My Husband Ignores Me Unless He Wants Something (SOLVED)

Being in a marriage as a husband or a wife is pretty different than being a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Relationship chemistry in marriage depends on various internal and external factors, like family, work-life, expectations, and holistic approaches toward each other.

But problems are an inseparable part of our life, and marriages are not at all immune from that. That's why conflicts among married couples are so normal that without conflicts, a marriage can't supposedly be considered a successful one. But just like in our lives, issues keep coming and withering away between husbands and wives as well. 

So, if your husband is ignoring you unless he wants something, ensure that it is not a temporary phenomenon because the primary feature of marriage is fulfilling mutual needs or interdependency. So, if you had a recent conflict with your husband, and he is ignoring you unless he wants something, it can be as simple as a normal situation as long as it improves with time. 

But your concern is real and worth serious attention if that situation has dragged on for a long time and you are witnessing other fishy symptoms that have started pounding your sixth sense. Perhaps you are constantly getting a feeling that something is not right, or something between you two needs to be fixed. Maybe you are feeling deprived and exploited at the same time by your husband. Perhaps you feel your husband takes you for granted, out of love in the connection, or maybe the absence of the spark.

If you are going through such a difficult situation, here I am presenting a one-stop solution to your problem that will not only help you understand why your husband is doing so but also ensure a solution to your issue, no matter how complicated it is. So, let's get started. 

Reasons why your husband ignores you unless he wants something

As mentioned previously, depending on the situation, the reason behind your husband's ignorance can be the result of various reasons. Below, I will talk about the most potent reasons concerning this phenomenon. 

But here, you may not find one single point suitable to your situation and may end up resonating with two or more. So, I would suggest you see these points not in isolation but as connecting one with another. And to properly resonate these potential catches with your situation, you need to follow the doctrine of observation, deduction, and thorough analysis of the specific situation you are going through. 

It might sound a bit technical, but I can ensure that after this little hurdle, you are gonna find the exact solution to your problem. 

#1 He is too much busy with his work

What is your husband's profession? Is he a doctor, a lawyer, a journalist, or an artist, maybe? I mean, does his job always keep him occupied? Does your man really get time to spend with himself? 

Observe and think. Don't fall for any plausible trap. Think rationally about how much busy your husband actually is with his work. Or maybe your man is too focused on this work that he doesn't get a chance to focus on the relationship individually. Maybe for him, marriage is an integral part of his life, but most of his time is centered around his job. 

#2 He lacks the emotional spark for you (bonding with you is loosening)

For how long have you two been married? How often do you spend time together? Maybe you two are so busy with your jobs and other acquaintances you hardly get time to spend with each other. Here exactly, the sweet mutual bonding is loosening between you, and your husband is lacking the emotional 'spark' for you. 

Despite the same situation, you may say everything was alright before your marriage. But my friend, the dimensions are bound to change after marriage when two individuals live together. That's why marriage fatigue is a pretty common phenomenon. And reviving your marriage from this is not also a difficult task. 

#3 You are too demanding to afford

Your husband might ignore you unless he wants something, maybe because you are so demanding that it goes beyond his affordability. I am not specifically talking about financial affordability but affordability to be with you in day-to-day life. 

Ask yourself once, do you keep asking for his time more than he could afford after his work? Do you allow him enough space to live within his world? Are you too much possessive about your husband? Or do you often keep violating the boundaries of your world and his? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, your husband might suffer from severe relationship fatigue and ignore you unless he wants something. 

Before you start getting a guilt trip, keep reading the next points. Something else could also be your reason.

#4 He is going through a tough time (difficult time, not so expressive)

Perhaps your husband is going through such a tough time, maybe at his workplace or with his parents, that he is emotionally unavailable for now and end up asking you only for his need. In this situation, it would be wrong to judge your man.

You might think that he should have told you everything about it, but maybe he is not so expressive or doesn't want to bother you with unnecessary complications. If you suspect anything like this, keep an eye on his body language and behaviors. 

#5 He has gone through some sudden changes

Men have a typical problem of adaptability. That's why if any sudden change comes to their life, they tend to take much time to get used to it. So, this might also be the case for your husband. 

It might be your new job, something of your or his family, his job, some new responsibility, anything. Your man may be in an adaptive mode and struggling inside to get used to that new change. That's why he is approaching you only when he wants something. 

