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My girlfriend Doesn't Want A Prenup: Here's Why

Your girlfriend doesn't want a prenup because she doubts your loyalty and is worried about the uncertainty of her future. She thinks what will happen to her and her kids if any unfortunate situation appears. The only solution is to engage in effective conversation to establish your point.A man and woman in an office signing prenup

The era of love and marriage is changing with time. With the upgrading of modern society, couples are changing their narrative of long-term relationships and marriages as well. However, a prenup is still a concept that many couples are yet to explore. 

Prenup or prenuptial agreement is also known as a contract between two individuals in a relationship to secure their assets in case of a future divorce, death, or any unwanted situation. 

To be precise, several countries worldwide have different laws regarding marriage, relationships, divorce, retirement, and death. The signing of a prenuptial agreement helps couples to circumvent the otherwise default marital laws asserted by their respective government. 

However, the concern here is to get your girlfriend to sign the prenup in the first place. When in love, the emotions run high, and it is very common for most women to disagree on the concept of prenup due to emotional reasons, especially. 

My presentation discusses the prenup concept and why your girlfriend may not want it. I'm quite confident that it will help you understand your girlfriend's perspective as well.

Possible reasons why she doesn't want a prenup

Before discussing why your girlfriend does not want a prenup, I would like to state that women's and men's psychology work differently. As a responsible boyfriend or fiance, it is important to understand your woman's mindset and approach a prenup differently.

Women look at situations more emotionally rather than logically. When it comes to a sensitive topic like marriage and long-term relationships, signing a prenup is something they will refrain from. The potential reasons behind not wanting a prenup are discussed as follows: 

#1 She is not a gold digger

As the prenup is a legal document that secures the assets for both the individuals in a relationship, signing it may look like she is a gold digger marrying for your money. 

As her partner, you are trying to secure your assets and finances so that she can not go away with your money if you guys part ways in the future. That is the basic idea that knocks on her mind's gate when you come up with the idea of the prenup. 

She is here to love you, grow, live, make memories and raise a family. She is not a gold digger who is here for your money, fame, assets, or property. Hence, signing a prenup may conflict with her mind that you are trying to question her long-term commitments to you. 

If this is your girl's reason behind not signing a prenup, she must be someone who always wants to share all kinds of expenses equally. She tries or offers to support you financially; she never talks about financial dependency. If this is your situation, consider yourself literally a lucky person.

#2 Why set a negative intention at the start of something beautiful?

I have already mentioned that women react and make their decisions more from emotional aspects than logical ones.

The prenuptial contract is, after all, a legal document to safeguard the assets of both the individual in a marriage or any long-term commitment. However, signing a contract with the intention of "what if we part ways" can indeed be an emotional conflict that may take over your girlfriend's mind. 

It is said that intention plays a crucial role before any new beginning. If you cannot present her the offer of signing a prenup in the right way, it might sound selfish and create an atmosphere of negativity and unanswered questions.

So, if this is going on your girl's mind, she will often talk about many kinds of romantic morality. She'll say that you shouldn't bind a love relationship within any legal framework; or something like this. 

#3 Contracts might feel like there is no commitment from your end

A legal contract signed before marriage deciding the materialistic belongings after divorce or separation also makes your girlfriend question your commitment towards her and this relationship. 

It thus becomes your responsibility to communicate with her in a way that does not make her question your commitment to a long-term relationship.

#4 Are you going to leave me?

Another question that might arise in her mind is that you, as her beloved partner. She is not prepared to imagine a life without you, and her emotional intelligence does not support this legal contract that requires her to be prepared just in case this relationship does not work for you. 

If this goes on your girlfriend's mind behind not wanting to sign a prenup, you'll often face situations like relationship doubts from your girlfriend's end. Here she thinks you're not loyal enough to her and hence not sure about the future. That's why you want a prenup to be signed. 

You see how the idea affects women more emotionally rather than anything else!

#5 Why are you trying to hide your property from me?

Well, as you request her to sign a prenup or might present the idea of a prenup before marriage, her trigger response might call a case of hiding. 

You are possibly trying to hide your property or assets from her and building boundaries to protect the assets even before starting a new beginning in your relationship. 

She also might not want a prenup acting from the fear mindset that you will not take any responsibility for the future of your kids or her in case you guys part your ways. 

#6 Who will take care of my kids in case of divorce and me if I sign this prenup? 

Most importantly, she is afraid of who will take care of the family and her, especially if she is not a working woman.

What about the alimony, the funds she might need to raise the kids or take care of herself if this relationship breaks halfway into the new beginning. 

Signing the prenup can make her feel threatened and helpless for any future scenarios. As she is not feeling secure and stable anymore, it may also make her question your trust or shake up her faith in this relationship and you.

#7 Am I running on loss by signing the prenup?

In a marriage, both the partners don't have to have some assets, financial backup, business, long-term material backup, or property to bring to the table. 

