I Do Everything for My Girlfriend and Get Nothing in Return [Solved]If you do everything in your capacity for your girlfriend, but she neither appreciates your efforts nor does something for you in return, she has taken you for granted. Her affection towards you is a facade, and she is using you for her benefit.
Relationships are about putting joint efforts to achieve certain goals and make dreams come true. When we love a person, we prioritize their needs before ours. We are their good wisher and always try to keep them happy.
If you have played this role in your girlfriend's life, but she stays indifferent to your efforts, it will hurt. However, worry not. We shall figure out what keeps her appreciating your efforts and how they can be fixed. Keep reading to know more.
15 Reasons why your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts
Your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts because she feels that you are obliged to do everything you do for her as a boyfriend. It's the way we sometimes forget to appreciate our teachers and parents.
We feel that whatever they do, they ought to do it because they are nothing without us. However, that's neither the right excuse nor the only possible reason. Most of all, your girlfriend is ignorant. Please read below to find out how her mind works and what prompted such thoughts.
#1 She doesn't love you
Your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts because she doesn't love you. She pretends to love you. Perhaps she is unaware that she doesn't truly love you.
The narratives of love have been such that when anybody uses the three magical words, we feel for them and fall in the process.
However, falling for someone truly and feeling deeply in a way you have never felt before is almost magical. While you might feel that way for your girlfriend, she doesn't feel the same way for you.
At times, we like to stay with a person because we know that all they do for us, nobody else might do. However, we are so scared to show our gratitude that, in the process, we hurt them. Such might be the case with your girlfriend too.
#2 She takes you for granted
Perhaps your girlfriend wasn't always like this. She used to care for you and appreciate your efforts before. But now, with the passing years, she isn't mindful of the courteous behavior. She has taken you for granted.
She doesn't feel a sharp wind blow on her face every time she sees you. Your routine has become monotonous.
While you might text her to check on her, she might feel that you are not giving her the space or time she would have appreciated. On the contrary, she feels your presence has become overwhelming in her life that whatever she does, it's all begins with and ends with you.
#3 She cares for you but doesn't know how to express
If you have ever felt loved by your girlfriend or have seen the affection for you in her eyes, it might suggest that she loves you but doesn't know how to show it.
She might not be a poetess. She is not as well versed in the words of love as you or your ex has been. You might, in the process, at the back of your mind, draw comparisons between her and your ex.
This might complicate things. We all have a particular style to display our fondness. Some do it with words. Others do with their actions. Some acknowledge the actions, and others keep them hidden. Try to understand what is her love language.
#4 She has other concerns
Perhaps your girlfriend cannot give you the time and attention that you desire because she is occupied elsewhere with some other concerns. It might be personal or professional.
Give her some time before expressing your concern. Familiarise yourself with what's going on in her life. If she is stressed out, that naturally must be draining her energy so much that she doesn't feel like playing the role of a giver at the moment.
#5 She is betraying you
Your girlfriend's love and attention may be going elsewhere. She is perhaps cheating on you. There's someone she has been spending time with lately.
All her energy, focus, love, and determination get directed towards this other person. Try to find out about her whereabouts.
If there's someone new in her group or if there's that one friend with whom she has grown too familiar suddenly. Find out how her relationship with her best friend is going.
If she's spending too much time comforting him and he has had a breakup recently, that might be another reason for this negligent behavior towards you.
#6 She is too self-centered
Perhaps your girlfriend is so obsessed with her existence that she thinks of herself as God. She feels that whoever does anything for her should be grateful that she allows them to do it. She is unrealistic and dreamy.
In the process, she becomes less considerate of other people's feelings. She is that child who hasn't yet learned the importance of sharing.
She is demanding and capricious. However, above all, she is yours. She has always been like this. You got to be patient with her. Eventually, she will come full circle.
Allow her the time. Try to tell her the importance of being sensitive to her surroundings. Besides, take notes to ensure that she behaves like this with everybody and not merely with you.
#7 She is dominative
Perhaps your girlfriend is dominative and bossy. She has been her master all her life, but she has also been so much into delegating orders that she forgets to appreciate efforts.
It slips her mind that efforts and appreciation are a two-way process and not linear. However, a gentle reminder might work wonders in this case. Express your concern softly, and she wouldn't mind showing you her love.
#8 She loves to manipulate
Perhaps you're dating a trickster. She uses men's affection to her benefit. She poses as a damsel in distress.
When the guy takes the bait in hopes of appreciation and knightly treatment, she becomes indifferent as if nothing ever happened in the first place.
She loves to manipulate and doesn't regard matters of the heart seriously. If all this aligns with her personality, you might want to switch to someone else before she does you harm.