#6 It's the basis of his behavior

No human being in the world is the same. Your husband might not fall into the stereotypical definition of being a good husband. For him, staying aloof is just a part of his general behavior. 

I can understand that the behavior could hurt you, but you shouldn't blame someone for merely having a basic characteristic, whether it is normal in your eyes or not. You two may not be the perfect fit for each other, but blaming someone for this isn't done. 

Does your man behave like that to everyone or with you only? Does he care for you in little ways despite ignoring you? If your answer to both of these questions is yes, then surely it is a typical part of his character. 

#7 He is suffering from some addiction issue

You might face ignorance from your husband unless he wants something if he is addicted to some narcotic substances. Addiction restricts human brains from functioning normally, and in this situation, you may notice some weird behavior in your husband, like unnecessary shouting, abnormal eating, sleeping cycle, etc. 

Commonly, in this situation, your husband will approach you merely for two things:

1. Some extra money
2. Sex

#8 He is just trying to survive in the relationship

Does your husband tend to avoid any kinda argument with you? Does he often try to avoid facing you or indulging with you in some intense conversation? If your man is doing anything like this, he has probably reached a saturation point in this marriage and just trying to survive in the relationship. 

Facing you or indulging in some arguments with you may lead him to emotional suffocation, so he tries to avoid either of those. In this phase, sexual interaction between two individuals deeps down, and relationship fights also become very rare. There might be a feeling of peace, but you may feel suffocated even within that peaceful environment. 

#9 This marriage has always been an obligation for him

This thing often happens in those Asian families where marriages are arranged by the couples' parents. Often in these marriages, couples fail to find their emotional as well as intellectual compatibility, and eventually, marriage becomes a mere obligation for them. 

So, if your husband was also chosen by your parents, and since after marriage, he tends to ignore you unless he wants something, it could be your reason. Perhaps, your husband can not connect with you intellectually and doesn't enjoy your company. Or maybe, there is still a lack of friendship between you two, and that's why you are facing this complication. 

#10 He is emotionally involved somewhere else

Here comes the most commonly suspected reason. Yeah, you may have to face ignorance from your husband unless he wants something because he is emotionally involved somewhere else. No matter whether you are in an arranged marriage or in a normal one, this can happen in any situation. 

As your husband lives with you, some obligatory needs are bound to come between both of you. That is why he approaches you to fulfill all those needs but ignores you because he is emotionally unavailable. 

You can have an idea whether this is your husband's case if-

1. He doesn't let you touch his phone.
2. He keeps hiding things from you. 
3. He doesn't pay attention to your needs at all. 
4. He is aloof from the entire family. 
5. He is too much outgoing. 

#11 Some issue still remains unresolved between the two of you

Did you two have toxic fights months back and didn't take the initiative to resolve the issue? If you have done something like this, it might have affected your marriage a lot, and hence you are facing such complications now. 

Look, fights are natural in marriages, and time indeed heals the emotional wound. But not taking any initiative to resolve the matter and letting time alone heal the wound is not also healthy. Maybe you didn't even say 'sorry' to each other. Perhaps, you didn't once pull each other close after that day and let your ego prevail. 

This is how serious misunderstanding and communication gaps get built, and it severely affects relationships with time. Little gestures matter, my dear. 

#12 He is suffering from some psychological issue 

Psychological issues could be the last thing because of what your husband can ignore you unless he wants something. Maybe, in his subconscious mind, he is undergoing serious trauma, and that is affecting your marriage. The reason behind this trauma could be anything I mentioned earlier and might be something more. 

By critically analyzing his overall behavior, you could simply understand whether your man's psychological condition is normal. 

What to do when your husband completely ignores you unless he needs something?

I suppose, as of now, the reason behind your husband's ignorance is completely clear to you. So here I would like to take to the solution part of your problem. But before getting into the solutions, I must tell you that you are always free to modify my suggestion as per your circumstances, but please try to follow the basic idea behind the approach while modifying, 

Besides, after going through the solution part, you will also have some basic templates that you can apply. 

#1 Confront & Communicate

Clear confrontation and communication are the most effective and general to solve any problem in your marriage. If your husband ignores you unless he wants something or tends to avoid normal arguments, you should go and approach him directly, asking him about the issue itself. Start with something like this: "Why do you keep avoiding me unless you need something?'.

