My Girlfriend Is Too Attached to Her Family [Everything You Need to Know]Your girlfriend is too attached to her family, probably because she prioritizes them over everything else. She likes to share every little aspect of her life with her family. Her family is the most important thing in the world to her.
Family is the most important thing in most people’s life. Human life begins, thrives, and ends around a family.
People do everything in their power to sustain their family, to keep their family happy. We have seen the importance of families across genres and in real life. Remember the Disney movie, The Lion King? It was all about family and its importance.
Your girlfriend is too attached to her family, and that is perfectly normal. She loves to share every little detail of her life with her folks.
This is a healthy relationship— the one that we are losing fast in this fast world. She takes time to visit them regularly. A few times, she even took you to meet them. However, the problem arises when this attachment becomes an obsession. What should you do then? I have some answers.
Possible reasons why she is too attached to her family
People do everything for their families. Being attached to one’s family is the most normal thing in the world. The level of attachment varies from person to person.
Even you love your family. Your girlfriend is too attached to her family and, for that, she must have some reasons. These reasons are the real source of your problem.
“Am I less important to her?”, “What if her folks are trying to interfere in the relationship?”, “Are they trying to manipulate her?”; “Why does she share everything with them?”— are some of the questions that might invade your mind.
I have attempted to delve deeper into the possible reasons for her excessive attachment to her family regarding your concerns. Read on.
#1 She literally grew up with them
A conventional family is made up of a set of parents and one or few siblings. Parents nurture a child and help them grow up, while siblings become an intricate part of the growing up years.
Your girlfriend is too attached to her family because she literally grew up with and around them. She loves to be with her parents and her siblings. Now that she no longer stays at her parents’ home, she misses it.
She misses her childhood days and spurs her love for them even more. If you observe carefully, you will find her getting too excited as the holidays arrive.
Holidays will make her meet her family. They will sit at that old dinner table together for one more time, gulping down that roasted turkey her father makes every year. She believes in family traditions, just like Marshall Eriksen from How I Met Your Mother.
#2 They have always been there for her
There can be nothing called being too attached to one’s family. One’s attachment to the family is an old and tested concept. Even you are attached to your family. If she seems “too attached,” there must be a reason.
Her family has been there for her through thick and thin. You have been there in her life for a couple of years now, but before you came into the picture, her family was her shoulder to cry on every time she had a bad breakup. They have been her strong pillar of support in distressing times.
She loves them and shows her affection in a way that seems too much to you.
Everyone has their own way of showing affection. Some are loud and extravagant, and some are quiet and composed. She falls into the first category while you stay in the second one.
Her attachment to her family makes her who she is.
#3 She trusts them with her life
Your girlfriend and her family trust each other a lot. She trusts them with her life, and probably that’s why she is so attached to them. She shares every little detail of her life with them.
Her parents might even know about your favorite food and the color you hate. Such exchange of information about everything might be annoying to you, but it is absolutely normal for her and her family.
If you watch her carefully, you will find her talking to her parents for hours on the phone.
Not just her parents, she is attached to her siblings too. They share every little detail of their life with each like Charles Boyle’s family from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
They are a part of each other’s lives, and they intend to stay like that forever.
#4 They have paid for her college education
A good college education can be extremely expensive. Most people lose out on that because of financial problems. Not all are exceptionally talented enough to get sponsorships, so is she.
Her family paid for her college education. Getting higher education is a dream for many. She, too, dreamt of it in high school, but her grades were not that great. Therefore, her family came in to help her out in her time of need.
This idea of helping each other keeps her family strong, and the bond is everlasting. They are each other’s first priority.
#5 They have helped her through her tough teenage years
Teenage years are tumultuous. In a school or a family, teenagers are the hardest to deal with. Ask your family if you don’t believe it.
You might not remember it, but you, too, have been a teenager who loved to announce rebellions against everything.
Your girlfriend is so attached to her family because of the positive role they played in her troubled teenage years.
Her family has been her therapist and her best friend at the same time. They were there for her when she got bullied at school.
