Husband Always in a Bad Mood? - Everything You Need to KnowYour husband always seems to be in a bad mood because he is going through hardships you don’t know about. Keeping his problems to himself has made him cranky. This situation of not being able to share his problems brings about mood swings. Unfortunately, you are at the receiving end.
Your wedding day, like most others, was like a fairy tale. The pictures were perfect, the cake was pretty, the vows were tear-jerkers, and the reception party was a blast. It went exactly according to your plan. The day felt like one smooth dream that you never wanted to end.
Marriage, however, is far from fairy tales and perfect vows. It comes with problems that you never thought of dealing with. Your husband’s foul mood is a discovery you are not very fond of. However, if you lived with this person before you married, you might have been exposed to his personality.
Your husband is always in a bad mood, and that is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. Well, there is no need to worry. You have reached the right place. In this article, I will help you with a list of possible reasons behind his behavior, followed by ideas on how to deal with the situation. Read on.
Twelve possible reasons why he is always in a bad mood
Marriage is not a cakewalk. Before getting married, you thought you knew the man you love. Living together under one roof changed everything. Soon enough, you got to know his true self, and now his anger issues bother you.
A moody husband is a source of stress in an already stressful life. His foul mood can affect the household, especially when you have kids. Kids are impressionable. His anger issues can seep into their personality (a matter of concern).
What is the reason for his perennial bad mood? What makes him so angry all the time? Let’s peek into his mind to find the answers. Scroll down.
#1 Anger issues
He cannot control his anger. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He can’t deal with complex emotions. He is always in a bad mood because everything annoys him.
Anger makes him rude. He might yell at you for nothing and feel bad for doing that later. This happens when someone has pent-up emotions. They need to let it out for the sake of their mental health. Unfortunately, you are the one to hear it all every single time.
His foul mood comes from his disability to control his anger. He wants to stay calm, but his degrading mental health never allows him a minute of peace.
#2 Work stress
Stress at work is a major reason for his bad mood. He stretches himself too far to reach the goals. He has an extremely hectic schedule and barely has time for himself.
He has an unhealthy work environment. The word “unhealthy” does not only refer to a person’s physical health. It denotes one’s mental health too. Your husband is at the edge. He desperately needs to kick back and relax.
Marriage itself carries much stress because of the newly shouldered responsibilities. The problems multiply when you have kids. He needs time to breathe. When was the last time you guys went on a vacation together? If you have to think for more than five seconds, he needs one to unwind his knotty life as soon as possible.
#3 Lack of sleep
Lack of sleep can make people cranky. This is probably what’s happening with your husband. He doesn’t get enough sleep, which keeps him in a bad mood all day.
Lack of sleep makes him too tired to function. But an adult needs to earn a living. His profession won’t listen to complaints about his lack of sleep. He must get up early every morning to reach his workplace in time. This happens every day, even if he falls asleep after four in the morning.
#4 Extra-marital affair
Affairs can change a person. Your husband is always in a bad mood because of his affair. He feels guilty about cheating on you but can’t leave the other person, either. This sticky situation annoys him, and he has a permanent frown.
In the beginning, the affair was supposed to be his escape from the stress and monotony of marriage. However, it added more stress with all the secrets.
He is cheating on you but doesn’t want to let you go yet. He loves the kids. The complex situation is pushing him to the edge. He can no longer enjoy the best of both worlds.
#5 Mental health issues
Mental health issues can affect a person in the worst ways possible. Your husband’s foul mood stems from unresolved mental health issues. Here are a few common causes:
- Childhood trauma: A messed-up childhood creates a messed-up adult. His childhood trauma forces his mind to work in weird ways. His foul mood comes from his inability to forget the things he had to face as a child. He might not talk to you about it, but his behavior will indicate something wrong with him.
- Trauma from past relationships: Old relationships can turn into a source of trauma if they were abusive. The immense mental abuse he received from an ex-partner(s) caused irreparable emotional damage. The trauma lives on with him and is the reason for his bad mood.
- Patriarchal upbringing: His patriarchal upbringing has taught him to behave rudely with his partner. His father verbally abused his mother. He witnessed it as a child. That behavior has lived on with him. He doesn’t even know how much influence his father has on him. His bad mood needs no good reason. He uses you as an emotional doormat who will tolerate all his tantrums. He has no regret whatsoever. Your husband is somewhat like Homelander from The Boys.
- Depression: Depression can entirely change people (faster than you think). Your husband’s bad mood has its roots in depression. He never talks about how he feels and stays unusually quiet. This is a clear sign. He needs to consult a doctor.
