My Husband Defends Everyone but Me [Here's Why]

Disagreements and misunderstandings are parts and parcels of life. Most of the time, we see ourselves trying to explain our viewpoint. In such scenarios, a pat on the back, or a nod of approval, takes us a long way in keeping the faith intact.

However, when the one person who matters the most, your husband, does not support or never defends you before others, it could lead to severe disappointment. 

In this blog post, I shall delve deeper into this issue and help you make a more favorable relationship out of your marriage. Scroll down to read how!

Reasons why your husband defends everyone but you 

Your husband does not like to cast a shadow over you. He lets you enjoy your space in public and keeps his opinions reserved for private. This can be taken as a token of paying respect. 

While you might wonder that he is not defending you because he likes to see you get humiliated, it is important to remember that you share his family name. Things are not always as straightjacket as they might appear. Hence, I have covered below the possible range of possibilities why your husband defends everyone but you. Scroll down to read more.

#1 He has lost interest in you 

Time and tide toil a relationship. Your husband has lost interest in you and doesn't feel like putting in the efforts to defend or please you.

He is patriarchal in his approach towards you. He likes to dominate by curbing your voice. While he expects you to perform all the wifey duties, he doesn't like to meet you halfway in proving to be a worthy husband.

Kindly note that such conflicts occur in many married relationships primarily because the trouble is not addressed in the closed doors of the bedroom. To make your stand better, you must confront your husband and tell him about your expectations as a wife from him.

#2 You never favor him 

Your husband is perhaps merely attacking you for not supporting him earlier. This can be the situation if he is egoistic. However, you must remember that you sail or drown together in a relationship. 

You cannot win against your husband because that won't be a victory. You must show support in the first place so that you would be able to seek support.

Rebalance your equation, and it shall work wonders for both of you. Be more affectionate and expressive rather than defensive. It will not go unappreciated.

#3 He wants you to defend yourself 

Your husband doesn't like it when you give him that look of helplessness. He wants you to be independent. He believes in the prototype of the new woman, and he is perhaps working to make you one of the finest specimens. 

If you have a daughter, he has big dreams for her. He doesn't want your daughter to look down on you. He wants her to be proud of you.

When you are certain about your viewpoint, stand by it. Don't give yourself up for someone else's desires. Don't shift or modify your perspective unless you truly change your heart.

Stick to your point and defend yourself. Your husband will certainly come back to you.

#4 You never appreciate his efforts 

Your husband might be mad at you for never supporting him. This is his way of making you undergo the same treatment. He wants to show you what bitterness tastes like.

If you feel you have been too hard on your sugar bun, it's time to be sweet and change your approach towards him. Show him that you don't doubt his abilities, and in return, he might do the same for you.

#5 You are not compatible 

Perhaps you were never made for one another. Your circumstances forced you into this unhappy agreement. If even after years, you could not bring a change of heart and you don't see one another eye to eye, it is better to bring the suffering to a halt.

Being disrespected in private or in public should never be accepted. If you feel your husband is indignant towards you, don't show him any mercy. Treat the man the way he treats you. 

#6 He disregards your marriage 

Perhaps he doesn't take your marriage seriously. This can be owing to many reasons. It can be because he doesn't believe in the idea of marriage or because you are not his only wife.

The latter would be if he stays out of the station or spends most nights away from home. In such cases, you must approach the person responsible for bringing you to this setup. You can talk to your parents and in-laws or visit counselors and ask them if you should take this to court. 

#7 He is jealous of your best friend 

If you have a secret admirer in your best friend, your husband would be jealous of him. He would not like it when you spend much time with another man or share your private life episodes with him. 

This can be a serious issue, and your regular husband pretends to be open-minded on the surface. It is irking and maddening him beneath. It is better to distance yourself from society and your circle. 

Spend more quality time with your husband. Recreate memories if needed. Don't make him doubt your love even for a moment.

#8 He is cheating on you 

Perhaps your husband is having an affair. This is why he is not staying alert when he is with you. His mind is absorbed in the thoughts of his illicit love.

As a result, he doesn't defend you because he wasn't paying attention. Checking your husband's call log would be a good place to start digging into this matter.

#9 He is insensitive towards you 

There might be something about your husband that prevents him from giving you the love you deserve. He is an insensitive fellow. It can be due to his upbringing or his circumstances.

