I Don't Feel Like a Priority to My Girlfriend (Reasons & Solutions)You don't feel like a priority to your girlfriend because you are not. You guys are not on the same page in this relationship. She likes hanging out with you sometimes, though. She doesn't prioritize you because she has people in her life with whom she can spend quality time.
Relationships are filled with conflicts. The biggest of them is when two people in a relationship fail to stay on the same page. That is the problem you are facing in your relationship. However, every person has a way of showing affection. You are a romantic at heart, but she is not. She doesn't like showing what she feels. Maybe that's why you don't feel like a priority in her life.
Think about the Leonard-Penny relationship in The Big Bang Theory. It seems like one of them is more invested in the relationship than the other. But that is far from the truth. Both of them loved each other in their way.
These situations are tricky, and they need to be dealt with carefully. I will help you go through the reasons for her attitude towards this relationship and how you can help yourself in this situation. Read on.
Twelve possible reasons why you don't feel like a priority to her
The first thing that would come to your mind in situations like this is that she is no longer interested in this relationship. But before you make a rash decision based on this hunch, try to think about why she behaves this way.
Try to peek into her mind to find the reason behind her messed-up sense of priority (that's what you think). Try to understand her side of the story and then make an informed decision about what step to take, relationship-wise. In this section, I have curated twelve reasons to explain the situation. Keep reading.
#1 You are insecure
Your insecurity is making you think this way. You are a priority to her, but you don't believe so because that day, she chose not to talk to you for five hours. Being a priority for someone doesn't mean that person will have to assert your importance in their life now and then.
Your insecurities could be a result of the following:
- Horrible experiences in past relationships
- Childhood trauma
- Lack of attention from parents
- Lack of self-esteem
- Lack of trust in people
- Mental health issues
You are important to your girlfriend. Stop overthinking about the time she was rude to you, and think of when she cooked your favorite dinner instead. Every relationship faces problems. That doesn't mean that you will stop being a priority to your partner.
#2 She is a busy person
You are a priority to her, but she seldom gets an opportunity to show how much you mean to her because she is too busy to do that. The reason for this can be the nature of her work. If she is a student, her busy schedule is quite understandable with all the assignments, exams, and part-time jobs she has to juggle to get a degree.
However, it can also be that she prioritizes her work or studies more than you. You, for her, are just another person with whom she has gone on a few dates. You are gravely mistaken if you assume this to be a legit relationship. You are just a pretty distraction from her busy schedule.
#3 She has many friends
Her friends her extremely important to her. They are like her family. She probably prioritizes them more than you. That doesn't mean you are not important to her. There is a reason why she is with you. She likes you. But she would never ditch her friends to go on a date with you.
The plans with her friends are her priority. Like the group of friends in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, they hang out in the coffee shop doing nothing. Gossiping with her friends about random stuff is more important to her than spending time with you on a fancy date. She can't miss the laughs at any cost. However, you are more than welcome to join her group of friends.
#4 This is a new relationship
You can't expect to be a top priority in her life if this is a new relationship. Unfortunately, life is not a fairy tale, and love, at first sight, is pretty rare. As Monica once said in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, a relationship needs much hard work. You need to build it first before you get to expect things out of it.
You should allow your girlfriend some time to know you better before she can make you a priority in her life. If she finds you compassionate enough, she might grow closer to you quicker than usual.
#5 She is cheating on you
You don't feel like a priority to your girlfriend, probably because she is cheating on you. She doesn't need to prioritize you when she has someone else make her feel special.
This relationship is a burden. You are the last thing she wants in her life. However, she can't break the news to you because she knows it will shatter you. It is a weird situation.
She has some compassion left for you. That's why she will not say she doesn't love you anymore. Instead, she will taper away from your life. She will reduce the time she spends with you so that you grow weary of this relationship and get relieved when she breaks up with you. It's all part of an elaborate plan to get you out of her life.
#6 You are needy and clingy
You were a priority for her until you turned all needy and clingy like Ralph from Disney's Wreck-It Ralph movies. Your constant need for attention is a bit too overwhelming for her. She has her problems to deal with. She hates to be bothered by your problems all the time.
