He Asked for Space and I Haven't Heard From Him (SOLUTIONS)He wanted space because of a reason. If you guys are on good terms, you will hear from him soon. Have some patience. Don't smother him with texts and calls, as that behavior could backfire quickly. However, if he is taking too long to come back, drop a text.
You guys were in a relationship, and he needed space. Whatever the reason may be, one should be allowed to do what one wants. But he needing space has created this huge distance between you guys. You don't talk anymore. You don't even text each other. And now you are growing impatient.
It's not your fault. This impatience in you is absolutely normal. You never wanted space; he did. Now you think that "Why should I suffer?" And that's why you are here, looking for answers to the raging questions.
Well, I am here to help you find the answers. I have made a list of possible reasons for a person's need for space in a relationship, followed by a list of ideas to deal with situations like this. Let's explore.
Why am I not hearing from him?
That's a valid question. You should have been hearing from him after a while, but that never happened. It is okay for someone to look for space while in a relationship. Nothing can feel pleasant forever. He needed to take a step back to think, to be with himself, for the sake of his sanity.
If you are not hearing from him, there must be a reason for that. Here, we will look for that reason. I hope you will find it in the list given below. Scroll down.
#1 His issues were not resolved
He is still not talking to you because his issues aren't resolved yet. He thought that he would be alright in a month or so, but that never happened. He got tangled in a self-spun web of real-life complications and now is trapped in it.
He wanted space because he was feeling suffocated. At first, he thought the reason was you and your constant presence in his life. But now that he is staying away from you, he has realized that you were never the problem. The problem lies somewhere else.
To find that place, he needs to be alone for a bit more time. Till then, you, as his partner, will need to have a little more patience.
#2 He wants to stay away from you
For now, you are the only problem in his life. He wanted to stay away from you. That's why he needed space. This distance between the two of you is calming for his mind, and he wants to stay in the zone a bit longer. That's why you are not hearing from him.
Did you two have a fight before he took this decision? Think carefully, have you ever insulted him in recent times. I am not talking about playful insults. Was it a serious one? Did you have a problem with his friends coming over to hang out at your apartment all the time?
If you have a "Yes" as the answer to any of these questions, you will have to accept the fact that he might take even more time to come back (only if he decides to do so).
#3 He is depressed
Detaching oneself from the world, in the name of needing space, not talking to people at all— these are clear signs of depression. You are not hearing from him because he is suffering from depression.
He needs help ASAP. If not you, someone should definitely help him get out of it before he sinks too deep. Think about your time together and try to locate the situations where his behavior had signs of depression. You will surely find a few situations to support your hypothesis.
#4 He has encountered a new problem
He thought he was doing well and was just about to come back to you when a new problem arose, pushing him deeper into an even more distressful situation. You have not heard from him yet because he is in a soup with this new problem.
This problem can be about his family or a dear friend who needs his help. It can also be something about his career. He needs some time to deal with this, to make things right. He will not be able to concentrate on anything till this is over.
He will probably get back to you once it's over, but till then, you will have to be patient.
#5 He needs a break now
He needed space, and he got it. He wanted to stay away from you. But now that he has tasted life without you in it, he wants to be in it a little longer. He needs a break now.
Remember the greatest debate of all time—Ross and Rachel and their world-famous "break?" Remember how it started? Ross was smothering Rachel with all the unwanted attention in the world and his incessant jealousy. She couldn't take it any longer and ended up saying, "I need a break from us." That's what has probably happened with you guys.
You are the Ross in this scenario. You never gave him the space he needed while he was with you. Now he wants to take a break from this relationship for the sake of his sanity.
#6 He doesn't want to come back to you
He is clearly done with you. That's why he needed space in the first place. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. All this time, he has been happy that you were not there with him. That's why you haven't heard from him.
You can try to bring him back to you as much as you want. But all that effort is probably going to be in vain. Even if you manage to bring him back, he won't stay for long.