You need not stay with someone who doesn't celebrate your existence. Your girlfriend should cherish your presence in her life as much as yours. There are better girls out there. Have faith and keep looking.
#9 She doesn't believe in putting efforts
Perhaps your girlfriend isn't a Methodist. She doesn't believe in investing efforts. She is a hopeless romantic who feels that love is bound to grace her way effortlessly.
She has immense faith in cupid's charm. She wants everything to be natural. While you have been trying to win her heart, she thought that it was in your nature.
She didn't take you to be someone you are not. Perhaps you were trying too hard. She wants someone who doesn't feel that they are working for their girlfriend's approval. She wants to date a guy who is confident in his moves and doesn't seek validation. Try to understand her type and see if it fits you well.
#10 She is pro-feminist
Perhaps you are dating a pro-feminist who strongly believes in not pleasing men. It can be difficult to date a feminist.
You got to be one yourself to match their competence. You will have to talk her into understanding that relationships are not merely about gender roles but much greater than that. It's more about exchanging roles and completing one another in multiple ways.
#11 She is an introvert
If your girlfriend is an introvert while you are not, you ought to face difficulties understanding her nature. You might sometimes feel that you are talking to a wall because she doesn't participate in the conversations.
During that time, she had been trying to understand and analyze your words to make sense of it. It makes you feel leftover, but that is not the case.
In her defense, she had been trying too hard to create a deeper level of understanding. Your girlfriend is not superficial. She won't spoil you with false compliments. She will only share with you what she feels.
#12 She has trust issues
Perhaps your girlfriend has serious trust issues that restrict her from sharing a crazy bond with you. She has seen most guys make promises to please their girlfriend, and once they get into their pants or get what they want, they lose interest.
Although that is too easily put, your girlfriend trust the mechanism so well that it disables her from trusting anyone easily. While she is affectionate for you, she doesn't want to love you extravagantly so much that you begin to take advantage of her emotions.
#13 She is not over her ex
Your girlfriend is perhaps still stuck with her ex. Some certain words and ideas still trigger her. She has a sort of pleasing recollection at a time but is hurtful now.
Although she is with you, perhaps to overcome her ex, or perhaps you showed her love in a way nobody else did, she is still not over her last love. This is making it difficult for her to communicate with you unhindered.
Perhaps if you feel this might be the reason, be more like a friend to her. Love her in all the ways possible. Remember, coming out of a breakup takes its time and is not conveniently done by tender hearts.
#14 She draws a comparison between you and her friend's boyfriend
If your girlfriend draws a comparison between you and her friend's boyfriends, she might not be pleased with your attempts to please her.
She has too high a standard and might not feel much at home with your actions. She expects more and wants more. That can be a possible reason she neither appreciates your efforts nor reciprocates in the way you had expected.
#15 She is not well cultured
It might just be the case that you are not dating the right person. She is not well cultured. She doesn't know how to appreciate the efforts, nor does she understand why there is such a need or necessity in the first place.
If you want to be treated fairly, you need to groom her patiently. Titbits of information and observation that a stereotypical nature of a girlfriend should be such or must meet these requirements would be a way to enlighten her about her role. If you are seriously dating, don't hesitate to share your feelings with her.
How to regulate her behavior towards you?
If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts or does something for you in return when you wholeheartedly invest your heart to bring a smile to her face, you need to give her the taste of her medicine.
For a brief period, treat her the way she treats you. She shall take the hint and evolve accordingly. I've shared multiple ways in which this can be done below. Keep reading to know more!
#1 Talk to her
Talking your heart out to your girlfriend is the best way to seek out matters. Tell her how you feel when your efforts are not appreciated.
Sound like an innocent child when you are at it. Don't be aggressive or rude.
Something along the lines of, "Baby, a little appreciation goes a long way. I was hoping your words would have the magical touch of healing. I know that you can drop honey from your tongue; what keeps you from doing it?" might do the magic. In this way, you will be poetically appraising her while putting forward your need.
#2 Talk to her friend
Having a word with your girlfriend's friends will fetch you clues in ways you hadn't anticipated. You will get to know why she is behaving in a certain way, what is influencing her behavior, where she is spending time, what is she hesitating to reveal to you.
Answer to any or all of these will guide your approach and behavior towards her. You will be better positioned to understand her feelings and empathize with her.
#3 Start ignoring her
Perhaps you have been focusing a lot on your girlfriend's needs. You might want to try to ignore her for the time.
Be negligent towards her and wait to see her reaction.
If she reacts promptly, it would mean that she very well knows what she is up to. If she doesn't, it would suggest that all her attention is diverted towards someone else.
After that, you either have to fix what's troubling her or mend yourself before she breaks you. It is possible that she is not in a problem but a situation bringing her pleasure. Either way, tread carefully and keep your heart armored.
