My Girlfriend Always Finds Faults in Me (Reason & Solution)
She always finds faults in you because she is no longer happy in this relationship. Her priorities have changed since you guys fell in love. She wants you to change accordingly, and when that fails to happen, she gets disappointed. She is probably going to end this relationship soon enough.Every relationship goes through ups and downs. The fairy tale part of a relationship stays only at the beginning for a short while. It is followed by a time when a gush of harsh reality hits you hard in the face. It shows you the not-so-fairy-tale-like parts of your relationship and the true face of your partner. They, similarly, see the same truths about you.
This is the hardest part of a relationship. It’s like a test you guys need to take to move to the next level. Failing at it would need you to call it quits for your good.
She might start finding faults in you during this period of truth. She sees your truest version, which she hadn’t expected and probably doesn’t like.
Remember when Chandler and Monica fought after returning from their secret vacation in F.R.I.E.N.D.S? There, for the first time, they saw the negative sides of each other. They fought for a while, had a mature conversation, and finally made up.
To have this conversation with her, you need to know why she finds so many faults in you. I will help you with this. Keep scrolling.
What makes you faulty in her eyes?
Most people tend to be on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. There’s this weird rush to impress the new partner. The real person gets masked by this constant urge.
But after a while, when the true face comes out, it brings along much disappointment. She finds so many faults because she had expectations about you that will probably never get fulfilled. This relationship feels like a burden to her now.
However, other reasons can be there too. Let’s find out.
#1 She no longer wants to be with you
Your relationship with her has reached the expiry date. She doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Therefore, she always tries to find faults in you.
Try to observe if the silliest things annoy her. When was the last time you people had a decent conversation that did not end up yelling and throwing things at each other?
If you have to think, I am sorry, your time with her will be over soon. She thinks she deserves better but can’t muster the courage to discuss the breakup.
#2 She is trying to make you break up with her
She is no longer interested in you, and she is also clever. She is trying to make you break up with her so that she doesn’t have to be the “bad” one.
She keeps finding faults in you, hoping you will grow weary of this attitude and terminate the relationship. She will be free to go then. All she wants is to get rid of you. She doesn’t want the guilt, though.
The best thing about her plan is that you don’t realize it. You wouldn’t have any idea if you had not come here to see why she does what she does.
#3 She is trying to make you feel guilty
She might not want to break up with you, but she’s trying to make you feel guilty. It can happen in two scenarios:
She is being petty. She wants to make you feel guilty about something that is extremely insignificant. This might be her way of dealing with a fight you had. She cried her eyes out, and now she blames you for that. She will stick to her point, even if you won the fight fair and square with good arguments. She might even accuse you of being insensitive. She might say you don’t care for her anymore.
You have done something to feel guilty about. She won’t tell you what you did. She will count your faults to make you feel guilty. You will have to look for hints in her words. She is extremely annoyed at your behavior, but that doesn’t mean you guys will break up. She wants you to realize your faults and admit them.
#4 She wants you to change for her
She wants to date a changed version of you. She wants you to be just like the person she wants. It would make her happy if you behaved like her minion.
You guys are from different families, and as a result, you had a different upbringing. You guys think differently. She wants you to be more like her. She needs you to fit into her world.
Your quirkiness and little eccentricities embarrass her in front of her peers. That means you would probably have to say goodbye to your life and friends.
#5 She is disappointed
She found so many faults in you because of her sheer disappointment. She had high hopes about this relationship when it started. She thought it would last a lifetime until she met the real you or the baggage that you carry around.
She is in no mood to take that. Hence, she has started counting your faults. At first, she found faults and kept them to herself. Then, she started telling her closest friends about this. But now that she is exhausted with disappointment, she just lets it go and complains about you to none other than you.
This is a tricky situation. She is disappointed but probably still has hope that you will make her happy someday. That’s why she is still with you. She hopes that you will change for good and accept your faults. If you think her thoughts are unreasonable, she is in for a heartbreak soon.
#6 She doesn’t like your true self
What were you like when you started dating her? What did you do to make her like you?
