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My Boyfriend's Mom Doesn't Like Me [SOLVED]

She feels threatened by you because you're in a position to change her beloved son. She's known him all her life, so it can be hard for her to accept that someone else has gotten so close to him and become such an important part of his life.A woman sitting with her mother-in-law, and they both are smiling

Ever since you started dating your boyfriend, you've been a loyal and loving partner. You treat him well, and he treats you well right back. You love him so much and bring out the best in him.

But his mother? 

She just doesn't seem to like you. No matter how hard you try, it's impossible to get on her good side. You've racked your brain trying to figure out why.

We've all been there. You're dating someone, and it seems to be going well, but his mother just can't seem to warm up to you. Maybe she's even sabotaging the relationship from within! 

It's hard to know what's going on if you haven't talked directly with her, but here are a few things that might be going on.

9 Reasons why your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you

We know you want to be at the top of your boyfriend's mother's favorites list, and we're here to help. Let's dive into why she might not be head-over-heels with you just yet.

#1 There's only room for one queen in the family, and that's her!

Has your boyfriend's mom been giving you the cold shoulder? 

Sometimes you just have to let your love for a guy get you through the in-laws.

It's not that she dislikes you—in fact, it's quite the opposite! She likes you maybe too much. She's just a little slow to warm up to the idea of having another queen in the family.

It can be hard for moms to accept that their sons are becoming men and welcome someone new into the family. It'll take time, but if you play your cards right and follow some tips on how to connect with your boyfriend's mom, she'll come around!

#2 She doesn't think you're right "fit" for him

Why does your boyfriend's mom hate you?

Because she doesn't think you're right for her son.

That's it. That's really; truly all there is to it. It's not because she doesn't like your hair or thinks you're too skinny or thinks you're not skinny enough. 

Maybe it's because she knows her son better than anyone in the world and genuinely believes that there is someone out there who will be better for him in every way than you are.

It's extremely common for parents to have strong opinions about who their children date and get involved with.

Frequently they are coming from a place of wanting to protect their children and provide them with the best possible circumstances in life.

#3 She thinks you are not well established

She wants to know that her son is with a successful woman and has her life together. She's worried that you don't have the same drive as her son or that you will be able to achieve the same things he can.

There's nothing wrong with you. She's just concerned about her son, and she wants the best for him. She wants him to be able to settle down in a way that will make his life comfortable and secure. It's not about you. It's about her vision of the future for him.

The good news is that this probably won't last forever. If you stick with your boyfriend and help him find ways to ease his mom's concerns, she'll come around. Many moms are like that—it just takes time for them to accept the people their kids love if they're different from what they were expecting for their kids' future.

#4 She knows about your family problems

Do you have family issues?

If so, your boyfriend's mother may be concerned that you'll bring those issues into her son's life. She may also be worried about what family and friends will think if they find out.

We all want a "happy ever after" love story, but unfortunately, not everyone gets one. Maybe your guy's mother has opposed his dating you because of your family history.

Her main concern right now is keeping the peace in her family. So she wants you out of the picture.

#5 She thinks she knows him better than anyone else

Your mother-in-law has had your boyfriend much longer than you have. It can be easy for a parent to think that they know their child better than their child's significant other does—after all, the parent has known them their whole life.

If he's never had a girlfriend before, this new relationship can make her feel left out.

On top of all this, she's probably super protective of him. He was undoubtedly her baby boy once upon a time, and now he's all grown up and bringing home girls? He's not going to leave her forever, but it is a sign that he's becoming an adult and exerting his independence more—a scary reality for any parent.

#6 She sees you as a threat to their relationship

He probably does the same thing with her that he does with you—talks about his day, vents about his frustrations, and shares his hopes and desires. 

He's spent years building that relationship, and she has a more developed understanding of how he thinks, how he feels, and what makes him tick compared to your relationship that may be just starting out.

And while they're not competing for the same attention or affection, she may see your presence as an intrusion on the time they spend together and an obstacle to their bond.

#7 He has a history of choosing women who aren't right for him

Don't let anyone tell you that your boyfriend's mom hates you—it's just not true. She may be a little disappointed with her son and his choice of a girlfriend right now, but she doesn't hate you.

You see, your boyfriend has a history of choosing women who aren't right for him.

While maybe they seem great at first, after a while, they end up hurting him—which is why his mom is a little bit skeptical of his choices.

She wants to protect him from pain and heartache, and that's why she might be acting a little cold toward you right now. She wants to make sure that you are really good for her son before she starts to feel happy about the relationship.

Remember that she loves him dearly and wants what's best, so if he has a history of choosing women who aren't right for him, she might be afraid that this is just another one of those times. 

#8 She doesn't trust your intentions

I see your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you and that it's starting to affect you.

It's super common for mothers not to like their son's girlfriend—especially if they come from a different culture or have different socio-economic backgrounds.

She doesn't know you well enough to trust your intentions—she might think you're just dating her son for his money or fame. Sometimes, she might think you're trying to change him, and she sees that as a threat, too.

And if she is getting to know you and still doesn't like what she sees, then she'll have to trust her instincts, no matter how much it upsets her son.

You can help this process by offering to spend more time with his mother in situations that will be comfortable for both of you, such as going on a walk together or having coffee at her house.

#9 You remind her of someone from her past 

If her behavior seems out of the ordinary, she may have some unresolved issues with a person from her past, and you're reminding her of that person. 

It could be an old rival, a former friend, or even somebody she loved who hurt her deeply—but she likely sees something in you that reminds her of that person, and therefore she holds you in contempt.

Whatever the case, it may have nothing to do with you at all. It's just that when she looks at you, she can't help but see someone from her past who hurt her deeply. And whenever she sees that person, it stirs up old emotions that make her act in ways she wouldn't normally act.