Or when he wants something from you, you can say: "Why am I supposed to fulfill everything you want, although you ignore me?" Or you may directly tell him how much his ignorance hurt you. 

You may think that it could spark a fight between you two, but how long will you keep suppressing yourself? Confrontation is the primary step to solving issues and making your marriage work. So, if you fear a fight, you must be ready to keep yourself calm in all situations and come up with logical arguments against your husband's responses. 

#2 Try judging the situation from a neutral perspective

In relationships, we often forget to judge people from their perspective. On the verge of fulfilling our demands, we forget to be empathetic. You are bound to be biased if you keep thinking that your husband ignores you, and that hurts you. 

Rather, think about your husband's situation for a moment by keeping all your emotions aside. This way, you will find out if something genuine is there and will be able to be compassionate with your husband. Eventually, you won't feel that his behavior is hurting you as much as earlier, and the bonding with your husband will be strengthened. 

#3 Is it ignorance or your attention-seeking attitude?

Before judging your husband for his wrongdoings, ask yourself: are you too demanding? Do you keep violating personal boundaries? Do you keep asking way beyond his affordability? If you get a clear answer to all these questions, then alright. But if you are not, compare yourself with friends and neighbors who are at the same level as you.

This way, you will understand whose fault is there and be able to check yourself accordingly. 

#4 Be at his side if he is dealing with some difficulties

In marriage, being at your spouse's side in difficult times is the most important thing. In your conversation with your husband, if you find out or even suspect he is in some deep trouble, you should immediately make him realize that you are beside him no matter what happens. 

If you can make things come out of him, talk to him often, ask about the issues in detail, and seek ways to help him out. 

This will not only help your husband come out of the problem faster but also deepen the ties between your two in the marriage. 

#5 Tell him about your needs

Women often tend to be less expressive about their needs and desires in relationships. But I would suggest if your husband can not figure out your needs and ends up ignoring you, you should be vocal about your needs. 

Maybe you two still have a lot to know about each other. So, tell him what you like, how you like, and what you want from him. Don't always expect that he should figure out all your needs, maybe as you can predict his. 

Remember, I am not asking you to indulge him in normal friendly conversation and tell him you want, not overburden him with the pressure of your needs.

#6 Seek common grounds to explore together

Spending time with each other can be a good remedy to regain the spark in a marriage. As you know, what he likes and how he likes, find some common ground to engage together. You may cook his favorite dish and watch his favorite movie while he is home. This can be a way to woo him to get indulged in some common activity with you, and you will get a chance to reexplore the chemistry of your connection. 

#7 Try to be an active part of his life

In this phase, you also have to make him realize that you are also a part of this family and hence have some authority to make decisions. Don't wait for his approval before you do something. Rather, do that thing, and you may ask for his feedback afterward. But remember, your asking for feedback must not sound like you are seeking his approval. 

#8 Stop getting him whatever he wants

If your husband ignores you unless he wants something, and none of your efforts are working to resolve the issue, now it is the time to cut the supply line. At the moment when you feel that you have seen enough, you should stop getting him whatever he wants. 

He should also know that he can not take you for granted and use you however he wants. At this point, please do not compromise with yourself, fearing that your husband will never approach you further if you do this.

#9 Consult a counselor

In an extreme situation, if you suspect nothing is working or your husband is an addict, you might seek an expert's advice from a relationship counselor to get a clinical idea about your next step. They could guide you if your husband needs medication or other professional help.

Conclusion

If you have till the end of this blog and are ready to put into this much effort to make your marriage work, I must tell you when exactly you should stop. Yes, m friend, no matter how much you care for your marriage and how much it is gonna hurt you, you have to understand that everything has a red line. Your effort should only continue with proper reciprocation from the other end. 

So, after trying everything you could and consulting a professional, you should consider this a red flag if you still feel your husband tends to ignore you unless he wants something. Otherwise, within no time, you might feel used as an object that will eventually hurt your dignity. 

Maybe you two are not a perfect fit; maybe this marriage was not meant to work; perhaps you deserve a much better life. But despite all these negative possibilities, you will try to make it work; you will give your best to resolve all the issues; this is where your success lies.

I wish you all the very best in resolving your problems and coming back together. Keep loving.