- Drinking problem: Alcohol changes people. Some people are funny when drunk, while some are dangerously rude. Your husband falls in the second category. Alcohol consumption turns him into a yelling beast who does not regard people’s feelings. His bad mood stems from too much alcohol. The intoxicant messes up the function of his brain, and he does things that might hurt the people he loves.
Your husband is disappointed with his life. He dreamt of a particular kind of life, and it turned out to be nothing like his dreams. He has barely ticked off his bucket list. As a young adult, he had a dream job. He has to let go of that dream to be in a dead-end job that sucks his life out. Like Chandler, from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, he wants to quit his job and opt for a life of adventure and fun (something he always wanted).
He is unhappy with his life. The growing burden of responsibilities on his shoulders left him with little time to spend for himself. He has grown too busy to think about his dreams, and that keeps him in a bad mood most of the time.
#7 Financial issues
Marriage comes with many responsibilities. A major part of it is financial. Your husband is always in a bad mood because he is stressed about the family’s financial situation.
He is worried about the future. This might happen, especially when you have kids. Raising kids requires a lot of money. Sending them off to college takes even more money.
He is worried about the family’s sheer lack of funds. He needs a little bit of assurance from a loved one. He needs to hear, “Everything is going to be okay. There is nothing to worry about.”
#8 Noisy kids
His life is difficult. Your kids make it even more difficult as they are extremely loud. Your husband is always in a bad mood because he never finds a moment of peace.
Work is stressful (it is supposed to be stressful). The stress doesn’t end when he returns home after a long day. Your kids are noisy, and their headache-inducing arguments make things worse for him.
The discomfort causes him to have occasional outbursts. Chances are there that he doesn’t know that his noisy kids are responsible for his headache. No father can blame his kids that quickly.
#9 Your behavior
Your husband is in a bad mood because of your behavior. You have done something to annoy him. It will be difficult for you to uncover the reason if he refuses to share it with you out of anger. When he says ─ “You know what you have done.” ─ things have blown out of proportion.
Your lack of awareness about it will enrage him further, and the situation can lead to several days of silence. Try to remember what you have done before the cold war breaks out.
#10 Health issues
His degrading health is the reason behind his bad mood. He is sick, and that upsets him because sickness limits his abilities. He wants to do things that a healthy person can do.
He is impatient and can’t bear a few days of sickness. Everybody gets sick multiple times throughout their lives. He hates getting sick, and when the inevitable happens, he acts out.
#11 Sick parents
His parents are old and feeble. They are not well. Your husband is worried sick because of that. He wishes to visit them as soon as possible, but his busy work schedule is not letting him take a leave. He is particularly attached to his parents and loves taking care of them.
For a person like this, the news of his parents’ sickness would be extremely distressing. He is stuck in the middle. He can’t lose his job. This difficult situation has put him in a bad mood.
#12 Bad neighborhood
You guys have chosen the worst neighborhood to buy a house. The neighbors are nosy and noisy at the same time. They are the root of his stress. The neighbors don’t cooperate enough, either. Instead, they have tried to bully you by trespassing into your property to vandalize things.
Such a situation can bring added stress to an already stress-out life. Your husband has had enough and wants a moment of peace. He knows he will never get it as long as he stays in this neighborhood.
What to do when he is always in a bad mood?
Dealing with a moody husband with anger issues can be excruciating. If this continues, the marriage might even end up in a divorce (well, that’s always a valid option if things go too far).
However, if you want to be the bigger person, you need to step up and help him deal with things that bother him. But that is to help him deal with his problems. What about you?
Well, you can always choose to opt-out of a loveless marriage, but before that, you can try to deal with him in your way. Give him a taste of his medicine by acting angry and yelling around the house before he gets to do it. There are a lot of other things you can do. Some of them have been listed below. Keep reading.
#1 Ask him to get some sleep
Ask your husband to get some sleep. He needs to rest. Lack of sleep is causing him to be in a bad mood all day.
Lack of sleep can result in increased stress and health problems. Explain that to him so that he realizes the importance of resting for a while. Tell him that people can’t function without a few hours of sleep. It will help him focus better.
You can create the ideal ambiance for him to sleep in. Use black-out curtains to block natural light, get a cozy blanket, use white sheets and pillow covers for a calming effect, and put on a whale song (whale songs often aid in falling asleep) track on the speaker.
#2 Apologize for your behavior (if you have done something to upset him)
Nothing is better than a humble apology. Accept your mistake and apologize to him for what you have done. The acceptance of your mistake would probably melt the ice.
If you are aware of what you have done to upset him, the process of apologizing would be easier. The fact that you know and acknowledge your mistake would help him forgive you.
