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My Girlfriend is Lazy and Has No Direction in Life [SOLVED]

Your girlfriend is too lazy to think about her future, and when she does, she has no idea how to get there. If it starts to affect you, bail out of this relationship. However, you can also try to help her to gain focus for a secure future.Featured Image of My Girlfriend is Lazy and Has No Direction in Life

She is your girlfriend. That doesn’t mean she will be your clone. You guys are stark opposites of each other.

You are a career-driven person. Since you were ten, you have planned your life with achievable goals. You try not to go off track. You are basically Sheldon Cooper.

On the other hand, your girlfriend has zero plans for her future (even in her twenties). She loves easy money and jumps from job to job, which is extremely underpaid. She didn’t even finish her major, which doesn’t bother her.

She is too lazy to work on her skills. Getting a useful degree isn’t her thing. She loves lazing around the apartment alone. But for the last few months, her clinginess has increased tenfold.

Am I right so far? If your answer is yes, scroll down to know more about her mind, why she does what she does and what you can do about it.

Why is she lazy and directionless?

It’s okay to be confused about what to do in life. People switch careers at forty.

Remember the time when Chandler resigned from his high-paying corporate job to work in advertising (something he was fond of for a long time)? If your girlfriend is confused the same way, there isn’t much to worry about. She will eventually find her true passion and do something about it.

The problem arises when she is lazy and directionless. It makes her homebound and cuts her off from social life. Why is she like this? There are multiple answers to this question, and I will help you find the right reason. Read on.

#1 She had no one to guide her

Having someone to guide you through your childhood into being a successful adult is a privilege not many can boast of. People have parents, siblings, or friends who guide and drive them towards success.

Then comes a category of clueless people with no one to guide them. They are the real-life versions of Eddie Munson from the newly released fourth season of Stranger Things. Their parents are either not around anymore or are busy with their life. They have come this far all on their own.

Your girlfriend probably is such a kind of person. She never knew the importance of education. No one advised her to choose her major wisely. She did what she felt was best for her. The result stands before you with a series of errors in judgment.

She went for easy money instead of finishing a major that could have landed her a well-paying job like you. And now, in her twenties, she is directionless, tired of all this confusion, and too lazy to get up and start afresh.

#2 She had a disturbed childhood

Her directionless life can be the direct or indirect result of a disturbed childhood. A disturbed childhood can range from getting bullied at school to having the worst kind of family.

The image of Max from Stranger Things living with her mother in a shanty-like house after her stepdad left is still fresh in our minds. Throughout the season, she can be seen pacing the hallways with a Walkman plugged into her ears to hide her miseries from the world.

How a person spends their childhood and teenage years shapes a big part of their adult life. Chances are there that your girlfriend, like Max, had a terrible childhood, which messed up everything. It changed her dreams and somehow made her lose direction.

#3 She belongs to a rich family

She knows she is rich. She also knows she will never need a nine-to-five job because she has her inheritance to fall back on when needed. Your problems with her lazy and directionless lifestyle arise from your middle-class upbringing.

She likes you, shares an apartment with you, and stays in the big city but have you ever visited her folks’ place on the outskirts? She probably has a large mansion, like Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale, and is an heir to her family business. It’s only a matter of time before she joins them.

She doesn’t need to have a job or vision like you. She is happy with her little gig at the coffee shop downstairs. Let her feel like Rachel Green for a while before she gets all serious with her role in her family business.

#4 She is depressed

Depression can change people in the worst possible ways. Your girlfriend seems lazy and directionless because she probably is depressed.

She has lost all interest in things that she once loved. There was a time when she worked hard to climb up the career ladder fast. Now, she can’t even see that ladder and is wasting her life in a dead-end job.

She needs help. If she continues this life, she will slowly get engulfed by her darkness.

#5 She feels overwhelmed

A well-paying job will require her to work hard. They will need her to spend long hours solely dedicated to them. Education, too, demands the same level of commitment.

She is lazy and directionless because she feels overwhelmed with the idea of spending so much time on a job or education. She loves to spend time alone or have fun with friends. She fears committing to something that might take away a large chunk of her fun time.

She has learned to stay happy with her meager wage because that gives her enough spare time.

#6 She is content with being underpaid

She is happy with her underpaid job. It pays for the little things she needs to go about her life comfortably. She feels she doesn’t need to look for something better because she doesn’t need that kind of money right now. She feels content with being underpaid.

