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My Girlfriend Doesn't Appreciate My Efforts (Here's the Solution)

If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts, it could be because you are not her priority, she is not serious about you, she has lost interest in you and doesn't value you. She might be busy with her life and wants some space.A man sitting on a chair head on the desk and thinking and the clock time is showing 2:11 AM

Psychologist William James said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." Philosopher Adam Smith once stated, "We are delighted to find a person who values us as we value ourselves, and distinguishes us from the rest of mankind, with an attention not unlike that with which we distinguish ourselves."

The feeling of appreciation is very important for any human, and it becomes more essential when it comes to relationships. 

Several studies have shown that appreciating your partner's efforts imparts a positive effect on your relationship and strengthens it. Similarly, no appreciation in a relationship creates a void that may even lead to a breakup. 

If you are stuck in the same situation where your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts, then I have listed a few reasons and their solutions. These will help you find out the most probable reason your girlfriend is doing this. 

Thinkable reasons why your girlfriend doesn't appreciate your efforts

You love your girl with all your heart and often put effort into making her happy. But in the same process, you feel unappreciated for your efforts. This can give you mental stress and leave you with many unanswered questions. If you are facing unappreciation, then this is a wake-up call for you to know the reason for this behavior. So, let's have a look at the reasons – 

#1 You are not her priority

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" – Maya Angelou. Decades of research in relationships have shown that making your partner a priority makes your relationship last long. Priority simply means you are giving importance to your significant one.

Your girlfriend is not paying attention to your efforts and feelings, which means she is not putting you on her priority list.

Release your place in her life and then make efforts. For this, you can ask- do you see me as your future? What are the things that you can sacrifice for me? How many times do you miss me in a day?

If you get a positive response, then convey your feelings about her ignorance of your efforts. If not, then accept that you are not a priority in her life. In this case, you either ask her clearly what is in her mind or move away from the place where your time and effort are not appreciated.

#2 She is not open to you about her feelings

Generally, girls are shy when it comes to confessing their feelings. It's the guy who makes the first move. If your girl is shy and cannot express her feelings, then being a partner, it's your responsibility to help your girlfriend with this.

Try to spend more time to make her comfortable with you and then ask is she not appreciating your efforts or it's just that she cannot express her feelings? If she can't express then being a best friend at the initial stage is better than being coupled.

Help her out with her shyness, and she will respond to your efforts just the way you want. Once she is open about her feelings, your relationship will be better than ever.

#3 She does not value you and treats you like an option

We tend to ignore the person we don't like. The same applies to relationships as well. Observe her behavior at the time you both are in conversation. Is she giving you time when she is free, or does she takes out time to give you? 

If she talks to you in her free time, then you might be just an option for her, and thus she does not value you. If she does not value you, then obviously, your efforts will not make any difference. Remember, you can't make anyone love you!

Get to a conclusion and never be at any place where you are a mere option. However, it's never easy to walk away from a relationship where you are so much invested, but you have to take this step for yourself.

#4 She thinks every guy should make efforts, and thus there is no need for appreciation

It's a norm that guys have to lead the relationship with their efforts. But this belief is changing with each passing day. Now, for long-lasting relationships, the efforts of both persons are required. If your girlfriend does not understand, then get her acquainted with this fact.

Maybe, she thinks that between every couple, it's the responsibility of the boyfriend to make her girlfriend happy. So, more or less, according to her, it's your job to make the efforts. Thus, she does not appreciate you. 

For this, teach her the importance of equality in a relationship. You should tell her that he is putting effort and thus must be appreciated for that.

#5 She is not serious about you for future

If your girlfriend is not serious about you for her future, then you will get to know from some clues. This can be- she is not interested in your life, she does not ask about your family and friends, she never talks about her future with you, and she never indulges in any serious conversation.

After spending enough time with each other, it's important to know each other's thoughts on future goals. If you see your future with her, you should know what she thinks on this matter.

If she is not serious about the future, then it is better not to waste your time and energy on the wrong person.

#6 She is cheating on you

So, this is the most obvious reason for your girlfriend to ignore your efforts. We usually give attention and appreciation to the person we like. If she is parting with you or not paying attention, then this could be a possible reason.

Maybe, she has found someone better than you. For this reason, your efforts don't impart any effect on her. It's just like someone else has replaced your place in her life.

You should keep an eye on where she is spending her time with. If she is heading towards another relationship, then you better part your ways with her.

#7 She needs space

Sometimes, we are too much engrossed in the relationship that we lose control of other things in our life. This creates a mess, and further, we blame our partner for this. Maybe, your girlfriend is facing the same issue where she needs her own space.

You need to ask her out about her life like- how is your life going? Are you busy these days? She will appreciate your gesture. Give her some time to sort out things in her life. Don't give her more trauma by interrupting in her personal space. Your efforts will be useless as she is already tense.

Once she figures out everything, she will come back to you with all her affection. Then, she will appreciate your efforts and will feel special. 

#8 She is too busy with her work or life to pay any heed to your efforts

Sometimes, people are loaded with their work and too busy to think about other things. Your girlfriend can also be in such a situation. You should understand her responsibilities towards her career and goals. 