They took her on camping trips and weekend hikes to the local hilltop. They helped her deal with breakups and listened to her when she had a new crush.
That doesn’t mean she was allowed to do whatever she wanted. Her family brought the perfect balance in her life in the time she needed them the most. She is bound to be attached to them. They made her who she is.
#6 They have been like her friends
Having a family that behaves just like a friend is a boon everyone dreams of. Most parents are authoritative in nature. That is not a crime. They are needed to stay in a position of authority to keep the home and their family in order.
If this is accompanied by a few friendly gestures, then the lives of their children become easier, and the relationship strengthens.
Siblings are inherently supposed to be the worst enemies of each other, but in her case, they were anything but enemies.
They were close, and she had a great childhood where they planned their mischiefs and adventures together. Maybe, that’s why they are still connected to each other, even while staying in different time zones.
#7 They manipulate her, and she is clueless about it
Now, this is a tricky one. She is clueless about the fact that her beloved family is manipulating her in every way.
She loves them, and it is a normal thing to do. But the extra information that she shares with her family is being used against her.
You can see how they are manipulating her, but obviously, she can’t. You will probably never be able to make her see that in a conventional way.
She does what they tell her to do, and that sometimes affects your relationship. They dictate her life to an extent where they decide careers and friends for her.
#8 She doesn’t find the companion she needs in you
She shares an apartment with you. Your lives are closely knit together. But somewhere, you have grown apart.
She seems too attached to her family because she no longer finds the companion she needs in you.
That doesn’t mean she is not in love with you. Maybe in the last few months, you have grown busier and have not spent much time with her like you used to.
The lack of interaction with you has made her closer to her family.
#9 You have been emotionally distant
The sheer lack of time spent together has increased the emotional distance between you two. Look into your relationship carefully, and you will find lesser topics to continue your conversations.
The excitement of the first few months wane away too quickly, and that’s when the relationship faces its first test. This emotional distance occurs in most relationships. Some of them survive, while some don’t.
Her newfound attachment with her family is a direct result of the aforementioned emotional crisis. Her family is a source of support for her when she feels distraught.
She probably talks to them about the problems in your relationship and seeks their advice on the same.
#10 They have a family secret
Have you ever watched the critically acclaimed 2017 horror movie called Get Out? It stars Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, and Bradley Whitford, among others.
The movie has many layers, and one of them is directly linked to family secrets. As it is a horror movie, the family secret in it will definitely not be a pleasant one. However, in real life, not all family secrets are horror-inducing.
She seems too attached to her family, probably because they have a secret— a secret that is not meant to be shared with anyone else.
Such secrets can range from buried wealth to hereditary diseases and secret recipes to buried bodies in the basement. The closely-knit family of your girlfriend serves the purpose of a secret-keeper.
Here's what you need to do
If you think her attachment to her family has reached an unhealthy level, you will have to deal with it very carefully.
You cannot just start a conversation by saying mean things about her family. That will backfire immediately. Dealing with this situation can be particularly tricky, but it is not impossible. Here are some ways that might prove helpful to you.
#1 Visit her family, try to be a part of it
What makes her family so special to her? To find out the answer to this question, you need to visit them (with her, of course).
If you want to know someone really well, you need to interact with that person; the same applies here. Maybe, after meeting her family, you too will find them lovable, and you might even grow closer to them.
However, try to stay neutral when you meet them, as your negative preconceptions will not help you in understanding the situation.
#2 Communicate with her more than you do now
She has found solace in the family because you have grown emotionally distant. To rectify that, you need to interact with her more often.
Even if you don’t feel like talking at the moment, you will have to strike up new conversations, arguments, and discussions.
The best way to do this is by looking for a common area of interest like books, movies, T.V shows, and shared fandoms.
Once you have found it, you can strike up discussions about your favorite characters.
For example, if you both are Harry Potter fans, you can visit the Pottermore website to find your Hogwarts houses. Later, you can have a fun argument about the same over dinner.
