Exchanging Numbers While in a Relationship (Ultimate Guide)It should not be taken as an offense or as a sign that your partner is cheating on you if they exchange their numbers with someone while they see you. Exchanging numbers does not necessarily succeeds in adulteration. Sometimes, a mindful heart conversation with a stranger brings us joy.
The importance of providing space in a relationship is always underestimated. If you try to curb the fundamental rights of your partner, they will find other ways to break down the shackles. The choice of being faithful is personal. No matter what you do, you cannot force it on someone. However, if they love you, if you have won their heart, they will do everything to keep it secure.
In this blog post, I’ll deal with the complications that emerge in a relationship when you or your partner exchanges numbers with another. To find out the possible reasons why exchanging numbers could be considered cheating and when not, read below. I’ll also help you to figure out how to give an appropriate reaction to handle the situation at hand. Happy reading!
When exchanging numbers is considered cheating
There could be many reasons for exchanging numbers with a "potential someone," even when you are already in a relationship with another. One of the primary factors, in any case, will be your word or action that has hurt your partner.
When a person feels heartbroken, they are downtrodden. Such people always look for support. In such a case, if they are greeted with a warm gesture by a stranger, they would want to engage with this other person more to make themselves feel good about life.
Hence, if either you or your partner is engaging in such an exchange of digits, read below to understand the possible reasons for it.
#1 They need help
If your partner is getting in touch with someone because they need help from them, it is a genuine reason. No one can deny that to thrive in today’s world. One must have a strong network. The nature of help could be pure business or some advice and opinion in a personal domain.
You might be wondering why isn’t your partner discussing his problems with you. The reason is simple. Your strong attachment to them will prevent you from providing the right opinion or making a just case. Perhaps your partner is not looking for flattering. What they need is a different perspective.
If you have been dating for a while, you are a like-minded person. Hence, whatever domain requires opinion, you both might have the same grasp and might share the same wavelength to introduce the picture from a different point of view.
In such cases, learn to trust your partner. If you get annoyed because your partner isn’t trusting their or your gut feeling but trying to take into special account something foreign to them, they must have their reasons. You might be too myopic in your capacity to perceive things to glance further than the immediate.
#2 They are colleagues
Your partner ought to exchange numbers with their colleagues and co-workers. If you try to prevent them from connecting and maintaining a healthy relationship and a friendly bond with their team, they might think of you to be toxic.
It is general human understanding to be able to gel along well with the ones you sit, stand, eat, work, and spend most time of your day with. When you think of it this way, you will come to realize that your partner spends more time with them than they do with you. There can be days when the surge is high, and your partner is not able to give you the time that they owe you because they are working with these people.
In those moments, when your trust wavers and you get annoyed, you must tell yourself to hold on a bit longer. Whatever they are doing at their workplace should not be mingled and allowed to muddle their private life as long as the context is neither lewd nor pathetic and unexpected actions. They are doing it to earn a livelihood and make their life meaningful.
We get so deeply engaged in and indulge with our partners that we forget the primary motive of being in a romantic relationship. It is to make your life better. It should make both of you feel blessed to have found each other. There must be some unsaid expressions that water mutual understanding, breed harmony, and prevents discord.
If you feel that either of you is toiling day in and out to justify all your words and actions, there is a strong lack of trust. You can fool around with this lack of understanding but cannot date them.
#3 They are long-lost friends
If you are not pleased because your partner has met a long lost friend, and that has made them so excited that they are either talking to them or about them regularly. You cannot help but express your annoyance. There is this deep-seated fear of losing them.
You are also surprised to find out certain doubts seeping in and disturbing your sleep. You question yourself if you have it in you to keep your partner happy. Do you think that if given a chance, your partner would leave you for another?
Being a skeptic and punctuating interrogations make you human. There is nothing to be ashamed of in these thoughts. It would have been fearful if such thoughts weren’t crossing your mind. It would have meant then that you don’t love your partner as much as you are supposed to.
However, when you get such thoughts, go to your partner and express to them how much they mean to you. Remind them of your love. Make love if you get the chance. Your partner will be able to see that your eyes aren’t sparkling the same. They will be able to sense that something is keeping you displeased. They would be reminded that they are supposed to keep checking on you and make you happy. This will push them to mend their ways immediately.