She might be completing any project, busy with studies, or giving quality time to her family. Don't be attached to her every time, as this can also lead to irritation. That's why she has no time to appreciate your efforts.

Make efforts when the other person is ready to pay attention to those efforts. Your efforts might disturb her as she will see you as someone who only cares about the relationship and not with your career or goals.

#9 She is not interested in you anymore

So, coming to the last possible for your girlfriend not appreciating your efforts. She might have made up her mind to focus on her career or studies. It could also be possible that under the bad influence of any third person, she is not interested in you now and see flaws in you.

This happens due to a lack of communication between you and your girlfriend that lets a third person come between you. If you notice that she is losing interest in you, then better talk about this to her before it gets too to handle things. Her attention towards you reflects her interest in you.

If there is any petty reason for losing interest, then work on it together and make things fall in place. Losing your partner will not be an easy job for you.

Solutions to get appreciated for your efforts by your girlfriend

To build any great relationship, it is necessary to convey your feelings to your partner. If you are bothered by the unappreciation by your partner, speak to her. A clear and early conversation will remove misunderstanding with your soulmate. Let's have a look at some solutions to this problem-

#1 Talk to her

Communication to a relationship is like what oxygen is to life. Be comfortable and speak out your feelings to your girlfriend about her ignorant behavior towards your efforts. Tell her that by not appreciating your efforts, she is hurting you in some way or the other. 

Make sure you don't become highly practical and emotionless during this conversation. Be polite and ask her subtle questions as in the next few years, where do you see our relationship going? What actions of mine make you feel loved? And is there anything in me that you want to be changed? 

Answer to these questions will reflect her mind and her interest in you. Transparency in conversations will let her know that by uncrediting your efforts, she is bringing strain to the relationship. This solution will help you in case she is taking your efforts for granted.

#2 Give her some time and space

According to John Aiken, a relationship psychologist, and author, Couples need space in a relationship, so they don't suffocate each other. Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps freshness in the relationship. 

For your lover, maybe the reason for overlooking your efforts is constant attachment. If she undervalues you and your efforts, then probably she is maddened at her life. This happens when her life is becoming messy, and she needs time and space to get out of that. Understand her and give her what she requires at present.

Get to know what's happening in her life her current relations with her family and friends. Let her unwire tangles of life on her own until it requires your interference. Once she is over that, she will have that good mental health to focus on you and appreciate your efforts.

#3 Make her realize how much she matters in your life

You are making efforts for your girlfriends, but they remain uncredited! Have you ever thought that maybe these efforts are not what she wants? In such a scenario, reinvent your love for her. Confess your feelings whenever you get a chance. Tell her, how blessed you are to have her in your life. 

Give her unique, honest, and real compliments. Admire her personality but do not sugar-coat. Change the efforts that you were making earlier and do something that brings her close to you.

Take her out, help her in her work, respect her, and create new experiences.

Love, respect, and value are virtues that no one resists. Love her the way you want to be loved. Surprise her, take her out on dates and help her in her work. This will keep you both close to each other.

#4 Don't make a lot of efforts

Constant efforts of yours can make you undervalued. Understand your girlfriend's behavior and her efforts. If these two do not align with yours, then there is no need to put extra effort. 

Make equal efforts and if she is not valuing your efforts, then do the same with her. This will make her realize how it feels to ignore someone's effort. If she is overlooking your efforts, then you need to take this hint. 

A relationship is mutual that requires the efforts of both persons involved. If there is no response from her for your efforts, then probably you are dating the wrong person. So, don't waste your feelings and time and move on from this relationship.

#5 Disconnect with her for sometime

You have been constantly around her and making efforts. This can lead to a few problems such as - she has no time to spend with her friends, she is not getting 'me time, she is unable to focus on her life, or she is taking you for granted.

The best-suited solution to this is to get disconnected from her for some time. Do not send texts, calls, or any other form of interaction. 

Let her live her life as an individual. Disconnection with you will make her feel your absence. This absence will make her value you and your efforts. She will miss you and try to be in touch with you.

Disconnection for some days will be healthy for your relationship. In the end, you both are individuals and have the right to live your life according to you.

#6 Walk away

If nothing of the above-mentioned reasons follow, your girlfriend most likely is not interested in you anymore. If, after trying all possible things, you end up feeling undervalued, then you should give this reason a thought. 

It is very hard but important to walk away from a relationship that is getting toxic. Understand the red flags given by your partner, and do not hurt yourself anymore. Although it's not easy for you to leave someone you love, at the same time, you can't make someone love you.

Do not put your self-esteem at stake for someone who doesn't value your feelings. If your girlfriend is overlooking your efforts, then accept this without any hatred. You deserve attention, and maybe she is not the right partner for the long run.


"Relationships end too soon because people stop putting in the same effort to keep you as they did to win you." Relationships are based on honesty, consistency, faith, and, most important, efforts. Efforts should be made from both ends and should be appreciated. 

I hope the above-mentioned reasons and solutions will help you find out why your girlfriend does not appreciate your efforts. If the reasons are genuine, then go for solutions to solve the problem. Make sure you try to save your relationship from such negative things. 

At the same time, do not underestimate yourself and your feelings. If things don't work out properly, then be strong enough to move out of this relationship.

Suprity Acharyya


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