However, it is best to let him know that certain things can never be off the table. Make a list of your non-negotiables and slap it on his face. If he cannot keep up with the basics, he doesn't deserve your love.

#10 He never loved you 

There is a possibility that your husband always loved someone else. This love might have been one-sided. This, in turn, is disabling him from treating you right. 

In such a case, you must push him to open up to you. Try to be his friend. Tell him to trust you.

Even if that means that he shares his deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities, which might make you uncomfortable to some degree, do not hesitate. It will bring you closer. Sometimes, in the tides of happenings, we overlook the core necessities in life: one such necessity is communication. 

#11 He tries to give a fake impression in front of others 

Perhaps your husband hasn't kept the right group of circles around him. His friends or colleagues are ill-mannered. They like to pose as bullies who have reduced their wives to puppets. 

While their wives might tolerate it, you are most certainly not. You contradict or try to voice up, but your husband is too scared to take your stand.

If this is the case, you must make someone else talk to him. This person must be a figure he likes to listen to. It can be a father figure who would be able to give the right guidance.

#12 You are a headstrong woman 

You have always come across as a headstrong woman, and it never occurred to your husband that you might be looking for his nod of approval.

Perhaps, expressing before him that an occasional nod encourages you and makes you a big deal might alter the scenario.

What to do when your husband defends everyone but you?

Even if your husband doesn't stand by your side, have faith in your notions of belief but don't be blinded by it. I'm sharing below a list of activities you can do to achieve your goals without your husband's support.

#1 Stand for yourself 

Don't let another person's belief in you play with your thoughts. Keep yourself first and stand for yourself even when the world doesn't seem a happier place.

Remember, unless you have your back, nobody else would want to share your burden.

#2 Confront him 

If you feel this has been going on for a long or if it is a sudden change in his behavior, either way, it is best to make a confrontation. This will make clear his true motives and give you a direction. 

#3 Stop being a puppet 

Don't look for your partner's nod of approval. Don't be a puppet. Know your self-worth. The right to think and speak is fundamental to every human. You cannot let anyone steal you of it.

#4 Don't challenge his opinions 

If your husband doesn't like it, you might as well stop publicly challenging his opinions. Later, in your bedroom, you can take the liberty to express your views. If you contradict his views in public, he will take it as a sign of disrespect. Remember, relationships are fragile, and constant effort is needed to keep them going.

#5 Plan a romantic surprise 

A romantic surprise is a change you need. Plan something romantic for your husband. It can be a good meal or something more personal. It should make him feel special. Whatever you do must exhibit that you know his liking and you care for him and his love. 

#6 Give him more time 

Perhaps he is making up his mind as to how to be more favorable. He might be at a loss of words. This will be more the case if your husband likes to stay behind the curtain.

An introvert is non-sociable and wouldn't easily come up front to support you. He will pray to God to give you the courage to manage it on your own.

#7 Recreate memories 

With the ebb and tide of relationships, things can get monotonous between husband and wife.

At times, your relationship needs an adrenaline rush. You can make things interesting and happy by recreating fond memories.

Choose events close to your heart and perhaps plan an exchange of role play. Say, it was your husband who had made arrangements and had gone down on his knees to propose to you, and it is your turn to do it now.

#8 Take him for relationship counseling 

Every once in a while, a couple might feel that they have reached a moment of crisis. As a result, they would want to seek a relationship counselor who can give them specific insights into their current situations. 

If you feel that you have reached that moment of crisis, there's no harm in going for counseling. Remember, it is a natural process. You don't want to have unwanted thoughts or doubts. Counseling will help you a great deal to figure things out.

#9 Do things he likes 

Perhaps redo your room or house the way your husband likes it. Change the colors of the types of furniture. Dress up in the preferred way of your husband for a change.

Little things can bring a major difference. If he likes your hair, keep it untied in front of him. Show him that you mean to go beyond to please him. Once the idea is dawned upon him, he would go to lengths to please you as well.

#10 Stalk him to find out if he is hiding something 

You must keep a record of your husband's whereabouts once in a while.

Stalking him and checking the call log will give you an idea about what has been on his mind lately.

If he doesn't share his official matters with you, push him to do it. Taking an interest in his work and knowing more about his work environment might help you greatly.

Summing up 

When your husband defends everyone but you, he is not a nice husband. Rather than getting disheartened by it, you must confront him. Tell him how you feel when he is so unsupportive. His answer will pave the path for you.