This is a harsh truth that you will have to deal with. I am not going to give you false hope for his return. It will be best if you remove him from your mind and start the difficult but better process of moving on. Moping over him will do you no good.
#7 He is still finding himself
When a person decides to find themselves, they often take time to do so. The same is happening with this guy. He was suffering from a bit of existential crisis. That made him need some space to think about himself.
Have some patience till he figures things about himself. He deserves that. His mental health is more important than a few texts and calls that you want.
It is kind of selfish on your part to think that he has got a certain time limit to be with himself or to think about his mental well-being. Leave him alone.
#8 He might be in danger
You are feeling restless about the lack of communication on his part. But what if I tell you he is in no condition to contact you. He might be in danger.
This potential situation can range from a stolen phone to kidnapping, from a sudden illness to a life-threatening accident. If something feels off, you should act on it without delay.
#9 He has gone on a long trip
He needed space, and he got it. Now, you have not heard from him for a while, probably because he used the idea of "having space" to go on a long trip, probably with his friends.
You are not going to hear from him until he comes back. Till then, you will only have to wait with your patience in place. Once he is back, you can go and confront him for abandoning you like this.
#10 He has found someone else
He clearly has found someone else. That is why he needed space in the first place. That is why you have not heard from him. You will probably not hear from him again until you decide to appear before him to settle matters for closure.
This "someone else" we are talking about has been in his life for a while now. They have been there since the time he was dating you. He was basically cheating on you in broad daylight. Technically, he is still cheating on you as asking for space from one's partner is not considered a breakup in break popular opinion.
What should you do now?
When someone needs space, the last thing they want is to get smothered by calls and texts from the person they are trying to stay away from. But that doesn't make sense to you anymore when it has been months since you talked to him for the last time.
You need answers, and if he is not into you anymore, you need closure. For that, sometimes, a conversation is necessary. There are a lot of other things you can do to deal with the situation. Read on.
#1 Find out if his issues have been resolved yet
Talk to him, talk to his family or his friends to find out whether his issues have been resolved yet. There is only so much patience a person can have. If he is crossing the limit of testing your patience, you can breach the "space" he once asked for months ago.
Try to know who or what bothers him so much that he is letting it affect his relationship. Find out if you are his problem and try to deal with the information effectively. Try to solve whatever bothers him.
Assure him that you will be by his side no matter what happens. Ask him not to shut you out anymore.
#2 Text him to know if he is alright
He needed space. But if he is taking too much time to come back, you can text him to know if he is alright. A lot can be going on in his life.
If you have not spoken to each other for a while, calling him would be overwhelming for both of you. A humble little text can go a long way.
What to say? Well, you can type out the following:
- "Hey. Just wanted to say hi. It's been a long time since we spoke. I hope everything is alright." Or,
- "Long time no see. How are you holding up?" Or,
- "Hi. Just checking up on you. I am here for you if you want someone to talk to." Or,
- "Hey. Hope you are fine. Ping me when you are free."
#3 Call him up if it has been too long (and if your texts were left without a reply)
However, if your texts go unanswered, you can always call him up to check on him. But once you call, you should let him know about your disappointment about the seen and ignored texts.
As I have said earlier, calling him after a long interval will seem a bit overwhelming and, to some extent, awkward, but you will have to do it if you want to know where this relationship is leading you.
A call will force him into a conversation, and he will be bound to answer your questions. He should know that he can't treat you like trash. His actions should have consequences. If he seems reluctant about the relationship, ask for closure.
If he is too disinterested to talk to you, he can ignore your calls as well. In that case, call from a number that he doesn't recognize. You can ask one of your friends for help. Anyway, the plan is to make him speak for the sake of your sanity.
#4 Talk to his friends
His friends know him better than anyone. Talk to them if you want a peek into his life. To be honest, at first, they will not budge. You will have to pull out the information for them. I will tell you how to do that.
