My Boyfriend Doesn't Talk and Text Me Much [SOLVED]Your boyfriend doesn't feel the same emotional connection with you anymore. He is taking some time off to see how both of your future shapes up. He is in an unstable phase and knows that he might say something impulsively that can ruin the rhythm of your relationship. Hence he is keeping himself low and not indulging in much communication.
We have often heard people asking - So, why do you keep the spark alive? Couples are always asked this one question by everyone around. While people expect answers like romantic dinners, luxury trips, and exotic gifts, communication is key to a sparkling relationship.
A couple who communicates regularly and frankly does not face a lot of issues in their relationship. Even if they do, they will find a solution through communication. Communication is not limited to just having deep, serious discussions about your future, career, finance, or family. You can only develop a deeper connection with your partner when both of you talk freely with each other and can share everything without any inhibition.
To reach a level of comfort with your partner, you two have to work on building that connection through your day-to-day conversations. And for that, both of you talk to each other every day. Even sharing the simplest thing like what you have for lunch or about a workplace meeting will make you feel wanted and loved.
But the effort has to come from both ends. If you find your boyfriend talking less to you or not opening up to you properly, you would certainly be upset. When there is a lack of communication, you start overthinking and fill your mind with negative thoughts.
There may be various reasons for your boyfriend to talk and text you less. Let's jump right away and find out why your boyfriend behaves.
10 Possible reasons why your boyfriend doesn't talk and text you much
Before you think about what's going wrong with your boyfriend, let us look at the reasons behind your boyfriend's behavior. You always have to remember that you two are different individuals and you will have your way of behaving with each other. Obviously, that will never involve insulting or hurting each other.
So, if you are going through a rough patch because your boyfriend is not talking and texting you much, you must look at the reasons.
#1 He is quiet by nature
Your boyfriend doesn't have to be the same talkative as you are. He might not be on the same energy level as you. He is, by nature quiet and calm.
He only talks about necessary things and doesn't indulge in small talks or gossip. He will share with you if there is anything important, like if he is going on a business trip or if there is a family function. But he will skip on the small details like his day, what he is waiting on Netflix or what he is talking about with his friends etc.
He is a patient listener. He will listen to your stories, woes, or whatever you have to share with him. He will never stop you from sharing or tell you, "You talk too much, give me a break." Also, he will answer you with everything you want to know. It's just that he is not an initiator of a conversation or he is not someone with whom you can go on chatting for hours and hours.
You will always start a conversation, carry it forward, and keep it going. So, if you know your bae is like that, accept that and try to strike a balance where both of you will be in a safe space.
#2 He is too busy
Being busy can not and should never be the reason for not talking to you. Your boyfriend must remember that he is in a relationship and has responsibilities towards it. He just can't give an excuse for being busy and cut you off from his routine. It is about priority. When he truly cares for you, he will make time for you no matter what.
However, if your boyfriend is preparing for a job change or higher studies or he is occupied with a family emergency, you have to give him some space. If these are the situations, he will tell you that he will be busy and might not be active in replying or calling you. So, in this scenario, you have to cut him slack.
But the problem arises when you see that he is saying he is busy, but he is enjoying himself with his friends. He can make time for everyone in the world but you. You have to confront him directly if you face a similar crisis.
#3 He is upset with you
If your boyfriend is someone who doesn't like to involve in fights or ugly quarrels, he will go silent. He is not a person to go into arguments with you. He would rather give it some time and let you understand your mistake. He chooses silence over ugly, insulting, and hurting words.
So, remember the incident where you deeply hurt your boyfriend. Think about it carefully and find the best solution to resolve the situation. You have to keep in mind that he is mature and handles things responsibly. So, every step you have to take must be thoughtful and careful.
Also, accept your mistake. Do not hold your ego and wait for him to break his silence and come to you. Rather, talk to him. Meet him and apologize for your mistake from your heart. He can take some time to open up again like before, but he will certainly come around.
#4 He is double dating
When your boy is busy with two girls, he won't have enough time for the two of you. He will have to compromise on one person. Unfortunately, you are the one he is not giving his full attention to. You will always find him busy on the phone talking to someone else and not you.
Also, whenever you want to meet him, he will come up with thousands of excuses. Even if you want to have a serious conversation with him, he will find a way to ignore it. The interesting fact is that you will find him online on social media platforms, but he is not talking to you. Clearly, he is double dating. You can observe his behavior and even ask around his friends to find out more about his activities. However, be prepared for the worst.
#5 He is testing your patience
He is someone who likes to take things at a slow pace. He is not at a point of rushing into anything. Guys who had a difficult past and who had been cheated by their ex-partners usually take a lot of time to open up. Besides, since they have experienced the pain of heartbreak once, they are not ready to go through it again or face a similar situation.
So, here he is, only testing your patience. He wants to see how serious you are about him, how much you are willing to wait for him. He might get upset if you get impatient or want him to spit out everything about his life in the very first days. Since he still has that fear, it takes time for him to trust again.
Be patient if you're into him or want to know this guy better. Slowly, take things forward. Do not force him if he is unwilling to talk about a particular topic. Rather try to build up a friendship with him. Once he hits that comfort space with you, he will open up and talk to you.
#6 He is not into you anymore
When your boyfriend is not into you anymore, he will reduce conversations with you as much as possible. Perhaps, your relationship has reached a saturation point where both of you feel that nothing is left in the relationship. People in long-term or short-term relationships can have these feelings.
There may be various circumstances that led to this kind of feeling. Even though you are still into him and want to make things work again, he has stopped giving any effort. You alone can't carry on with the relationship if there is no involvement from his end.
