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My Boyfriend Tells Me to Shut Up [Reasons and Solution]

Your boyfriend is the product of a patriarchal society who doesn't like to give space to his women. He does not want you to voice your opinion during arguments because he does not value your opinion. You need to deal with the situation delicately to make him understand that you are supposed to make decisions together.A woman sitting on a sofa looking upset and a man standing in front of him

Relationships had their highs and lows. It's not always a pleasant journey. There are days when you feel such strong animosity for the person you love that it's shocking.

On such days, your partner can get aggressive, rude, and loud. He may behave strangely in a manner you have never seen before.

One such instance can be when your boyfriend tells you to shut up maybe during an argument or when you are crying. On days like these, you must remember that there are two sides to a coin, but that doesn't reduce the value of the coin.

Please don't get too disheartened, for we shall figure it out in this blog post. Keep reading slowly to analyze your situation better and make the right decisions.

15 Reasons why your boyfriend tells you to shut up

The strongest reason for your boyfriend to shut you up is because he is in a pungent mood and needs some time alone. Worry not. When you are asked to go quiet, it's better to stay quiet, but that does not mean that you leave their side.

You never leave the side of the people you love. Let us elaborately try to understand what would cause such a strange behavior on the part of your boyfriend in the first place.

#1 He is a patriarch 

Your boyfriend is the product of the male-dominated patriarch society. The words that are leaving his mouth in such force are one of the byproducts of the society we inhabit.

He is being ruthless and aggressive. This can be so because he has recently seen this happening, and he is perhaps unconsciously picking up this behavior.

In any case, what he needs most at this hour is love and understanding. Do not leave his side. Be feminine in the true sense of the term rather than waking up the feminist in you.

This is not the point where you should fight or break apart. Take it as a test. Be patient, and it should naturally occur to him that he shouldn't have misbehaved in the first place.

#2 He does not respect you 

Your boyfriend asking you to shut up could also be disrespectful to you. This means that he has gained all that he had expected out of this relation from you.

He perhaps does not want to continue this any longer. However, he doesn't want to take the blame on himself. Hence, he is misbehaving in a manner that he knows you won't be able to keep up with.

He is manipulating you into calling it off. If any of this is making sense to you, you might as well want to ask him straight what is going on and what he expects the results to be.

#3 He is arrogant 

Your boyfriend is arrogant. He has always been so. You perhaps didn't notice it earlier because you were blinded by love. Or perhaps he didn't show his true colors to you, but now he can't hide it anymore. 

There is no reason, not even love to tolerate the throat-cutting words of an aggressive man. Your love night can soften him. But it shall eventually drain you out of love, and he will be back to square one when you are rendered unable to pour love into him any longer.

#4 He is impatient 

Perhaps you're dating a guy who gets impatient easily. At the same time, you might have been just the opposite.

Perhaps, all this time, you were too patient with him to heed his rude words and remarks. But not you see a pattern. You realize that it has been going on for a long time now, and you must not endure it anymore.

This is the reason why you Googled this in the first place. But worry not. You need not be any more patient. If you choose to abandon him and if he truly loves you, he will find a way to make amends.

If he doesn't, love is always in the air, and you will find the right one for you when you pass on this guy.

#5 He wants to call it off 

It is what it is. It might come up as a shock, but the guy perhaps wants to call it off.

He is making clever moves, and perhaps he is even cheating on you. However, he doesn't want to give you a blow. He knows that it will hurt you way too much.

Hence, he is taking such steps so that you naturally begin to hate him and start increasing the distance between you and him. It's a clever strategy, and well, if you feel it is this, it's better to be stronger than he has taken you to be.

#6 He hasn't connected with you on a deeper level 

Perhaps your boyfriend never really connected with you at a deeper level. It has always been physical.

You guys never shared secrets. You didn't sleepover. You never discussed your past, and now it all seems to be too distant. Neither of you feels like putting any effort into the same person anymore.

Perhaps, both of you yearn for a change. You have got weary of one another. You are breaking into constant fights where you won't shut up, and your boyfriend won't speak.

#7 He is rude 

Your boyfriend is a rude man who lacks manners. He is high-pitched and derives pleasure by being rude to others. He feels as if it satiates his ego.

So long he was keeping his temper in control, but now that he feels you are completely into him, he doesn't want to act like a gentleman anymore.

He wants to be rude and perhaps even abusive. Be cautious. Keep a close friend of yours involved or informed. If you feel the need, tell your family about this.