If she is the one who does not have much to offer materialistically, it is easy to feel questioned and threatened emotionally for all that is happening. 

She also might feel that she is running on loss and that there will be no one to take care of her after any future divorce or separation. In such situations, she may react in such a way that you're trying to cut her off from your life and trying to get rid of any future baggage. 

How can you convince her for a prenup?

Now you know most of the reasons she is not ready to sign a prenup. It is easy for a boyfriend to lose their calm and invalidate her emotions or fear towards this legal contract.

However, anger, misunderstandings, frustration, or any chaos will not help you solve the problem by any means. The most initial thing that can help in this situation is the ability to initiate effective conversations. You don't have to manipulate the facts but just have to put them as they are. 

However, to help my readers to convince their girlfriends for a prenup, here are some of my suggestions. I hope you find this helpful.

#1 It is a step to protect both individuals from strict government marital laws

No one knows what the future beholds. While starting with a beautiful marriage, a sweet love story, and vowing of togetherness forever, most couples never think otherwise. There are endless possibilities of what can happen in the future of a relationship. 

Therefore, it is a wise decision to stay prepared for the unexpected. Marital laws in different countries are varied and can be strict sometimes.

Several examples of unwanted pressure and disputes in mutual divorces have been witnessed simply because of the asset or property front. 

Therefore signing the prenup before marriage can help both individuals to avoid any chaotic disputes in case of separation or divorce. A prenup is a simple step towards avoiding strict government laws as well that will benefit both the people involved.

#2 Communicate clearly

The marriage decision was mutual; the feelings are mutual, both parties take the vows, then why the prenup should be a forced contract? 

I understand that you have your reasons to ask your girlfriend for a prenup. However, it is equally important to hear her out. What are her unique reasons to disagree with a prenup contract? Why doesn't she want it? What are her thoughts about this concept? How does she feel about a prenup contact? 

Ask the right questions and communicate clearly with your girlfriend and then only reach a conclusion on the same. 

#3 State clearly "why" you want the prenup?

As you are the one presenting the idea of signing a prenup contract before marriage, it is your first duty to explain the "why" behind this approach. Why do you want a prenuptial contract ready and your girlfriend to sign it? 

Whatever the cause or personal reason you might have made you come up with the offer to draft a prenup, it is important to make it loud and clear.

This will restore her faith in this connection and clear up the air for any insecurities, fear of misjudgment that she might have developed after this fear.

Simply having a wiser, calm, and supportive approach towards her and this contract can solve the problem easily.

#4 Do not rush to a conclusion

There is no need to rush to any conclusion. A prenup may work for a few couples, but it doesn't need to work for all of us.

It is not wise to run after your girlfriend with the offer to sign a prenup before marriage. Start by presenting the idea, have a mutual discussion, and put up the most brutally honest face while discussing such a sensitive topic.

Move at your own pace through this journey, as a few turns on this pathway might be overwhelming. You both might reach a point excluding the contract completely and walk into marriage on simple terms (as in most cases). 

#5 It can be something good

Presenting your girlfriend with the idea that prenups can be a beautiful contract instead of anything negative can also help you reach a positive conclusion.

In case of divorce or separation in the future, she is safe, secure, and taken care of. She is covered with the basics she needs, and also any of her assets are secured as well. 

After all, the prenuptial contract is legal and mutual. Your girlfriend can rest assured knowing that she and the kids (if any in the future) are safe and that she is not dependent on her partner only for financial assistance.

#6 Live in the relationship

This is the most important prerequisite to convincing your girlfriend to sign a prenup. Look, if your girl has any kind of doubt about you about the future or your loyalty, she may not agree to sign a prenup.

That's why you must put effort into making your relationship flawless, at least for now. When your girlfriend has complete faith in you, then it'll be much easier to convince her of anything you want.

So, love your girl, give enough time and effort to your relationship and only then approach for a prenup. It will be a wise decision. 

So in conclusion to prenup or not to prenup?

By now, you know the idea of a prenup in detail and why your girlfriend doesn't want it, it is time to conclude. 

Please understand that in the end, it is still a personal choice or rather a mutual decision to proceed further with this idea. As a boyfriend, you should give equal importance to your girlfriend's idea and hear her out for not signing up for the prenup.

Have honest and open conversations about financial goals, career goals, business ideas, lifestyle planning, and other long-term family plans. This way, it gets simpler for both individuals to reach a much-needed conclusion on prenup before marriage.

The cover idea is to have a long long-terming-term happy marriage, with or without the prenup. The prenup is simply another tool to keep your assets in the right place in case of any unwanted situation. Signing a prenup does not ever mean that the relationship is meant to break or something bad is to happen.

However, if your girlfriend agrees to the idea of signing a prenup, it is always a good idea to get a draft ready and signed by a lawyer to enforce it whenever necessary.

Adhideb Ghosh

Senior Writer

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