Unfortunately, if this is the case, there is not much you can do. Give it time, and remember to go easy on yourself. She might come around eventually!

Well, ladies, I've got news for you. You can make your boyfriend's mom fall in love with you.

All it takes is 11 simple steps

If you're looking to make your boyfriend's mom fall in love with you, then you want to make sure that she sees you as a potential daughter-in-law. 

#1 Spend one-on-one time with her

The key to your boyfriend's mom's heart is through spending quality, one-on-one time with her.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and ask her to do something with you that she's interested in.

Bring up an activity or hobby you know she's into and ask if she'd like to try it out with you. You'll be surprised by how much fun it can be, even if it isn't normally your thing!

#2 Ask her about her life

This is the best way to make someone fall in love with you—ask them about their life. You'll learn all about your boyfriend's mom, and she'll begin to feel like you care about her!

Talking with the people who love us and listening to them, hearing their concerns, and getting to know what they're going through is a pretty powerful way to show that we care.

The more you get to know her, the more she'll start to care about you. The conversations can be about anything; the important part is that you listen, show empathy, and ask questions. She'll adore the fact that you want to know more about HER life, and she'll see how kind and considerate you are!

#3 Share your thoughts and feelings with her

If you want your boyfriend's mom to start seeing you as a potential daughter-in-law, you've got to start talking with her.

Sure, you might think that spending time together, showing her what a great girlfriend you are, and walking around in her shoes should be enough to get her on your side, but you're missing one key thing here: communication!

Talk about your feelings! Let her know exactly how wonderful she is so she can see how much she means to the person who means the most to you.

#4 Do things together

It's important to get to know your boyfriend's mom if you want her to like you. If she likes you, then she'll be more likely to approve of your relationship.

The most important thing is to find things that you both enjoy doing together. For example, if you like watching movies and she likes watching movies, then suggest that you two go see a movie together. 

If you don't have any common interests with your boyfriend's mom, then find something that one of you can learn about the other's interests. 

#5 Talk about your common interests

It can be hard to get along with your boyfriend's mom if you don't share the same interests. However, the key is to find common ground upon which you two can connect. 

Cultivating common interests with her is a wonderful way to deepen your relationship. Rather than waiting for her to discover your shared interests, why don't you take the initiative today? 

You could even ask Mom directly, "Tell me one or two of your favorite things to do, and one or two of your favorite places to go." 

Your boyfriend will thank you, I promise!

#6 Surprise her with gifts on special occasions

We all know the 'mother' role is important! Yet making the mother of your boyfriend fall in love with you can be challenging. 

It's a known fact; mothers love to be surprised on their special days.

Whether it is a birthday, anniversary, or just saying thank you for everything she does for you, gifting her something she very much likes is sure to make her fall in love with you, even more the next time you visit your boyfriend's home.

#7 Give a lot of compliments to your boyfriend's mom

Show her you are a very thoughtful woman. Compliment her all the time. Sometimes when people go out, they forget to compliment their partner.

In contrast, if you compliment your boyfriend's mom in front of your boyfriend or with your partner around, she'll be touched and feel very happy that her son found such a thoughtful person. She'll like you better and gain more respect for you.

How do I know? I do it to my boyfriend regularly. He appreciates how kind and thoughtful I am toward his mother, and he loves it, too.

#8 Let her know how much you love and adore her son

You love her son, but your relationship with his mom is a bit strained, right? Well, it can be.

Want to melt your boyfriend's mom's heart and make her feel like she's the luckiest woman alive?

She might not admit it, but she does want you to treat her sweet little boy with respect and make her feel like the most important woman in his life.

You see, she wants to know that he's in good hands. And if you show her that you love him enough to treat him like a king, you could win yourself a spot in the son's VIP circle.

#9 Be friendly and good-humored

The most difficult thing in your relationship might be convincing your boyfriend's mom that you have what it takes to become her daughter-in-law.

Approaching this relationship from the wrong angle can not only jeopardize your chances of marrying her son, but ruin any friendship you might have built with your boyfriend's mother. 

People are more open to accepting others during moments of laughter. The most important thing to remember is to make a connection so that she and you can feel closer due to a shared experience. Making her laugh and smile is a surefire way to speed up the process of getting close emotionally.

#10 Take her advice on your life problems

We've got an easy hack for making your boyfriend's mom fall in love with you right away.

Next time the two of you meet up, make sure the conversation comes around to a problem in your life—something that will require her advice and wisdom. It could be something huge, like whether or not to move back home after graduation, or something small like how to get a coffee stain out of your favorite sweater.

Either way, she'll feel so important and flattered that you're asking for her advice that she won't be able to help but feel positive about you. 

She'll realize that you trust her enough to share your problems with her, which makes her recognize how special and valuable she is—which means she'll think more highly of you as a result!

#11 Ask your man to help you to impress his mama

Just because your boyfriend's mom doesn't like you doesn't mean she'll never like you.

The good news is: it's not all down to you. Your boyfriend has a role to play here too.

Take your boyfriend's help to establish that strong bond between his mother and you.

Your partner loves his mom, and he knows her better than anyone else. Your partner can help you navigate the ways his mother thinks and feels—and the things she values most.

By working together with your partner, you can find ways to connect with his mother and make sure she recognizes what an amazing person you are!


Whether you have a great relationship with your boyfriend's mom or his parents are giving you a hard time, it can be tricky to figure out what to do.

Well, girlfriend, I have shared everything from why your boyfriend's mom is giving you a hard time to how to take the ball in your court, where your would-be mother-in-law will be singing praises for you.

Megha Chanda

Weekend Writer

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