#8 He is trying to dominate you 

Your boyfriend loves to see you submissive. Perhaps he has no ill intent. It's just that he is a sadist. He likes to be rude and harsh sometimes—pleasure functions differently for people.

You cannot blame anyone for what makes them feel high and good. What you can do is to see if it coincides with your understanding of pleasure.

If it does, you are compatible and made for one another. If it doesn't, you need to move on to someone else.

#9 He is pissed off 

Perhaps there is something that is bothering your boyfriend. He is not opening up to you because he wants you to tell him about it.

It could be anything. It could be medical reports. It could be having a baby. It could range from something trivial to something serious.

All you got to do is ask him directly about it. Tell him to open up. Say something in the lines of, "I know something is bothering you. I'd like to know what it is. Could you open up to me? You realize I'm only human, and I'll not be able to teleport you." 

This might act as a push and if he opens up to you, be patient and calm. Hear him out completely and take your time before giving him an answer.

#10 You're chatty 

If you are a very chatty person, sometimes your boyfriend might get annoyed and snap at you.

This might mostly happen when he is not in a good mood or has a long day.

Look for these symptoms when you meet him. Study his face. Look at his hair. See his shoes. If his face is sweaty, hair tangled, shoes dirty, it shall indicate that he has had a hard day.

On days like this, be easy on him and keep your queries for another day.

#11 You're cheating on him 

If you have or you are cheating on your boyfriend, he might have discovered it, which is making him behave in this manner.

Even if it was a one-time thing or you did it in the heat of the moment, he will feel cheated and have reasons to get mad at you.

While a confession might not be the wise thing to do, making out and going on a vacation with him might work for a change.

#12 He doesn't trust you 

Your boyfriend wants to shut you up because he feels you make up stories and aren't honest with him.

This is what is bothering him, but he can't tell it to you upright. If you have been dishonest, it's time you mend your ways. If not, then talking a lot is not working out for you. You might want to work on your listening skills instead.

#13 He is cheating on you 

Your boyfriend is cheating on you, and he has a guilt-ridden conscience that is not allowing him to think straight. Try to keep an eye on him. Check his call log to see the people he spends his time with.

All these will fetch you clues about what has been going wrong recently with him.

#14 He is insecure 

Perhaps your boyfriend is too insecure, and when he confronts you with it, you make up stories or don't hear him out clearly.

This makes him restless, and he feels he can't bear it anymore. If you have been keeping this behavior, it's time you hear him out.

#15 He is showing his true colors 

Your boyfriend can't put up with his false colors anymore. He is showing you his true self. That's how he is.

Whatever earlier behavior he had put up before was false. He was trying to earn your trust.

Now that he has it, he feels that he can treat you the way he seems fit. However, you must not endure or put up with this. Show him that it is unacceptable and nothing ranks higher than your dignity, not even love.

What to do when your boyfriend tells you to shut up?

If your boyfriend behaves irrationally and asks any girl to shut up, he is not in the right state of mind. In such a case, you must give him some space.

Let him absorb the silence for a while, and when he is comfortable, if he is a gentleman indeed, he will apologize for his rude behavior. Scroll down to discover more about what you can do or how you can handle this situation.

#1 Give him a break 

It is alright to give a break to your boyfriend. Allowing him some me-time will help him to calm down. It will help him in thinking straight and relax a bit.

Suggesting him to take a spa or, even better, gifting him spa coupons could be a way to show him that you are his well-wisher even when you don't get to share the experience with him.

#2 Try to analyze the situation 

Try to understand why your boyfriend is behaving in this abrupt manner.

Is it groundless, or can it be justified in any manner? If yes, then try to get to its root cause. Once that is detected, it will help you trace your steps to the boyfriend you had always known and loved.

#3 Notice his behavior with others 

Does your boyfriend behave in this agitated manner merely with you, or is it a constant behavior that influences his relationship with other people too?

If it is latter, it is something much more serious than seen.

It could be a disease, a loss, a fear, a nightmare. Whatever it is, you need to help him in opening up to you and sharing his bit with you. You need to take him in confidence and show him that you shall stick by him no matter the reason.

#4 Stalk him on social media 

Stalking your partner on social media might not be a healthy sign for your relationship.

However, consider this case you be an exception. Stalk him to understand what it is that he is hiding from you.

If it is anything related to peer pressure, you can assist him in easing it down. If you don't get clues from his posts, keep an eye on the kind of posts he likes or the comments he makes, that will give you a lead on what has been on his mind lately.

