Do Guys Think About Their Ex After Marriage? [ANSWERED]Yes, guys do think about their ex or exes after marriage. They can even engage in discussions about their exes with their spouses. However, the way they think about their ex-partner matters. It’s fine if they are platonic. If they still have feelings, it is a matter of concern.
Forgetting about your ex is a myth. Nobody can truly forget their ex-partners unless they have serious memory issues. The answer to your question is mostly “yes.” Guys might think about their ex even after marriage. It is a pretty normal thing to do. Not just guys, women, too, do that.
Before venturing further into the topic, you should understand one thing. Marriage is not a switch. A marriage cannot just switch off the part of a person’s brain where they have stored memories of an old love.
Guys can think about their ex in various scenarios and ways. The thoughts can be platonic or romantic depending upon what is going on in his marital life (or in his life in general).
What makes them think about their ex?
There is an infinite number of reasons behind married guys thinking about their ex. The reasons can be as silly as thinking about how an ex ate pineapples on their pizza to topics as serious as how they were the best thing that ever happened to him.
Let’s face it. Life is a bumpy journey, and his ex has been a part of his life that he can’t deny even if he wants to.
If he remembers them as a part of his past that he doesn’t want to revisit, there is not much to worry about. However, it is worrisome if he misses them and feels guilty about losing them to get married.
Let’s look at ten possible reasons that make a guy think about his ex after marriage. Dive in.
#1 He fought with his spouse
A fight with his spouse can bring the ex into his mind in two distinct ways.
- The fight with his spouse was so ugly that it brought back the bad memories associated with his ex. He remembers his fights with them and how they ruined the relationship. He is afraid of losing his spouse in the same way. The fight here triggers his trauma of a series of fights, yelling, throwing things, and eventual heartbreak. He doesn’t want that to happen again, but he can’t help the pouring in of negative thoughts.
- A fight can spur him to think about an ex when he feels his old relationship was better than the current one. He regrets breaking up with his ex-partner. He thinks they were better. He feels stuck with his spouse in a dead-end relationship that can only churn out more fights.
#2 He never really forgot about his ex and probably still misses them
Not just guys, no one can truly forget their ex. People can, however, not think much about them. But how do you keep them away from your thoughts when you still miss them sometimes?
Guys often think about their exes even after marriage because they still miss them and have definitely not forgotten them. Memories of an old love come back to them every now and then when they inhale the fragrance of a familiar perfume or a shampoo. They remember the past when they passed by a café they used to frequent with their ex.
When a relationship ends, certain things die with it. These things are special only to the people involved in that relationship. It can be a particular brand of pasta or a certain kind of weather. It can be a movie, a song, a book, or a mountain. It can be anything, but it’s important, and it makes them miss their ex more.
#3 He had a dream about them
Dreaming about past experiences or people you have known in the past is more common than you think. A remarkable dream about an ex is bound to make him think about them all day.
The dream must have been so bizarre that he can’t just shrug it out of his mind. It keeps coming back to him, and by extension, his ex, who starred in that dream, keeps coming back. He might even talk to his spouse about it.
#4 He secretly loves to indulge in fantasies about his ex
He had a great relationship with his ex. The understanding was great, and so was the s#x. His ex had that “perfect,” socially approved body with ticks in all the boxes of beauty standards.
He still thinks about them because he can’t let go of the experience of being in that relationship. He secretly loves to indulge in fantasies that star his hot ex. I know it’s gross, but he probably pictures his ex, even while making out with you.
#5 He is still in touch with them
Of course, that person is still in his mind. Why wouldn’t they be when he is still in touch with them?
Ideally, there is not much to worry about when he chooses to stay connected to his ex. They can be good friends. If it is a genuine friendship, it should be allowed to thrive.
However, it is also true that being friends with an ex is like venturing into dangerous territory. There is a lot of history in there. One should tread lightly on that path.
