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My Girlfriend Doesn't Want to Get Married, but I Do [SOLVED]

Your girlfriend doesn't want to get married probably because she doesn't believe in the idea of marriage. She might have seen her parents struggle in an unhappy marriage throughout her childhood. Maybe, she isn't ready for the colossal amount of responsibilities that come with marriage.A couple talking to each other in a room while the woman keeps her hand on her forehead

For some people, marriage is a beautiful thing. It celebrates people's promise to stay together through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. It is the celebration of love and hope. Sounds like a fairy tale?

However, if you delve deep into the idea of marriage, you might find things that are far removed from fairy tales and happily-ever-afters.

Marriage comes with a lot of added responsibilities and commitments. One should attain a certain level of mental maturity before getting married.

You want to get married, but your girlfriend doesn't. She is not ready for that kind of commitment right now. She is just not on the same page as you are. 

But what could be the reason? "Has she fallen out of love?"— would be the first question to invade your mind. What if she never chooses to get married? Is she scared of commitment? Am I not good enough for her? Is she seeing someone else?

What if I say there can be other reasons you are not thinking about? These reasons make her who she is. They have built up a part of her mind that dislikes the idea of marriage. They have built up her personality. Let's find out more about them.

Possible reasons why she doesn't want to get married

She is not interested in marriage, but you are. That doesn't mean she is less invested in the relationship.

She just doesn't buy the idea of getting married. She finds no logic in it. She already stays with you. You guys have the same residential address. What else is needed? She doesn't support the idea of social validation of an already strong relationship, while you want to get married.

She can have many reasons to think this way. The reasons can help you get a clarified picture of her mind and can answer all your "why" questions. I can attempt to help you with some possible reasons. Read on.

#1 She is afraid of commitment

Marriage can be scary for some people. It is not just the celebration of two souls in love. It comes with responsibilities and a whole new level of seriousness. Marriage makes your relationship official— the one that gets registered at the government. That is a kind of commitment she is not ready to get into.

She is scared of commitments. This fear could have originated from past relationships that came to the brink of such serious commitments but somehow failed. She is not willing to take that path again.

The root of this fear can also be traced back to a bad divorce. If you are in a long-term relationship with this woman, you must have known about it for a while. The divorce had an adverse effect on her mind, and she has lost all faith in the institution of marriage ever since.

#2 She doesn't seek social validation

"Is there really necessary to get married? Isn't it just another kind of social validation?" — is probably what she thinks. 

While marriage can be a pleasant idea, a way to make your relationship official, it can also be a way to seek social validation.

The two of you already stay together. That, according to her, is the best thing that ever happened. She does not want to complicate the breeziness of this relationship with a word as serious as marriage.

For her, marriage is the kind of thing that helps you flex your relationship in front of society, with the sole intention of receiving good comments.

#3 Her parents weren't happily married

A disturbed childhood can be a cause of a number of problems in one's adult life. Something similar is happening with her. 

She does not want to get married because of the unhappy marriage of her parents. The marriage that she got to see as an example for a considerable period of her life was an unhappy, unhealthy one.

She might have seen her parents fighting all the time about minor issues. She could have seen them having affairs with different people, rendering their marriage meaningless. She thinks most marriages end up like this.

She is happy with the relationship you guys have at the moment. That is probably the best thing that happened to her. Therefore, whenever you talk about getting married, she somehow skips the conversation effectively.

#4 She has got trust issues

There was a time when she used to trust people. That time is long gone. A marriage needs a lot of love and trust to be a strong one. She just doesn't trust you enough. You might not be the problem here. Her past relationships and experiences could be the cause of this lack of trust in everything.

She probably doesn't hate the idea of marriage. But being in one is a problem for her. If you have known her for a while, you might also know why she behaves this way.

She probably was part of an abusive relationship in the near past. She could have been backstabbed by someone really close to her.

Marriage is not what she fears. She fears getting close to someone. She is afraid of trusting someone again.

#5 She has seen too many failed marriages

She has seen an astonishing amount of failed marriages around her, and that is pulling her back from getting married. 