Are you really the person you claim to be? If your honest answer is “No,” you are in a mess. Your relationship is based on falsehood. She knew a distilled version of you. She fell in love with this perfect person with a heart of gold.
Now that she has seen the real you, she feels betrayed. She thinks this relationship is a big mistake. Her immense disappointment makes her find faults in you. That’s how she tries to make up for the feeling of betrayal.
#7 She wants you to be like the partner of her dreams
Every person has a partner of their dreams. They form this perfect human being in their mind. Your girlfriend, too, has such fantasies. The partner of her dreams is a perfect person with the right amount of emotions and grace in them. They are a good listener. They have the perfect (socially approved) body. You, on the other hand, are nothing like them.
You are a real human being. There is nothing wrong with you. Try not to be upset over what she says about your looks and personality. Her impossible fantasies and wish for them to come true are at fault here.
#8 She is cheating on you
She has found someone better. That is why she keeps on finding new faults in you every day. She is cheating on you with a person she thinks is better. She doesn’t have the necessary courage to have a conversation about it.
Look for certain behavioral changes in her. If she is cheating on you, she will try not to make eye contact while lying to you about her whereabouts. She will tell different lies at different times. Her recent words will not match her previous ones. She will lose track of her incessant lies at a point in time.
That’s when she will start finding faults in you to divert off the topic. She needs to redirect your attention toward an unnecessary argument over petty things.
#9 She has misunderstood you
All this is the result of a misunderstanding. You said or did something with a certain intent, but it was offensive from her perspective. This is like when Leonard tried to help Penny study for her community college classes in The Big Bang Theory. She never asked for his help, but he stepped in anyway. That incident was followed by Penny pointing out the faults in Leonard and his tendency to patronize her.
Think about what you did. Did you do something similar? Have you belittled her unintentionally? If yes, you need to consider other ways to deal with your relationship. You cannot patronize anyone. That is bound to cause misunderstandings like this.
Misunderstandings can come in other forms too. It can happen when you stay away from her and spend less time together because of unavoidable issues. Without you telling her the proper reason, she will think you are trying to avoid her.
#10 You have done something to upset her
You must have done something to upset her. If her finding faults in you is a recent behavioral development, you need to stop and introspect. Think about what you could have done to hurt her.
Talk to her if possible. Try to stay calm even if she yells at you. She will count more faults in you, but your patience will finally lead to a decent conversation about the problems in your relationship.
However, if you know what you have done, you will know what to do to undo it. You need to apologize to her immediately if you want to stay in a healthy relationship.
How to deal with the situation?
If her complaints about you are legit, you can always try to change; if you can’t, you can call it quits and move on. However, if the faults she finds in you are unreasonable, you should talk to her about that. You can try to make her understand that no two people are equal.
What else can you do? Read on to know.
#1 Talk to her about what she likes and dislikes about you
The conversation is key here. Talk to her about her likes and dislikes. Ask her what she doesn’t like about you.
You can make this interactive. Instead of talking only about her problems, you can discuss your problems too with her. Let’s see how we can do this.
Sit her down when she is in a relatively calm state.
Tell her that you want to discuss your relationship’s problems.
Tell her that you guys will say five things you like and dislike about each other.
By the end, you will have a hint to the problem. It will be best if you start working on it.
#2 Try to know more about her expectations
You can talk with her about her expectations of this relationship. Ask her what she wants from you. But this conversation can be of help only if she wants to.
You can observe her keenly if you don’t feel like talking to her about this. The next time she yells at you, focus on the point she mentions the most. If she has expectations, she will mention them multiple times. You will have to act on it accordingly.
If observations don’t help, you can talk to her friends about this. She is frustrated about her relationship. She will fight with and yell at you. But she will probably never talk to you about how she feels. Instead, she will talk to her friends about it. She goes to them when she has to complain about you. Talking to her friends might fetch you answers.
#3 Find the root of the misunderstanding
This is important to bring things back to bliss. You had a great relationship, but something made her hostile towards you. She finds you irritating nowadays.