#4 Be even in your behavior
Treat her the way she treats you. If your girlfriend is making partial efforts in a way that does not drag her out of her comfort zone, you do the same.
For instance, if she talks to you only when free, you do the same. If she does not travel miles to meet you up, you don't. Be just and even in your treatment of her. Don't do anything at your cost that you might regret later. Nor overdo things.
Understand her pattern and become her mirror. Let her see how it feels to be treated in a certain way. However, at no point in your relationship should you be indignant. Maintain a certain level. Don't stoop too low. At any moment, if you feel that you have touched the floor, don't continue absorbing this mess any longer.
#5 Don't give her too much importance
Don't treat her like a queen if she doesn't treat you like her king. If she keeps the romance frivolous and temporary, don't imagine a permanent and never-ending relationship.
Be realistic in your approach. At times, we are so carried away with the narratives of romance that we overhype the situation and, in the process, drain our energy.
Don't indulge yourself in many romantic novels or believe in romantic movies blindly. Remember, happiness is momentary in the drama of life. Try to live your happy moments completely to such an extent when you get the chance that you don't require anything more out of it.
#6 Stop putting efforts
Don't waste your efforts where it is not needed. Sometimes it happens that we see things coming but aren't ready to accept them.
We know that we are being used or cheated upon, yet we are so afraid of changes that we let ourselves be ill-treated rather than take control. That's a pitiful situation.
Never let anybody give you that treatment. Be it your boss or your girlfriend, don't accept every order and your efforts if you know it shall go unacknowledged. It means that they are not the right person for whom you are doing this. A change of person will fix the situation.
#7 Take a break
If the relationship with your girlfriend is taking a toll on your health, chemical or mental, don't hesitate to take a break.
You can voice it out straight if you feel she would care; however, if it seems to you that it won't make an iota of difference to her, drop her a text saying something such as, "I'm at a place in life where I feel I want something more permanent and less draining. At the moment, I feel as if I'm losing myself to you. Hence, it has occurred to me that I could use a break. If you feel otherwise, let me know. Yours –" might be an easier way to handle the situation than face-to-face communication if she is unwilling to meet you.
#8 Gift her a book
There are many great books written to resolve relationship issues. Consider gifting her one with a message such as "I hope you read this one. It has beautifully touched upon the issues we face in our day-to-day life. It shall make us stronger and better together."
This shall not only not sound rude but also send your message that you feel that something is not so well with your relationship.
- Getting the Love You Want - Book by Harville Hendrix
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love - Book by Sue Johnson
- I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships - Book by Michael S. Sorensen
These are some of the suggestions to choose from. I suggest you read these before gifting them to her. It shall give you insightful knowledge about your situation and prepare you to meet her midway while resolving matters.
#9 Take relationship counseling
A relationship council is harmless. If you feel that you can use a few sittings with an expert, do so.
Book an appointment and convince your girlfriend to visit her as a couple. Tell her that you believe in the beauty of your relationship, and though the hues are fading, you know that a touch of sparkle might fix things.
Convince her that this is for the best and you don't want to run away from the situation because even if you break up at this juncture, there shall be a regret that you could have done better.
#10 Make love
When life gives you relationship issues, you make love. Yes, it can be as easy as that. Sharing intimacy is bound to bring you closer to your one and only.
Some days you must be tender; other days, you are allowed to be rough. Keep it mutual.
Touch her in ways that shall make her want you more. Love her with your all.
She would never seek another someone if you overwhelm her with your love and help her in sailing through it at the same time. Swim across this beautiful book of love together. Remember, it's precious, and love takes time to reappear.
#11 Be dominative
Perhaps you make a feeble boyfriend. Be more dominative in your conduct, and she might be awed by your new dimension.
She is looking for someone who bosses her at times. We all want tenderness and appreciation when loved kindly, but that is not always enough.
Sometimes, our heart desires a more manly built power and tone. Work on that in a way that her friends begin to admire you. Once you are in the eyes of others, there's no stopping her from loving you.
#12 Compare her with your friend's girlfriends
On days when you feel that your girlfriend is judging you unfairly, don't hesitate in comparing her behavior and conduct with your friend's girlfriends.
Show her how they are nice, kind, and appreciative of their behavior. Tell her that you had expected her to be a giver. Pick your words carefully because if she firebacks, there's no taking back your words. Do this only when you feel water is up the level, and you have been treated harshly.
When your girlfriend gives you nothing in return for all the efforts you make to keep her happy, it is time to change your strategy. Rather than overdoing things, limit yourself in your offerings till the time it is not appreciated. Once your message becomes palpable, things shall fall in place. Don't sweat a lot over this. Remember, one step at a time.