According to her, marriages are bound to fail at some point in time. She doesn't need marriage to be with you. She is already in love and thinks the seriousness of marriage will ruin the sweetness of this relationship.

She has seen her parents fight. She witnessed her grandparents splitting up at 60. She has consoled a married best friend who was cheated on by his wife. She has been around too much negativity, and now, in her life, marriage is the biggest villain.

#6 You have been dishonest with her

Did you do something? Something that you should not have done? If yes, then convincing her into a marriage will be immensely difficult, even if you are a changed man now. 

She is not against the idea of getting married. She is against the idea of getting married to you.

This reaction can stem from the time you cheated on her. She eventually chose to be with you by giving you a second chance, but she has not yet forgotten the mental agony you caused her by your activities. 

To be honest, she is not happy in this relationship with you. She is confused about what she should do. A part of her mind wants to break up with you, and the other part tries to stick with the second chance.

She wants a miracle now— a miracle in the form of something extraordinary from you. She wants to see how much you truly care for her. Otherwise, if she marries you, she might feel trapped, and that will have an adverse effect on her mental health.

#7 She hates sharing her life

If you two share the same residential address, you will know that she is very careful about her material belongings, and along with that, she is an immensely private person. She doesn't share much. She puts all her belongings under lock and key. She hates sharing her life with anyone.

If you talk to her parents, you will probably find out she has been this way since she was a little child.

Marriage takes a lot of sharing. It requires you to be a part of each other's lives, which scares her. She wants to be left alone. She wants to enjoy her freedom, her privacy. She wants you by her side but only up to a certain limit. You cannot cross the imaginary line she has created.

#8 She is scared of sharing her money

As I have said earlier, marriage requires you to share your life with each other. This sharing includes even the finances. You share your money along with all the other things.

After marriage, the money you both earn gets combined into a household income, and that is what she is scared of. She doesn't hate the idea of marriage but that of sharing the money for eternity with you.

Financial independence is very dear to her. It should be, as it is her hard-earned money, but when it comes to sharing it with anyone, she freaks out.

Marriage would mean the same. Therefore, it freaks her out. She thinks she will no longer be able to enjoy her salary as she does now.

#9 She doesn't like your parents

When was the last time she met your parents? Were they a bit too intimidating?

That can be a reason for her deciding not to get married. Your parents are an intricate, undeniable part of your life. If she gets married to you, they will be a part of her life too. She doesn't want to be related to people she doesn't like.

You want it or not, getting married will involve the families, especially your parents, more than you think. Your parents probably behave in a condescending way whenever she is around. Nobody likes that.

#10 She has fallen out of love

She is no longer in love with you. This might be hard to believe because even a while ago, you guys were so much in love.

This is the harsh truth that you have to live with. She has fallen out of love, and that is why she is not interested in getting married.

She probably is looking for the right time and the right way to break up with you. She doesn't want to hurt you, but whenever you raise the topic of marriage, she behaves weirdly. 

She just wants this relationship to be over as soon as possible. Getting married is not even the last thing she wants now.

Of course, the idea of breaking up with the person you love will shatter you, but there is no other way out of it.

Trying to convince someone who is no longer in love with you to stay will be like talking to a wall. Your words will have probably have no impact on her whatsoever.

#11 She is seeing someone else

As I said, she has fallen out of love with you, and the reason can be another guy. She refused to marry you because she is already seeing another guy. And to her, that guy might be the one. 

She just wants to get rid of you. The breakup is just a few days away now. She is taking her time to get ready to break the news to you. Meanwhile, you have shown interest in getting married, which is bound to freak her out and make her act weird.

#12 She is scared of losing her dreams

Now, this is a complex one. She is in love with you. Being in love and getting married to some are totally different things.

Marriage brings in responsibilities that not many are willing to go for. Responsibilities tend to shatter dreams. Marriage binds you, legally, to a person, a family, for the rest of your life.

People have a lot of dreams. She, too, is a dreamer. She dreams of traveling the world— from the northern lights to the Antarctic penguins.