A relationship should not be based on a person's problem-solving skills. But, unfortunately, the dynamics of your relationship have changed into her being the problem solver─ a role she is unwilling to play.
She wants you to be a priority in her life. But your whiny behavior, like Rachel's date Paul (Bruce Willis) from season seven of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, is forcing her to run away from you.
#7 She is not good at showing affection
You are the love of her life. She prioritizes you more than anything else in the world. Yet you still think your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you. That's because she is not very good at showing her emotions. She faces a bit of difficulty when it comes to conveying what she feels to people. Unlike other people in love, she never shows her affection.
On the other hand, you are a romantic who loves buying flowers for your girlfriend. You love going on romantic dates and open-air movie theatres to spend quality time with the one you love. She loves all that too, but will never say that out loud to anyone.
She talks less and stays mostly in her little world. Her lack of self-expression makes you believe she doesn't count you as a priority in her life.
#8 She never spends time with you
Ideally, people in love should spend a considerable amount of time together. In the case of your relationship, it never happens. You don't get to spend much time with your girlfriend (more like, she never spends time with you). It's disheartening and also why you think she doesn't prioritize you anymore.
If she has behaved this way since the beginning of the relationship, it's not much of a problem. Being detached from everything and acting aloof is her thing, a part of her personality. However, if this behavior is a newly acquired one, it is a matter of concern for you and the relationship.
#9 You guys don't talk much
It is barely a relationship when you guys don't talk much. Prioritizing each other comes way later. You guys should get to know each other first.
The lack of communication is bound to make you think that your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you, especially when you have made efforts to start a conversation. The effort should come from both sides. If it doesn't, the relationship loses its credibility.
#10 She doesn't prioritize you
It is plain and simple. It is as clear as daylight that your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you. You are just another passing fling for her, and she doesn't give much thought to this relationship. She has better things to worry about. Most casual relationships run like this.
If you want to stay in this relationship, you will have to accept your position in her life; however, if you want more than what you already have, gear up for heartbreak and disappointment, as she will probably not change her mind.
#11 You guys are not on the same page
Carrying forward the idea from the previous point, it can easily be said that you guys are not on the same page. You are more serious about this relationship. She might not even think of this as a relationship. Why would she make you a priority in her life when she thinks of you as just another person with whom she has been on six dates?
Six dates are not enough for her to call this a relationship (or call you her partner). Being on the same page is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship. When it is missing, you should rethink about pursuing this one.
#12 You have done something to upset her
She is serious about you and this relationship. But lately, you feel you are no longer a priority in her life. That's probably because you have done something to upset her, and she is acting out this way.
She loves you but must also show you where you have gone wrong. She will make you rectify your mistakes. You must have made her feel miserable. Therefore, she is trying to give you a taste of your medicine by making you feel miserable.
What to do when your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you, or you feel so?
Communication is the key to the situation you are in. You guys are not moving parallelly in this relationship (and what's not parallel is bound to intersect at a point). Problems will arise if you leave this matter to improve on its own.
You can talk to her about your position in this relationship and whether she is serious about you or not. There are so many other things you can try out to help yourself. Scroll down to read.
#1 Talk to her about your insecurities
If you have insecurities, talk to her about them. You still are a priority in her life. Tell her how you feel, and she might have some advice for you to deal with the situation.
She is one of the most important people in your life and probably should know about your problems. Share your trauma with her, and be honest when you do that.
However, never make her feel bad for not asking you what's wrong before you reveal it to her. She must have noticed you were upset about something. She was too polite to ask.
#2 Ask her if she can take some time out of her busy schedule
If you have been with her for some time, you will know her schedule and the fact that she is busy. Ask her if she can shimmy some time out of her busy schedule to hang out with you.
However, don't create pressure on her. That move can turn against you quicker than you can imagine. Remember when Ross visited Rachel's workplace when she was busy? He brought a picnic basket and lit her desk on fire. But the worst part was that he was unapologetic about it. All he could think was, "I don't see her often because she is busy with her work. Therefore, I can visit her workplace with candles on a busy day because it's our anniversary." Deservedly enough, this incident was followed by their famous breakup.