#5 Be polite with him 

Don't be harsh to your boyfriend when he is rude to you. That will only worsen the situation and make it out of control.

Instead, be polite and loving.

Remember, this is the point when he needs you the most. This is where you should stick by your promise and stand up to all the tests.

Don't let his behavior influence your behavior because then there will be no difference between both of you. Show him that on days like this, your love will suffice for both of you.

#6 Practise breathing exercises 

Your boyfriend might use deep breathing exercises to regulate his mood and behavior. If he isn't too enthusiastic about it, you might want to join him to make it one of those couple activities that love birds enjoy doing together.

It will bring you closer and make your bond indestructible. Be the unbeatable pair; all you need to do is gather the courage to weather the storm.

#7 Spend more time together doing fun activities 

Spending quality time with your boyfriend can take off much of his annoyance. All talk and no action can fade the beauty of the prettiest relationships. Yes, follow this mantra.

Keep trying new things together. It can be learning a new sport or a dance form, taking baking classes together, or spending time fixing meals in the kitchen together.

Anything and everything that makes your relationship more meaningful shall do wonders. Don't restrict yourself to the values or activities dictated by the world. Make new rules and raise the bar.

#8 Do a get-together 

A get-together will help you in multiple ways. If you haven't familiarized yourself with your partner's friends and close ones, this shall be your opportunity.

It, in turn, will help you to understand them better. You will not only get a clue as to how he behaves around people but also the way he Introduces them to you and vice versa.

If he does so respectfully and whatever grudges or botheration he has, he keeps it for your bedroom, then he is a mature guy and might have reasonable grounds for this behavior.

But if he acts ridiculously in front of other people, he is not your man.

#9 Don't be too insecure 

Don't get too insecure and weigh him down with constant questions. That could be a reason for his weird behavior. He is tired of justifying himself to you.

Don't play the role of a nagging wife who always craves attention. Treat him like a human, and remember that even though you might have plans together, he is your boyfriend, not your husband, and it is for the best that you understand the difference and treat him accordingly.

#10 Engage in sports together 

When you play games with someone, it can be something like chess or an outdoor sport such as badminton, and it allows you to channel your frustration into forms other than words.

These other forms won't hurt as much as words do. A good game will allow you to dispel your anger into an energetic formulation. 

#11 Make love 

There is nothing better than making love to resolve disputes between couples.

Love him like there is no tomorrow. Overwhelm him with your passion. Make him weep in emotions. Drown him in your pouring of love-filled gestures. He would never behave in this manner again.

#12 Work on your listening skills 

If you consider yourself a very good speaker, that automatically implies that you aren't a good listener. It's a rare combination to find in a single person.

But you have to master it anyhow. You can do so by adopting a time limit before making a reply.

First of all, never interrupt a person between his monologue. Listen to him with all your attention.

Secondly, don't give an essay-length paragraph in the form of your reply. Sometimes all a person wants to do when he talks to you is talk to himself through you.

Thirdly, it is not decent to contradict or oppose his opinion. Even if you think that he is wrong and you are right, you must learn to respect his views. Always forward your opinions in the form of suggestions.

#13 Get to know his friends 

Having a vague knowledge about your boyfriend's friends will keep you informed about his whereabouts and alert about his activities.

You feel like your man is going astray; you can take action to pull him back to where he rightfully belongs. Moreover, you can always seek the help of his friends when you fail to know or understand him directly.

#14 Go on a staycation 

A staycation would allow you to take a break from the routine lifestyle. That will give you more space to think clearly and help you share each other's thoughts. It will strengthen your empathy game.

You would be able to feel each other more. Eventually, you will learn to be kind to one another, and it shall help you dismantle the unwanted ego that might have acted as a barrier in the past.

#15 Take relationship counseling 

Relationship counseling is the way to go when you feel that much damage has been done, and withdrawal or further involvement would only worsen.

It will show you the right path and help you see new avenues that wouldn't have occurred to you otherwise.

However, it should be a mutual decision. You both must understand its need and be honest with your words.

Summing up

If your boyfriend asks you to shut up, he is not in the right frame of mind. A spoonful of love, and a handful of care, served in a vessel of understanding and affirmation shall deliver the required potion to perform the magic and heal him of his worries, bringing him back to his natural self.

The cure is in you. Believe in yourself, trust the process, don't let the faith in your love waver. It will all fall back in place.

Suprity Acharyya


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