However, if you are not yet aware of your mistake, you are in for more trouble. You should know what you have done. If you are clueless, you might ask him to help you understand the problem. Let me be honest here; your words will have an angry reaction from him.
#3 Be a good listener
Be a good listener and hear out his problems. The problem is that you don’t have enough time to sit and listen to him. Sharing his problems with you will help him deal with the situation better.
Being a good listener requires a few attributes. For example:
- Don’t comment on his experiences
- Don’t interrupt
- Don’t talk about your problems
- Don’t compare his problems to anyone else’s
- Don’t advise
- Don’t get distracted
#4 Take him to a doctor (physical health)
Your husband is always in a bad mood because of physical ailments. His degrading health slows him down, and he is getting impatient. Take him to a doctor for a thorough check-up.
Physical health is not something to be toyed with. Little health problems of today can skyrocket into serious health emergencies in the future if kept unchecked.
Suppose he refuses to see a doctor scare him into it. Present a few alarming health facts before him. Talk to him about incidents of serious illness that stemmed from the negligence of small health problems.
#5 Take him to a therapist (mental health)
For mental health issues, take him to a licensed therapist. His foul mood could result from trauma, depression, or disappointment, among many others.
He should know there is a safe space to talk about his problems. Assure him about the safety of his secrets. Tell him that he should not hide anything from the therapist.
#6 Try to cheer him up
The most basic way to help him get over his bad mood is to cheer him up. You know him better than anyone. You will know what makes him happy. Do things that will take his mind off the negative thoughts and work stress.
You can use the help of your kids here (if you have any). Ask them to spend time with their dad. You can even drive to the nearest diner to have a meal together.
Family is important to your husband. He would love to spend time with you guys, away from the chaos of work and the pressures of adulting.
#7 Visit his sick parents with him
He loves his parents. They are sick, and he wants to visit their place to see how they are doing. Help him with that. You can accompany him when he travels to his parent’s place.
Don’t be there just because I am telling you to do so in this article. Be there with him only if you mean it. He will appreciate the wholehearted effort. However, he might see right through you if your heart is not into it.
If you intend to help him out, you can visit his parent’s place to check on them while he is busy with work. It will immensely help him, and he will remain grateful to you forever.
#8 Ask him if he needs financial assistance
The reason for his foul mood could be financial. If he is stressed out over monetary issues, you can ask him if he needs help from you. You can say ─ “Do you need help with the expenses?” or “Do you want me to cover your part of monthly expenses for a while? You can pay me back later.”
However, keep one thing in mind while you do this. You should never have a patronizing attitude. He already feels miserable. Don’t make it worse.
#9 Help him deal with neighbors
Why should he fight them alone? Help him deal with the troublesome neighbors. However, don’t get into nasty fights and try to resolve things with them with polite discussions.
Your husband’s bad mood comes from the fearful anticipation of dealing with troublemakers. Being the new residents of an old neighborhood is almost as difficult as admission to a new high school mid-year. It is scary and full of unpleasant surprises. As equal partners in your marriage, ensure your husband is not alone in the fight.
#10 Distract him with happy things
What makes him happy? What is his happy place? ─ Half of your work is done if you know the answers to these questions. Try to distract him from the stress with things that make him happy. Here are a few things you can do:
- Plan a vacation
- Plan a date
- Take leave from work and stay at home all day to do nothing
- Cook his favorite meal
- Binge-watch your favorite movies (or shows) together
- Meet your friends
#11 Ask him not to drink too much
Drinking brings out the absolute worst version of people. He is always in a bad mood because of his notorious drinking problem. Ask him not to drink much.
When you do that, try to make him understand the ill effects of drinking too much. Tell him how it affects a person’s physical and mental health. Mention that you are doing this out of concern for him.
He should realize that his drinking problem disrupts peace at home. The kids get scared, and the neighbors get something to gossip about.
#12 Check if he is cheating on you
If you suspect anything, check if he is cheating on you. Cheating on one’s spouse is a stressful task to accomplish. He has to invent new lies daily to hide his affair from you.
Look for irrelevance in his words. Carefully concentrate on your conversations with him and, most importantly, talk to his friends and colleagues to learn more about his whereabouts.
Ask them where he is. Then match their answer to his version. Inconsistencies will prove the infidelity.
To sum up
No marriage is perfect, but it should be a mix of serious adulting and happy little quirks. When that gets jeopardized by your husband’s foul mood, you need to delve deep into why he behaves this way. At times it is entirely his fault, but sometimes it isn’t. You can help him get back on track.
However, you are not a rehab center for angry husbands. If your attempts at helping him fails, you can always move on. It will be difficult if you have kids, but nothing is impossible. It’s better to stay single than be in a loveless, thankless marriage with a yelling husband.