#3 Make her meet your family
She is too attached to her family. Maybe, she is fond of the concept of family. If you want her to get more involved in your life, make her meet your family.
You can even organize a get-together between the two families. However, there are a few areas where you need to be cautious.
If you two have different cultural backgrounds, bringing the two families together can be a bit of added risk.
Instead, spend time with each other’s families and take turns studying them. This is something you two can do together if you wish to stay with your girlfriend in the future.
#4 Involve her family in some of your plans, befriend them
You are concerned about her bond with her family. Therefore, you need to know them better in order to find out what makes them so special to her.
The best way to do this is to befriend her family. You can accompany her to visit them over the holidays. You can even plan trips with them to the nearby lake or to the nearest fishing spot. Try doing conventional family stuff with them; that is the point I am trying to make. They also need to find you trustworthy enough.
#5 Spend more time with her
If the time she spends with her family seems too much, if her attachment to them overwhelms you, just spend more time with her.
Her family is such a big part of her life, probably because of your distant behavior. She needs someone to share her feelings, and in your absence, her family has regained the position of importance in her life.
You can take her out for dinner and movie dates. If she prefers to stay at home, you can cook her favorite food and watch her favorite movie while having it.
Precisely, you need to bring back the old spark in your relationship— the one that got lost with time and the monotony of life.
#6 Be the companion she needs
Nobody is perfect. Therefore, being an ideal companion can be a lot of pressure. She is in love with you for various reasons, but you are still not the ideal companion she needs.
Relax, you don’t need to be “ideal” to win her affections. You don’t need to fulfill some unrealistic expectations. You will just have to attempt to be close to what she thinks is ideal.
Her attachment with her family stems from her disappointment in you, and that results in the ever-growing distance between you two.
If you want to stay in the relationship, be the bigger person and change your approach. That might make her come back to you. That might make her believe that you are, after all, the companion she needs.
#7 Try to gain her trust
If this is a relatively new relationship, expecting her to trust you completely would be a foolish thought.
She is attached to her family because they have been a part of her life since she started to think independently. They are an intricate part of her life.
If you want to reach that stature, a leap won’t help you. Instead, you must slowly pave your way into her heart, rather, her life. She needs to believe that she can trust you as much she trusts her family. It will take time, but it is not impossible.
#8 Talk to her about your relationship
If she invests too much of her attention towards her family, you can always talk to her about that.
You can ask her, “Where do you think our relationship stands?” You can even ask her why she is so attached to her family, but that question needs to be framed with care. In no way can you insult her family, not even unintentionally.
Her attachment to her family clearly shows how important they are to her. Even an unintentional insult might take her away from you.
#9 Learn more about her family (from a different source)
If you know someone from her hometown, talk to that person to know more about her family. A third-person account can give new insights into their relationship.
However, she should never know about this little investigation of yours. To her, it will be a breach of trust, and it can call for permanent damage to the relationship that is already, somehow, at stake.
#10 If they have a malevolent secret, distance yourself immediately
Earlier I talked about Get Out, the 2017 horror movie about family secrets. They have put it under the horror genre for a reason.
Families that commit a crime stay together. They are oddly attached to each other. They have to be, or else the cat might get out of the bag. If you feel your girlfriend is too attached to her family and that she might be hiding a family secret, stay away from all that.
If you get to know something sinister about her family from a trusted source, don’t try to investigate that further by yourself.
I am not saying this is a common possibility. The probability of this happening is extremely low. But it is always better to be safe than sorry. If her family is hiding a malevolent secret, I think you should distance yourself from them (that includes your girlfriend) immediately.
Everybody, from Harry Potter to Chandler Bing, loves their families. People work hard throughout their lives just to keep their families safe and happy.
Family is an important aspect of everyone’s life, even yours. Your girlfriend is attached to her family because of the same reasons.
However, there is a difference between being attached and too much attachment. If she is leaning towards the second category, there can be a problem that needs your attention for the well-being of your relationship with her.
Communicate more because there is nothing better than that. Good communication can end wars.