Loving someone greatly is not a shameful deed. Don’t let your love for your partner bite you from within. There is nothing to be secretive about or to stay mum ab out it. Besides, you must trust your capabilities and all that you bring to the table. You must have the confidence that what you offer to your partner is so rich, vibrant, and unique that no one else can fill up the shadow that will be cast in their life if they abandon you.
#4 They have space for a stranger in their life
If your partner has been much of a loner and they don’t have many people but you, they can use a friend. Even though we like to play multiple roles in the life of our partner in the capacity of a friend, a lover, a parent figure, a sibling, a mentor, and more, we might either not be as good at it as we might have taken ourselves to be or, it is taking a heavy toll on us and our partner can see that vividly.
It is at that juxtaposition when you begin to scream, get offended, and anything and everything crawls on your nerves that your partner decides that you are losing yourself. They feel that both of you can use some space. Remember, why friends are always regarded so precious? Because they always have your back. Hence, when you fail to figure out what is changing, look within yourself, introspect, and retrospect your past week’s conduct. When it hits you, you will understand why your partner is looking for a listener who is anyone but you.
#5 They are stalking you
Have you ever thought of the possibility that your partner might be talking to another to keep their eyes on you? There are two ways in which this is a possibility.
First, they are spying on you directly by hiring someone to look after you. Second, they can either pretend to be on call with someone so that you are on alert. This will make you insecure and as a result, you will never leave their side. Or, they convince someone to be with you and lull you to see if you commit adulteration and betray them.
If you don't have any perverse intention in mind, you would not keep things from your partner. Even if someone tries to lull you, and say you found them attractive, there is no harm in confessing about it to your partner. They will appreciate your honesty and in case they might have set up a trap for you, they will change their mind. If you are thinking that these things are not possible, trust me people go to all kinds of extremes when in love.
#6 They are bored
Boredom could emerge due to various factors, the commonest being monotony, work pressure, discord in the relationship, and lack of vacation. As such, a stranger who brings in fresh ideas is regarded highly and welcomed surreptitiously.
You feel good because, after a long time, they make you feel alive. Even a silly conversation with them makes your day. While you love your partner a lot, you might fear this change.
In such cases, introduce them to your partner because your partner might gel along nicely with them too. In this way, there will be no fear. Both of you need some refreshing elements in life. This might bring you the same. Trust your gut feeling here.
When exchanging numbers is considered cheating
While there are times and places when you can let go of the thought that they might be cheating on you, some cases are too poignant to be ignored. I’ve discussed a few such scenarios below where it becomes evident enough even for a blind person to understand that your partner is cheating on you or has all the intentions to do so.
#1 They are attracted to them
The entire purpose of exchanging numbers might be a mutual attraction. Had it not been mutual, it wouldn't have been an exchange of numbers but a dropping of digits from one end.
You will find your partner going red at the blink of their name on the notification screen. If you see your partner posing and taking an interest in capturing selfies and pictures of everything around them, they are forwarding all of it to this new friend.
It brings respite from the everyday burden of life and they might mistake this feeling for something greater than infatuation. However, if they are not foolish enough, they might not fight over this with you.
#2 They like to keep sidekicks
If your partner is an attention seeker, they won't mind maintaining casual relationships at the side to offer themselves company when you are not available in immediate proximity.
Such affairs are very common in long-distance relationships. While they know it will not bring them sustenance, they are keen to keep it going as long as they can.
These are what you may define as "cheap thrills" because the participants don't sweat to secure the other's attention. They are aware that they are cheating on their partner, hence they take in easily that which comes in handy.
The usual courtship period that they might have graced you with is usually skipped. They meet with this other person through a dating app. Both of them are aware that it all might sum up to nothing.
#3 They are the proponents of open relationship
If your partner has expressed their opinions for an open relationship and they have had favorable opinions for it, don't be too surprised to find out that they are in one.
The case might even be that it is you who is an outsider here. For all you know, they might be married to someone for years. And for all that you don't know, their partner might be aware and might have signed in mutually for such a relationship.
People like to take their time before making commitments. It's a lifetime deal that involves your heart. If it gets broken once, it will take you a long time to mend it again.