He has probably found his own life or pictured it in a way you don't really fit in. He has tried his bit but has seen all his efforts are in vain as he has genuinely stopped feeling for you like the way he used to. Hence he is giving you signals by not talking or texting you enough. So that you too slowly become detached from him and decide to end the relationship becomes easier for both of you.
#7 He doesn't feel attached to you
Emotional attachment is the biggest thing that will keep a couple glued to each other. When both of you are emotionally attached, distance, troubles, or anything in the world will stop mattering. You will feel love for each other in all situations, always. There will be nothing that can break you apart.
But couples start to lose their bond once there is a lack of emotional attachment. Do you and your boyfriend fight a lot? Do you always have a cold war between you two? Do you feel uncomfortable opening up to your boyfriend? Or does your boyfriend always has to compromise on his wishes because of you?
If you feel that any of these situations are true for you, then high chances are there that your boyfriend has slowly lost attachment to you. For him, this relationship has become like a place where there is only suffocation. He does not feel the same love, and excitement as he used to feel earlier. And when there is less attachment, he does not feel the urge to talk to you because he doesn't even have anything to say to you.
#8 He feels distant from you
Are you in a long-distance relationship? Well, not all LDR couples go through this, but when you two are not on the same page, most likely, one partner will feel distant from the other.
LDR requires more effort, understanding, and patience than any other normal relationship. Since you two don't get to meet, you only have vertical communication. Even that communication is sometimes compromised because of two different lives, their lifestyle, and other factors like work, time zones, etc.
So, for an LDR couple, it's important to make time for each other and share their day-to-day activities so that one partner feels a part of their life, even if they are thousands of miles apart.
So, if you are too caught up with your work and do not get time to call your boyfriend even once a day, he will start feeling distant from you soon.
He feels that you don't give him enough importance. Clearly, he is not your priority. He understands that you have work commitment and other things to tackle in life, but your love and care for him have gradually decreased. Hence he does not have the same connection with you. You are just a girlfriend for him who lives far, and there is no love between you two.
#9 He treats the relationship casually
He is not the serious type of guy. He is here to have fun. He will make plans to meet you, shower you with your favorite chocolates and flowers, and always send you "good morning" and "good night" texts, but he is dating you casually.
He does not intend to have a future or even a long-term relationship with you. He will only talk to you when you message or call him up. Even when you two meet, you will always be the one talking about yourself, asking him questions about him and other things. And whenever you bring up anything related to your relationship, he will carefully dodge those questions.
He will make you feel special in the initial days but will never give his 100% to you because he is not serious with you. Even he wants to ensure from the beginning that he is not here for the long run. So he would talk only when necessary, and mostly they would revolve around fun things and nothing serious.
#10 He wants to break up with you
Your relationship has no future. Both of you have tried and followed all methods, but now this lives going nowhere. He was waiting for you to take the initiative, but he has seen no outcome in that. So, now he is actively doing his part. He doesn't want to drag out the relationship unnecessarily at this point.
He has stopped giving efforts. He doesn't talk and text much as he feels it is only a waste of time, and he doesn't want his energy to go in vain like this. He uses that time to catch up with friends; he works on his career but doesn't talk to you. Clearly, he has given up all hopes, and he wants to end the relationship with you.
What to do when your boyfriend does not talk and text much?
Now that you have an idea of what's wrong with your boyfriend let's look at the things you must do.
- Give him time. Your boyfriend might have gone through a rough patch or is having tensions regarding his work or family; hence he is not unable to talk to you. Giving him the time will allow him to recollect his thoughts, and he will be mentally in a better position to talk to you openly. Always remember that time is a great healer.
- Make the most of it. If he talks to you for an hour at night, use that time positively. Talk about productive things and avoid any ugly fights. When he sees that just one hour of talking increases the bond between you two, he will automatically start talking to you more.
- Understand him. If your boyfriend is an introvert, you must understand and respect his nature. You should never set unrealistic expectations where he will equally participate with you in every conversation. Rather appreciate the fact he is listening to your issues, he is going out of his way to make things smoother for you.
- Observe his behavior. If you find anything slightly wrong with your boyfriend's behavior, you must carefully observe him. If he has suddenly gone silent but makes time for his friends, there can be a deeper issue. Observe how he talks with you, how he behaves with you, whether he hides his phone when with you, etc. This will direct you on a clear path.
- Apologize for your mistake. If your boyfriend is upset and he is not talking to you, you must genuinely apologize. You should not wait for him to discuss the topic and find a solution. You should be the one making a move. Promise him not to repeat such mistakes.
- Spend more time with each other. If there is a lack of connection or attachment, you must spend quality time with each other. Go on a couple of activities like yoga, painting, Zumba, cooking lessons, etc. These productive activities will help you build a deeper bond with each other, and you will always have new things to discuss.
- Pick up his hobbies. Guys love when girls show interest in their hobbies or likings. So, if your boyfriend is into F1, ask different questions about sports. Watch games together. He will see that you are genuinely interested in him, and he will open up and talk to you more.
Now, a few don'ts for you to follow
- Do not pester him with questions.
- Do not force him to talk to you even when he is not feeling.
- Do not assume the worst without knowing the truth.
- Do not check up on him multiple times as it can further irritate him.
- Do not blame him for your mistake and turn everything around him.
A relationship will not always work on the 50-50 ratio. Some days, you have to give your 70 while your boyfriend will give 30. When you know that "He is the one for you," you will try your best to make things work.
So, there will be hiccups in your relationship, and there will be imperfections with your boyfriend too. You have to accept them with open arms. You have to work on them constantly. Keep your eyes open, and do not miss the red flags.
And the most important thing is to talk about it. Never suppress any feeling in you for long. Rather, talk to your partner openly, and things will fall into place.