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My Girlfriend Won't Let Me See Her Phone: Here's Why (With Solution)

Your girlfriend won’t let you see her phone probably because she is very serious about her privacy. In today’s world, a person’s phone is the most personal thing in their life. She wants you to respect her boundaries.A woman looking at her phone at midnight while her partner sleeping

There was a time, not long ago, when phones just served the mere purpose of calling and texting a person. The only source of entertainment in it was a very basic snake game.

Today phones are everything. The importance of a phone has grown to the extent that it can successfully control a person’s life. It rightfully does so because of the many roles it can play simultaneously.

In today’s world, a phone is the most important, most personal part of a person’s life. The contents of a person’s phone can speak loads about its owner. That’s why the amount of security measures that go into protecting one’s phone is so huge.

Everybody wants to protect their privacy. So does your girlfriend. It’s very normal for her to prioritize her privacy when you wish to see her phone.

This can happen, especially when you two are in a new relationship. However, there is nothing to worry about. I will help you explore the reasons behind her hiding her phone from you.

Possible reasons why she won’t let you see her phone

Her privacy is very important to her. She doesn’t want to share everything with you. She wants you to understand that every relationship should have some boundaries. Her phone is the most private entity in her life.

She doesn’t let you see her phone. What can be the reason? The first thought to invade your mind would definitely have that dishonesty angle, which would make you believe that she might be cheating on you or hiding something grave from you. Believe me; this isn’t always the case.

Let’s explore the reasons.

#1 She is a private person

Personality-wise, you and your girlfriend could be miles apart. While you might be the extrovert one, your girlfriend might not be the same. If she doesn’t allow you to see her phone, she clearly is a private person, maybe an introverted one— a polar opposite of what you are.

She has a world of her own, and nobody, not even you, are supposed to invade it in any way. This world she has built around her is a very private place, and her phone is a very important part of it.

It is quite clear that she doesn’t want you to be a part of it, at least not yet. She only allows the trustworthy ones to be a part of her life that you don’t know much about.

If you two are new in this relationship, this kind of behavior might seem hostile to you at first, and that is very normal. It is not wrong on your part to know more about her.

But trust me, sneaking into her phone or nagging her to show you her phone is not the right way. Such behavior can bring irreversible damage to your relationship.

#2 She likes to set boundaries

Every relationship has some boundaries, even the one you have with your girlfriend. If she stops you from seeing her phone, then that’s where the boundary exists. Crossing this line would definitely translate into disrespecting her.

Such boundaries exist in everybody’s life. Even you might have some boundaries that your partner is not supposed to breach. Her phone might have things that she thinks are not yet suitable for you to know.

It’s not that she is cheating on you. She just wants to be left alone with her phone. The phone is a very personal thing for her. Sharing information on something that is personal takes time. Let her take some time to open up to you.

#3 Her phone is like her personal diary

Back when we were children, we all had our personal diaries. Some of us continue to hold on to the habit. However, the means have changed for some people. 

For them, along with other things, the phone serves the purpose of a personal diary to jot down the daily thoughts. Her phone may have one of those apps that acts as a planner.

About personal diaries, there is one very important rule. You cannot read someone else’s diary. The same thing applies here.

Her phone is like a mirror to her personality. At times it can even mirror things that may go unseen otherwise. There are things that she is not willing to let you know. Maybe she will disclose some of it to you in due course of time.

#4 She has important documents in it

In this fast-paced 21st century world, a phone serves many purposes. It even acts as a bank for most of us. 

If you are in a new relationship, it will not be just for you to expect her to share something as important as that, in the name of love.

Even if you are in a long-term relationship, you should not interfere in matters as important and as sensitive as that.

#5 She could have past trauma related to sharing her phone with someone

Now, this is an important point. Wanting to see someone’s phone directly translates into distrust. If you sneak into her phone without her permission when she is not looking, then it is a breach of trust.

Trust is one of the most important pillars that support a healthy relationship. Cracks on that pillar will definitely render your relationship in a volatile state.

Tampering with someone’s phone can be traumatizing for the victim. I have said this earlier, that phone is a very personal thing. Getting to know someone’s personal information without their knowledge and later using it against them is the meanest thing a person can do.