#4 You cheated on them
They are trying to do the same to you that you did to them. This is very commonly found in a relationship. If you cheat, betray, or let down your partner, they won't hesitate in doing the same to you.
Cheating or betraying or even disappointing your partner before others can be taken to heart. Even in a fix of anger, remember that all they want is to be with you. What you are saying to them out of annoyance, could be spoken gently too. Be graceful in your conduct. Humility and gratitude can make you win any situation.
#5 They don't find the relationship fulfilling
If your partner is not happy in the relationship, they will go astray as soon as they get an opportunity. People move in the direction where they get something more or equal to what they have been given.
An unfulfilling relationship keeps a person unsatisfied. They are not happy even in happiness because they don't have the right person to celebrate it. You might wonder the reason why they are with you when they would have loved to be someplace else.
It is due to status quo, family pressure, or promises. They are burdened with such responsibilities so much that they don't practice detachment. If you feel that this might be the case, talk it out with them.
You can encourage them to come to a mutual understanding so that both of you, even if together before the world, can continue your life on your terms. In that way, you both will be happy separately even if not together.
#6 They have become distant and secretive
If your partner has become secretive and distant with you, it is because they are concealing facts. It might be because they have found a person of interest with whom they are sharing their experiences most of the time.
They are aware that they are guilty of obtaining pleasure in a situation like this. It also makes them come across as a fickle-minded person. If they have a guilty conscience, they will do anything to keep you superficially happy without bothering much about what might be going on with you.
This will make you a couple of dummies. You won't share the warmth and love of an honest relationship. The equation will be artificial and one fine day, you might wake up to find out, it all adds up to nothing.
#7 They give you elusive responses
When your partner starts giving you elusive responses to all your questions. Their answers have become monosyllabic. Their tone has become indifferent. It will show that something has changed between you.
You will be able to gather it if you have the following kind of dialogue with them:
How was your day?
It was fine.
(They don't ask you about your day, they don't tell you that they missed you, they don't kiss your forehead or hug you. Eventually, you will realize, they don't even meet your eyes.)
What do you want for dinner?
Anything you like/I'm not hungry.
(They don't offer to cook. They are bothered about what you will eat.)
Moreover, they don't text you throughout the day or give you calls. They keep their device locked or have started maintaining a separate phone. They don't keep their account logged in on the house computer. To know more about this, click on the link - My Girlfriend Doesn't Text Me Like She Used To.
#8 They are sexting
If you catch your partner starting the conversation with another flirtatiously and you didn't mind it because it was carefree and light-hearted. However, later you discover that they are having virtual, extrinsic, and excessive roleplays with each other, you will be terrified by it but you won't be able to deny that you saw it coming.
Whereas, your partner might feel that since you didn't disapprove of it at first, you won't mind it now. They might be sexting hopelessly or they might be comfortable going modern by admitting another participant therein. You never know when a person's heart changes. Hence, you can decide between yourselves to keep the phones unlocked and texts disclosed. Or to exchange each other's device for one day for use without changing the numbers. This will give you a complete idea of who calls them throughout the day and if there is anything that they might be hiding from you, they will be caught red-handed.
#9 Their ex is back
If their ex is back in their lives, and say your relationship was pretty young and your partner still has feelings for their ex, you should not allow them to talk with their ex.
Your partner or their ex might talk about the past. If either of them did not get closure and they are still bewildered as to why they were ghosted and what went wrong, you can invite your partner's ex over to the home to discuss it and hear them out, sitting together with your partner hand in yours. If your partner hesitates to set up, they still have feelings and might break your heart later. Learn more about it by click here - Married Man Contacting Ex-girlfriend.
What to do when your partner exchanges numbers with someone?
Before blaming your partner, look within yourself and try to understand what could be the possible reason for such a change of heart. There has to be something that has hurt your partner. All you need to do is to make them feel loved again. How to do it? Read below to find out.
#1 Express your feelings
If it makes you uncomfortable, say so. We are talking about expressing your feelings before your partner, here. If you won’t express your feelings before them, who will? Communication is a core dynamic to the formation and stability of a relationship.