She’s not yet responsible for any person other than herself. Her salary covers all her needs, from groceries to rent. Sometimes she even manages to save a bit out of what she earns. She has found comfort in this life.

#7 She is in love with the comfort of her room

Have you ever seen her leave her room? If the answer is “no,” she probably is in love with the coziness of the four walls. She prefers working from home even if it pays her less.

She hates being outside and is cynical about getting together with friends, even at the nearest coffee shop. She is an indoors person and probably is an introvert too.

She loves her comfortable room. She has decorated and customized it with a lot of love and care to suit her needs. It’s her fortress of solitude. She needs no direction other than that.

What are the possible consequences?

Her lazy and directionless attitude worried you so much that you arrived here, looking for reasons and solutions. But before venturing into solutions, I would like you to know a bit more about her situation and the consequences of her attitude towards her life.

Her lazy and directionless nature can adversely affect your life if you are in a serious relationship. You are serious about your career, which follows a certain direction. You know where you are going and have friends who share similar thought patterns.

When she becomes a misfit among the people around her (she will because everyone is doing something or the other), she will start latching on to you. What else? For that, keep scrolling down.

#1 She will move deeper into depression

Depression can have adverse effects on a visibly healthy person. Minute observation can detect it. Her lazy, directionless, and sedentary lifestyle will take her deeper into depression faster than you think.

Staying in your cozy room most of the time, all by yourself, sounds great. It will feel great for a few days, but the moment you understand that you are all alone or nobody cares about you, depression will creep in. This is what’s happening with your girlfriend.

Her fun, lazy and cozy life has taken a dark turn towards depression, and she is probably struggling with it without knowing what it is.

#2 She will start getting clingy

Let’s face it. Your girlfriend is a lonely person with little or no friends. For her, you are the closest thing to a friend. Therefore, she has latched on to you.

In situations like this, the lonely person often forgets boundaries and becomes excessively clingy. It might look like affection from a distance, but it isn’t. She clings to you in desperation. Her clinginess will increase if she keeps up this lazy and directionless lifestyle.

In her quest to go with the flow, everyone she knew has moved forward in their lives while she has remained in her low-paying, apparently convenient job. That’s probably why she lacks friends and clings to you for company.

#3 It will be difficult for her to be financially independent

A passive and directionless life might make it difficult for her to be financially independent. Her job doesn’t pay well, and she refuses to resign and look for a better one because she is lazy to work hard.

Financial independence is extremely important in this expensive world. She cannot just expect someone to take care of her for the rest of her life while she goes around being lazy in the comfort of her cozy room.

Her financial situation is bound to become an issue in your relationship sooner or later (sooner than later). You are now here, reading this article about what to do when your girlfriend is lazy and directionless. Soon you will look for articles about girlfriends who aren’t financially independent. That’s when the rift comes into your relationship.

#4 She might turn towards an unhealthy lifestyle

Laziness brings in the unwillingness to work hard, bringing less money into your bank account. That will cause stress, and she might turn to an unhealthy lifestyle.

An unhealthy lifestyle can range from eating disorders to drinking problems. Her stress and anxiety will not let her live a healthy life. She can even get mental health issues. In situations like this, people tend to feel lonely and often need help from a close person.

#5 She will interfere in your social life

She has no social life; therefore, she will interfere with yours. Her lazy lifestyle makes her lonely, and she intends to deal with it by making you her world. If this goes on, her entire life will start revolving around you.

This sounds romantic only in films and Victorian novels but is a pretty suffocating scenario in real life. Imagine being with her 24/7 and not having a break. It will make you grow tired of her and this relationship.

You have an active social life that has remained detached from your relationship. When these two get mixed, you are in for confusion, fights, and unnecessary explanations.

#6 She might start behaving rudely

She is lazy, and she knows that. She also knows that her directionless life is the root of all her problems, yet she can deal with them effectively. She has lost the will to fight with her mind. She wants to get out there and look for a better job, but her comfort in her current lifestyle stops her from doing so.

In situations like this, she might turn rude. She will get into fights with you frequently and might even yell at you unnecessarily. She will behave like this even if she doesn’t intend to.

What can you do?