She is not letting you see her phone because something similar might have happed to her in the past— may be in a former relationship. This breach of trust from a trusted love still haunts her.

#6 She has trust issues

Breach of trust leads to trust issues. If she is not showing you her phone, she clearly doesn’t trust you enough for that. Trust issues can stem from other things like trauma and even someone’s reaction.

Did you react weirdly about something in her phone the last time she showed it to you?

  • Perhaps you have bombarded her with questions about that male friend who appears in all of her pictures.
  • Perhaps you have laughed at things she puts on her wish list.
  • Perhaps you have sniggered about how she spends her money.

Therefore, not showing her phone to you is a reaction to these actions.

However, there can be other reasons like a general lack of trust in people due to childhood trauma that involved a breach of trust.

She just can’t have faith in people that easily. She takes time to mark someone as trustworthy; it happened while she was making new friends; it is happening with you and will happen again in the future.

#7 She wants to avoid conflicts

I have said earlier that some contents of her phone might attract unwanted reactions from you. Such reactions can lead to unwanted conflicts in the relationship.

She wants to avoid that. She refuses to show you her phone because she is not ready for the conflict it might cause between you two.

Something as little as a snigger, if placed in context, might turn into an insult— a subtle one but still, an insult.

Laughing, smirking, and questioning someone about the contents of their phone is not a nice thing to do, especially if you are in a relationship. If you have the intention to carry on with this relationship, then steer clear of the path that leads to any insult from your side.

#8 She is secretive

Everybody has secrets. Some have harmless little secrets that can be adorable. Some have deep dark secrets that you don’t want to know about. 

She is not letting you see her phone maybe because she has got a secret and the phone is her trusted secret keeper.

Her secrets can range from eating disorders to serious trauma. She could be struggling with mental health conditions that she doesn’t want anyone to know about, not even you. Her phone is her place of refuge, an entity that listens and silently carries her burden for her.

Secrets are not meant for everyone. You are too curious to know what she hides in her phone but trust me when I say stay away from it. She is not sharing her secrets with you for her fear of judgment.

Her secrets have been judged in her past relationships. She is not taking that risk again. Your unwanted judgment can bring out the part of your personality that nobody wants to see, especially your girlfriend.

#9 She is scared of embarrassment

She won’t show you her phone, probably because she is easily embarrassed by its contents. The phone is very close to her. She shares everything with it.

If you get your hands on it, you will definitely get to know a lot about her that you possibly did not know before. Some of this information could be immensely embarrassing for her.

It is common human nature to judge someone by their possessions. You judging her by the contents of her phone is nothing but normal.

She is trying to avoid that kind of judgment from you by not showing her phone. Unnecessary embarrassment is absolutely undesirable when you are in a romantic relationship.

#10 She could be hiding something

Now, this one’s a bit tricky. The hidden things can range from weird websites in her search history to a guy in her inbox with whom she could be cheating on you. 

However, you did not accuse her of cheating on you unless you are sure. Falsely accusing someone, especially your girlfriend, about something she hasn’t done is the worst thing to do.

If you are sure about her infidelity, talk to her with a calm head and a lot of patience, and let her know your decision.

What to do in this situation?

The first thing you can do is respect her privacy. Her phone is a very personal part of her life. If she shares something in her phone with you, that doesn’t mean you have gained the right to look into her phone all the time. That’s the least you can do for her.

What else can you do? I have some suggestions. Read on.

#1 Respect her privacy

Everybody treasures their privacy. Smothering her with questions about her phone is not the smart thing to do.

Maybe she is not ready yet to share every single part of her life with you. Respect her privacy and get to know her better to be an intricate part of her life shortly.

#2 Spend more time with her without the phone

If you think she is spending too much time on her phone and are curious to know what is getting such a large chunk of her attention, you have to do just one thing. Spend more time with her to know her better. Your curiosity about her phone comes from your lack of knowledge about her.

If you spend more time with her, the chances are that she would stop depending on her phone so much. She could instead find an ideal companion in you.

How to spend time with her?

  • You can learn about her favorite activities and can do that together later.
  • You can take her to your favorite place in the city.
  • Or you can just cuddle and talk to each other all day long, with a cup of coffee and maybe some pizza.

Spend as much time as you can without looking at your phones. This digital detox is a much-needed thing for a healthy relationship to grow.