Say in case there has been some confusion and it would keep being a botheration till you let it out of your system. If your partner is smart enough, they will sense a change in the way you behave around them. A partner paying attention will be able to tell if something bothering you or if you are fooling around with them.
Silence will make it awkward for both of you. Don’t you feel you can handle the situation more wisely? By expressing your thoughts before your partner, you are not only making it across what makes you uncomfortable but also giving them a chance to clarify the situation. They will appreciate it.
#2 Meet them midway
Rather than being stubborn, learn to negotiate. When your partner exchanges numbers with the opposite gender due to some probable reason, put up a condition.
Tell them you understand their needs and priorities but you have a condition, they will have to disclose their conversations to you. See their reaction. Even that will guide you here.
Sometimes all we need to do to understand the truth is look them in the eyes. We will get the vibe. If they hesitate in meeting you midway and try to make excuses for the same, your point stands proven. The only sad aspect over here is that you would never be able to tell if it's your win or loss.
#3 Warn them
If such things are not your cup of tea and you are a strong proponent of monogamy, warn them to mend their ways lest they might run the risk of losing you forever. Put it forward in the simplest of terms. You don't owe them an explanation.
This tactic will only work when they are truly at fault. If they are not guilty, they will be hurt by the fact that you don't trust them easily. It is disheartening. Hence, if you are not sure about the cheating aspect, rather than going heads on, in terms of warning, drop hints. It will help you to reach across the ideas that go into your making.
#4 Let it settle
You are unique in your own right. The other person will never be able to fill your space. Your partner might not even be looking for a substitute here. Very soon, they will get bored of this new individual and come back to you who they define as their “homie.”
Some things are as simple as that. You don't need to do anything over here in this case. If you feel that you have done and given enough, your partner will know it well too. These are part of unsaid expressions, a deep understanding that keeps you afloat forever.
#5 Recreate memories
If you feel that something is sad and off between you two due to which this sudden space is being created, bridge the gap by taking them back on memory lane. It always helps to recall the happy times which you have spent together.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder of the reason why we are with someone. We tend to forget. It is human to give more emphasis to the sadness that has dawned upon us due to the wrongs committed by others.
At that moment, you must remember and recall the happiness that they have brought into your life. Though sadness is a very strong emotion and has the power to discourage you from where you belong, happiness is unique in its right.
Sadness is universal, the pain and suffering sting alike. Happiness is different. It is bliss. After a while, you will forget why it did not work out for you but you will cherish how strong you were together.
#5 Express your love
Show them that the spark is still there. Love them in all the small gestures. Make them feel special and pampered in a way that only you can do.
Sometimes, even a thorough love-making session, spending the night together, or watching a movie with the theme of a love triangle can help to put things between you and your partner, back in motion.
#6 Give them the silent treatment
If you are pissed off, stop speaking. Let them understand for themselves what went wrong. This method has its set of pros and cons. They might get seriously annoyed if they didn’t mean to have any ill intentions or they will take the clues and use them to make their amends.
However, if they have different plans in mind, they are not interested in making amends, they will ignore the clues and pretend that it never occurred. It will eventually lead to the crumbling of your relationship and there will be no going back.
#7 Have faith
In moments of despair, the ultimate thing that matters is to keep faith in your relationship, your instinct, and the power of your love and your partner. Read more of Rumi's works to get inspiration. Stay still and indulge yourself in poetry.
It will help you to universalize emotions. Once you acknowledge that you are not unique in your suffering, it will be easy to practice disentangling situations and detaching yourself as and when needed.
A sudden emotion or instinct won't be able to get the better of you. Moreover, it will show you the way to stand on your feet upright. Anything more than that will be an added advantage to your situation.
#8 Break Up
When you see and feel that the words and actions of your partner have been causing enormous toil and suffering you, perhaps it is time to bid them farewell.
You must break up with them. And the breakup need not proceed with an explanation. You don't owe them that if they have broken your heart. An abrupt ending and shutting the door in their face is justified.
Don't play the blame game unless you are certain about the reason behind the exchanging of numbers. You can have your paranoia if the exchange has occurred between your partner and their ex or their crush, but otherwise, it is unreasonable and should not be taken as a threat to your relationship unless you see some red flags in the behavior.