If you have known her for a while, you will also know whether she can be helped or not. You probably love this woman, but that is not enough to bear a lifetime of discomfort. Think about this relationship. Think about if this is worth it and then act on it.

Taking her out of that lazy zone will be immensely difficult. But so will be breaking up with her. You will have to make an informed decision, so I have a list of things you can do to deal with this situation. Read on.

#1 Take her for a career counseling session

You can take her for a career counseling session. She needs to know what she really wants in her life; no one but a professional can help her with this right now.

She is a confused person who isn’t aware of what she is good at. Professional help will act as an eye-opener for her and help her concentrate her focus on the thing she is made for.

#2 Encourage her to finish her major

She never finished her major. Maybe she is failing at finding good jobs because she lacks skills. Encourage her to finish her major, but don’t patronize her as Leonard Hofstadter did with his girlfriend Penny in The Big Bang Theory.

You can help her without being condescending. Don’t instruct her to do anything. For example, you cannot say, “You have to finish your major if you want to get a job. I will help you with it.” This tone might annoy her to great extents.

Instead, you can frame the sentence differently and change your tone to say, “Why don’t you think about finishing your major? I’ll always be there if you need any help.”

#3 Ask her to snap out of her zone

Certain people in this world love being lazy on purpose. Their directionless life is a carefully chosen one. They love to procrastinate everything, and they sulk when things go out of hand.

If your girlfriend is this person, sharply ask her to snap out of the zone. Say, “I have had enough of this. You need to get out of the house. My entire life cannot revolve around you.” Just tell her all the difficult, harsh truths about your situation.

Your planned outburst might give her the necessary nudge to get out of bed and do something productive with her life.

#4 Tell her that you have a life outside this relationship

She should know that she is not the only important person in your life. You have a life outside this relationship, and she should be aware of that. Tell her, “I have other people in my life with whom I need to spend some time.”

Her laziness and clinginess make you distant from your family and friends. Tell her that if this continues, you might lose touch with them; if that happens, she will be responsible for that.

#5 Encourage her to look for meaningful jobs

She is happy with her low-paying job. She earns peanuts for salary from it. She can’t even pay rent with it. But she is happy anyway, with her cozy little room and a life of comfort with you.

Your situation is much like Joey and Chandler, except you are dating the freeloader. Be courageous and ask her to look for meaningful jobs that pay good money.

Make her realize that you will no longer pay for her expenses and that she needs to pay her part of the rent now. Your strictness in terms of money might turn her mind around from laziness to productivity.

#6 Take her to a therapist

If she seems depressed, take her to a therapist. You can’t deal with depression without professional help. If you aren’t sure about her condition, don’t try to help her on your own. You might do more damage than cure.

A professional therapist will understand her plight and listen to her unconditionally without interference (something we often forget to do while helping someone with mental health issues) before coming up with a suitable solution.

#7 Encourage her to get out of the apartment more often

Advise her to get out of her apartment more often. Tell her, “You need to meet more people. You need to reconnect with your friends.”

Meeting people might attempt to reduce her zeal to stay alone all the time. It will help her regain her lost confidence and steer her into looking for a better job.

The apartment is her cocoon; once she gets out of it, she will get a taste of the real world and the benefits of being in it. Monica Geller once famously said to Rachel, “Welcome to the real world. It sucks! You’re gonna love it.”

#8 Have the breakup talk with her

If you have tried all of the above things and failed at bringing about a positive change, I think you should let go of this relationship. Sooner or later, she will become this person with huge emotional baggage that you will have to carry around (metaphorically). You don’t deserve that.

If you think you can live without her in your life, give it a try and have the breakup talk with her. And while doing that, mention the reasons that made you arrive at this decision.

To sum up

A lazy and directionless attitude toward life can affect one’s future in this fast-paced and competitive world. If your girlfriend fails to understand that, she will face the consequences. But you might also face the brunt of being too close to her.

If you want to save yourself and your near-perfect planned life from whatever chaos she is churning up for your future, you will either have to call it quits for this relationship or be the bigger person and take her out of that lazy zone.

Whatever you choose will need you to have the courage to face the resistance from her side. A breakup will involve a lot of tears, swearing, and breaking things, while turning her attention towards a possible career will have failures, lies, and fights.

Therefore, follow your heart and choose wisely.

Nirajana Mukherjee

Senior Writer

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