She wants to experience everything in life. Life is like an adventure to her. She will never be happy in a conventional marriage. Ending up in a pretty suburban home with a boring job, a loving husband, and two kids, is not the life she wants.

She loves you, but she loves herself much more than that. She can't trade her freedom, her dreams for love. Her carefully curated dreams are her first love.

Here's what you can do

You want to get married, but she doesn't. It will be better not to force her into anything. Instead, you can take time trying to convince her about the bright side, the perks of getting married.

You can support your arguments with examples of happily married couples and couples who have overcome their hardships together.

If not from real life, you can come up with examples from her favorite movies and show. There is a lot more you can do. Read on.

#1 Ask her directly about her reasons

She must have a reason or reasons not to get married. Talk to her about it. Ask her what makes her dislike marriage so much.

While you do that, your tone should not be like you are trying to convince her. Instead, you should be inquisitive, like:

  • "Why don't you want to get married?" or,
  • "Is it about me?"

Direct questions obtain direct answers. It's high time, and you need to have this conversation now.

#2 Talk to her about the perks of getting married

Marriage is not all about sacrifice and responsibilities. There are bright sides too (more than she thinks). Talk to her about the bright sides of getting married. 

Try not to disrespect her ideologies while doing so. If you think she is wrong anywhere, try to confront her with questions like, "Are you sure about that?" instead of giving statements like, "That is so not true."

Through your words, she should get a whole new picture about marriage. The picture should be the one where there are no cheating couples, no sacrifice of dreams, and no sharing of money. Try to curate the idea of marriage according to her preference and mean it.

#3 Assure her about keeping your finances separate

Sharing money can be a difficult thing for many people. She has been enjoying financial independence for a long time now. Sharing it with you makes her think of marriage as a trap.

If you want to convince her for marriage, the first thing you need to do is assure her about her finances. Assure her about the safety of her money and that you will never interfere in her financial affairs.

#4 Make her meet your parents

If she dislikes your parents, there must be some reason. If you know that, talk to your parents and tell them not to do things she doesn't like in front of her. They just need to be pleasant around your girlfriend.

The next thing you should do is make your girlfriend meet them again, and make sure this time she changes her mind about your parents. Both are important in your life. You can't just choose one and let the other go. After all, she will only meet your folks during some holidays.

#5 Meet her parents (with her, of course)

Accompany her to meet her parents. Maybe, they can attempt to change her mind about getting married.

Also, meeting her parents would help you learn more about her and the reasons behind why she doesn't want to get married.

However, you should never do this behind her back. If she gets to know you have been meeting her parents to trick her into getting married, things may backfire horribly, and you might even lose her forever.

#6 Talk to her about happily married couples

There is nothing better than being positive. Be an optimist and talk to her about happily married couples. 

Tell her about marriages that don't bind but help to enlighten each other. Talk to her about Marie Curie and Pierre Curie, the Nobel Laureate couple who enlightened each other and the world.

If you can't find good examples in real life, then talk to her about the shows she loves. If she is a F.R.I.E.N.D.S fan, tell her how great Monica and Chandler are as a couple or how Phoebe and Mike's marriage was the cutest one.

#7 Ask if she is still in love with you

Now, the answer to this one might be unpleasant, but the question needs to be asked. 

Ask her if she is still in love with you. If she is not, then however distressing it is, you will have to let her go.

Being in a relationship without love makes no sense. This question will determine whether you guys are on the same page or not.

#8 Try to amend your wrongdoings

If you have been dishonest with her in the past or if you have ever been a source of pain for her, try to amend that, if possible, as soon as you can. 

She won't get married to you because she doesn't find you safe enough. She is with you because of her residual feelings but is slowly fading away, and unless you deal with the situation with the needed amount of care and sensitivity, she will keep refusing.

Summing up

Marriage comes with a huge baggage of responsibility. Not everyone is willing to deal with it. Your girlfriend can be in love with you, but the idea of getting married is overwhelming for her. 

If you are interested in marriage, you will have to be subtle while trying to convince her. She needs to see the bright side through your eyes. Maybe, someday she will change her mind about marriage. Let's hope for the best.

Nirajana Mukherjee

Senior Writer

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