends. She fails to keep in touch with the few friends she has. Her social battery runs out pretty quick. At every party, she stands as a wallflower.
She feels she is not worthy of your love because she is not as social as you are. She can’t make new friends while you can strike up conversations with total strangers.
Encourage her to make more friends for the sake of her mental well-being. Take her out to meet your friends and talk to your friends beforehand about her issues. Ask them to be nice to her. Maybe, she will eventually be able to find a few friends to share her life with.
#4 Highlight her achievements
She thinks too less of her. That’s why she believes that you are too good to be with her. She underestimates her own achievements and hides behind your pomp.
Don’t let her think this way. Highlight her achievements. Celebrate them with her. Talk to her about her life.
From now on, give her a shout-out whenever she receives an award. Make posts about her on social media and tag her. That will make her feel special.
You can also celebrate her success privately by arranging a dinner, a movie night, or even a surprise weekend trip.
#5 Tell her you are grateful to have her in your life
You are with her because you love her presence in your life. Tell her how much she means to you. Talk to her about how grateful you are to have her in your life.
You can start by saying things like, “You are a breath of fresh air in my life,” “You have brought new meaning to my existence,” “I don’t know what I would have done without you in my life,” or “I am so glad that I have you by my side.”
Whatever you say, your intention should stick to the addenda of making her feel important.
She feels she is not good enough for you because you don’t communicate enough with her. A meaningful conversation can go a long way. It can restore her faith in this relationship.
Letting her know how you feel will assure her about her place in your life, and she will stop thinking that she is an imposter who is not needed.
#6 Take her to the doctor
If you think she is showing signs of clinical depression, take her to a doctor immediately. You can no longer help her now. Her mental state has reached a stage where only medical interference can bring some change.
Depression is like an invisible parasite that feeds on your happiness and makes you hollow from the inside. No wonder J.K. Rowling created the dementors as personifications of depression in the Harry Potter series.
#7 Apologize if you have made her feel like this
Congratulations! You have realized what you have done with your tone-deaf behavior. Not everybody can identify the problem in their behavior. You are special because you did.
The fact that you are here to find answers proves that you really want to help your girlfriend, who feels she is not good enough for you.
Firstly, apologize for your behavior. Say, “I am sorry for being so insensitive.” Apologize for the fact that you have made her feel this way. You should be sorry about wreaking havoc on her mind with all your pomp and bling.
Secondly, you will have to tell her that things like this will never happen again. Say things like, “I will never hurt you again” or “I hate seeing you like this. All of this is my fault. Please give me a chance to rectify my mistakes.”
#8 Spend more time with her
Try to spend more time with her. Her thoughts about not being good enough come from your lack of presence in her life. She feels she is not worthy of your time and attention.
Prove her wrong by spending time with her. Take her out on a date (maybe to her favorite little place tucked behind the grocery store).
Do what she wants. Visit the zoo with her if she wishes. But this shouldn’t be a one-time thing. She will know if you try to treat her like a responsibility. Mean what you say and do as you promised.
#9 Find out more about her childhood
If childhood trauma is responsible for her insecurities, try to learn more about her childhood. Keep your investigation about her early life discreet. She can never know about that, or else it can have devastating effects on your relationship.
To find out more, you can visit her hometown and even her parents. But request them not to talk to their daughter about your visit. You can even visit the school she used to go to. That’s a place where you can actually find out a lot about her childhood.
You can also talk to her best friend in secret. Best friends often know about each other’s deep, dark secrets. Her best friend might be willing to talk to you about her childhood if you explain your plight to her.
#10 Prove that you are not toxic like her ex-partners
Her ex-partners were toxic people. They manipulated her, tortured her mentally, and made her feel she was inferior. They are the reason for her insecurities.
She is with you now, but she can’t let go of those memories, and that affects her relationship with you. She subconsciously believes that you are just like them. Revealing your true colors is only a matter of time.
Therefore, you will have to prove that you are not like the ones she used to date a while ago. Be good to her, and your actions will speak for you.
Suffering from an inferiority complex is common in most people. Your girlfriend feels she is not good enough for you because she is insecure.
There can be myriad reasons, but chances are there that she will never tell you clearly about it. If you want to see your girlfriend happy, it is your job to find out what makes her feel like this.
Finding out the reason will help you to find a suitable solution to this problem. Helping her out of the darkness will strengthen your relationship, and she will start trusting you more.