Why Do I Always Want to Be With My Boyfriend? (Answered)It's great that you always want to be with your boyfriend. It's a sign of a healthy relationship. However, it can cause problems if you have a history of being overly invested in a relationship or if you have boundary issues. Most people don't like a needy and clingy partner.
Are you going "full-Boyle" over your boyfriend? In the first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, one of the detectives was shown to have a particularly unsettling personality. It was Charles Boyle, and whenever he started a new relationship, he went overboard to be with his partner. He did all this crazy stuff to make her happy. His colleagues called this phenomenon "going full-Boyle."
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you need to take a step back. Don't scare him off with all this extra affection and this incessant need to be with him all the time. But what makes you do this? How to control this feeling?
Well, I have attempted to answer these questions. Scroll down to read.
What makes you do this?
This question needs a bit of introspection. It requires you to understand how your mind works. Wanting to be with your boyfriend is great, but things turn bitter when it becomes an obsession. You are standing extremely close to being an obsessive person. Obsession might freak him out, causing him to run out of this relationship.
You could be doing this out of love or insecurity (and so many things in between). Here is a list of reasons why you could be doing this. Read on and introspect.
#1 You are insecure
Insecurities are the worst enemy of a healthy relationship. You always want to be with your boyfriend because of your insecurity. Insecurities are often the results of severe trauma or extremely unpleasant experiences.
Insecurity can manifest itself in various forms. Some of them are:
- One of your ex-boyfriends cheated on you
- Your ex left you for your changed appearance
- You think your present boyfriend will leave you too
- You are two conscious about your looks
- You don't think you are intelligent enough
#2 You are needy and clingy
This is somewhat related to your insecurities. You are needy and clingy because you need someone to latch on to. You need someone to take care of you.
In the present scenario, you have chosen your boyfriend to do that for you. Your needy and clingy behavior might scare him off. It can easily freak him out.
He likes you, but that doesn't mean he will love your presence all the time throughout the day. He needs time for himself.
He will take care of you in his own way if he is really into you. But sticking to him at all times will do this relationship no good. This behavior might turn things bitter.
#3 You never had a boyfriend before
You have never been in a relationship because you never had a boyfriend before. You don't know what to do with one. Now that you are in a relationship, you feel overwhelmed.
This can also happen when you have not been in a relationship for a long time. You forget how to be in one. You tend to do everything at once, and that might scare him off.
Your urge to stay close to your boyfriend at all times can feel great to you. But you should also think about him. He is not habituated to having another person as his shadow all the time. He might feel a little irritated.
#4 He cheated on you once
Your behavior is understandable when he has already cheated on you once. Before the incident, you were a cool person who never worried about your boyfriend's whereabouts. Like all other human beings, he was free to go anywhere and do anything he wanted. He misused your goodness and had a side affair.
After you decided to give him a second chance, you never left his side. The dynamics of this relationship have changed. You still can't trust him enough to always leave him alone. Your urge to be with him all the time is probably not out of love.
#5 You miss him when he is absent
You miss him the moment he turns his back on you. That's why you want to be with him all the time. This situation can make you look like a creep to him. He wants to be left alone for some part of the day at least.
You love him, and that makes you miss him when he is absent. He loves you too, but his way of showing affection is a bit healthier. Every person needs some space. He needs that too. Even you need it.
Put yourself in his shoes, and you will understand the plight of having someone latched to you all the time. He wants to be with you too, but he wants to spend a part of the day alone, doing things he likes.
#6 He hangs out with his friends all the time
You want to be with him all the time because you barely get to spend time with him. He hangs out with his friends all the time. He never has a moment to sit and talk to you. A relationship can't go on like this.
His friends are important to him, but that doesn't mean he will take you for granted. He clearly neglects you to an extent where you have reached this article to find solutions to your problem.
It's okay to want to spend time with your boyfriend. He should what that too. His total disregard for your feelings might not end well for this relationship. You might lose interest in him and the relationship if this goes on.
#7 You have no friends
He is the only person you can call a friend in your life. You always want to be with your boyfriend because you have no friends.
He, on the other hand, has many friends, and he has to spend time with them. When he does that, he has to leave you behind, alone and dejected.
Your strong feelings about this matter are not a crime. You do this because he is the only companion in your life. You have no one else to talk to. It would be great if you made some friends but till then be with him as much as you want. If he truly loves you, he will stay patient.
#8 You need attention
You are doing this for attention. You want him to make you feel special. It's not that he neglects you. You want to be with him all the time because you want to be an intricate part of his life.
He has a life beyond this relationship that includes his friends, family, and relatives. He has a distinct professional life. There are so many things you cannot be a part of. You have failed to accept that. You are denying him autonomy.
You tend to make everything about yourself. If this goes on, he will soon start hiding things from you. He will always try to avoid you, and before you know it, the day will come when he will no longer want to be with you.
#9 This is a new relationship
This is a new relationship, and it is pretty much okay for you to want to be with him all the time. However, nothing in excess can be good. You have just begun this relationship and are in that period where you can't get your hands off each other.
You guys have those long late-night conversations about life and never leave the apartment. Even in times like this thing your constant presence in his life can turn a little overwhelming for him.
As this is a new relationship, it can be assumed that you guys were single for a while. Single life has its own perks. He will feel slightly irritated by your presence if he is not yet over the perks of being single.