This is a pretty common scenario. She takes time out of her busy schedule for you only because you are a priority. Don't smother her with overwhelming gestures, and respect her profession.
#3 Try to get along with her friends
This will be a bit difficult to accomplish if you are an introvert. But getting to know her friends will bring you closer to her. That's what you want, right? If friends are her priority, try to be her friend first before getting into serious relationship stuff.
Your sudden addition to her group of friends might seem odd at first, but she will accept you as one of them with time.
#4 Give her some time
Give her some time to gather herself. You don't feel like a priority in her life, probably because she is preoccupied with things that bother her too much to concentrate on this relationship with you.
You need to be more patient. Was she like this from the beginning? If your answer is "no," you should take a step back and allow her some time to deal with her issues. She will come back once she is done.
However, if your hunch about her comes true, you can deal with it by conversing politely with her. There is no need to yell at each other. Just place your questions before her and wait for her to explain herself.
#5 Check if she is cheating on you
Her behavior will change distinctly if she is cheating on you. Be sure that you are no longer a priority for her. However, breaking up with you is a priority, and she wants to do it as quietly as possible.
Suppose you suspect anything; you can always check if she is cheating on you. You should have enough proof before confronting her and asking her questions. These are a few things you can do:
- Talk to her friends
- Try to find out where she goes
- Join her gym
- Make sudden plans to go out for dinner and observe how she behaves
#6 Confront her about your place in her life
Talk to her about your place in her life. You feel that your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you. That feeling is not irrelevant. There must be a reason why you feel like this. Your priority should be to uncover that reason by having a conversation with her.
You can ask her the following questions:
- What is the future of this relationship? (However, don't lead with this question. It may freak her out.)
- Do you still have feelings for me?
- Do you not like spending time with me?
- Where am I going wrong?
- Is something about me bothering you?
#7 Be the affectionate one
You need to step up if she can't show her emotions the right way. Your concern says that your emotions are in the right place. Just channel them in the right direction. Try to be the affectionate one in the relationship.
You can start by doing cute things for her. She will appreciate it. Over the years, she has built a shell around her. The shell doesn't let her emote well in front of people. Your job is to break that shell. Be the person she can trust. You are a priority in her life.
#8 Stop being needy and clingy
She already has a difficult life. She can't deal with your problems too. Try to understand that and stop being needy and clingy around her.
You are an adult and should be able to solve your problems. Don't wait for her to come and save you whenever you mess up your life.
She is tired of your whiny behavior and is trying to avoid that by staying away from you most of the time. If this continues, you will end up losing her.
#9 Have long conversations
There is nothing more remedial than conversations. You guys don't talk enough. That's the main problem in your relationship.
Try having long conversations with her. There should be something that you guys can bond over. Try to know about her interests. Talk about your favorite shows on Netflix. Ask her whom she likes the best in the new HBO show House of the Dragon.
#10 Try to understand her perspective
Try to get into her shoes. A relationship only works when the people in it understand each other seamlessly. Try to understand her perspective and what she thinks of you.
To do that, you can either talk to her directly or you can talk to her friends to get a peek into the part of her life that she hasn't shared with you yet. Try to get an idea of her perspective. It might change how you think.
#11 Ask if you are on the same page
Being on the same page is important to carry on with a relationship. If you feel that your girlfriend doesn't prioritize you, ask her questions about your relationship.
Being on the same page doesn't mean you will agree on everything. Try to know if she is as invested as you are in the relationship. Based on that, you can make the next move.
#12 Rectify yourself
If you have done something to upset her, make amends immediately. She wants you to apologize for your mistakes. That is why she has been making you feel like you are no longer a priority in her life.
If you have not done something extremely grave to upset her, be sure about the fact that she still loves you. The present behavior is only to make you realize your faults.
To sum up
Feeling prioritized is a tricky thing. You think you are not a priority in your girlfriend's life. She might ask you how much priority you want. For her, the amount of time she spends with you or the number of times she kisses you in public is enough. That isn't enough for you, and that's why you are here.
Try to understand the reason behind your problem, and act accordingly. A knowledge of perspectives is very important here.