When you talk to them, act like your life depends on getting answers about your boyfriend. Act as if you are in love with this guy, and his silence in this relationship is eating you up.
Even if you are out there for closure, you will have to make them believe that you are this immensely loyal person in love with their friend who is being a total jerk to you.
#5 Check his social media accounts for updates about his life
If he is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., you can keep tabs on his life by checking him out on these platforms regularly. Just scroll away and learn what he does with his newfound "space." Having space in a relationship doesn't give him license to cheat on you. Check for that first.
He could also be in bad company. His social media will reflect that too. It will be easy for you to plan your next step. You will be able to decide whether you are comfortable in this relationship or not. This way, when he finally decides to get back, you will be able to make an informed choice, the one with zero regrets.
However, if he blocks you on social media, you can always keep tabs on him with the help of a considerate friend. You can check on him from their phone. But don't get too creepy like Joe, the stalker from You.
#6 Ask him if he needs a break
This issue needs a direct and on-point conversation. If you ever feel like taking a break, or if you feel like he needs a break, talk to him about that. There is no need to stick with something that is slowly turning toxic.
He needed space. Maybe he wants to increase the distance for a mental detox. But for some reason, he is hesitating to inform you about taking a break. Make his life easier and pitch the idea.
Some time away from each other will take your minds off of all the negative things. You might even start to appreciate the positive sides of your relationship. That's nothing but a win.
However, if this break reveals that you guys are not compatible with each other at all, it will be like a head start for your break up. Ending a dead-end relationship seems hard at first will all the memories and feelings and all. But it will do you good in the long run.
#7 Ask him if he has found someone else
This, too, is a straightforward conversation. If you smell something fishy about his much-needed "space," ask him directly about his possible affair. It will be better if you try to gather some evidence first. It will make you prove your point effectively.
If he has found someone else, his behavior is bound to change. He will try to hide the fact from you with all his might, but these things seldom remain hidden.
Once it comes to light, it will be easier for you to make your final decision. You don't deserve this. He asked for space, and you gave it to him, even though it made you feel miserable. You faced all that sadness for nothing. He basically took advantage of your trust.
#8 Confront him for closure
It has been months since you talked to each other. If you guys can stay this long without even seeing each other's faces, I think it's better for both of you to choose different paths. You are not going to miss him.
Confront him for closure. Tell him this is not how a relationship works. You guys haven't spoken for so long. This situation is as good as a breakup. Tell him that for the sake of your mental health, you are going to terminate this relationship.
Needing space is not synonymous with breaking up. He needs to give a name to whatever weird non-speaking relationship you have. Tell him this is not healthy for either of you.
#9 Cut all ties with him
He is kind of ghosting you now. This behavior is unacceptable. He is ignoring you on purpose. His total disregard for your feelings is nothing but blatant arrogance. You have done enough. Just stop bothering about him. You deserve better.
He has been nothing but rude to you from the beginning of this relationship. Think about the first time you came over to his place for movie night. That was the day he called his friends over to watch a match together. He always forgot the important days, including your birthdays.
Stop texting or calling him. Delete his number from your phone. Block him on social media and tell your common friends to keep him away from you in case he tries to come back into your life. That will teach him a good lesson.
#10 Try to move on
In situations like this, where he has stopped talking to you and is deliberately ignoring your texts and calls, it is better to move on.
If this were a long relationship, it would be difficult for you to move on with the burden of all the memories and the constant reminder from Google Photos on your phone. If it makes you feel any better, delete your pictures with him. Flush him out of your life. Just think he never existed.
To sum up
Looking for space in a relationship is not wrong. If someone feels suffocated, they will need space. That's quite normal. But everything has got a time limit. He needed space, he got it, but now he is taking too long to come back. That isn't fair to you.
If he wishes to terminate this relationship, he should let you know about that for the sake of your mental well-being. You deserve closure. Therefore, if you have not heard from him for a bit too long now, you can breach the "space" he was asking for to get your answers so that you can move on with ease.