#10 You love him
You love him; therefore, being with him all the time is only normal. However, there is a big difference between being with someone and smothering them with your presence 24/7.
Love is a tricky thing. It makes you crave something that you never knew you wanted, and it makes you do odd things. He was a stranger to you before you guys started dating. Now you can't live without each other.
However, the way you want to be with each other might vary. He wants to go on dates and vacations with you, while you want to stay at home with him all the time. You want him to spend as much time as he can with you.
What you need to understand is that he has a life beyond this relationship. He has to be an active part of it, and it doesn't (or shouldn't) concern you at all.
How to control your feelings?
Ideally, you should never try to control or restrain your feelings. That is bad for your mental health. However, when things blow out of proportion, you need to step up and control your emotions from ruining the relationship.
Here are a few ways to deal with your problem. Keep reading.
#1 Spend some time away from him
You want to be with your boyfriend all the time. You are reading this article because you think that is a problem. You should spend some time away from him. Here are a few things you can try out:
- Take a solo vacation – Solo trips help you unwind. It helps one to get rid of stress for a while. Solo trips allow you a lot of freedom to do as you wish. You don't get to depend on anyone.
- Spend time with your friends – Friends can be of help in situations like this. Spend time with your friends. Talk to them about your problems. They might come up with great solutions.
- Visit your parents – Your parents will be able to give you the right advice. They have years of wisdom and a lot of love for you. They will help you take your mind off the boyfriend you are obsessing over.
#2 Do things you love
You need to stop this emotional dependence on your boyfriend. You can't live at his mercy. He might not be there with you in the future. What if he breaks up with you?
You need to take control of your life. Do things you love. Do things that make you happy. What happened to that hobby of yours? Why did you let it go? A relationship is only a part of your life. You don't need to sacrifice things you love to be in one.
A perfect relationship should set you free. It will have a calming effect on your mind. It will help you grow into a better human being.
#3 Ask if he is comfortable with you being around all the time
You love being with him all the time. What about his opinion? Is he comfortable with you always being his shadow? Ask your boyfriend if he is comfortable with you being around all the time. He won't have an answer at first. However, if you insist, he might open up to you about his problems.
Everybody needs space. You being with him all the time doesn't allow him to have that space. It only proves that you have a questionable sense of boundary. Try to change this aspect of your personality.
#4 Talk to him about your insecurities
You have insecurities. That's why you try to cling to your boyfriend all the time. Talk to him about these insecurities. If he is really into you, he will try to help you out.
Tell him about that ex who cheated on you or the one who broke up with you because of your appearance. Tell him what you think of yourself. Talk to him about your worst nightmares.
Conversations like this have a cathartic effect on most people. It is like facing your worst fears all at once. You will feel great once you are done speaking.
#5 Try not to be needy and clingy
Nobody likes a needy and clingy person. Your boyfriend definitely never wished for a clingy partner who craves attention all the time. He is tired of your tantrums.
Try not to be needy and clingy around him. It will be difficult at first, but it is doable. Don't hang out every day. You should make yourself believe that you can survive without him. He is your partner. He doesn't own you. You don't own him, either. Being close to your boyfriend is fine. But the creepy closeness should be done away with before he freaks out.
#6 Keep an eye on him
If he has a history of cheating on you, keep an eye on him. In this case, it is perfectly all right for you to want to be with him all the time. After all, you gave him a second chance to prove his love to you.
Cheating in a relationship is irreversible damage to the soul. It stays with you forever. You still remember the day you caught him red-handed. A lot has happened since then. Now that you have come to terms with the incident, you need to ensure that it never happens again.
#7 Try to befriend his friends
He has friends while you have none. Your loneliness makes you want to be with your boyfriend all the time. He has so many friends. You can befriend them. It will be a bit difficult if you are an introvert.
Having a few friends will keep your mind off your boyfriend. You can share your thoughts with your new friends. Your boyfriend's friends are a boon in disguise.
#8 Give the relationship some time
If this is a new relationship, give it some time to grow. Don't rush through a relationship, especially at the beginning.
You always want to be with your boyfriend because you miss him whenever he turns around. You want him to feel like you do, but unfortunately, that fails to happen as you guys are probably not on the same page. Wait till you are there.
#9 List the good and bad things about him
Now, this is a pretty unorthodox thing. We cringed when Ross did it on the second season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. You, too, can make a list of good and bad things about him. You want to be with him all the time because of all the good things in this relationship.
The bad things will keep you away from him. It will show how he truly is or if he is worth fighting for. However, don't let the list cloud your judgment entirely because people a subject to change.
#10 Don't lose your goal
Everybody has a goal in their life. You, too, have one. Are you losing it because you want to be with your boyfriend all the time? Try not to lose your goal, as it will drive you toward a successful life.
Your goal mirrors your personality. Don't change your personality just because someone else did it to look cool. There is nothing cool about it. Personality is the key to existing as a human being.
To sum up
You want to be with your boyfriend all the time. You are on the right track. But before gluing yourself to his life, try to find out if he wants that. You guys might be on different pages, and that's bad news. If he finds you too clingy or too needy, he might flee before getting to know you.
You need to calculate your steps and stay cool. He is with you for a reason. He likes you. He won't go anywhere. It will be great if you have some patience. Don't go "full-Boyle" this time.