#3 Talk to her about things that interest her

Carrying forward the idea of spending time together from the previous point, I can say, talking to her is the only way to know her better. 

Talk to her about things she finds interesting. Some common areas are bound to pop up in the conversation.

For example, while talking to her, if you get to know that she is an ardent Marvel fan, and if that aspect matches your interests, you two can watch a movie together. What’s better than an MCU movie marathon?!

#4 Try to be trustworthy

Gaining her trust is the most difficult hurdle you will have to cross for her to share the most hidden part of her life with you. 

Her trust in you is directly proportional to how you behave with her. 

If you have tried to sneak into her phone in the past, then she has already lost a giant chunk of trust in you.

Using someone’s phone without their permission is the bigger breach of trust one can inflict upon someone. In that case, your job to be a trustworthy partner has become doubly difficult.

#5 Give her some space

Everybody needs space. You can’t just ask her random questions all the time about hr phone. That would intimidate her. If she is in a vulnerable state of mind, such intimidation can smother her, leading to a termination of the relationship. If you don’t want that, be gentle and polite.

It’s quite understandable that you have a lot of curiosity about the new girl you have just started dating, the girl who doesn’t talk much about herself or anything else and glues her eyes to her phone all the time.

The curiosity is normal; the sneaking isn’t. Therefore, just give her some space to be with herself if you don’t know what to ask her and how.

#6 If you are confident about dishonesty, talk to her about it, politely

Dishonesty has been a raging issue in relationships since ancient times. If she sticks to her phone and is extra secretive about it, you can do your parallel investigation without letting her know and definitely without touching her phone.

Her phone might not give you the required answers. If she is cheating on you, she probably suspects that you are suspecting her of infidelity. She can delete her chats and any other evidence that can prove it.

Therefore, face her with the facts only when you are sure about her dishonesty in the relationship. Also, be polite while having this discussion to avoid any further conflict.

What not to do?

There is a lot you should not do when your girlfriend is not letting you see her phone. Her need to protect her privacy is a normal human attribute.

It would help if you did not breach her trust in any way, as such a step on your part might wreak havoc in the relationship to the extent where it might cease to exist.

The following points will help you with what not to do.

#1 Don’t sneak into her phone when she is not around

Sneaking into her phone when she is not around is the worst thing that you can dos like trying to sabotage your relationship. 

Whatever goes on between your girlfriend and her phone is not your business until it directly affects your relationship.

#2 Don’t pester her to show you her phone

Pestering her to show you her phone can be an intimidating thing to do. Such actions on your part can bring in unwanted conflicts in the relationship.

If she wants to show her phone to you, she will. Her phone is solely her property, and it is up to her to decide whom she is going to share it with.

#3 Don’t ask her what she is doing with it

Constantly asking her questions about what she is doing on her phone can only aggravate the conflict that has already been created when you want to see her phone. 

Too many questions about something she doesn’t want to share with you can annoy her to the extent that it can very well lead to a sudden breakup.

#4 Don’t scrutinize her contacts

If you have the habit of keeping track of who your girlfriend talks to, change it with immediate effect. It’s not your job to scrutinize her. 

However, if you somehow get to know that she is in contact with a considerably harmful person, you can warn her about that with relevant details. Don’t just go and order her to stop talking to someone suddenly. The reactions won’t be pleasant.

#5 Don’t ask her uncomfortable questions

If you feel like she has got a dark secret and her phone is the only witness to that, don’t ask her questions about it. Don’t ask her to show you her phone. It can be immensely uncomfortable for her. 

It can trigger an emotional outburst that you might not be able to handle if you are new in the relationship. Leave her alone and try to have a good time with her until you know what’s going on in her life.

Summing up

A phone does everything for us. It has become our refuge, our go-to entity when in a crisis. In today’s world, we depend more on this gadget than on fellow human beings. That’s why phones are personal.

Gone are the days when one large phone in the house represented a family. A person’s phone is a mirror to their entire personality. But no one is entitled to know what goes on in another person’s phone. That would be nothing but a breach of trust.

“Why won’t she let me see her phone?” — If this question comes to your mind, you are possibly not on the right track. Ask yourself, “Why would she let me see her phone?” and you will get the answer.

Nirajana Mukherjee

Senior Writer

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