Get to the root of the problem to deal with it. You can’t find a solution unless you know what’s bothering her.
Ask her if you have done something to hurt her. If her words indicate that, try to think about what you have said or done in the past few days. If the problem lies elsewhere, talk to her and track it down. Once you are aware of the problem, half of your work is done.
#4 Apologize if you have done something to upset her
This is as clear as daylight. Apologize if you have done something to upset her. Chances are there that you already know what you did by now.
Let’s not procrastinate. It will only drag the fight, and she will find even more faults in you. An apology is the only thing standing between you and happiness. Get it done as soon as possible.
However, your apology should come from the heart. You should feel it while you say that you are sorry. If you say that just to shut her down, she will see right through it, which will be detrimental to your relationship. Try to accept your fault and act accordingly.
#5 Tell her that you can’t change your personality
A person’s personality is something that distinguishes them from others. It is unique to everyone. It cannot be changed. Your personality comes with you. It is a package deal, and she has to accept it if she wants to stay in a relationship with you.
Tell her that you can’t change your personality. It is very unscientific and insensitive of her to demand something like that from you. Tell her that you can attempt to change your bad habits, though. But that can only happen if she talks to you about that.
#6 Try to change the bad habits that annoy her
Personalities can’t be changed, but you can change your bad habits if it annoys her. Certain bad habits can be extremely irritating. Do you pick your nose? Do you always forget to put down the toilet seat? Do you leave your towels on the floor after using them? If yes, change the habits immediately.
These are only a few common bad habits that most people have. The things you find normal are pet peeves for her. It disturbs her peace. She shouldn’t be the one to move around you, dealing with your mess, as you choose to ignore all of it and go on with your life.
If you don’t act on your bad habits now, she will break up with you sooner or later (well, sooner rather than later).
#7 Check if she is cheating on you
You will get hints if she’s cheating on you from her changed behavior. Spend some time checking if your hunches are correct. She finds so many faults in you lately. There has to be a reason.
See if she compares you to some other person or character traits someone else would have. You can also talk to your common friends to get a better insight into her life outside this relationship. If she is cheating on you, there’s no reason to stay in a relationship with this person. It’s better to let her go.
#8 Point out her faults
If you find her unreasonable, don’t stay quiet. Point out her faults to give her a taste of her own medicine. Being unreasonable in a relationship doesn’t work out well for the ones in it. She should be aware of the fact that things are not going to work out between you two if she continues doing this.
The next time she yells at you, ask her to stop and say what you have to say (don’t yell, though; you don’t want to stoop to her level). Tell her that you will not take this abusive behavior from her anymore. Tell her that she has reached the limit of her trash-talking.
#9 Ask if she wants to be in this relationship
She finds all these faults in you probably because she doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Talk to her about this. Ask her if she wants to stay with you.
She might not have a ready answer, but she will come up with one. She probably isn’t aware of her feelings yet. Let her have some time to think.
However, you should remember one thing. Whatever her answer is, you need to act like an adult. If she chooses not to stay with you, accept her decision with an open heart (you will find love again). Don’t create a scene or beg her to stay with you. That can only worsen things.
#10 Break up with her and move on
This option requires a brave decision, but that is worth it. If you find yourself in an unhappy relationship, don’t drag it further into unhappy-town. End it and let her go.
Falling in love doesn’t need to look for reasons. It just happens. Most people don’t think about whether things will work out between them or not, only to regret it later).
At times, breaking up is the best option (although it seems difficult). It might feel like everything is crumbling around you, but believe me, better days are ahead.
To sum up
No one is perfect. Your girlfriend needs to understand this harsh truth. Her expectations come from a very unrealistic space. She has made up this image of the perfect partner in her mind. She thinks you will adhere to her fantasy. But when that fails, the little bubble she lives in bursts, and she gets flung out into the real world, which she isn’t ready for.
That’s why she has started to count faults in you. She wants to have reasons to break up with you. That is a pretty immature way to deal with disappointments in a relationship, and she needs to know that through a mature conversation between the two of you. A good conversation can do wonders.