#6 He saw his ex across the street
In this scenario, he generally doesn’t think much about his ex. But the ex can come back to invade his mind if he finds them walking across the street. As I have said, there is a lot of shared history between them; it can make the memories rush into his thoughts.
This can happen even if he has been married for like ten years, and there are at least fifteen years of gap between seeing his ex in person. He is extremely sensitive about relationships and heartbreaks (particularly about this ex). He will keep thinking about them for a while until he is not upset anymore.
#7 He never got over the heartbreak
He might still think about his ex after marriage because he never really overcame the heartbreak. That relationship was probably the best thing that ever happened to him.
He wanted to stay in that relationship, but his ex had other plans, and they broke up. This was something he could not fathom. His ex has stayed in his mind henceforth.
This is not a situation to be concerned about. He got married for a reason. The issue with the ex is just a bad chapter in his life that he cannot forget about.
#8 Certain traits of his spouse remind him of an ex
How can he possibly forget his ex when certain traits of his spouse remind him of them? After the breakup, he started this relationship with the person who is known as his spouse now. At the beginning of the relationship, he failed to see that his present love was way too similar to his ex.
Remember Rachel’s date Russ, who was a splitting image of Ross? This is a similar situation. He was so into his ex that even after the breakup, he managed to find a similar person.
#9 He thinks about what his life could have been if they had never broken up
Now, this is a different kind of fantasy, and it can happen in two scenarios.
- He fought with his spouse, and now he thinks that the ex was better than this toxic marriage. He thinks, “What if I had never broken up? I would have been in a better relationship than this sham of a marriage!” His angry mind is clearly not thinking straight now. This is a recurring thought after every fight and is definitely a matter of concern as it is only a few days before he falls for his ex again.
- He just loves to think about the impossible scenario of them still being together. It is like a hobby he loves to indulge in. A keen observation of his behavior would find him smiling at nothing, alone, while hanging out in his living room on a fall afternoon.
#10 He secretly reconciled with them
He thinks about them because he is meeting them in secret. He broke up with his ex, hastily fell in love, and got married to the person who is now his spouse. All the haste resulted in the eventual realization that the ex was the right person for him. Now that it is too late, he has chosen to keep in touch with them secretly.
His mind is totally full of thoughts about his ex (who is now crossing the border into a territory called “extra-marital affair”). However, till now, that is a well-kept secret.
Things to do as a spouse
If a guy still thinks about his ex-partners after marriage, the first thing a spouse can do is find out why he still thinks about his past relationships. Getting to the right reason will help one to act accordingly.
His spouse can be supportive or not, depending on how he thinks about his ex. His lustful approach will earn him frowns, stern words, and nasty fights, while a platonic recollection of the past will get him into a discussion about exes with his spouse.
If you are the spouse of a person who thinks about his ex, you can try out the following things. Read on.
#1 Stop fighting and hug it out
If you are fighting with him for a silly reason, stop it. You guys are married for a reason called love; don’t throw it away so easily.
If you think this fight might spur the memory of his ex, you should try to avoid it at any cost. The same applies to him too.
Fighting for a while makes people detest each other for some time (at least). The memories of past relationships see this as an opportunity to come forth and mess things up.
Therefore, quit fighting, remember why you got married, and hug it out.
#2 Talk to him about heartbreaks
If you think he is not being able to get over his heartbreaks, talk to him about that. A conversation about past traumas might help him. Talk to him about your old relationships and how they ended. Sharing sorrows and bad memories can bring in the sense of solidarity.
He will know that he is not alone in this. He is not the only person with a heartbreak story. You, too, are in it. It will be comforting for him.
#3 Ask him not to think about them all the time
If you have proof of him thinking about his ex all the time, ask him not to do that. He might not pay heed to your words at first, but repeated requests can have the desired effect on his mind.
Tell him it is not good for his mental health to think about failed relationships all the time. Tell him that it is affecting your marital life. He should be able to get the seriousness of the issue.
#4 Discuss your exes (in a platonic way, of course)
Thinking about the ex cannot always be harmful. You guys can have a casual discussion about your exes. Discuss your past relationships and how they ended over a box of pizza and a six-pack.
However, when you discuss your exes, you should be entirely platonic. If you guys are in love, nothing should come between you to create an invisible barrier. Remember, your ex is a matter of the past, and it should stay in the past. This discussion cannot spur old feelings at any cost.
#5 Make him forget about his ex
If you think he is indulging in thoughts about his ex way more than the safe amount, step up and make him forget about them. There are many ways to do that.
- Travel - Plan a trip to the nearest tourist attraction. A hike through serene forests and majestic mountains, only with you, will definitely distract him. A beach trip can also do wonders. Plan a trip to an island and indulge in the romantic island bliss for a few days before coming back to the real world.
- Dress to impress - Dress up like his favorite character from a book, comic book, or movie. Dress up in whatever he likes to fantasize about. Remember when Rachel dressed up like Princess Leia in a gold bikini for Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, or when Amy dressed up like Holly Gennaro from Die Hard, for Jake on their honeymoon, in Brooklyn Nine-Nine? You can try something like that.
- Spice things up - Spice things up in your bedroom by experimenting with new things.
#6 Tell him you are his present
Assert your position in your life by reminding him that you are his present. Tell him that his ex is called an ex because they are already in the past.
If he spends too much time thinking of the past, he might end up with serious mental health issues, which, in extension, can adversely affect your marital life.
Sit him down and have a conversation about his importance in your life and your importance in his. Say that marriage is serious, and if he doesn’t understand that yet, it is high time he attempts to do so.
#7 Find out if he is meeting his ex behind your back
Play Poirot and find out if he sees his ex behind your back. If he is doing that, he will definitely reveal a few clues for you to pick up.
He might do the following things if he contacts his ex again:
- Talking too much about his ex and his past relationship with them.
- Being over-friendly with you and the kids (if you have any).
- Hastily hiding things when you enter the room.
- Being extra careful about his phone and other personal belongings.
- Returning home late.
- Lying to you all the time ─ left, right, and center.
#8 Find his ex and ask them to stay out of your marriage
Look for his ex, find them, and ask them to stay out of your marriage. Tell them that their time is over. Be a bit like Chandler here (the time he had a heated exchange of words with Monica’s ex-boyfriend Richard). Say, “You had your chance, and you blew it. Now leave him alone with his family and never ever try to contact him again.”
Also, make sure that this news does not reach your spouse, or else you will have to deal with a huge misunderstanding along with an ex who is trying to return.
#9 Talk about your ex like he talks about his
He talks too much about his ex and for obvious reasons that enrage you. It’s not your fault. It’s the way he talks about them. He puts them on a pedestal. According to him, his ex is hot, intelligent, earns a buttload of money, and owns a great apartment in the city. He seems extremely fascinated by them.
Give him a taste of his own medicine. Talk about your ex in the same way. Put them on an even higher pedestal. Make him feel what you had felt when he praised his ex like that.
#10 Remind him the reason why he broke up with his ex
If you find him lost in thoughts of his ex, pull him out of it by reminding him of the reason why he broke up with them years ago.
Thinking about an ex all the time is more harmful than you can imagine. It bids one to the past, which is not healthy in any way. Talk to him about the ill effects of remaining preoccupied with an old relationship and how it might affect his career and marital life.
Tell him not to give you reasons to consider divorce as no person can live with a spouse who always thinks about his ex-love.
To sum up
What a person thinks cannot be controlled. If a guy thinks about his ex (voluntarily or involuntarily), there is not much a spouse can do about it other than resist externally.
The moment he is asked to stop thinking about his ex, he will stop talking about them, but the thoughts will keep pouring in. A good conversation can attempt to help in situations like this. This conversation will have to be strictly customized according to the scenario.
Thinking about an ex is not a crime, but it can bring unnecessary adversities into the marital life if kept unchecked. Distracting him (from the thoughts) will be the best thing here.